A short sentence without moral integrity, saying that the cabbage was arched by the pig

First, I'm tired of relying on the happiness given by others. From now on, I will give myself happiness.

Second, you will never learn without femininity, affectation, gentleness and gentleness.

Third, it doesn't matter whether it is there or not. It doesn't matter what happened yesterday.

Fourth, whenever I am in trouble, I read Tibetan scriptures: Oh, moo, coax, translated into English: all the money goes to my house!

Life is like a piece of scrap metal. If you throw it into the fire, you can make a fine product by beating it!

Sixth, women can even endure dysmenorrhea, why can't men resist desire!

Seven, if one day I am in charge of this world, I will let money become waste first and save it to harm people.

Eight, you don't bully him, the whole universe and the world only I have this qualification!

Nine, if you break my sister's wings, I will ruin your whole heaven.

Ten, since you have chosen to let go, you must be happy.

Eleven, good cabbage was arched by pigs.

Twelve, the simplest secret of longevity, keep breathing and don't die.

Thirteen, it looks like a car accident scene!

Fourteen, those who are close to pigs are fat, and those who are close to urine are Sao.

Fifteen, I just learned to ride a bike when I was a child. Unconsciously ran into the street. When I saw an old man walking in front of me, I thought I was going to bump into him. I said, don't move, don't move. The old man stood there for a while without moving, so I turned around and hit him. The old man stood up and said, did you aim?

My answer was good, but Tai said he was not available.

Seventeen, girls! Where are so many white horses? Find a donkey to make do, don't wait until one day all the donkeys are taken away, leaving a pile of mules.

Eighteen, I laughed at the sky from the horizontal knife, and went to bed after laughing!

Nineteen, if life deceives me, then I will also deceive life.

At the age of twenty, my smiling face is my only pride.

Twenty-one, face is not equal to face, so-called face, how many people have broken many things.

Don't be afraid to take risks when you are young. Even if it fails, there is enough time to turn things around.

23. At the moment you choose to hurt me, all the privileges granted to you will be invalid.

Twenty-four, everyone should take a firm road, even if it is shattered.

Although the bird is small, it plays all over the sky.

Twenty-six, Confucius said: Sleepless at noon, collapse at noon. Mencius said: Confucius is right!

Twenty-seven, even a stainless steel heart will be deformed after being stabbed so many times with a knife.

Twenty-eight, many female stars are not popular because they don't open their legs.

Twenty-nine, no need to explain, no need to explain, I am me.

Thirty, if you are willing to die, I am willing to bury it.

Thirty-one, one day I will be brilliant and crazy with my girlfriends!

32. Walking on the road with headphones on. The noise of the world has nothing to do with me.

Thirty-three, I am not afraid that the enemy is like a tiger, but I am afraid that my teammates are like pigs!

Thirty-four, ask how sad you can be, just like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

35. How many people think that girlfriends are more important than boyfriends? Please shout.

Thirty-six, women should be domineering and say: I am a man, who am I afraid of?

Thirty-seven, don't be anyone? Accessories, no compromise, no compromise.

Thirty-eight, don't say that you look down on me and I have been ignoring you.

Thirty-nine, that tiny scar on my hand is my last struggle.

Forty, every day that belongs to us is memorable.

Forty-one, water can carry a boat and cook porridge! In Sichuan, how nice it is to have a boat!

Forty-two, the decision you made, even if you put the knife rest around your neck, you won't regret it!

Forty-three, labor and capital are the original match, and the responsibility is to destroy the bitch.

In fact, I used to be quite tall, but later I often took a shower and shrunk.

Forty-five, let the mind travel, because the body can't.

Forty-six, we haven't eaten for days, and everyone is like pancakes.

Forty-seven, I have insisted on five things in my life, namely, eating, drinking, pulling, dispersing and sleeping. Unique meaning

48. What's the big deal about sex? When strangers meet, don't they ask you about sex first?

There is no classical space for moral integrity.

1. Don't always call me an animal. If you know me better, you will know that I am worse than an animal.

2. Teacher: Why don't you wear your school uniform? Me: Why should I wear mourning clothes?

Please don't cut my heart and leave, or I'll stab you to death when I'm cured.

4. Have you found a strange phenomenon that you are right and happier than you are?

I said Shanxi sells charcoal, but you said you were sweating.

6. The answer is long. I will spend my whole life answering it. Are you ready to listen?

7, yes, it's my mouth, I see? I fucking feel bad that my friend touched you. .

8. There are too many liars in the world and obviously not enough fools.

9. People like you, in the drama I directed, I can let you live for two episodes at most.

10, this is a very brave thing, take a shower ~

1 1, on Valentine's Day, others hold hands and I walk the dog to see who is unhappy with a bite!

