A cold joke to amuse his girlfriend.

A collection of cold jokes to amuse his girlfriend.

Words are like elves. As long as you make good use of them, they will have unexpected effects. Therefore, whether speaking or writing, we should make good use of words. As long as you can use it accurately and flexibly, it will make your language glow with vitality and brilliance. Below, I will share some jokes that amuse my girlfriend, hoping to help you!

Joke your girlfriend 1 1. Take a bus. It used to be a season ticket for students. Show it to the driver when you get on the bus. I forgot to bring my season ticket yesterday. I took out a dollar and put it in a coin. I don't know what I was thinking when I got on the bus. I habitually took the money and showed it to the driver, then went to the back and sat down. ...

2. When I went on a blind date, the girl said to me with a surprised face: "Ah! The gap between the photo and yourself is too big! Is it your own p? Oh, my God! How can you be so good at P? Can you accept me as an apprentice? " So the blind date banquet became a teacher banquet.

3, my buddy came home from work, and finally someone got off to find a seat.

Next to me, two old ladies stared at their buddies intentionally or unintentionally, talking about personality, morality and the quality of young people.

My buddy is already tired, and he is even more annoyed after hearing this. He turned his head and asked the old lady, "Are you tired of saying this?"

The old lady's temper also came: "We are not tired, we should talk to people like you!" " "

The buddy said, "Aren't you tired? If you are not tired, you will always stand. "

On the first day of school, the teacher asked everyone to introduce themselves. I spoke first, briefly summed up my personality and growth process, and looked forward to the future. The teacher was obviously satisfied with my answer and said excitedly, "Would you please leave the classroom?"

My wife will work overtime this weekend. The wife said, "No need to send it. I ride an electric car myself. " I said, "Are you sure?" The wife said, "I am a good driver!" " "I said," Yes, as long as there is no turntable, you will always get to your work place. " My wife said, "What do you mean?" I said, "What should I do when I get to the big turntable and go home?"! "

2 1, bought a pair of leather pants to look good on!

Aunt Liu met me downstairs and asked, Girl, don't you work in your old company?

I said: Go.

Aunt Liu gave me a look from top to bottom: Hey, I thought you were wearing leather pants and went fishing in the river!

hum ..

A month ago, I signed a contract with a young female boss to reduce my face. After 28 days, there was no effect. Yesterday, the boss returned the signing fee and gave me 500 yuan.

I asked the reason, and the female boss said with grievance: We have lost weight, and you are too thick-skinned. There's nothing I can do. Please forgive me.

The doctor said, "I should be the most desperate person in the world."

Barber: "Hehe."

3 1. You are still so charming, walking leisurely in a plaid vest, looking detached and lovely. I wonder how you hit the rabbit at that time.

2, after a farewell, the two feelings are related, three meals are boring, the four seasons are dull, the whole grain is not divided, and the six gods have no owner. Why? Very homesick! All kinds of helplessness.

How many times have I told you to go to bed early at night and not to go out, but you just won't listen. No, I dreamed again last night, which made me unwilling to wake up!

I have a blue you in my heart. Without you, my life is always lonely and my heart can't stop thinking about you. Knowing how you are is my greatest happiness and satisfaction!

5. Love precedes sex and sex precedes love. Just like the egg comes before the chicken, and the chicken comes before the egg, it is hard to say which is the truth and which is more noble than the other.

6, just know that you can't guess, don't understand, take a closer look! Still can't see it? Do you know Pinyin? There is a limit to your stupidity! Look at the phone backwards!

7. If the water in the Pacific Ocean can be drained, I can drown my love for you. But can the water in the Pacific be scooped up? Can't! So I am destined to love you forever.

8. Obviously you are uglier than me, and your boyfriends are very handsome! I was so angry that I couldn't eat for days that I had to think hard to get the answer. I can't refuse to accept this: it's not that you are smart and capable, but that you are cuter than me!

