Weibo with super personality, it's funny to say _ I love Taoist priests.

1, what is a happy life? Sleep until you wake up naturally, count your money and get cramps in your hands, be cool in class, and eat meat until you want to vomit.

I don't believe in punctuation now.

Excuse me, miss, can you take your chest away from my hand?

4. Lazy. The sun won't dry. How time flies. Bad emotions began to flood. Learn to let go. The cold war is not funny. It's a little difficult for me to say sorry first.

5. How much money do you have in your bag? Give me a kilo. The webmaster recommended a funny space to talk about.

6. menstruation had a stomachache, and then my father asked me what happened to the stomachache. I said physiological period, and dad then asked why you were angry with me.

7. I'm losing weight. I don't diet or exercise. I use my mind. I will be thin, thin, thin.

8. Girl, you are such a man! Can you put it another way? Women are like brothers.

9. Attention, everyone: There may be organizations selling human organs recently! ! Just now! A woman turned around and asked me if you were shameless.

10, I think I haven't eaten chicken for too long. Why else did you get a little excited when you saw the feather duster yesterday?

1 1. You can love any woman, but you can't stop me from loving you.

13, if one day I become a pervert, please don't forget that I am innocent.

14, counting from nine, the north wind roared and the chill was pressing. This is another extremely cold winter.

15, why do you look so quiet and talk like you just walked out of an insane asylum?

16, the lovelorn experience of his aunt and brother can be made into a TV series.

17. Plant your own red beans and leave other people's peanuts alone.

18, men say that quitting smoking is like losing weight for women, and it will always be tomorrow.

19, when someone says you have changed, don't panic, it's only because you no longer live their way.

20. Love is understanding and forbearing, not staring at each other.

2 1, those who secretly love me, please don't be silent, as long as you dare to say, I dare to promise.

22. Is my face oily? Reflect light, can't see clearly

It's really hard to find a job. Either write or despise it.

24. Be a woman in the next life and marry a man like me.

25. When he loves you, you are a flower; When he doesn't love you, you are a bean curd residue.

26. Only oneself know whether it hurts or not, and only oneself know whether it has changed or not.

27. Otherwise, others don't know who the fool is.

28. Let's share weal and woe with * *. In the future, mine is mine and yours is mine.

Everyone wants to catch the tail of youth. Unfortunately, youth is a gecko.

30. In those years, the whole class handed out test papers, and one of them was Zhang Cuo, but the whole class was wrong.

3 1. If Google and Baidu merge, will they be renamed goodbye?

32. Some roads still have to be taken by yourself, and some reasons will still be understood by themselves.

33. I said to the mirror; Mirror, mirror, am I the most beautiful person in the world? The mirror is broken.

34. We are young because we are all so easily enveloped by the aura and shadow of others.

35. Fairy: I am not a casual person! Yifei: You don't look human!

36, the company's shameless degree is always beyond the imagination of employees.

37. Someone spills oil on you and says to you: Don't worry, it's all automatic! What would you do? Hit him with kidney deficiency and tell him not to worry. There are also Liuwei Dihuang pills, which are used to treat kidney deficiency and contain no sugar.

38. I can't say I'm getting back at you, but I'm paying you back.

You must eat a little properly to lose weight.

40. It turns out that Wukong has always been sexy: the strongest leopard-print skirt in history+red stockings+black boots+steel pipe.

Weibo's complete works of funny talk.

Weibo's complete works of funny talk.

1, roommates don't know where the folk prescription came from. When washing your hair, use egg white as conditioner. The water is too hot to wash an egg flower. So the whole dormitory didn't sleep at noon, so we helped her choose egg flowers ~

It took almost a year, and finally I learned to beep the bus card. I went out to take the bus the day before yesterday and paged as soon as I got on the bus. As a result, the driver's uncle said, bang your sister! This is a bus!

3. I took the bus today, lz was surrounded by a beautiful woman, listening to songs and playing games with headphones. When the beauty received the call, lz took a glance and saw the caller ID, which was a long word. Take a closer look. The face is smaller than her and the chest is bigger than her.

4. When I first menstruated. . Get your pants dirty at night! Then soak it in a plate for washing. . . My brother came in and said in horror, sister. You killed someone? You wait. . I will give you my pocket money, so run for your life.

5, beauty, you take off your clothes, I touch your chest and give you 10 thousand yuan, okay? Beauty takes off her clothes at once. Ten minutes later, beauty, why don't you touch it? I have no money.

