Funny jokes about buying a house

Buying a house is a happy event, but buying a house often leads to some jokes. Here I bring you funny jokes about buying a house. I hope you will like them.

The funny joke about buying a house is super bullshit, and you don't want to laugh to death!

1, a real estate project slogan: "My mother said: If you want to buy a house here, I will marry you." A teacher commented on this slogan: "I can only reply to her: your mother forced me."

2. The total intestinal area is 200 square meters. Our house is not as big as the place where shit lives. Better be a piece of shit. Being a shit is really worse.

Xiao Wang, I heard that you bought a house last month. Congratulations. "

"Hey, it is not a happy event for parents to spend money to support the elderly."

"Then it's always a happy event that your wife just gave birth to twins for you!"

Xiao Wang swallowed Erguotou without saying a word.

"Don't&; Are hellip& amphellip all boys? "

Xiao Wang still said nothing, and two lines of tears have quietly shed.

Son preference, a problem that China has been unable to solve for thousands of years, has now been solved by real estate &; hellip& amphellip

4. An old Chinese woman and an old American woman met in heaven after their death and talked to each other. The old American lady said that she bought a house when she was young and never paid off her mortgage until her death. She spent her whole life paying off her debts, but she lived in a house all her life. The old lady in China said that she wanted to own her own house all her life, so she saved money all her life, but she just bought a house and lived there for a day, but she died. That's a real pity.

5. Wife: You can't go out to socialize if you stay at home reading and surfing the Internet all day?

Husband: You used to like my honesty. Isn't it good to be an otaku?

Wife: I'm talking about the mansion man!

6. When a real estate opened, the director made a big advertisement to attract the public, which read: No house, no daughter-in-law. At the appraisal meeting of the real estate industry association at the end of the year, the real estate director won the "most honest real estate developer".

7. A man came to a sales center in a residential area with all his savings and wanted to buy a house. He asked the sales girl, "What's your house price?" The sales girl said, "The first floor 10000 yuan, the second floor 1 1000 yuan, the third floor 12000 yuan, and the fourth floor 13000 yuan &; Hellip& amphellip "He quickly interrupted the introduction of the sales girl and said," Enough, enough, your house is too high, and I can afford it underground. "

8. Some girls have the same house price. When you look back, you will find that it was a mistake not to start at that time. ......

9. The annual income is 6.5438+0 million & above; Mdash& ampmdash; Buy a house where you like; The annual income is between 300- 1 ten thousand &; Mdash& ampmdash; Buy a house downtown, anywhere you like; The annual income is between 1.5-0.3 million &; Most of the houses in my hometown can be bought in my favorite place; Annual income of 654.38+ million & below; Mdash& ampmdash Dig your own hole and bury it anywhere!

10, garlic is precious, and mung beans are more expensive. If you cry about the house price, you can throw away your savings.

A joke about driving, a humorous joke about driving.

1, self-denial

Truck driver: "People sometimes break past promises, which may be a sign of growth. Self-denial and thorough transformation are not bad things. "

Salesperson: "Mom, you can't afford a car, and you have to pretend that I won't break your leg!" " "

2. Where are the accessories?

When driving through a mountain village, a truck driver asked the local residents, "Excuse me, where can I find truck parts here?"

"Go ahead, there is a canyon after that sharp turn, and there are many more below." Residents looked at him and said slowly.

Step 3: blind date

Woman: "What car did you drive here?"

Man: "I don't have a car!" " "

Woman: "We don't even have a car. We are not suitable. Goodbye! "

Man: "My dad drove me here in a heavy truck!" " "

Woman: "I was joking just now, hehe, by the way, how many years has your dad's heavy truck been open?"

Man: "I don't know, he is a driver with his boss for the first year this year!" " "

Woman: "Get out!"

4. Wife's experience

On the streets of Paris, a moving truck splashed mud on a Corsican.

Corsicans shouted at the driver who got off the truck. "What a pity! If this happens in Corsica, the driver will immediately get off the bus, apologize to others, take him home, wash his clothes, buy him champagne and let him spend the night. The next morning, I will invite him to breakfast, give him money, and then send him on his way. " Truck driver: "This is absolutely impossible!" "

Corsican: "It's true!"

Truck driver: "Is this your personal experience?"

Corsican: "My wife has experienced it."