9. In the long river of love, from the day I fell in love with you, there was more waiting and expectation in my life, looking forward to being with you all the time.

/kloc-0 0 Once upon a time, there were four monkeys. The first one covers his eyes and can't see, the second one covers his mouth and doesn't talk, the third one blocks his ears and doesn't listen, and the fourth one laughs with his mobile phone!

1 1. My wife is looking for clothes. She put on a skirt that she hadn't worn for a long time and looked in the mirror: Oh, dear! Love jiaozi! Sir: That's stuffing, not leaves.

12, damn it! I'm choking! If you don't say it, I won't say it. One of us must make it clear! Forget it. If I don't go to hell, who will? I said I love you!

13, she is such a person who doesn't like dialogue. I only like one word related to speech. Without speaking, all languages seem to be abandoned, abandoned, like lies.

14, it's late at night, the birds are asleep and the mosquitoes are out. I miss you and look forward to you. I'm doomed to insomnia tonight. The dream is lost, and the soul is haunted by it. Why not return the stolen heart?

15, your hesitation period has expired. Don't be half-hearted! From today on, only be gentle and considerate, not bullying; Only love, no hate; Just laugh, don't cry.

16, sister, I love you just like a mouse loves rice. It misses you, falls in love with you at first sight, chases you without saying anything, comes to you again and again, and must chase you.

17, don't think that online dating is a real feeling, it only exists online. If online dating wants to develop into a real relationship, in the final analysis, it still needs to return to real life.

18. I saw you skateboarding yesterday. That's great. Slide, spin and take off in one go. Suddenly, you fell and passers-by came to help you. You drink: I'm Dou, and I don't need help!

19, Buddha said: Looking back 500 times in the past life, it was only in exchange for passing by in this life. If it is true, I am willing to exchange 10 thousand encounters with you to tell you that I really want to love you.

20. A wisp of fragrance in the sky, a little fragrance in my heart, no matter day or night, thinking of you will come to your side and tell you more details. Loving you is my unchanging dream.

2 1, I heard that you made a fortune and paid off all your foreign debts. It's time to return half of the rubber you borrowed from your primary school, and with the interest for so many years, you should return me a tire.

22. Last night, I dreamed of you and sent you home. We walked towards a beautiful building. You said it and ran in. I looked at your figure and saw that it said mental hospital.

23. My friend said that you and I are a flower stuck in cow dung. I told my friend that you and your girlfriend are actually the same, except that you are a pile of cow dung and fell on flowers.

24. Has your spouse list been empty for more than 20 years? I also want to tell you mine. God said that only we can complement each other in that position, so one day your name will appear in my household registration book.

25. I understand that every short message sent to you will make you unforgettable! I know, every word I write to you makes you forget all about eating and sleeping! But I want to know, when do you owe me this meal?

26. Valentine's Day wish: Be a koala and sleep on a big eucalyptus tree. I am a koala and you are a eucalyptus. Amen! Stick to you all my life, love you and need you!

27. There is a kind of tears that are hard to give up, an unforgettable gaze, a heartbreaking affection, a lingering concern under the moon, a yearning for autumn water, and a name that I love you for a long time!

I feel that after knowing you for so long, you are a special, special, rare and unusual fool who doesn't even know that I like you. ...

29. I understand that every short message sent to you will make you unforgettable! I know, every word I write to you makes you forget all about eating and sleeping! But I want to know, when will you treat me to the meal you owe me?

30. July 5th: No pretending to be busy at work, no forgetting me when you have money, no helping me when you are in trouble, no eating chocolate and not calling me! Don't think about me when you are free! Hope to implement it seriously!

3 1, the first part: even coaxing and cheating, even kneeling and persuading, I want to leave you at my house. Bottom line: Work hard and run, and be bad, because you are the treasure in my heart. Horizontal batch: Here you are. Hey hey, I miss you.