6. Today, I met the village chief's wife practicing driving at the entrance of the village, as if she wanted to take a driver's license test. She drew a line and backed away again and again. I quickly say hello, sister-in-law, and move to Uniqlo? The village chief's wife looked at me and hesitated for a moment. She said shyly, brother, we rural people don't have to be so particular about it, just pile firewood in the back ~ ~ ~ Sister-in-law, what are you thinking?

7. A female colleague resigned. The manager asked her why she resigned. My female colleague growled, I have been in this company for 4 years! No man has ever chased me!

8. I dreamed of fighting cold-blooded killer all night, but I woke up in a daze in the morning and we were still dying. MD, my temper immediately came up, and I immediately asked for leave to go back to sleep, and I will kill you! ! ! It is so capricious!

9. My wife is too practical. When she was away, no one mopped the floor, washed the dishes or washed the clothes at home. As soon as she came back, the housework inside and outside was sorted out. Specifically, if I do nothing, she will play until I finish.

10, I heard a woman say loudly in the hospital, "Doctor, I want to take off the ring you pressed for me yesterday. The doctor asked why. She said, "Stab people. The doctor asked how to tie it? She said, stab her husband. Then I saw her husband looking for cracks in the ground.

1 1, I haven't slept well recently, and I always wake up suddenly after a short sleep. The doctor's advice to me is to drink a glass of milk before going to bed. I tried it, and it worked well. Now you can sleep for three classes in a row.

12, last night, dozens of people in food stalls counted down at the end of the year. Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Happy new year! Everybody cheers. There is traffic ~! Another voice came from the corner.

13 on the weekend, my father watched Xiaoming play games for another day. He said earnestly, "Son, what do you do for a living if you keep doing nothing like this?" Xiao Ming lowered his head and thought for a while. Suddenly his eyes lit up and he took out a bottle of 502.

Honey, in order to commemorate our 10 wedding anniversary, shall I buy you a pearl necklace as a gift or shall I travel to Japan? Honey, I want to travel to Japan. I heard that the pearl necklaces there are very cheap!

15, a buddy said that his junior high school teacher always arranged beautiful girls to sit at the same table with him, and he was quite grateful to the teacher. As a result, when he graduated, the teacher told him the reason, saying that it would hinder beautiful girls from falling in love.

16, when my father was a child, he was taken to the bus by a swindler and happened to sit next to his neighbor's house. Isn't this XXX's child? Who are you to him? As a result, the trafficker said that he did not know. I don't know what you have. You gave it to me and I returned it. Then my neighbor sent my dad home from work. Or is he a liar and a fool?

17. Today, two goddesses in the unit came to see me at the same time. Shall we have dinner together at noon? What happened to me today? It's not a dream to cut off your thigh. Goddess and downstairs have opened a new restaurant. People who weigh more than 220 kilograms can get a 10% discount on this table.

18, today for a beautiful car model. I got rid of Lamborghini who accompanied me for two years. Actually, it's not because I'm horny or willful. It's just that the picture is so beautiful that I will always get tired of watching it for a long time. So the wallpaper must be changed frequently.

19, ask a buddy. Do you know Aoi sora? I don't know. What about Maria Ozawa? I don't know. What about Wu Tenglan? I don't know. What about Amami Tsubasa? I don't know. What about Zhang Ziyi? Is that what she does?

20. Today, in the elevator, two Germans were chatting together, but I didn't expect that I understood everything. It seems that studying hard is very effective, otherwise how could they speak Chinese so fluently!

2 1, it's the end of the year, so I'm sorry to ask my friend to pay me back. I suspect I have thought of a way to remind him that you just paid my card. I didn't expect him to say, well, yes, I just wanted to call you, but I heard a mess.

22. Dad said to me, look at you, you are either playing with your mobile phone or playing with your computer! I, I play mobile phone to let the computer have a rest; Playing computer is to give your mobile phone a rest. My dad. .

23. Master, I am different. People around me don't accept me They all looked at me with different eyes. . The man said sadly. The master slowly closed his eyes, and the man suddenly realized. Master, are you telling me not to care about the outside world? Master scolded, mom, you put on your clothes first!

24. My friend and I went to the supermarket to buy shrimp and asked the clerk if it was fresh. The clerk said that the shrimp was not dead but hibernating, and then asked us how much to buy. I said to my friends, let's go and don't disturb their rest. .

25. Colleague Xiao Wang's job is very difficult. He sits outside the leader's office every day, trying to tell whether the leader is playing with the landlord or calling him in.

26. I asked the master: Master, my wife has been abducted. I don't want to live. The master closed his eyes and pointed to the opposite mountain. Does the master mean to make my mind as broad as the opposite mountain and not die for a woman? You think too much about Sao Nian. The monk opposite showed off his female friend yesterday. Go and see if it's your wife, and help me cut him.

27. The young man asked the Zen master, Will love transcend gender? Zen master, this is a grand proposition, sometimes, sometimes not. Close the door, close the curtains and put out the candles. Let's elaborate on it.

28. Check the ticket by train, get on the bus and walk to the seat. I saw a beautiful woman in a slim skirt sitting in my seat. I said to her politely, beauty, I'm sorry, you took my seat. The beauty growled at me with a ticket. You are blind. This is my position. Then the conversation turned and said that men are so fond of chatting up now. So I kept silent until the car started. I told her your seat was good, but you took the wrong bus.

29. In fact, I was not afraid of injections when I was a child, but later I found that children who cried badly would get candy from doctors. I cried with them and my father came with one foot.

30. When others get on the bus to practice driving, the first sentence is to whisper, light the fire, step on the clutch, put in gear, loosen the clutch and start. And when I get on the bus and practice driving, the first sentence is usually to shout loudly first, get out of the way! Out of the way, out of the way

3 1, a couple, a man and a woman said let's get married, and the woman said, do you have a room? The man said, "Why do you girls have to have a house to get married?" The woman said, isn't it necessary to get married? Since I am out of the hole, why don't you leave the room?

32. In the restaurant, a bachelor said to me, I am so envious. When can I have a chance to eat a couple set meal? I comforted him and said, don't lose heart. As long as you have money, like me, you can buy a couple package.

33. There is a beggar in the street, begging there for a living every day. One day, someone suddenly found a bowl beside the beggar, but there was no one in it? Curious. Then he went up to him and asked, why did you put two bowls? The beggar said with a smile, I don't know why business has been particularly good recently. So I opened a branch.

34. After going to the toilet today, I accidentally fell into ten dollars. I want to take it out, but I can't take it off. I'm a little reluctant to leave. After some struggle ... I decisively took out a hundred and threw it in. Damn, I can finally pick it up.

35. I went to the kindergarten to do security work today. A big man accompanied more than 20 female teachers, and I felt the daughter country. I'm embarrassed to be called officer Li one by one. How cool is this job? Actually, I'm just a security guard.

36. Friends come from rural areas, but they never buy double-breasted clothes and down jackets. I showed her my favorite double-breasted trench coat that day and asked her how she felt. She frowned and said, "Don't you think double-breasted clothes look like sows?" ?

37. In junior high school, the Chinese teacher was very young and beautiful, and often wore short skirts, so we often feasted our eyes on the mirror on the ground until one day she saw me in the mirror and began to wear pants.

38. When the school is on holiday, I dare to send a message to the goddess. I miss you! The goddess replied, have you always missed me? I wonder if you are straight.

39. I told my husband that I haven't been in more than 200 thousand cars since he followed me. These idiots took me to the construction site today and asked me to spend the day with him in the cab of the excavator. Ask me, are you excited about your daughter-in-law? This car is more than 65,438+0.4 million. .

40. A sister was trapped by love and committed suicide by pinching her neck. After the emergency room doctor treated her, she said, girl, someone cut an artery and committed suicide. When you're ready, cut the trachea. How's it going? Does it feel more airy?

4 1, my best friend and her boyfriend talked very well, and I was very upset. Once, I asked my best friend: Why doesn't your own boyfriend talk? Why does he occupy my boyfriend every day and I don't have time to talk to him? My best friend said a long sentence, I can take his time to chat with you and prove that that time doesn't belong to you. Well, I have nothing to say.

42. On the bus, an uncle sat upright with a steel pipe. It was so long that it almost reached the roof. Later, he boarded a group of sister papers, and one of them kept holding a steel pipe as an armrest. On the bus, all kinds of shaking sister papers bowed their heads and played with their mobile phones, and he was absorbed. In order to stabilize the sister paper, uncle stood firmly on the steel pipe. Suddenly the driver braked suddenly, and uncle's hand loosened, and the sister paper almost flew out with the steel pipe. A car owner smiled.

