Joke Collection Website - Mood Talk - My daughter is getting married, and my in-laws ask what the conditions are. What should I say?
My daughter is getting married, and my in-laws ask what the conditions are. What should I say?
It is impolite for a man to ask a woman directly what conditions she has, because children are not doing business when they get married. How can they ask for conditions? The man wants to entrust the matchmaker to the woman's house and ask her, "Now the children are married. What do you think of marriage? Please give me instructions. " At this time, the woman should remain modest and say, "When children get married, the man is the main one, and the plan is decided by the man. If you decide, please let me know, as long as it is not too different from our custom. If the differences are too great, we will discuss coordination. "
At this time, the man can make a plan according to his own customs and family economic situation, and the matchmaker will give it to the woman. If the woman thinks it's ok, then implement it according to the plan formulated by the man. If the woman thinks that the man's proposal is too different from her own custom, she should tell the matchmaker the inappropriate place and express her opinion with the matchmaker, and then the matchmaker will inform the man and ask him to adjust. In this way, the matchmaker will collude back and forth in the middle, and eventually find a plan that both men and women can accept and feel good.
I think Professor Ceng Shiqiang has a very good idea. However, everyone's quality, personality and temper are different, and the way of doing things is different. It is reasonable that everyone can't handle it so perfectly.
As you said, my in-laws asked you directly what conditions you had. Although impolite, I think he probably didn't mean it. Maybe he thinks he is very kind, because many people are really straightforward and not as good as they think, so as women, we don't have to care too much.
No matter what men say, in fact, we can guide them to our thoughts. For example, if your in-laws directly ask you what conditions you have, you can tell them: "When children get married, the man is the main one. You decide the plan. Let me know when you decide, as long as the customs and habits here are not too different. If the differences are too great, we will discuss coordination. " Then, you can tell your in-laws to find a matchmaker through your son-in-law, and take a message in the middle. Don't discuss directly between two in-laws This will adapt to our thinking and then follow our women's thinking.
I found that many friends said in their answers, "No conditions, as long as they are good to my daughter, as long as they treat my daughter as their daughter."
Many girls' parents think that as long as they don't make conditions, especially if they don't spend money on bride price, the man will be good to their daughters. In fact, this is really wishful thinking. Such generosity often fails to achieve the expected effect of the man on his daughter. On the contrary, it is more irresponsible to her daughter.
Because marriage is the most important thing in a person's life, everyone only wants it once in his life. How can you leave such an important matter as your daughter to the man who has no opinion of his own to make a decision?
If you meet the man and his family, they are reasonable and considerate, which is no problem. If the man's family is selfish and doesn't understand the world, you are embarrassed to mention it, and he is also "embarrassed to do it". Didn't you say you were blocking your heart? It's like lending money to others. You are embarrassed to ask for it, and he is embarrassed to return it. There are too many such people.
I have a good friend who is 50 years old and has been married for 26 years. There is one thing that still haunts her and is full of regret. When she got married, she attached great importance to her feelings and never thought about asking for a bride price. I didn't ask for anything because I was young and didn't understand other marriage events. Unfortunately, her parents are real people, too. They think it is more important for their daughter and son-in-law to get along with their two children, so they don't mention anything, only that the man should marry his daughter-in-law according to other people's rules. But what I never expected was that the man was really "real". Needless to say, there is no bride price, because I don't want it at all. Too much is that there is not even a simple "singing band" on the wedding day, which is simply outrageous for people who get married in rural areas. But it's no use crying over spilled milk. Her husband was young and didn't know anything at that time, so the parents at home pretended to be deaf and dumb and saved all the money they shouldn't have saved, completely ignoring the woman's feelings, which led the child to regret it for life.
You said that when you meet such in-laws, your generosity will only lead to their meanness. Can you feel comfortable?
Maybe you will say that these are all forms, as long as the in-laws treat their daughters as their own daughters. If I tell you the truth, don't be sad. Don't say you don't mention the conditions. Even if you post them everywhere, your in-laws won't treat our daughter as their own daughter. A daughter-in-law is a daughter-in-law and can never be a daughter-in-law. In fact, this is easy to understand, just like a mother-in-law will always be a mother-in-law and can't be a mother. What's more, even a decent form won't be given to our daughter's in-laws. What makes you believe that they will take our daughter as their own daughter? There is not even a decent form on the wedding day, which means that our daughter has suffered so much injustice on the first day of marriage. Can you do this to your daughter? It didn't hurt my daughter at first. Can I treat my daughter as my own daughter after I pass the door? Go and cheat the ghost!
Everyone wants the best result, but they can't be afraid to talk about it. You must understand that it is better to break up after an agreement than to get married and then divorce.
As the old saying goes, "the villain comes first, then the gentleman". Put forward all the etiquette that you think should be, of course, provided that your suggestions are reasonable. For example, those lions who ask for bride price are not in our discussion. If the man can't accept these reasonable opinions, it is enough to show that the family is unreasonable, or the boy's parents don't approve of this marriage. In either case, as a woman, you should think about how such a family can live better in the future.
