Funny China homophonic joke.

A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to give a report: rabbit, shrimp, pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! After the county magistrate finished, the host said: Sausage pickles, please! Now, please talk to the township head! The township head said: Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk! Comrades, that's enough for today. We are all big bowls! No pickles, I'll pick up a piece of shit and lick it for you. 1, "South China Sea Islands"

Mr. Li is having a geography class.

Mr. Li: Where are the South China Sea Islands? Have you seen them?

The students burst into laughter and shouted, "Yes, the front row!" "

It turns out that there is a "boy" in the class called "Zhu Dao".

Tip: South China Sea Islands (65333)

2. "The territory of China"

Mr. Li: How big is the territory of China?

A student: Jiang Yu from China? Jiang Yu from the Yangtze River or Jiang Yu from Heilongjiang?

Mr. Li: Your geography score may be the last.

A student: First come to Shudu? Then I will go to Sichuan to study.

Tip: territory = =jiāngyù= = Jiang Yu; Countdown = dà osh incarnation = to Shu.

3. "Three administrative divisions"

Mr. Li: What are the three administrative divisions of China?

A student: China's humorous remarks about the sexual characteristics of the third grade are not suitable for children.

Tip: Regionalization

4. "Regional culture"

A class teacher took maternity leave, and the school arranged Mr. Li geographically to take his place. One day, the monitor found Mr. Li and complained anxiously: "The blackboard newspaper in our class has not been published this month, and the school will evaluate it next week." Please set a theme and ask everyone to provide the manuscript. "

Mr. Li thought for a moment and said, "Go back to class immediately and tell the students that this month's blackboard newspaper will take' regional culture' as the theme, so please contribute actively." The monitor returned to the classroom and announced it widely on the blackboard: please contribute actively to the theme of this month's blackboard newspaper-hell.

5. Place names. On New Year's Eve, my brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One is cheerful and the other is more formal. During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and said to us, "He is from Myanmar, so he is shy." Then raise your glass to toast everyone, raise your head and drink it off, and then say, "I'm from Yangon."

6. The Chinese teacher with a strong accent read an ancient poem "Wochun" by Lu You to the students for dictation.

The Chinese teacher read aloud as follows. A student dictated the following.

Wo Chun, I'm stupid.

Mume smells flowers, I have no culture.

I hate the bottom, I have a low IQ,

If you hear me lying like water, ask me who I am.

Eduardo Chun Lv. A big donkey.

The coast is green, I am a donkey,

The coast is green, I am a donkey,

The coast is like a dark green. I am a stupid donkey.

On one occasion, two scholars visited Ouyang Xiu, a great writer in the Song Dynasty. On the way, they happened to be sitting in the same boat with Ouyang Xiu, but neither of them knew Ouyang Xiu. These two scholars also know a little about poetry, but they think they are experts. At this moment, a white goose suddenly jumped into the water, and the two of them couldn't help being poetic and picturesque by generate. One man shouted, "There is a goose on the shore," another man replied, "Jump into the river."

Both of them muttered to themselves, but they couldn't recite the following poem or make up a poem. Seeing that they were in a hurry, Ouyang Xiu helped to sing: "White hair floats with green water, and red palms stir up clear waves."

The two scholars were surprised to see Ouyang Xiu say such a good poem, but on second thought, they felt something was wrong. One of them shouted at Ouyang Xiu: "You are so thick-skinned. Is this poem yours? " Ouyang Xiu smiled and said, "This poem is really not mine. It was written by Luo, one of the four outstanding figures in the early Tang Dynasty, when he was a child. " Hearing this, the two men laughed: "I tell you, with your appearance, you can also read poetry." Ouyang Xiu just laughed.

Soon, three people got off the boat. Two scholars saw a pile of ash on the shore and wanted to show their poems. One man shouted, "Look at a pile of ashes from a distance", and another added, "Look at a pile of ashes from a distance." Due to lack of talent, the two of them can't stand it any longer. I saw Ouyang Xiu chanting unhurriedly, "A gust of wind starts and the sky is full of snow." Hearing this, they were all surprised, knowing that Ouyang Xiu was singing a good poem, but they were unwilling to give up. One of them pretended to say, "This is not a clever sentence, so-so." The other said, "I'm connected, but I'm a little reluctant."

They walked on, and soon they saw a dead tree by the roadside. One scholar chanted, "A dead tree by the roadside", and another chanted, "Two big branches."

Two people want to sing, but can't think of words, so they have to sing these two sentences over and over again, with their eyes straight. Ouyang Xiu couldn't see the past, so he added two sentences to them: "Moss is a leaf from spring to the sun, and snow is a flower in winter." After listening to them, they still refused to give up and continued to compete with Ouyang Xiu. They chanted, "They both went aboard to visit Ouyang Xiu." Ouyang Xiu laughed to himself after hearing this, and immediately said, "Xiu already knows you, and you still don't know how to fix it (shame)."

8. An old farmer accidentally overturned while transporting watermelons. A young man helped him up. The old farmer was so grateful that he immediately cut a watermelon and said to the young man, "You eat shit (big braid) and I eat urine (pigtails)!" "

9. A lady crossing the street lost her key. A kind gentleman picked it up for her and said to her, "You dropped your key." My wife flew into a rage when she heard someone say that she was "dying (losing your key)". She slapped her husband and turned away. ...

10, the ear is here.

The new magistrate is from Shandong. Because I had to pay the bill, I said to the master, "Go and buy me two bamboo poles."