32. If you can look at me until I become an ugly old bald man with a big belly, then I will look at you until you become a shriveled and wrinkled old lady.

33. If you are chilling, I am spring; If your heart is bitter, I am sweet; If you are sad, I am smiling. Maybe I am not everything to you, every day, but I am by no means a burden to your life.

34. During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, you were the commander in chief, wearing a pot cover, carrying a sack, hanging a plastic bag around your waist, holding a can and two Chinese cabbages in your hand. You were so cute when you rushed in and shouted, who has broken bottles to sell?

35. If God allows me to make three wishes, the first is to be with you in this life, the second is to be with you again and again, and the third is to be with you forever. Happy April Fool's Day!

36. In the middle of the night, there is no light in the toilet; You go to relieve yourself and fall into the toilet; Fighting maggots and shit; No one saved you and sacrificed heroically; Live great and die silent; In memory of you, the toilet is on!

37. Madame Curie said, "I suspect that there is a shocking person in love. Let's take one to the laboratory for experiment first. " The result of the study is that you are not an ordinary "thunder man", but a legendary "Raytheon"!

38, a worship of heaven and earth, suffering his wife; Second, worship Gao Tang and work hard for her; Husband and wife respect each other as guests, and then tighten their belts; Into the bridal chamber, I knelt on her bed and scrubbed. Hey! I am a sheep and she is a wolf.

39. The body is hot, and the desire boils like boiling water in the body. But he just caressed and kissed, like taking every vegetable on the chopping board seriously and cutting it clean, but he refused to cook.

40. If you feel cold, please call my mobile phone! Press talk about work, talk about feelings, talk about life, introduce me to someone, press #, invite me to dinner, please hang up!

4 1, one thing you may not have noticed. The toothbrush you gave me has become my gift, and I will use it for the rest of my life every time unless you give me another one. Happy April Fool's Day!

42. You said that the meteor was the fireworks you set off for me on the riverbank in my hometown. I said that the wind is a sob that I poured out to you on the other side. I said that the misty white clouds are the hardships and difficulties I struggled for you in a foreign land!

43, the weather is changeable, be careful to catch cold, I care about you here: I want to quit taking off my clothes; Second, the exit is late; Three cold drinks; Under the temptation is picky eaters; Five precepts of cold water bath; 6. Abstinence from alcohol; Seven commandments kick the quilt; Do you understand, Bajie?

44. Lovers should be gentle as water and sweet as honey; Opponents should choose smart, capable and powerful; Colleagues should choose hard work and have no temper; Friends should choose pigs with runny noses. Stop looking and wipe your nose.

45. When I went out to buy cold beef, suddenly a man passed by with a dog. The dog eagerly followed the cold beef in my hand. As a result, the owner grabbed it in time. I clearly heard the owner say to the dog: Be rational!

46. I saw you that day, in the supermarket! You quietly put your hand on the barcode scanner, and the screen shows: pig's trotters 8 yuan. Do you think the machine is broken? Looking from the face, the screen shows 5 yuan, pig head!

I miss you so much that I can't sleep. I love you deeply, and I'm exhausted looking at you. I dreamed of you for the N+ 1 th time. I am still so lonely and helpless. I hope you can fly to my account as soon as possible. Money, come back!

48. Cowherd and Weaver Girl match, Yingying Zhang Sheng West Chamber; Liang Zhu become a butterfly makes people drunk, and Bao Daikong makes love tears; Ruth Jack is heartbroken, and Beckham is a spice girl's favorite. You have to ask who is right for you, and Xifeng is the best for you!

49, reward order: catch a smile, catch a prize, you will be happy for a lifetime, catch ten prizes, you will be happy for a lifetime, catch a hundred prizes, you will always be smooth and safe, the more you catch, the more rewards, act quickly and laugh first!

50. Long time no see! When I saw you last year, you were still so cute, swimming around in the water like a comma. It's really changed a lot and it's getting weirder and weirder. How did you become a four-legged toad this year?