When your daughter gets married, what do your in-laws ask you? This is my respect for you. What should you say?
It is also appropriate to make some conditions for raising your daughter hard. I think everyone can understand that as long as it is not too much, the in-laws can still accept it.
When our son got married, we also asked our in-laws about their conditions. We thought, make preparations in advance, so as not to be caught off guard, because both sides want to have a smooth wedding, and because our daughter-in-law is not in our province, the customs and etiquette of marriage are definitely different.
I didn't expect my in-laws to understand very well and said without hesitation, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do. If you marry a daughter-in-law, you will follow your rules. " Seeing his sincere attitude, we asked another question: "What are you particular about marrying a girl? We are too well prepared! " In-laws also boldly said, "The rules are made by people, and there is not so much stress. As long as you are good to your daughter, everything else is a trivial matter. "
Seeing that your in-laws are so sensible, you should make a gift, and it is also very grand when you pick up your daughter-in-law. Others trust us, and we can't let our in-laws lose face in front of our neighbors and take them home in a glamorous way.
Daughter gets married, as long as she is happy, the rest is really not important.
At this stage, things are basically done. In-laws will take good care of their daughters if they have requirements, and neither embarrass them nor belittle their daughters. Ask in-laws: ① Marriage room; 2 bride price; (3) the preparation of the wedding banquet, I want him to be honest and realistic, and ask him how much mortgage is left in the wedding room?
Ask clearly, and then determine the specific arrangements with him: ① How to repay the mortgage after marriage? Do young couples need to bear it? How much to bear? How much is the bride price? ③ Wedding arrangements.
It involves the daughter's pre-marital property and also explains it to her in-laws.
After summing up, the two in-laws called the young couple and their mother together, announced the results, comprehensively considered everyone's opinions, and finally finalized them.
Your question reminds me of when my sister and daughter got married, and that's what the man's family asked at that time. My sister's answer is this. If you buy a house, we will buy a car. Other conditions depend on your own ability. There is only one son in your family. If you give more, you will be a couple in the future, and no one else can take it away, regardless of savings or foreign debts. It's up to you. Later, the man's family paid 50 thousand bride price and bought him a garage, and the total price also cost a lot. The woman didn't ask for a bride price, and the man didn't ask for less. These two families are also reasonable people. If you think there are too many brothers, you can make some demands appropriately, but don't go too far. What should you do if you want too much? It depends on the man.
Let me talk about our place. Who said it was a third-tier city? The consumption is quite high. In the city, marriage is usually like this. Bridal gift 65438+ 1 100 million. Man's house, car. An ordinary family in a woman's family will buy a house and a car for her daughter before marriage. It's all pre-marital property. After the meeting, no matter where you live, the children can choose for themselves. Rent another house to supplement the children's family. The woman's family knows and understands that the sense of security is given by her parents. I'm afraid of being looked down upon when I marry my husband's family. Therefore, men and women get married in the same way. The woman will buy a car of about 200,000 yuan as her dowry if her family conditions are not good. Therefore, girls must have their own strength to feel safe when they get married. otherwise ...
My father-in-law came to my house at that time. Ask my parents what they want. My parents said there was no requirement, as long as the male ticket was good to me. Because we have been married for a long time, my mother said that it is ok to hold a banquet at my mother's house. . . Then my father-in-law took 6.8w himself. My family basically spent all the catering expenses (including wedding, catering, alcohol and tobacco, clothing, etc.). ), and then Shanghai hosted three tables at its own expense. My mother put the remaining 10 thousand in my card. . Although my husband's bride price is rampant in Jiangxi, let's live a good life. After all, it is not easy for my father-in-law to work alone. In contrast, when a cousin gets married, the woman wants a 20w bride price, a whole pig, 66 cases of wine, 66 cases of apples and a lot of firecrackers, and red envelopes are given to every relative and adult. I also want a car of hundreds of thousands. My aunt's house has just been renovated, but she really can't afford it. It was really all kinds of loans, and then the two old people worked hard to pay back the money. For this reason, menstruation also borrowed 6.8w from my mother for the banquet. My mother didn't borrow it, but I did take it. . . This has really become a typical bride price case in my family. It's amazing. .
My daughter is my parents' little cotton-padded jacket, afraid of melting in my mouth and falling into my hand. My daughter is spoiled. Most parents will burst into tears on their daughter's wedding day.
Then the daughter is going to marry another woman, and it is reasonable for her in-laws to ask this question. So how to answer it?
First of all, you can ask your in-laws what terms they are willing to offer to see if they meet their own conditions. Of course, the conditions in your heart should match the economic conditions of your in-laws.
Secondly, the husband's family should understand that the bride price is only an attitude and must not hurt the harmony between the two families. After all, not all the old people on both sides want to live forever.
Thirdly, through the conditions, we can see the status of the daughter in the eyes of the in-laws, and judge whether they really love their daughter and really accept this future daughter-in-law.
Finally, it is better to give the bride price to the young couple again. This is love for children, and my in-laws will see it in their eyes. As long as the daughter is happy, it really doesn't matter how much the bride price is.
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