My mother-in-law is very thoughtful. How should I handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

How to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

No matter how unreasonable your mother-in-law is, don't quarrel with her.

Even if your mother-in-law is wrong again, it's your fault if you go to war with her.

This is not asking you to be an ostrich. Although you are a woman in the new era, you can despise all stereotypes, but please don't forget that this is China, and this society still can't tolerate disobedient people. Although quarreling with her mother-in-law may not be disobedient, in the eyes of others, it is disobedient to be a daughter-in-law of the younger generation to drool over her mother-in-law! They will think that you have no tutor! If you say that you don't have a tutor, the target is not you alone, but your parents. Do you want to hear your parents being talked about for their own reasons?

If you live with your mother-in-law, don't run back to your mother's house because you are angry.

Although I sometimes run back to my parents' home in a wronged way, it's quite refreshing that my husband can come and take you home humbly. Maybe your parents won't scold him, maybe they will condemn him with their eyes at most, but have you thought about his feelings? If this happens many times, every man will get bored and decide not to get used to your problems in the future, and this trick will not work. Especially the daughter-in-law who lives with her mother-in-law, don't make such a move easily. If her mother-in-law throws you a word, don't come back out of this door! Or your husband wants to show authority and say this to you in front of her mother-in-law. Are you going to walk out of this house without hesitation, or are you going to put down your luggage and go back to your room and cry? Even if you can go through the door and finally come back, aren't you afraid that the first thing your mother-in-law said to her husband after going out was "divorce her"? When a man who lives with his mother encounters this situation, even if he really wants to keep you or take you home early, he usually slaps his face and pretends to be fat in order to prove to his mother that he is a man. Not only will he not leave you, but he will say something more rude, or he will not take you home at all. Will you divorce him or pack up and go home? If you really don't want to go there and divorce him, then say something else. If you don't want to give him up, you have to go home by yourself. Isn't that shameful?

Don't speak ill of your mother-in-law in front of your husband.

We don't like mother-in-law to speak ill of herself in front of her husband. Similarly, as mother-in-law, we don't like the daughter-in-law gossiping in her son's ear. Especially now, many men are very filial. Even if he knew that his mother-in-law was wrong, he would say, bear with it, that's his mother! Unfortunately, it seems that many daughters-in-law, including myself, have met such a gnashing husband! In this case, you can't achieve your goal by speaking ill of your mother-in-law, and it is more likely to make your husband feel disgusted with you. After all, you love your parents very much, and your husband speaks ill of them in front of you. Can you promise that you won't jump up? But that doesn't mean we have to swallow our pride. At this time, we need to use our wisdom. You can create an opportunity for your husband to see how her mother-in-law bullies you. If you can, you might as well shed tears of injustice in front of him and leave the rest to him. If your husband is still so insensitive, don't mention it. Double the anger your mother-in-law gave you and vent it on him! Such a husband would be too sorry for his filial piety if he didn't invite him to eat "sandwich cookies" and was full!

Don't speak ill of your mother-in-law in front of outsiders.

Usually friends get together, it seems that the most talked about is the evil mother-in-law at home! China's daughter-in-law is bitter! But outsiders here are specific, that is, people who know both themselves and their mother-in-law can complain on the forum, but if you speak ill of your mother-in-law in front of these people, aren't you afraid that your words will be embellished and passed on to her mother-in-law one day? It's true that we should not wash our dirty linen in public, but it's more important not to be looked down upon as Sister Xianglin. Even if you know that your mother-in-law speaks ill of you in front of outsiders, don't answer blows with blows, an eye for an eye. What's the difference between you and your mother-in-law with a long tongue? A clever daughter-in-law will do this: my mother-in-law says that I am not good in front of people, and I will say that she is good in front of people! Don't worry about being accused by your mother-in-law. Please be sure to believe this sentence: "justice is free from people's hearts." Your mother-in-law criticized you in every way, but you returned good for evil. Isn't it clear at a glance what is right and wrong? Wait until those people return your words to your mother-in-law's ear and see if she is ashamed to death!

Don't exaggerate your grievances in your husband's family.