5 1, whether you miss me or not, my heart is with you and I will never give up. Whether you follow me or not, my belief is firm. Come to me, or let me come to you. Pay the bill, I like it in my heart.

52. You are the cup when I drink water-kiss you; Sleeping pillow-love (touch) you. The stars in the sky are the eyes that shed tears when I miss you, and the waning moon is the heart that splits in two when I miss you!

4 1, chat, don't use direct question and answer. If so, sometimes it is difficult to continue chatting, and the atmosphere of chatting is also very dull.

2, chatting is not a person saying a word, you say a word, don't wait for her to say a word. Proactive.

3, say more compliments, girls like to listen to this.

If the other person is suddenly silent, he may not know what to say, or he is not interested in what he says. Don't ask questions, try to change the subject and break the embarrassment of the situation.

From the point of view of chatting, we should start with caring for each other.

6, chat about some trivial things in life. It's best to express it in a humorous way.

7. When talking about emotional problems, don't ask, especially ask. It can be said that time flies and it is very kind to chat with you ... she tells you a certain state and makes it up to you.

8. Chat and be good at using humor. If you can successfully control humor, it is easy to win the favor of the other party.

9. Chatting should be enough. Don't talk too long at a time. Feelings are cultivated slowly, mainly because the atmosphere of chatting is very harmonious.

10, chat, try to focus on topics that girls are interested in, but at the same time, you should take the initiative.

1 1, let yourself talk more. We should read more books, increase our knowledge and learn to use association. For example, when it comes to oranges, think about the difference between oranges and oranges, the origin, the advantages and disadvantages of eating oranges, why some oranges are sour, what role does yellow fruit have, and what about other fruits? ...

12, chatting, if you want the other person to like you, you must fully show your man side. Personality, responsibility, humor and consideration ...

14. When chatting to answer questions, you don't need to use the conventional answering method.

15, humor is very important, but it should be appropriate and don't use some cold humor.

16, it's very painful now. When you look back later, you will find that it's actually nothing.

17, if the direction is wrong, stopping means moving forward.

18, it's nothing to miss someone when you are lonely. But if you miss it when you are busy, it will be different.

19, reading thousands of books, it is better to take Wan Li Road; It is better to read countless people on Wan Li Road; There are countless readers, so it is better to be a master to guide the way.

20, just like every drop of wine can not return to the original grapes, I can not return to youth.

2 1, who doesn't love a bunch of bad guys when he is young?

22. How can you find a peerless beauty without experiencing rouge powder?

23. No matter how arrogant a rogue is, he will only be afraid of Kotaro at home.

24. I like melodramatic women who talk like children, just like singing opera.

25. Who are you making faces with? Is the loan I owe you due or something?

26. When I love you, you are a stone; When I hate you, you are a zombie!

27. Love is just an illusion.

28. Break up with people who are hostile to themselves. Only when people break friends can they have the best friends.

29. You can forget the past, but you must let go.

China people have two characteristics: they don't like telling the truth and they don't like listening to it.

3 1, the result of mother-in-law: male is feminine, female is aunt.

32. The most romantic thing I can think of is that you are getting older day by day and I am still young and beautiful.

33. Men treat life as a play, so they are calm. Women treat life as a trick, so they cry at the theatre.

34. If I become an emperor, I will make you a prince.

35. weigh yourself. I am very unhappy. I want to eat when I am unhappy.

36. In middle school, there were thieves who didn't have the guts. In college, there are thieves who have no guts. Now there are thieves with courage, but there are no thieves.

37. Never give a friend who has betrayed himself a second chance to betray.

I don't know if love will rot, just because I don't know, so I'm going to find my own answer!

39. Flying a kite feels like looking at a distant object from a distance. Although it is far away, I never despair in my heart.