5. Disadvantages of not installing retarder

A brand truck full of piglets without retarder broke down and was going downhill quickly, and a man was chasing after it.

An old man passing by looked at it and said to the man chasing the truck, "Dude! Forget it, you can't catch up! "

"I must catch up with it," the man panted. "I am the driver of this car!"

6. Bypass

Driver: Coach, there will be an exam tomorrow. I'm so nervous.

Coach: Take it easy. Think about your money.

Driver: Why are you thinking about money?

Coach: Look at those signs. If you want to think of them as policemen who come to touch porcelain or pay a fine, you can bypass them.

7. The creed of the poor

Truck driver: "I like to buy second-hand goods, especially with a sense of historical vicissitudes." The precipitation and accumulation of years have made me feel their different charm. "

Dealer: "Speak human words!"

Truck driver: "poor."

8. No money, no learning

A truck driver walked into a 4S shop and saw a very luxurious imported truck.

Disdainfully said to the dealer: "The person who drives this kind of car must have no knowledge in his stomach!"

The dealer replied airily: "People who say such things must have no money in their pockets!"

9. You are the pig.

Zhang San is driving on a mountain road. Just as he was enjoying the beautiful scenery leisurely, suddenly the oncoming truck driver rolled down the window and shouted, "Pig!" "

The more Zhang San thought about it, the more angry he became. He rolled down the window and cursed, "You are the fucking pig!" "

Just after scolding, I bumped into a group of pigs crossing the road.

10, beware of newcomers.

On the expressway, the traffic is heavy, one after another. Only one truck has a long blank behind it.

The patrolman was surprised and drove a police car to see it. He saw a big wooden sign hanging on the back of the van, which read: this car collided with other vehicles 20 times, and the result was: 17 wins, 2 draws, only a slight loss. Please be careful!

Will you give me a puppy when you are free?

1. One day, my brother went to the night market and saw a stall with a ring. The sign says, "Give whatever you see!"

So I bought ten dollars and threw them all to the boss's wife!

2. Wife: "I heard that my wife is beautiful and has a handsome son, and my husband is handsome and has a beautiful daughter. Honey, we ... . "

Husband: "Let's adopt one. . . "

3. One day, the teacher taught his classmates: Do you know the harm of talking on the phone while charging? Call someone while charging for two hours in a row. Guess what happened?

Xiaoming: It has stopped. . . The machine is off. . . Yes

Xiao Wu came to the unit wrapped in a gauze. Everyone was curious and asked him what was going on. Xiao Liu said, "Last night, he was there smoking a cigarette and fiddling with fireworks. Fireworks accidentally exploded in the room! "

"Blow you up like this?" Everyone asked.

"No," Xiao Wu replied gloomily. "My wife called."

5. What is your greatest trust in a person?

"Lao wang, I'm not here these days. Please take good care of my girlfriend. "

6, pregnant with a second child, my son squatted on my stomach and asked: Mom, after you gave birth to this doll, are you free to help me give birth to a puppy?

7. My stomach is not good, so I went to the hospital to check my stool. When I went to the queue window to wait for the test, I saw the person in front of me sticking a cotton swab for the test, so I went out with half a catty of stool.

Yesterday, my girlfriend and I went swimming, and there were only two of us in the pool. Suddenly I drowned. Although the water was only as deep as my hair, I drowned. Just when I couldn't jump up to breathe the air, she slowly climbed out of the pool. So I was saved ~

9. I remember when I was in college, on my way back to my dormitory, I saw a girl standing in the corner with a sad face. I went over to ask her what was wrong, and she said shyly, "You&; Hellip& amphellip, will you lend it to me&; Hellip& amphellip your shoulder? " I answered decisively: "I do!" The girl's face broke into a smile, and then she stepped on my shoulder and went out to buy delicious food.

10, before class, several students wanted to find trouble with the new teacher. In class, classmate A has been in a state of nausea. The teacher saw it, but he didn't care The teacher turned to write on the blackboard, and classmate B immediately poured a box of eight-treasure porridge on the ground. When the teacher turned around, he saw his disgusting classmate's feet and thought it was him who vomited. At this time, classmate C was eating with chopsticks on the ground, and said while eating, Oh, my god, this buddy ate peanuts at noon! The teacher ran out. . . . .

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