43. My cousin lives in my house recently. Yesterday, when we were tidying up our rooms and books, we accidentally dug up the black and white photos (like Kawaii's) I printed on the computer a few years ago. Then I said, throw it all away. It's no use. Cousin said, why throw it away? It looks good when you buy a photo frame. I went up there at once. It is black and white. Why frame them? .

Usually, we usually go to lunch by bike. It happened that several male colleagues walked to eat when they were free, and we took the path at the factory gate. There happened to be two women in front, and a colleague blew a whistle to attract attention. At this time, I heard one of the women say loudly that the two sisters strode forward, regardless of the dog behind them. . . Oh, I'm so angry. . . Finally, the phone number came.

45. My brother and sister were fighting, and when they were fighting fiercely, my father came. When my dad saw it, he yelled at his brother and scolded him: you can't let your sister do everything! Then I slapped my brother. My brother covered his face and cried: well, you haven't hit me for so many years, and today you hit me for a woman.

Teacher, that's all for this class. Do you have any questions? Xiao Ming (raises his hand) Teacher, teacher, this classmate, what's your problem? Miss Xiao Ming, what class is this? Teacher, get out!

47. I went to the hospital and passed by the gynecology department. I saw a man standing there shouting: Four years, I finally scored. At this time, my head cramped and I said, the goal is scored, but you may not be a shooter.

48. The landlord has a sister-in-law who is two years older than me. We are a university. Can you imagine that I saw her in the restaurant and called her menstruation, and the people next to me looked at me like monkeys?

49. I go grocery shopping in the morning. The boss said, "Your five dollars is too bad. Please exchange it for a new one. " . Then I changed it and threw away the bad money. In the afternoon, I went to his place to buy things and went home, only to find that he returned the 5 yuan I threw in the morning.

50. There was a girl in the dormitory, and her period was delayed for several days, so we made fun of her, didn't we? She said calmly, I didn't go swimming again. I was completely defeated by her.

5 1, strolling outside the supermarket, I heard two uncles talking. One said, drive carefully and don't hit people! Another uncle's domineering answer, it's not that you don't understand my skills. Watch me show you a drift! Uncle car, you've had enough. Is the shopping cart so fun?

Weibo is funny. Tell me about Daquan. Weibo told me about Daquan.

1, a little fat wife saw a dress in the mall, put it on and looked at it in the mirror. The clerk praised, "This dress suits you very well. It looks like a devil's figure after wearing it." The wife was very happy and asked her husband to buy it. The husband said helplessly, "Dear, I would like to add that the devil's figure … is also divided into many kinds."

On a rainy day, I was walking on the road, and a big rush flew in front of me and splashed all over me. Looking at the distant rush, I secretly vowed in my heart that when I have money, I must buy a raincoat of my own.

Get up at 12 o'clock, when I look in the mirror, I find a rectangular red mark on my nose, only to remember that I accidentally fell asleep last night and was hit in the face by my mobile phone. As a result, I still didn't give up, picked up my cell phone and continued to call. Finally, I hit my face seven or eight times and suddenly remembered a word from my best friend. If I don't do it, I won't die.

4. Hans Zhang was born in 1984 and 19 1 year. When he was a junior, she was a sophomore. Hawick Lau in' 74 and Yang Mi in' 86. When he was a junior, she was a freshman. Nicky Wu in 70 and Liu Shishi in 87. When he was a junior, she didn't attend a small kindergarten class. Young man, what's your hurry?

If you treat your wife badly, you are not qualified to control other boys to treat your wife well.

6. The alarm clock only woke up my shell, but it couldn't wake up my sleeping heart.

7. At school, I learned to curse, copy homework, compare with others, rebel, puppy love, fight, poke people in the spine, and know many dogs. Other than that, I learned nothing.

On my birthday, my boyfriend made up a grass ring and gave it to me, saying that you are one, I am one, and we will be together forever. I was moved to tears, so I found a poor man.

9. Guess: A bamboo plant in Hanshan Temple has no intention of flying apart, so it feels half-hearted and makes a cup of gold without a dish, and the swan pond flies away. Bottom; When you pay me.

10, there is no trace of birds in the sky, but I have flown!

