Quotations from classic online funny jokes

The following are quotations from online jokes carefully compiled by Yu Wenmi. Let's have a look.

1. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

2, really creative, really brave to live!

The species of animals are decreasing, but the species of people are increasing?

You can live like a pig, but you can never be as happy as a pig!

As long as the sunrise appears before sunset, as long as the class arrives before class.

6. People always make mistakes, otherwise the right road will be crowded.

7, when the hardware can also be copied!

I only drink pure water when drinking water and pure milk when drinking milk, so I am very simple. ...

9. In order to cooperate with the successful completion of family planning work in China this year, I decided not to contact friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

10, please call my mobile phone number: to talk about work, feelings, life and introduction, please press #, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me!

1 1, you lean on me, your slender hands touch my delicate skin, and your gentle mouth sucks my body fluids until you are satisfied and float away! Oh, damn mosquitoes

12. Yesterday you went to the mountain to play, but you met a wild boar who wanted to eat you. At this critical moment, you shouted: Mom. The wild boar is stupefied: Baby, don't run around in the future. Look how thin you are.

13 While taking a bath, my son sang loudly. Mom: "What time is it, baby?" Keep your voice down, I'm afraid of attracting wolves. "Daughter:" You flatter him too much. He can only scare the wolf away! ""Have you heard the story "The big pig said yes, but the little pig said no"?

14, why are your eyes full of tears? Why do you look at me but your body is shaking slightly? I know, as you know, we all have the same answer in our hearts: you not only miss me, but also ... forget it, I mean you are cold!

15, lovers are roads, friends are pigs. There is only one road in life, and there are countless pigs on the road. Don't forget your way when you are rich, don't sell pigs when you are short of money, don't get lost when you are happy, and feed pigs when you are at rest.

16, teach you four magic weapons to identify a man's strengths and weaknesses: identify his circle of friends; Identify the degree of his love; Agree with his tolerance; Identify his work attitude.

17, the kid next door finally vowed to lose weight-at the graduation job fair, someone said to him, "Sorry, buddy, you're blocking my cell phone signal."

18, the liberal arts woman sent a text message to the science man: "Qingqing Zipei, I miss the dragon, even if I don't go, I won't come." The man replied, "Please use the vernacular …" The liberal arts woman said, "Fuck you, if I don't come to you, you won't know to come to me …"

19, I saw an old lady fall on the street, and I ran to help her up. As a result, she seems to fall down again. I thought I was going to blackmail me, so I decided to fall down first, twitch on the ground, foam at the mouth, and the old woman froze. I squirmed while twitching, about two meters away, got up and patted the dust and left, and the old woman was still in a daze.

20. When your wife is pregnant, people will only pat her on the stomach and say "Congratulations"! But no one knows how to help your little brother and say, "well done!" " "

2 1 When we were young, we all made mistakes. We always call girls in their twenties aunts and boys uncles, so now we get what we deserve ... we have to pay it back sooner or later when we go out. ...

22. Last night, my wife and I went shopping. Passing the dog market (which sells dogs) on the pedestrian street, a dog is sleeping lazily. When the boss saw us passing by, he immediately pulled the dog up. At this time, the bunker was broken. The boss said to the dog, get up and go to work at once. Work. .

23. Your voice comes from the valley. I looked down and found you at the corner of the mountain. It is you! It is really you! You were with an old man, and I excitedly ran over and said, "Grandpa, borrow the donkey!" "

24, I like Anita Mui, dead, I like Barbara Yung, committed suicide, I like Ka Kui Wong, fell dead, I like Leslie Cheung, jumped off a building, I like you, you decide …

25. "As a gangster, I am very cautious in texting. Fame is given by everyone, and status is spelled by brothers. I am responsible for everyone! I remind you for decades: children! It's time to pay the protection fee. I heard that your mobile phone doesn't have short message function, so I sent this short message to try. If you receive it, confirm that there is a short message function and it is not sent by me, please reply to me: I have it, it is yours! "

26. A meteor flashed in the night sky, and I quickly made a wish, hoping that you would become more beautiful. Who knows, just after making a wish, the meteor came back and said to me: big brother! It really embarrassed me, didn't it?

27, the New Year, send you a pair of couplets! The first part: eat what you should eat, drink what you should drink, and don't take it personally. Bottom line: Take a bath and look at your watch. One second is very comfortable. Horizontal batch: Just be happy!

28. Cats need protection money when they meet mice. The mouse had no money to pay it back, although it was beaten. Escaped to the bottom of the wardrobe and turned into a plastic bag, revealing only half of the body. The cat said, "Shit, you still wear a leather jacket when you have no money."

I like crawling around on you, touching every inch of your skin and lying in your arms. I can't live without you for a moment. I love you.-sofa.

30. The pig asked his mother sadly: Mom, am I so stupid? Mother pig comforted the pig and said, silly son, you are not stupid. The person reading this news is more stupid than you!

3 1, your happiness, I will build it; I will give in to your rectification; I will make up for your confusion; Your greed, I will satisfy it!

32. In the third grade, many boys and girls fell in love early, but our class spirit was super good, so the class teacher was very proud and publicized how well she educated us. That day, she bragged in the office again. The English teacher was silent for a long time and said meaningfully, "No puppy love is not a good sign ..." The head teacher was stunned and didn't understand. Then, the math teacher calmly explained: "At the foot of Brokeback Mountain, lilies bloom."

33. My husband is going away on business. I heard that there are many motherwort there, so I asked my husband to bring this herb. Husband was absent-minded, maybe he didn't hear clearly, and then asked, "What medicine? I wrote it on paper. " "Motherwort." Husband waved: "an acre of grass." Whispered while writing: "How long will it take!"