There is no denying that every daughter-in-law will be wronged more or less in her husband's family, perhaps because of the other party's unintentional mistakes or intentional actions. Many daughters-in-law themselves can't resolve this resentment, so they will think about it and feel that they have been greatly wronged, and in the process, they will infinitely magnify each other's mistakes and lose sight of their responsibilities in the incident. This may be because many daughters-in-law are isolated in their in-laws and have an instinctive sense of defense, so they are too sensitive to events related to themselves. Another situation is that some daughters-in-law have a delusion of persecution and always feel that the other party is up to no good. She is like smart, beautiful and kind Snow White, and her mother-in-law is a vicious queen. She won't stop until she kills herself, so she feels sorry for herself. A woman is a delicate animal, but sometimes this delicate feeling is "narrow-minded" in the eyes of her husband's family. I also think that some trivial things at home are not worth making a fuss about. The careless daughter-in-law thing has disappeared before, and the relationship with in-laws may be the most harmonious. As long as the in-laws don't attack or insult themselves personally, a clever daughter-in-law can pretend not to understand or laugh it off. So, sometimes you might as well be a smart silly elder sister, which may make you happier.

Be nice to your husband.

In front of her mother-in-law, her attitude towards her husband needs careful consideration. If you are too close to your husband, your mother-in-law will think you are disrespectful. No matter how spoiled you are in the world of two people, at least restrain yourself in front of your elders. If she is cold to her husband, or judges and tells her husband what to do, her mother-in-law will feel worse. It must be very painful for your wife to boss you around like this with the baby in your hand. Even if the daughter-in-law is respectful to her, there is no way to please her mother-in-law. Therefore, in front of her mother-in-law, the daughter-in-law must leave her husband with enough face to balance her mother-in-law's heart, and at the same time, she should prevent her mother-in-law from being jealous and not have too many intimate little moves.

The more unkind your mother-in-law is to you, the more generous you are to her.

Mother-in-law's generation has gone through a very difficult period, so there will be a miserliness about money that people in the 1970 s and 1980 s can't understand. She usually lives a frugal life and hopes that her son and daughter-in-law will "get what they want" like them, especially for their daughter-in-law. If you buy something for your husband, she may not say anything, but if you buy it for yourself, she will say that you spend money indiscriminately, or that what you buy is too expensive. This kind of mother-in-law is really hateful, but the daughter-in-law doesn't have to wronged herself for it. She can buy whatever she should, spend as much as she should, and don't have to bear a grudge against her mother-in-law, thinking that you are abusing me, and see how I deal with you in the future. In fact, many mothers-in-law do this not only because they are distressed by money, but also because of psychological imbalance. Think about how much they have suffered before, and they can't bear to eat or wear. The whole province came down to give it to their children, and the effect was good. What contribution does their son's wife make to their son? Now I eat well, dress well and use it well ... Even if my daughter-in-law spends her own money, my mother-in-law will have the feeling of "planting trees by herself and enjoying the cool by herself". For such a mother-in-law, the best way is to buy a gift for her mother-in-law, even if it is a very cheap small object, which can block her mouth. Although her mother-in-law will still say that you don't have to spend money for her, you can save some money or something, but you will be very happy.

Don't quarrel with your husband in front of your mother-in-law or say that your husband is wrong.

Since many daughters-in-law say that her mother-in-law protects her calves, you should understand that if you quarrel with her husband in front of her, or accuse him of being wrong, her mother-in-law can't be partial to you. More likely, she thought her son was being bullied and jumped out to deal with you with him. Even if the mother-in-law is good at being a person, she will be partial to you and scold her son at that time. Don't think that your mother-in-law will be partial to you. If you think so, it is naive! Unless your husband is really out of line, unless your mother-in-law knows right from wrong, unless your mother-in-law is indifferent to her own faults, unless your mother-in-law loves you, if you don't have these points at the same time, if you quarrel with your husband in front of her mother-in-law or say that her husband is wrong, then you can only find yourself unhappy!

Don't attach too much importance to money, let alone calculate the mother-in-law's property.

Of course, money is a good thing, and the environment we live in now can be said to be inseparable from money for a day! Some people often compete for their parents' meager pensions, and some daughters-in-law play an ignominious role in them. My in-laws are rich and willing to help my son out of affection. Daughter-in-law appreciates her husband's kindness and can struggle less for a few years. No, don't complain! