"Mom, when I was young, I used to hate you." "Sorry, this is my first time as a mother." what do you think?

When I grow up, I can really talk and laugh with my mother, not afraid that she will lose her temper with me. It was the first time that I found that she was really old, shorter than me, with wrinkles in her eyes when she smiled, and her speech was much softer.

Before, she wouldn't complain to me, but called me to say that she and her father were getting divorced. There was obviously anger in her tone, but I heard a unique coquetry: "Yao girl, you say, if I divorce your father, who will you be with?"

I quickly showed my firmness: "Mom, don't worry, I will follow you." Before I could speak, I heard her voice on the other side, demonstrating with my father: "Look, I have more status than you, and the children are talking to me."

I smiled. I don't know when my mother's personality became a bit like a child and she was very dependent on children. If anything happens, she will call us for advice.

And every time I have a conflict with my father, there will be such a drama of "who are we with after divorce?" The same answer, she can emphasize it in a slightly different tone every time: "Look, I have a position than you!" "

I don't know what to be proud of, but my mother is happy and I am willing to cooperate. I like to see her happy, because that's what I wanted to see most when I was a child.

Now she is happy easily, she will be happy when I get paid, she will be happy when I give her a red envelope, she will be happy when I call her, she will be happy when I tell her I have a boyfriend, and she will be happy when I go home.

I know, needless to say, she will go to the vegetable market early, buy my favorite dishes, be busy all morning, and then call me again and again to ask where I am. Be careful on the road.

Only she will make countless phone calls on my way out to ensure my safety. Peace is her greatest wish. Once, I was away from home and had to fly. She said I was not at ease. I said the plane was safe. Don't worry.

02

She said seriously, "but if something goes wrong, there is no hope at all."

I still smiled and said that she was always so worried. Working alone outside, as long as I am still outside after 8: 30 in the evening, she will urge me to go home and ask me again and again if I am at home.

When I told her I was safe, I was traveling in another city alone, and suddenly I felt that there was a lamp that belonged to me among the thousands of lamps that didn't belong to me in Qian Qian. It is in my heart, in the distance.

And all this is something I never imagined. So I will suddenly realize that time flies too fast, and sometimes when I dream at night, I still have a lingering fear when I recall my childhood.

When I was a child, my mother was not a good-natured person. Strictly speaking, she is not good at all. After all, when I was a child, my family was poor. My grandmother has a good condition, and my mother has been poor since she followed my father.

Because of family conditions, she is the kind of person who can't wait to change a dime into two cents. Her father is often away from home, and she takes care of two children alone, which is inseparable from her at home and abroad.

She is a very capable person. One person can do the work of two people in the field, and it takes time to spell it out. Sometimes, when all the other doors are closed to sleep, she comes back from other places.

She is so strong that she won't let us go to other people's homes for dinner, saying that she is ungrateful and annoying. We will wait for her to come back hungry, but we can't cry yet. My mother doesn't like listening to children cry. She says crying annoys her.

Therefore, I used to be afraid of her and seldom saw her smile. She always keeps a straight face, as if she is ready to teach me a lesson. When I was a child, I was very naughty. She prepared a bamboo pole to hit me.

In fact, I am wronged, because the children and girls who grew up together around me will not be beaten. She's different. As long as I do a little worse, she will spank me with a bamboo stick. I used to secretly call her a witch.

When I was a little older, she went out to work with her father in the second grade of primary school.

03

After going out to work, I lived at my grandmother's house. She and her father come back for the New Year once a year, sometimes once every two years.

At this time, she stopped hitting me. She buys me new clothes every year when she comes back. I told her that she won the first place in her class. She was very happy and said that her grades were better than before.

I am still a little afraid of her at this time, but I will miss her after a long walk. However, I never express my thoughts. It's just that every time she comes back, I go to the dock early to wait for her. The longest time, I waited from eight o'clock in the morning until four o'clock in the afternoon. When the ship landed, I found someone who was a little strange and familiar.

When I was in junior high school, she pulled me to her side. I am very happy, because I don't want to just wait every time. But after living with her, I found that her temper did not get better.

She stopped hitting me, but she likes to scold me. I make her angry regardless of time and place. Even in front of many people, she can yell at me and say that I am wrong.

I told her that I am not a child, can you give me some face? She said, "What face do you want at a young age?" Obviously, she doesn't think there is anything wrong with doing so.

I live next door to her, and I'm scared because I don't know what I said wrong will make her angry, or what will make her lose her temper. I can't figure out her temper. Sometimes her anger puzzles me.

I remember once, because it was dark, I fell on the road and broke my knee, which was a bit serious. Now I still have scars. I limped on the way back. When she saw it, she first scolded me and said that I must have done it on purpose.

I really hope that she can talk to me well and we can communicate as friends, but the facts tell me that's impossible. She is a person who thinks a lot, doubts a lot and likes to analyze the meaning of other people's words.

So, sometimes I talk, and she likes to think too much. She thinks too much, that is, when I am in pain, I am sometimes scolded by her. I am wronged and can cry for a long time.

So, when I grew up, I once joked with her, saying that my eyes cried too much before, so now I am nearsighted. I also said before that she was unreasonable. When I dared to tell her this, she stopped scolding me for a long time.

She didn't answer, smiled, said she was going to cook and asked me what I wanted to eat. She changed the subject.

04

One day after graduating from college, after dinner, I sat on the balcony with her and talked about these things. I also said that I was afraid to see her face when I was a child. Then I said, "Mom, when I was a child, I used to hate you."

She was silent for a long time, and the wind brought her voice: "I'm sorry, mom is also a mother for the first time." I laughed and said, mom, you copy the lines on TV.

She talked about many other things. She said that at that time, the family was poor and they were incompetent, so we also suffered.

She said that in the first year when she went out to work, she carried a big bag like a big pocket. When she got on the train, she got stuck and couldn't get in.

She said that in order to save money, when they worked with their father, they went to the market to pick up unwanted food every night.

She said that she had a bad temper before, and she admitted that she was upset at that time, so she didn't think much about my feelings.

She said that life is good now, and you are all grown up. Don't be rich or expensive in the future, just live better than us ... She said a lot, but everything is nothing.

I just realized that my mother's temper is really good. Now we can talk calmly and be reasonable, just like good friends. I don't know, is she smoothed by years, or am I sensible?

Because when I think about it, I used to be covered with thorns. As long as I think what she said is wrong, I will refute it, but she thinks I am talking back. Growing up is a gratifying thing, but also a sad thing.

Because when I understood her, I was far away from home, just like when she traveled far away. Only now, she will wait for me to come home.

I just hope that the years will slow down, let her get old slowly, let her have time to nag me more, let her go to the market every day, let her tell me the shortcomings of those parents over and over again, and let her go on like this.

But I also hope that the years can be faster, so that I can really grow up quickly, just like a big tree, which can give her real peace of mind. I want to tell her, in fact, you have done a good job as a mother for the first time, really.