12, the highest level of friends is that you are gay in the eyes of others. ......

13, who is whose husband! All TM are temporary workers! *

14, the highest level of friends is that you are gay in the eyes of others. ......

15, all foxes on the mountain. What are you talking about, serial-

16, a woman is still moving without makeup. There is a kind of woman who is afraid to meet people who don't wear makeup.

17, [Who said I didn't love you, I loved you for a whole time]

18, Lao, can you stop holding my hand with inferior red lines? It breaks down from time to time.

19. Is your best friend a bully? And a bullied person.

20. [I can't find any clues about me after watching your 800 times a day. ]

2 1, do you think I can bear to see your lonely back? I close my eyes.

When I was a child, I always thought there were only two countries in the world. A porcelain. Foreign countries.

23. Smoking is harmful to the lungs. Coffee is bad for the stomach. Love is bad for the heart.

24. The so-called girlfriends are those who beat and scold harder than anyone else, but the next day they are as good as one person.

Second, there is no joke phrase of moral integrity.

Introduction: My boyfriend had dinner with a friend, who used to be a model and later resigned. Her boyfriend asked him why he didn't do it, and he said it was too dark. The boyfriend asked, "Does the female supervisor want to sneak up on you?" That buddy drank a glass of wine with tears in his eyes and sighed: "Hey, if only the female supervisor."

1, a word from a middle school teacher has influenced the lives of 45 students in our class! What her old man said was: "Don't make trouble just because I'm not in the classroom! I have undercover! " Everyone has been looking for this undercover for six years!

2, a couple quarreled, the man quarreled and couldn't win the woman, lying directly in bed, motionless. The woman asked, what are you doing in bed? The man replied: dead! The woman asked again, why are you still open when you are dead? The man replied: die unsatisfied! The woman asked again, then why are you still breathing? The man said: I can't swallow this tone.

3. The weather has turned cold recently … I washed all my summer clothes and put them away … I found a pair of ladies' sexy underwear in my husband's closet! I picked up my underwear and measured it in the mirror! Then he went to the living room angrily and shouted, "Husband! Look at this ... "My husband was surprised after reading it and began to stammer:" This ... where did you get it? "I said angrily: Let you supervise me to lose weight! You fucking indulge me! Look at me fat! I can't wear my underwear! "

4. I went shopping with my girlfriend and saw a wretched uncle staring at her in the street. Oh, I will go! Never seen a beautiful woman, have you? Jealous, right? I hugged my girlfriend and kissed her a few times on the spot ... then my girlfriend found the wretched guy and shouted "Dad!" " "... watching him coming towards me with a brick in his hand, my father-in-law was really wrong. ...

The boss called me to the office, held my hand tightly and said, "From today on, I will let you be my life assistant! Pay three times, accompany the car, accompany the room ... You should work hard in the future ... "Then the boss handed me a hotel room card and said," Tonight is Valentine's Day, as my life assistant, you know! " I can't be calm for a long time! The first task after promotion, I must finish it seriously. So I immediately rushed to the boss's house, handed the room card to the boss's wife and said, "The boss gave you a surprise tonight!" " "

6. My wife was drunk and my girlfriend sent her back. She pushed me down and licked my pants as soon as she came in. Before I knew it, my pants were ripped off by her. I reminded my wife that someone was here. The wife turned to her best friend and said, do you want to go with me? My best friend blushed: Today is not convenient, maybe next time.

I had a fever that day. I'm going to send my son to my parents' house and then go to the clinic for an injection. People who get on the bus will feel sleepy and faint. I was suddenly awakened by a burst of laughter. Open your eyes, it's dark. What's blocking the view? Touch it with your hand ... tear off a sanitary towel from your forehead ... My son plausibly put his arm around my neck and said, Mom, the antipyretic patch I found in your bag has been put on for you. ...

Lz male, went to see a doctor today. Doctor: What's the matter? Me: Last night, hundreds of millions of my soldiers didn't know the enemy's situation, so they attacked and were wiped out. Doctor: Speak human words. Me: Premature ejaculation.

9. Me: "Master, how can I quit smoking?" Master: "Young man, find a girlfriend ~" I: "Ah! I see, master, you mean she will help me! ? "The master shook his head:" Hey, you won't have money to buy cigarettes then.

10, two men are chatting together. A said, "The hardest thing I have ever said in my life is,' You can't beat me with one hand!'" ""B showed an envious look: "You are great! Who are you? " A replied, "it's the man who lost his arms in the next village!" " "

1 1, physical education class, the teacher asked the students to do push-ups. The first one to go up is the goddess. She can't finish any of them. She landed on her knees and barely made one. The second one was a male god, and barely made it into ten. The third person who went up was diaosi. He caressed his right arm and said, "It's up to you to fight for a thousand days." Brush brush, fifty in one hand, stunned the audience! The fourth one went to the female diaosi, and she only made ten (in fact, to be in line with the male god), but the whole audience knelt down because she only used the middle finger of her right hand!