As soon as the master heard that the "bamboo pole" in Shandong dialect was "pig liver", he quickly agreed and ran to the butcher's shop and said, "Master Xinxian wants to buy two pieces of pig liver. You know better! " The shopkeeper is a clever man. He immediately cut off two pieces of pig liver and gave a pair of pig ears.

Out of the butcher's shop, the master thought, "My master told me to buy pig liver, and this pig ear is mine …" So he wrapped the hunting ear and stuffed it into his pocket. Back to the county government, I reported to the magistrate: "Report back to Grandpa, I bought pig liver!" " The magistrate was very angry when he saw that his master had bought pig liver, and said, "Where are your ears!" " Hearing this, the master turned pale with fear and quickly replied, "Ear … Ear … here … in my … pocket!" " " "

1 1, see chicken.

Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens very much. The tenant rented his land, but it was not enough to pay the rent. He must give him a chicken first. A tenant named Zhang San went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented it out the next year. When he went, he put a chicken in a bag and paid the rent. He told the landlord about the lease of the land next year. He insisted that his hands were empty, opened his eyes and said, "There are no three kinds of fields." Zhang Sanming understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag. When he decided to be a chicken, he immediately changed his mind and said, "Who will you give it to if you don't give it to Zhang San?" Zhang San said, "Your words have changed so fast!" The landlord replied: "That sentence just now was' nonsense (chicken talk)', and now this sentence is' play it by ear (chicken talk)'."

12, there is a chance.

A commodity salesman went to Guangzhou on business. When he arrived in Beijing, he wanted to fly. Afraid that the manager would not agree to reimburse him, he sent a telegram to the manager: "There is an opportunity, do you want to seize it?" The manager received the telegram and thought it was an "opportunity" to clinch a deal. He immediately called back: "You can take it."

Multiplication "salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, and the manager refused to reimburse the plane ticket on the grounds that he was not qualified to fly and would not be reimbursed. The salesman took out the manager's reply and the manager was dumbfounded.

13, two Yunnan people went to Beijing to play. They heard that Beijing roast duck is very famous, so they decided to eat it. As soon as they sat down, one of them said to the waiter, "Go and dump those two roast ducks!" " After waiting for a while, they saw the waiter waving a roast duck in front of them and left. One of them couldn't wait, so he called the waiter and asked him why he didn't serve them roast duck. The waiter said, "Didn't you ask me to bring a roast duck?"

Note: ("Shuai Shuai" means "eat" in Yunnan dialect)

14, USA and Japan in Asia

Mr. Li: How do you say that the United States and Japan are both in Asia?

Global Connect: I said, what's wrong with being in Asia every day? Aren't I in Asia every day?

15. Some people in Guangxi speak Mandarin, and their pronunciation is inaccurate, often with obvious local accent! The common thing is to read: empty mouth becomes a public, mouth becomes a dog, and wind becomes crazy, which leads to the following joke.

When friends are far away, they usually eat a plate of snails for dinner. The host picked up one and said, man! He abandoned it, picked up the other one and said, it's a male again! A long whisper: it's a man again! My friend was surprised and thought: awesome! Guangxi people are too powerful! Even the male and female snails can see it!

I also invited my friends to dinner. People in Guangxi have a little cold and find themselves sitting under the air outlet of the air conditioner. They said, I have a cold and can't sit next to a mad dog. I changed my seat after I finished, and my friends were unhappy. What do you mean? I am a mad dog.

16, the coach said, "class one kills chickens, class two steals eggs, and I'll cook porridge for you."

One kind of shooting, the other kind of bombing. Let me show you. )

17, when the school began to call the roll, a class teacher was ingenious and said to the students, "I'll look at the student number, so you can report your own names and get to know each other, okay?"

"No.0065438 +0!"

"Teacher, my name is Jiao and my name is Jiao Pei." The teacher was a little dizzy and asked, "Who gave this to you?"

"My dad." "What does your father do?"

"Open a pig farm!"

"No.002!"

A girl stood up and said, "Teacher, my name is Zhang and my name is Zhang Dekai."

"No.003!"

"Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother. My name is Zhang. "Who gave you this name?"

"It's my dad. He sells pliers. " The teacher quickly took a sip of water.

"No.004!"

"Report teacher, my name is Qu (pronounced" ou "), and my name is Qu Ye (oh yeah). This is the name my mother gave me. She said that when she gave birth to me, a computer game exploded. " The teacher felt a little uncomfortable.

"No.005!"

"Report to the teacher, * * Niang!" "How do you call names? ! "

"no! Teacher, I mean my last name is Gan, and my name is foster mother. My father makes wine. " The teacher took a pill.

006! "

"Teacher, my surname is Gou, and I am told to ignore it."

"Your dad is a steamed stuffed bun shop? ! "

"Teacher, you are so smart!" The teacher has been a little shaken.

"No.007!"

"My name is Kuai (read fast, send the third sound. ) This is called goods. "

"Don't tell me your father runs a warehouse."

"Teacher, you are too old-fashioned. My father is a pimp. " Blood oozed from the teacher's mouth.

"No.008!"

"Teacher, go to hell!" "What? what did you say ? /Excuse me? ! "

"I mean, my name is Ni, and I'm going to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist. Is my name interesting? "

"Interesting, interesting." The teacher is about to cry.

"No.009!"

"Teacher, let's talk about it next time." "Why do you want to say it next time, you say it now!"

"no! Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. " The teacher felt dizzy.

"0 10! "

"Teacher, my last name is Gao."

"My name is Mei, and my name is Mei Conscience."

"My name is Wu, and my name is Kate."

"My surname is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong." …………

The teacher turned to the sky and growled, "God, I met a group of students!" " "The teacher vomited blood and fell dead. Don't talk, I'll tell you a story.