40. I want you to know that as long as you run away, I will definitely chase you, no matter where it is, even in hell!

4 1. Before the meteor falls, if it is seen by lovers all over the world, it will be locked tightly.

42. The first time I saw his childish smile, even a small biscuit could move him so much. ...

43, happiness, I also want to be happy.

44. Can you lend me your back?

5 1. That's your business, not mine. My future career and ideal, I want to create it myself!

If you can't get rid of the haze in your heart, you will never be able to admit and be free.

You know, holding this thread in your hand is like a constant fate, pulling each other.

If you want to cry, just stand on your head. In this way, the tears that were supposed to flow out could not flow out. Have you learned?

Let me accompany you to drift in the sea, just to be an oar in your hand. No matter how thick the storm is, you will have me by your side.

6. Everyone should have a pair of good shoes, because these good shoes will take you to the most beautiful places.

7. What else would you consider for a rational person like me?

8. An inexplicable pain gripped my heart.

As a matter of fact, I think I am in love with him several times.

10, countless nights of thinking about you, remembering the unforgettable night with you, I pray for a meteor, so that I can meet you in the next life and fall in love forever!

1 1. You can't even walk well. You are a pig. I will hold your hand!

12, I can only believe that this pain in my heart will gradually fade away one day.

13, just give yourself to me, just give me …

14, he is still so young, and there are countless possibilities in life. Why do you have to make a decision for him at this time?

15, that rainy night, my heart was broken.

16, love does not return because it does not persist.

17, you tell me what I should do to continue to love you.

18, I don't know if love will rot, just because I don't know, so I'm going to find my own answer!

19, flying a kite feels like watching a distant object from a distance. Although it is far away, I never despair in my heart.

20. I want you to know that as long as you run away, I will definitely chase you, no matter where it is, even in hell!

2 1. Before the meteor falls, if it is seen by lovers all over the world, it will be locked tightly.

The first time I saw his childish smile, even a small biscuit could move him so much. ...

23, happiness, I also want to be happy.

24. Can you lend me your back?

25. Love is just an illusion.

26. Love is genetically programmed, and after three years, it becomes stronger and weaker.

I can't live like a normal person. I don't know what my life will be like if you leave me!

28. "What if I love you only one tenth as much as you love me?" "I'll make up for the remaining nine."

29. In fact, you will be really happy with me.

Don't go with him. I can't live without you.

3 1, I like him, I like him, in fact, I wanted to tell him a long time ago that I like him!

You must be thinking about me now.

33. Do you know? I can't live without her. Without her, I can't even breathe.

34. A friend told me that at dawn, angels would worship together. If lighting a cigarette at this time will attract them, the wish will be particularly easy to realize.

35. My whole body aches, but why is there a trace of sweetness and happiness in my heart?

36. Gorgeous clothes and beautiful hair are not important to me. From now on, I want to be myself.

37. You stupid woman!

38. I was submerged by invisible shadows. The more I try to escape, the more chaotic my life becomes.

39. The cold rain began on a dark night. Maybe I can say the word "break up" on such a night.

40. Play mobile phone and do gymnastics, you idiot.

4 1, I don't care what others think of me, I just want you to believe me!

42. Because I like you, I really like you!

43. You stupid woman! You think it's funny

I will never give in.

45, because at that time, I only had one thought in my heart, that is, to protect you. If I die like this, don't be sad or cry!

46. I cried not because I was sad, but because I was so happy.

47. If an apology helps, what do you want the police for?

48. Why should I give up? If I could, I would have given up when we first broke up.

Don't run away from me, let's face the problem together. I will stand in front of you forever.

50. I like you. Let's go out.

5 1, as long as you like me. I can be desperate.

As long as you say no, I will believe you. Because I like you. I really like you.

53. I like you. I like to be so stubborn and feel puzzled. In my eyes, I only see you.

54. I finally caught you, how could I let you down easily!

55. It is said that lovers who see this meteor will be marked with love just like being hugged by Cupid's wings!

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