12, I remember when I was very young, a guest came to my house. When he came to my house, he gave me 50 yuan to play with. Seeing that he was so generous, father killed a chicken to entertain him. When he finished eating, he asked me when he left, whether the children had enough money to play and whether they could give it back to me. My father and I were cheated.

13, I heard a big dog barking downstairs early in the morning, which disturbed people's dreams. Finally, I couldn't help but go to the balcony and bark at it. I can't believe this product stopped barking. I want to know what I said to it.

14, I asked a best friend who she gave it to for the first time. She said that she had a drink at the dormitory party and wanted to go to the bathroom at night. She is lazy and ready to squat down with a beer bottle. Then one foot slipped. I asked her, and then what? She said it wouldn't happen again ~ ~

15, there is a handsome buddy. Recently, I was chased by a sister paper, and all kinds of people ignored him. One day at a party, a friend jokingly asked him, "Do you like her or don't you like women?" The buddy put down his glass, looked at us and replied, "I don't like people." This caused us to think deeply.

16, I just met my girlfriend for half a month, and suddenly one day I crawled in my arms and cried, saying that her family's business was very good, and her father was sure to talk to her about marriage. She said she had a showdown with her father, and she had a crush on me. Her father didn't agree, so she eloped with me. In the afternoon, I looked at her father in fear. Therefore, ... her father sells steamed bread and takes a fancy to the next explosion.

17. Today, I told my dad that I wanted to get a driver's license and buy a car. My father excitedly said to me, "Daughter, it's not that Dad won't let you drive. It is so expensive to hit people now. Dad can't afford it. "

18 Several of our colleagues are chatting. One of them said, "My wife just got a dog yesterday, and she licked my face after 4 o'clock this morning, which made me unable to sleep well." I said, "This dog is human, which means it likes you." An idiot colleague said, "That's not necessarily true. Dogs like to lick shit!

19, A Fu, a sailor who has been drifting at sea for more than two years, finally returned to his hometown. But when he got home, he found another baby! Alfred excitedly asked his wife, "Who did this? Is it A Dai next door? " "No." The wife replied, "Is it my friend Agua?" "No." "It must be Xiao Wang, my bloody fair-weather brother!" "How annoying!" The wife cried and said, "Don't I have any friends of my own?"

20. I have a little nephew, 6 years old. One day I saw him coming out of the room, his legs tightly clamped and moving slowly, which was embarrassing! So I called to have a look and found that he put a sanitary towel in his underwear. He asked why, and the little nephew replied, "Mom always puts it in to keep warm." Haha, keep warm.

2 1, lz salesman, goes to other provinces on business one or two days a month! I can't tell which towel and toothbrush is mine as soon as I get home (there are four parents and girlfriends at home). Every time I come back, my mother never tires of asking. The impatient mother cut all my towels and threw the toothbrush handle on the gas stove and burned it. From then on, I knew the difference. The worst thing is mine.

22. I always have a scar on my arm. My mom said my dad hugged me. After smoking, the cigarette end accidentally bounced on my arm, but I was afraid to tell my mother. I just took it for a month and threw it to my mother. My mother found out and I couldn't go. Ask dad, dad simply said it was left by my naughty playing with fire when I was a child. The thought of such a father who is afraid of death and lies makes me drunk.

23. When watching TV at night and seeing the hero kneeling to propose to the heroine, the son asked, "Dad, did you kneel like this when you proposed to your mother?" Dad: "No" Son: "Why?" Dad took a sip of tea and said, "I knelt down!" " Still holding your mother's leg. Son: "What's with this leg?" "Dad:" Your mother wanted to run when she heard my confession. If I hadn't hugged her legs, how could we have this home now! " "

My wife wants to show off her figure to her husband. Wife: "Husband, who do you think I look like?" The husband thought about it and smiled: "Like Obama's wife Michelle." Wife: "am I really that slim?" Husband: "no, it's the same black!" " "

25. The couple were watching TV and saw a scene of passion. Wife: You see how gentle people are to their wives and how skilled they are at kissing ... Husband: Do you want this? Wife: hmm ... husband: ok ... the wife leaned in and closed her eyes ... husband: wait, let's talk about salary first ...

26. My wife and I are lying in bed watching TV. Seeing that my wife was about to fall asleep, I gave her a push and said, "Are you asleep?" The wife said, "No, I'm watching." I said, "Then go and cook noodles for me. I'm hungry. " The wife said, "What did you say just now?" I said, "Let you cook noodles for me." The wife said, "Not this sentence, but the previous one." I said, "Are you asleep?" The wife replied, "Sleep.

