Want to get married, his parents don't agree.

In recent years, I have been doing emotional counseling, and there are too many people who ask me such emotional problems as "It's time to talk about marriage, but my parents don't agree". What should I do? "

This once made me extremely painful because I didn't know what to do.

This problem is like a startup boss who came to me and placed high hopes on me, hoping that I could extract oil from seawater without any budget.

I can't help it My mother!

As early as a few years ago, when I encountered such problems, I generally advocated discussing with my parents. I also spent a lot of time studying how to communicate with my parents in this situation, but the effect was very unsatisfactory-even no effect at all.

Parents think no, no means no, they don't listen to anything you say, and impatience means "you don't understand" and "feed you for nothing"

……

This kind of discussion with parents is a waste of expression and time and has no meaning. In the end, you will lose everything-your relationship with your parents is stiff and your feelings are ruined. ...

Therefore, we have to admit a grim fact: many parents in China just can't communicate and discuss.

Please recognize the situation and give up your illusions.

So what we are going to discuss today-"What to do with the feelings that parents disagree with" has two basic premises:

1, you think you love each other very much and want to get married;

2. Parents' life and death just don't agree, and there is no discussion.

In this case, the answer is simple, either don't listen to your parents and get married bravely; Either obey your parents and give up your feelings.

This is the case. If you don't give up and want a happy result, you are dreaming. what can I do? I can only ask netizens to come over and wake you up with urine.

In the case of choice, the only thing we can do is that no matter what choice you make, you can accept it calmly and don't hesitate in your heart, so that you won't obey your parents, complain about your parents, choose your feelings and feel guilty about your parents.

Ok, at this point, let's just say how to choose, shall we?

How to choose has a lot to do with whether you are a man or a woman.

There are two reasons why this choice is related to gender:

First, parents have different motives for interfering with their children's feelings.

In the eyes of the man's parents, when a son marries a wife, he marries someone, and she will become a member of our family in the future;

In the eyes of the woman's parents, the daughter is married when she gets married, and it will be someone else's home in the future.

The former is equivalent to investing in stocks. The boy's mother has shares in his daughter-in-law, because this girl is her immediate family member when she marries their family, and she will have to support her in the future. Therefore, it is basically impossible for a boy's mother to truly "consider purely for her son" and "it is good for her son to be happy".

They don't marry their sons' daughters, but "daughters" for themselves. This is their selfishness.

So boy, you must understand that your parents may not be really good to you, or even bad to you at all. They have their own wishful thinking, and their interests may not be consistent with yours, but there may still be conflicts, because there are two sets of different standards for evaluating whether a woman is a good wife or a good daughter-in-law.

From this perspective, most parents disapprove of their son's marriage because they don't like their daughter-in-law, who can get along with her mother-in-law. On the other hand, daughters-in-law who can get along with their mother-in-law are the most popular. It doesn't matter whether their son likes it or not, as long as their old people like it.

However, the woman's parents are not like this.

When a woman's parents marry her daughter, it is not an investment, but a transaction.

The biggest feature of hammer trading is that one hand pays and the other hand delivers. Don't give me credit, don't talk about installment payment, and don't tell me what will happen to you in the future. I don't believe it. You can take it now, or you can invite the next male guest.

Therefore, the biggest judgment basis for the woman's parents to inspect the prospective son-in-law is the boy's hard power. They don't care whether the man loves his daughter or not, but only whether the man has money.

Because our nation has a long history of hunger, the fear of poverty and hunger is engraved in our bones. Parents marry a girl in the hope that she can find a "good family". What is a good family? In fact, it is a wealthy family, a well-fed family.

I wonder if your boy can support my daughter in the future. Since ancient times, there have been few examples of poor people being able to turn over. In addition, parents come from a very stable and solidified era, and their thinking still stays in 20 or 30 years ago-they don't believe that poor boys can counterattack.

So, the woman's parents, they said to their daughter, "I'm doing it for your own good", and they really meant it, but their criteria for judging are different from their daughters'. Parents think it's good to give you a good life, and girls think it's good to be handsome, treat me well and love him.

Although the judgment standard is too simple and rude, the woman's parents do have good intentions.

Of course, not all female parents are really kind to their daughters, and some female parents are selfish, but the essence is still the same-giving with one hand and delivering with the other.

For example, it is selfish to accept a huge bride price from the man and wait for his son to get married. This meaning is obvious, and I believe my daughter can see it herself, so I won't discuss it here.

Therefore, whether you are a man or a woman, you must first understand that your parents have different motives to prevent you from getting married.

Secondly, men and women have different judgments on love.

Most boys are rational. They don't blindly believe in love. They know who they want to marry and why they want to marry this woman.

However, once many girls are carried away by love, they lack judgment. Moreover, there are many interfering factors for girls to judge whether a boy is worth marrying, because men can always disguise themselves well before marriage, and they will do anything for courtship.

For example, those flower girls I saw in the village when I was a child. They take their boyfriends home, and their boyfriends are very diligent. They have done all the light work and heavy work, and they are basically not idle. But as soon as I got married, my true colors were completely exposed.

From this perspective, we can draw a conclusion: the average boy's judgment of love is basically accurate; And the average girl's judgment on love is debatable.

Boys also have people who are "in love" and people who are madly in love and desperate, but after all, they are a minority, so I won't discuss them much. I will still discuss the situation of the vast majority of people.