Being a difficult person to get along with after middle age

Author: Insight·Nan Wang

If you can’t take care of everyone, then take care of yourself.

After reading it, I feel the same way.

When we first entered the society, we were not experienced enough, so we were afraid of offending others, so we always tried our best to fulfill other people's requests.

But as I get older, I realize that trying to please everyone is a vicious circle that I can never get out of, and it will only make myself sink deeper and deeper.

There is a line in "The Legend of Zhen Huan" that says it very well:

"If you can't take care of everyone, then take care of yourself."

People In middle age, if catering to others is too tiring, then it is better to consider yourself and be a person who is not easy to get along with.

01

I don’t know if you have ever had this experience:

Obviously you don’t want to agree to someone else’s request, but because of the good face, you can’t say no.

Sometimes I have mentally prepared to refuse, but as soon as I open my mouth, it becomes "no problem".

Many people often, for the sake of face, would rather embarrass themselves than try their best to make others feel comfortable.

As the saying goes on the Internet: "The most tiring people in the world are those who don’t know how to say no."

Weibo netizen @老草 shared a passage of his own experience.

Lao Cao was born in a rural area and got into a good university through his own efforts. After more than ten years of hard work, he settled down in the city and started his own business.

After the news spread back to his hometown, relatives continued to come to him for help.

"While the child is on summer vacation, can you help him with his classes?"

"Your nephew has just graduated, can you help arrange his work?"

"My child is almost 25 years old and has no partner yet. Can you introduce me to one?"

Some things are beyond his ability, but in the face of the eager expectations of his relatives, he can't say that. The word "no".

But what he didn't expect was that when the villagers discovered that he could help, more and more relatives came to visit and made more and more requests.

After several years of hard work, his family almost collapsed.

Later at a dinner party, he couldn't help but lost his temper and told everyone not to interact with each other again.

Although the scene was very embarrassing at the time, their family finally returned to a quiet life since then.

The ancients said: Don’t bear heavy burdens if you are weak, and don’t persuade others with light words.

When we are young, we always feel that we have enough energy to hold an umbrella for others. We would rather wrong ourselves than help others.

But after middle age, time and energy are no longer as abundant as before. Don’t force yourself when facing others’ requests for help.

Whether it is a friend or a relative, helping is a matter of affection, not a duty.

If you agree to other people's affairs and don't say anything about it, you may also incur resentment from the other person.

After middle age, everyone has their own difficulties.

Only by decisively refusing when it is time to refuse can you reduce unnecessary troubles and live a good life.

02

Some people say that middle-aged people are the best to bully, because they cannot stand the suffering in the world, like to roar when they see injustice on the road, have a kind heart towards everyone, and do whatever they want. Don't like to do too much.

Therefore, middle-aged people are often the most tired.

In the TV series "Elite Lawyers", there is a clip that makes people extremely angry after watching it.

Through surveillance, Mai Fei discovered that the nanny at home often abused his grandfather. Once, after he hurried home, he happened to encounter the nanny slapping his grandfather.

Mai Fei decided to fire the nanny on the spot and considered calling the police.

But the nanny refused to leave and begged Mai Fei not to call the police.

She claimed that she was the only one making money in the family. If she reported the case, her whole family would be ruined and her children would not be able to go to school.

The other party's tearful confession made Mai Fei instantly soften his heart.

He couldn't bear to push the other party to a dead end, so he promised not to report the crime.

The nanny continued to beg him to delete the surveillance video.

While Mai Fei was hesitating, the nanny knelt down and began to threaten her with death, saying that if she was seen by outsiders, she would not be able to find a job in the future and would have no choice but to die.

Ma Fei relented again and deleted the video in front of the nanny.

The nanny was satisfied. When she left, she kept saying, "You are such a good person."

Unexpectedly, within a few days, Mai Fei was detained.

It turned out that the nanny had pulled out two teeth, but lied that the teeth were knocked out by Mai Fei. She also issued a minor injury certificate and asked Mai Fei to compensate her 1 million.

Not only did his good intentions not bring him remorse, but he also brought disaster to himself. Such a result is really chilling.

There is a saying in "Journey to the West": "It is rare to repay kindness to the world, but it turns kindness into revenge."

