The confusion of a 38-year-old middle-aged man: Is his cheating ex-wife still worth lingering on?

My wife and I have been married for 13 years. At that time, both parents did not agree. There was no bride price and no wedding. My wife gave me two babies, a boy and a girl. After all these years, we have never had a home that belongs to us. I always take my children to live outside. In 2013, we returned to our hometown from other places and bought a home of our own. I am a chauvinist and I am always competitive in front of my friends and do not want to save face for her.

In the past few years, my business failed and I owed more than 300,000 yuan to my credit card. The credit card was hers, but she never knew it. I couldn’t pay it back last summer. She found out about it and forced me to borrow money. , asked me to quit smoking and drinking, but I didn’t borrow it because of my dignity, and I didn’t succeed in quitting smoking and drinking. Later, I started pouring credit cards back and forth, and the more than 100,000 I raised came and went. Later, we started a cold war. She was very repulsive to me and wouldn't let me touch her. After three months of persistence, she wanted a divorce and we divorced.

Each person has one child, and each person has half of the debt. After the divorce, I went back to my hometown alone to start a small business (I used to live in her house). Half a month after I left, she told me that she had met her. A man was very nice to her and cared about her. Although he had no money, he said he wanted to make money to help her pay off her debts. He told me a lot about them. I asked her if they had contacted her before we got divorced. She said We were just chatting at that time, and my head almost exploded. I still loved her, so I immediately bought a ticket and went back to find her. She was a very unscheming person.

I went back and thought about what happened before the divorce, how cold she was to me, and I started to lie to her. We both drank some wine, and she told me the truth. She and the man were through each other. We met while looking for a job, and we chatted for a while on WeChat. Later, I had a cold war with her, and they started to contact each other more frequently. She felt that he was down-to-earth, willing to work, and able to endure hardships. She felt that he had grasped a life-saving straw and was disappointed in me. See There was no hope, and she always compared the other person with me, and her friend’s husband with me, so she started to hate me. That man was a doctor. In the first month of our divorce, he used to treat her as an excuse. She went to his house, they had sex, and she confessed to me that she regretted it.

She didn’t want her child’s family to hate her, but she still had feelings for me. She said that she was under too much pressure at that time and felt that the money she owed would never be paid off in her lifetime. I was not motivated and couldn’t see it. Hope, now she says that she knows she was wrong, and hopes that I can forgive her, and that she will live a good life with me and pay off the debt. She was not willing to go back to her hometown with me to develop, but now she says that I will go back to my hometown to make money, and she will never be sad again. The ground is gone.

I am very distressed now. I have never done anything to regret her in so many years. It’s just that I don’t know how to manage money. I don’t let her know that I owe credit card money because I am afraid that she will follow me and get angry, thinking that the business will be better. Even when we were together, she didn't care about me, she just wanted to take the money from home. I have been carrying the pressure to pay off the credit card for three years. I have never beaten or scolded her. I still love her very much and I am not willing to let her go. The child suffers.

But I really can’t get over this hurdle in my heart. Every time I think of her cheating on me before marriage and forcing me to divorce, my heart aches. I can’t control my emotions when I think of that scene. I’m afraid that I I can't forget it. This incident is like a knife piercing my heart. We have divorced. Now she wants to remarry me and live a good life with me. What should I do? I am 38 years old. I hope you can give me some advice.

In fact, it is not recommended to remarry until the problems between you are clarified. Why divorce? Is it because of financial pressure? Of course, the material basis is the basis of everything, the basis of marriage, and the basis for the healthy development of the relationship between husband and wife. Without material and money, the relationship between husband and wife will not develop stably. Many people think that talking about money between husband and wife is too vulgar, so I think it is emotional fraud if husband and wife do not talk about money.

A good emotional relationship must be based on material foundation. Of course, this material does not necessarily have to be “rich” as a criterion. It’s about solving the problem of food and clothing. If we don’t even solve the problem of food and clothing, how can we talk about feelings? Food and clothing means lust. The so-called lust is not a matter between men and women, but also includes the relationship between the sexes. When food and clothing are not resolved, couples cannot establish a good emotional relationship because they have no intention and no confidence.

What is your marriage pattern like? Judging from the description, it is "the man is the master outside and the woman is the master inside". In this model, do you do your best and have bad luck? Or are you not down-to-earth and just want to make a fortune? Whether a person works hard and is practical enough represents whether he can achieve the goals he has set.

From the letter, it seems that you are a face-loving person. Men who love face but don’t work hard often fail. In marriage, if you are just a man who loves to show off but cannot be truly strong, this will make women feel disappointed. All betrayals are not accomplished overnight. A woman's disappointment in you is often accumulated bit by bit. So, why does she ask you to remarry?

Because your wife is also a weak and less independent person. It seems that she can only rely on men and children for the first half of her life. People who are not independent do not deserve happiness. No matter how the times develop, this sentence will never be denied.

From a woman’s perspective, women who are not independent will often suffer in the end. You can neither marry a good man nor marry happily. Because she finally understood that a good man cannot decide whether you are happy at all. Only independent life skills can make you happy.

Your wife has been living in a misunderstanding, which is to pin her happiness on others, so from this aspect, even if you remarry, you will not be happy. Because your wife is not independent enough, she cannot solve this problem by herself, and you cannot help her solve it. The existence of the problem is a hidden danger of the breakdown of the relationship between husband and wife.

It can be seen from the letter that the person your wife cheated on is more down-to-earth, hard-working and capable. Then, you do not have these advantages, that is to say, the doctor is the marriage partner she expects, and the qualities or personality charm that she expects in a husband, but you do not possess these.

Of course, no matter how good a man is, in the relationship between husband and wife, the baptism of time will make his wife feel tired. What's more, you are not as good as a doctor yet.

Of course, you have the bond of marriage, which is your children. The relationship between you is no longer a simple relationship between husband and wife, but also a relationship between parents, as well as responsibilities and obligations to your elders. In fact, whether a person can change requires time and perseverance. We can't reshape the second personality, but we can't constantly change the shortcomings and grow a little bit. Human nature needs to be controlled and tempered, and the biggest problem you face is how to jump over this hurdle and eliminate the shadow of betrayal.

Rebuilding the relationship between husband and wife means rebuilding the trust relationship; when trust is gone, the marriage is completely broken. Therefore, regardless of the above two issues, whether your marriage can be renewed depends on whether you can completely accept your wife's apology from the bottom of your heart. If not, it is recommended that you carefully consider remarriage.