The child sleeps in different beds.

Since the baby was born, how to sleep in a family of three has become a tangled problem for many families. Wenwen's father often hears people say that "three years old and four years old are in different rooms, and five years old and six years old regret heartbroken." In order to make children more independent, the sooner they get out of bed and sleep in separate rooms, the better.

That's true, but is the child really ready? Regardless of the child's feeling of being tough across the board, it is likely to leave a psychological shadow on the child.

0 1

Not long ago, a big family celebrated their little niece's fourth birthday. Sister-in-law officially announced on the spot that her 4-year-old daughter was sleeping alone in her small room.

Hearing the news, the originally happy little niece suddenly changed her face and began to cry, but she was unwilling. Because there were guests at home, my sister-in-law finally compromised.

From the day after her birthday, her sister-in-law insisted on sleeping in separate beds with her daughter. So, every night for a whole week, my little niece staged a drama of "inseparable", either holding her mother's neck or staying in her bed. When she is emotional, she still cries for a while.

Under the persuasion and persuasion of my sister-in-law, I finally fell asleep with my child in her arms. Once I leave, my children will wake up and have to be comforted again.

After a week of tossing, my sister-in-law was so tired that she cried every day and couldn't wake up. My brother saw it and said to her, "Forget it."

But my sister-in-law has been thinking about it for a week, and maybe the child will get used to it soon, so she will continue to insist that the child sleep alone at night and will not go to the room to accompany her.

As a result, the little niece knocked on her mother's door with a pillow for a while, saying that her crib was infested and scared; The dubious eldest sister-in-law got up and saw that there were no bugs on the bed. After glaring at my little niece, let her sleep in the bed.

Sister-in-law just lay down when she returned to her room, when she heard her little niece shouting outside the door. Just then, my brother pretended to be angry and shouted, "Hurry back to sleep, or you will be beaten."

Most little nieces are afraid of being beaten, and then they stop calling their parents. My sister-in-law felt strange and got up to have a look. As a result, as soon as she opened the door, she found her daughter curled up outside her parents' bedroom door with a quilt and pillow, with tears on her face.

At that moment, my sister-in-law was distressed and tangled, picked up her daughter and went back to her parents' big bed to sleep.

After hearing about my niece's experience of separating beds, Wenwen's father originally wanted to separate beds for his daughter, but now he decided to wait.

But my wife said that now my daughter is over 5 years old, and she has to sleep in separate beds and rooms. She also sent an article to Wenwen's father, saying that it is not good for children's physical and mental health for girls to separate beds or sleep in separate rooms too late.

In fact, in Wen Wen's view, how old a child needs to sleep in separate beds or rooms can't be cut across the board according to theory. We should respect the natural law of the intimate relationship between parents and children and conform to the rhythm of children's growth.

Although many people advocate "sleeping in separate beds at the age of 3 and sleeping in separate rooms at the age of 5", that is only a suggestion. Parents should not force their children to blindly follow that cold standard according to their children's situation.

As the star's mother Yi Nengjing said, children will meet sooner or later, so why rush to force them?

Wenwen's father agrees with Yi Nengjing. After all, children are not the product of homework on the assembly line. Different children have different growth environments and different growth rhythms, which cannot be generalized.

Ma Yili also shared her eldest daughter's experience of sleeping in separate rooms online. After learning that all her classmates slept independently, she offered to sleep in separate rooms with her mother, and she quickly adapted.

Therefore, for those children who are not used to sleeping in separate beds or rooms, parents don't have to force them. One day, the child will take the initiative to ask you to sleep in separate rooms. What parents have to do is to give enough companionship and waiting.

02

Why should parents worry about sleeping in separate beds or rooms with their children? What are you worried about?

In response to this question, Wenwen's father asked his friends around him, and the answer they gave was: I'm afraid my children are not independent and precocious!

(1) Worried that children are not independent.

Wenwen's father has always felt that whether a child is independent or not is not directly related to sleeping in separate beds in the morning and evening.

The foundation of children's independence is a sense of security, believing that the world is safe and having the ability to explore the world.

Before the age of 3, it is a critical period for children to establish a sense of security; After the age of 3, children with enough security will take the initiative to try to do something by themselves. For example, watching other children sleep in separate beds will sprout the idea of sleeping in separate beds and be able to sleep independently.

Instead of parents forcing their children to sleep in separate beds or rooms, this will only lead to a sense of insecurity and even make children feel desperate about intimate relationships. Especially those children whose sleep quality is poor or whose parents can't accompany them at work during the day, if they are forced to sleep in separate beds by their parents, it is not conducive to the development of parent-child relationship.

2 Worried about children's precocious puberty

A friend's house is discussing sleeping in separate beds with her daughter. I told her not to worry. She said that she had read parenting books and that her daughter could not sleep in the same bed with her parents for too long, otherwise she would be prone to precocious puberty.

Later, Wenwen's father consulted doctors and friends around him. She said that precocious puberty is an organic disease of the nervous system and has nothing to do with sleeping in separate beds.

03

So, how old is the child to sleep in separate beds?

Wenwen's father read many parenting books and watched many videos of parenting coffee, and found that there is no uniform age limit for children to sleep in separate beds and rooms.

It is often said that "3 years old and 4 years old are in different rooms, and 5 years old and 6 years old regret heartbroken" is completely a rumor, and "6 years old is the latest age for children to sleep in separate beds/rooms" is also unrealistic.

Generally speaking, when children reach the age of 3, they have a clear understanding of gender. Therefore, parents can slowly try to sleep in separate beds with their children according to their growth rhythm.

If children are more resistant, they can wait until they are 5 or 6 years old before sleeping in separate beds/rooms; For those with particularly strong resistance, psychologists point out that it is also possible to sleep in separate beds/rooms before 10 years old.

In short, every child is unique. When to sleep in separate beds or rooms, there is no specific age standard. Parents should not be impatient to avoid bringing anxiety to their children. Every child has his own growth rate. When he is ready, he will naturally be willing to sleep in separate beds.

For the "needy households" who sleep in separate beds, Wenwen's father suggested this:

1 accompany your child to read the picture books related to "separate beds" and be mentally prepared;

(2) Arrange a small bed with the children and let the children choose their own sheets.

(3) Give children independent rewards every time to enhance their motivation to sleep in separate beds.

In a word, Wenwen's father thinks there is no need to force the children to separate beds, just let nature take its course. After all, no child will sleep independently when he grows up.