"You just don't keep your word!" Stop complaining, 4 steps to help children consciously abide by the rules

Many parents complained to me, "My children always break their promises and can't do what they say." Friends, have you ever complained about your children like this?

Between you and me, I have complained more than once. Xiong Haizi clearly promised me to go home for the last five minutes and turn off the TV after watching the last episode, but you will find that there is no "last", only "later". In anger, I can only take tough measures and shout, "You just don't keep your word! You are going to piss me off, don't turn off the TV quickly! " . There was a time when this scene was performed almost every day, just like a drama, at different times and on different occasions.

Suddenly one day, I found that this is not possible! I'm stuck in an infinite loop. The more I want my child to keep the agreement, the more I can't keep it, the more I complain, the more grumpy I am, and then the next time the child breaks his word ..... like a mouse running in a cage, it can't find an exit.

So what should we do?

Take watching TV as an example. Because of how long we watch TV every day, my son and I are like enemies, and war may break out at any time. This antagonistic relationship makes each other nervous and tired, and it is useless to preach at this time, so I am also troubled. So one day, while my son was in a good mood, I decided to talk to him sincerely about my troubles.

So my son and I began to discuss how long it is appropriate to watch TV every day. He just started to propose watching 10 hours every day. You see, the child is so unrestrained because he is over five years old and has no clear concept of time. Sometimes he would suddenly ask me if it was morning or afternoon, and sometimes he would think it was the day after waking up from a nap. I didn't agree. Let's continue our discussion with him. Later, he proposed to watch it for two hours every day. I thought about it and said, "Yes. But twice a day for an hour. " He thought about it and agreed. Later, in order to alleviate my worries, he also suggested that I do eye exercises for him after watching TV.

I propose that this rule be written down and posted in an obvious place. Life should have a sense of ceremony! The son said, "But I can't write!" "I said," it doesn't matter, we can draw it. " So I found a pen and paper and began to draw. My son likes painting least at ordinary times. But this time he was particularly active, not only drawing a TV set, but also drawing a coffee table, a router, a stereo, the sun and the moon next to the TV set. It took 15 minutes to discuss the rules and half an hour to draw lots. The whole process was very pleasant. So there is the picture below.

What should we pay attention to when making rules?

0 1 Know how to let go

So we began to follow the rules formulated by * * *. Do you think the rules will be implemented smoothly after they are formulated? I want to say, "You think too much."

In fact, I am also worried that my son will really obey the rules and turn off the TV when he arrives. Ever since he started watching TV, I have glanced at it from time to time.

I just want to remind my son that he picked up the remote control and turned off the TV.

Ah, a hanging heart is finally put down.

Once my mother asked me why he reminded me to turn off the TV, and sometimes reminded me several times.

That's because you don't know how to let go, and you don't believe that children can do it. The child senses your information and is used to your urging every time, especially your yelling every time. That's his alarm clock to turn off the TV. Like a whipped cow, it doesn't move until it is beaten.

Parents' lack of confidence in their children's ability and courage will lead to their children's sense of incompetence, thus recognizing their own incompetence.

Imagine that sometimes you can't stop following the drama, or even brush Tik Tok, even though you really want to stop. That's because the man who kicked you away with a whip behind your back is missing.

If you don't want your child to feel this way, just let go! Although I know it's hard.

Accepting children can't do this.

Maybe you will think that my son is an angel baby. After the rules are made, he can consciously implement them. I want to say, "You think too much again."

Just when I thought my son was an angel baby, he began to watch TV for more than 1 hour without turning it off.

My frustration! That kind of anger! These bad feelings make me want to yell at him!

But I adjusted my mood and finally accepted the fact. Yes, you must accept that children just can't do it or make mistakes.

"Oh, wait, don't we just trust our children? Will this accept children? " Maybe you think so.

Accepting that the child can't do it doesn't mean that the child will continue to fail. Acceptance is to let us see the present situation clearly and accept it, relieve our anxiety and anger, and look at it with a peaceful mind. Because that's what happened.

"The child has a saying that is very good. Challenge. " It is normal for children to make mistakes. If we hold a critical attitude, we will inadvertently pick out the occasional mistakes in good behavior, which will amplify the seriousness of the mistakes and gradually cultivate permanent shortcomings for children. Think about it. When we met a child who said we couldn't do it, we yelled at the child, "You just don't keep your word!" " This doesn't help improve the problem, but makes it worse, doesn't it?

So what should we do?

After discovering that the child didn't turn off the TV on time, I didn't immediately point it out, but silently observed it several times. I found that sometimes he can turn off the TV voluntarily, and sometimes he can't. So did he break the contract on purpose?

So I communicated with my son and asked him why he didn't turn off the TV on time. This inquiry is not an accusation, but a curiosity. Remember the first step? Yes, we need to go back and do it again.

So, we analyzed the reasons together and brainstormed for a while, and revised the rules as follows:

Yes, the rules are not immutable. It needs to be improved according to the implementation.

Every time you ask "what qualities do you want your child to have", mothers will say "self-confidence, optimism, independence, kindness" and so on. But I forgot to think about whether the way I usually treat my children can help them develop these good qualities.

These four steps may not be the perfect solution, but I believe that through the continuous cycle of these four steps, not only can the anxiety of mothers be alleviated, the parent-child relationship be improved, but more importantly, the children's sense of value and self-confidence will be enhanced, and they will have the ability to control and solve problems. What did you say?/Sorry?

I am Xiaoqing, and I like to share my parenting experience and interpret classic psychology books.

Although I have passed the national second-level psychological counselor, I don't want to be a distant parenting expert.

I just want to accompany you who are lonely on the road of raising children.

Welcome to share, discuss and even spit with me _