1 1, the most pleasant way to make money: grab the lover of the leader, grab the rich mistress, and cheat the little honey of the celebrity. The happiest way to spend money: shopping is paid, consumption is guaranteed, and life depends on donations. I wish you happiness in making money and spending money. Hehe, Happy New Year!

12, people are kind, although the blessing has not arrived, the disaster is far away; Man-made disaster, although the disaster has not arrived, the blessing is far away.

13, greedy when I was a child. A man rummaged through his closet at home looking for candy and found a board of western medicine. Everyone knows that western medicine is wrapped in a layer of sweetener. Then lick until bitter, spit it out, and lick it again.

14, a good student just did something bad without being found by the teacher.

15, say the important things three times. Is it necessary to have three important days? Can we have a three-week holiday on National Day?

16, Dad: It seems that the war with your mother is inevitable! Son: You should think about it. Have you considered the consequences of the war? Dad: I don't consider the consequences! Son: Can we not consider it? You see, the war brought refugees.

17, I don't know what love is, but I will spoil you, care about you, care about you and tolerate you for a long time. .

18, I hate dark dogs that gossip behind people's backs. Let's try it face to face.

19, getting serious scared me to death. I'm scared to death when I'm fine I am a wild animal. Is that him? Not alone.

20. I want to skin you, prick your tendons, dig your liver, scratch your lungs, dig your heart, eat your meat, drink your blood and chew your bones!

2 1, I love him very much, but no one knows how much I love him. He said he liked girls with long hair, and I stayed for another three years. He said that I like white skin and am afraid of tanning in summer, so I can't go out. He said I like to be in good shape and keep my appetite every day. I only eat two meals a day to keep fit, but I really love him. So I'm here to say I love you.

22. At night, stand in front of the grave and sing: Who are you waiting for, building a castle?

23. The senior high school entrance examination threw itself into the arms of the college entrance examination and cried: Why don't they pay attention to me! The college entrance examination spoiled him and said, I will make them pay in three years.

24, you cheat, so open, not afraid of cold balls!

25. Are you tired of playing with your mind? Is it hot to wear a mask? Is it troublesome to play tricks? Is it easy for your mother to give birth to you? Girl, do you care about your self-esteem when you eat snacks?

26. The longest love I have ever talked about is narcissism.

I regard money as dirt, and my father regards me as a cesspool.

28. A madman in love and a fool in love

29. When will this cheating society stop needing IQ?

If there is an afterlife, I was born on National Day and died in Tomb-Sweeping Day. When I was born, the whole world would celebrate. When I die, the whole world will be sad.

Super funny personality. Tell me about it.

It hurts more to get it and lose it than never to get it.

When I say I love you, you are God. When I don't love you, you are air.

Is the tacit understanding of falling in love with the same person ironic or proof of our friendship?

When I was young, even my ideals were simple. Leave an inch when you grow up.

I love you not because of your beauty, but because of your spirit.

What you say when I love you is what you say when I don't love you.

I want to learn from the phoenix nirvana, but I accidentally ... got used to it!

One by one, I haven't finished my homework yet. As for it, I have no idea what my homework is.

It's very cold. . . It's just a coincidence to see you there. . .

I will try to save money and buy an ATM in the near future.

Many times, I like others, but others don't know. More often, others like me, but I don't know!

It's not that the sun is bad, but the fence is too high. "

I wonder if your head and ass grow back. Or are you a ufo alien?

I received a text message as soon as I fell asleep: I fell asleep again.

I'm not going to hell. Whoever loves me will get off!

If one day I fall down. Remember, I'll come up for you.

I'm jealous and I have to pretend to drink soy sauce.

Always keep a low profile in front of idiots who don't understand life.

You waste air alive, waste land when you die, and waste half your life.

Fishing for three days, surfing the internet the rest of the time.

After returning seven accounts, I finally understand that it is not my account that should be returned, but my heart.

I farted. They say it's love. I heard it and smelled it, but no one saw it.

Who will treat you like a human being when you are away from home? Brothers at home, I really miss you. Me. . .

Men in the new century: get the hall and the kitchen. If you can afford a wife, remember to live with your mother and please your mother-in-law.

The beginning is terrible; Ghosts, funny in the middle; He ate a fart and ended badly; He's dead.

Lao Li's laundry opened, and Lao Wang gave him a plaque that said, "Give me my innocence!" "

It's late at night and I suddenly want to study. Unfortunately, the power went out. When I found the candle, it was already dawn.

My heart is broken and propped up like dumpling stuffing.