27. If your blind date doesn't have a job, but she is dressed in fashion, hot and luxurious, with iPhone 6 in her hand. ...............................................................................................................................

28. Last night, I sent a short message to my girlfriend's mobile phone: I am pregnant. As a result, I replied: Is it your boyfriend's or Li's? Don't tell your boyfriend yet I didn't sleep last night, and now my hands are still shaking from paralysis. ...

29. I got drunk in the bar last night and wanted to call to complain. Looking at these strange numbers over and over again, I don't know who to call! It's so worrying! Crying all night! Woke up the next day and found: whose fucking phone is this?

Speaking of which, I really can't understand my mother's behavior! I finally slept in at the weekend. She woke me up this morning. I asked her why she woke me up so early. She said her facial cleanser was too crowded and asked me to help her use extra! What's more, once my mother didn't wake me up, which made me late. I asked her why she didn't wake me up. She said my bed was too messy. She didn't see me and thought I had gone to school.

Editor's Note: On an April Fool's Day night in the university, the whole dormitory took their ID cards to the streets and walked for seven blocks, finally finding the patrol police. Face to face, about 30 meters away from the police, they shouted "Run", and then the police saw us running and chased us. I ran at a speed of 100 meters for 15 minutes, but I couldn't run any longer and was caught. The police asked us why we ran, and we said that the dormitory had ten minutes to lock the door, so we couldn't run back.

Make you laugh until you have no integrity. Tell me something interesting.

1, I want to get married when I see my head.

2, there is a story, the beginning is horrible, the middle is funny, and the end is tragic: once upon a time, there was a ghost who farted and died.

3. Chinese partner, a good man in China.

I am decadent, but my surface is deep.

I am a person who wears short-sleeved vest, slippers and canvas and then travels all over the world.

6. Baidu can't find you. Sogou will come out at one o'clock.

7, the teacher is good, the teacher is early, and the teacher does not take a bath every day.

8. Don't worry about what is taken away. All that can be taken away is rubbish.

9. Minimum goal: Nongfu Spring has a little field.

10, it's hard to imagine how ancient people without mobile phones shit.

1 1, I love you if you let the whole world love you.

12, what is Terunsu filled with yogurt?

13, the computer abused me thousands of times. I treat computers like my first love.

14, those with tattoos are afraid of heat, and those with apples have no pockets.

15, never compete with animals ~ win? You are worse than an animal. Lost? You are worse than an animal. Tied? You are no different from animals.

16, I'm so pure that I even told my brother Hou Yi.

37, I can tell from your appearance that your parents don't take you seriously!

38. A woman asks a man: Do you love me? Man: Love! W: Then you say that I am everything to you. ! M: Yes! You are my concubine! ! !

39, new hatred and old hatred, and this endless sadness will last forever.

40. I don't know what a good screen name is, but I can't afford it.

4 1. Excuse me, teacher, can I skip class? Didn't you say that you should respect the old and love the young? Didn't you say you'd be bored to death to see us? Then I'll let you see me.

42. The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but that I am in Sina Weibo and you are in Tencent Weibo.

43. It's time to show your legs again. Of the ten boys, ten are longer than girls, nine are thinner than girls, eight are white and seven are straight.

44. Brother, can you show me your confession again? Your appearance blinded my golden dog's eyes.

45. You can try to say "actually …" to a opposite sex on the phone, then pause for a while, and then say "Forget it, it's nothing, go to bed early"

46. Think about how to deal with your parents. Will they throw a lot of money at me and tell me to get out of here? ! Should I accept it or not? ! How embarrassing ...

47. I will arrive in a few minutes. If I don't arrive, please read this message again. ...

48. Walking in the street that day, a MM told me, Brother, you are so handsome. I slapped her and angrily said that you are not talking nonsense, right?

49. The annual sales volume of fragrant milk tea can circle the earth. The beef noodles in Lanzhou smiled: I tell you, Lao Tzu's sales can turn the earth into a wool ball.

50. The chemistry teacher asked, "What about the gas leak at home?" Stand up and say, "Have a cigarette and calm down."

5 1, jump instruction: leave a note to the sixth floor; Want to be disabled to the fifth floor; To be hospitalized to the fourth floor; Only scary to the third floor; Fight martial arts to the second floor; Please go to the first floor to watch the excitement.

52. Recently, my classmates bought a Taishan Zhai machine to show off its long standby time of 100 days. Then one day, there was no electricity. Let's take a closer look at the box of the mobile phone, which says "super long"

53, there is a kind of quiet, call the teacher. ...

54. Do I know you well? Just play a video if it's okay. Think of it as your TV. When you press it, people come out.

55. Teacher Bao, why is there light on your forehead? Because I don't understand the darkness of my day.