Mai Fei's experience is never an exception. You and I have all seen or experienced situations where great favors turn into enemies.

Sometimes when you forgive others for their mistakes, they only think you are weak and can be bullied.

Sometimes you are considerate of other people's difficulties, but they think you are stupid and stupid.

When people reach middle age, they have experienced the ups and downs of the world and understand the complexity of human nature, so they gradually put away their kindness.

Not everyone knows how to repay kindness and reciprocate kindness.

The first prerequisite for kindness is to protect yourself first.

03

Gu Long once said: "The older you get, the more greedy you become for money, just because you have seen through everything and know that nothing in the world is more real than money."

Indeed, when people reach middle age, they basically become pragmatists because there are more and more ways to use money and they have to worry about money.

After Qi Baishi became famous, he was also well-known for his stinginess and unkindness.

In 1920, he set a rule: "Selling paintings regardless of friendship, a gentleman has a shame, please pay according to the rules."

Later added: "Flowers plus insects and birds, every day Add ten yuan to each one. Add bees to each one, twenty yuan. Those who reduce the price will benefit others and I will not like it."

In 1940, a new article was added: "Never reduce the price of paintings. Don’t eat in restaurants. Don’t take pictures. Please add 2 cents to each circle. No matter how friendly you are when selling paintings, please pay according to the rules. Don’t introduce it to others. ”

… …

Because of these inhumane rules, many people criticized Qi Baishi for being stingy.

But how did they know Qi Baishi's difficulties.

Qi Baishi’s youngest son once recalled his father and said:

“Financially, he is very tight, but also considering that he will have two children to support in the future.

Relatives often come to Beijing to visit him and take some money with them before leaving.

The difficulties of both families are on his shoulders alone, and he is under a heavy pressure. ”

I think of that heart-wrenching and realistic sentence:

The world is in a panic, but only a few taels of silver can solve all the panic in the world and protect the health of the elderly. , children can enter school.

In the final analysis, behind the seemingly stingy nature of middle-aged people, lies their responsibility and responsibility.

For most of our lives, no matter whether we succeed or not, we have become the support of everyone.

Family expenses, children’s education, and parental support are our responsibilities for the rest of our lives.

Those middle-aged people who live wisely understand that no matter how important vanity and face are, it is not as important as the daily life of daily necessities.

Letting your family live a decent life is the greatest dignity for middle-aged people.

04

In a program, Ma Dong asked Xue Zhaofeng: "Do you often attend parties?"

Xue Zhaofeng replied: "No. , because the time cost is too high.”

In real life, people often attend various gatherings in order to integrate into the group.

But in the end, instead of gaining friendship and recognition, energy was wasted in vain.

When you reach middle age, you will eventually understand that compared to the bustle of the crowd, the company of family members can make people feel more peaceful and at ease.

Carrie Lam, Hong Kong’s first female chief executive, has always been a particularly unsociable person in the eyes of others.

She said that she basically did not participate in social activities after six o'clock. No matter how busy she was on weekdays, she would go home for dinner.

After having children, she even refused all unnecessary social interactions.

For her, having an ordinary dinner with her family is far more important than drinking and socializing at a dinner party.

I am reminded of the words of director Wang Yuelun:

After passing the middle-age threshold, the more mature people are, the less gregarious they are.

Only by giving up those unimportant social interactions can you free up a lot of energy to spend time with your family.

Halfway through life, we have long passed the age where we need to drink and eat to prove that we are loyal and friends enough.

Give up useless meals and parties so that you can focus more on your home.

Only when you start to become unsociable can you bring real happiness to the family.

Liu Tong wrote in the book:

"There is no character in the world that can avoid offending people. Speaking directly will offend villains, and speaking tactfully will offend villains. A quick-tempered person will offend a principled person, a smooth person will offend a smart person..."

When people reach middle age, they will inevitably be bound by the world and always have too many scruples.

No matter what you do, there will always be people who don't like you.

Since you will offend others, it is better to put aside your worries and be a less easy-to-get-together person.

As Yang Jiang said: "The world belongs to you and has nothing to do with others."

In the second half of your life, never let anyone or anything consume you.

Please give it a like. Following your own heart and living your own life is the most important thing in the second half of the journey.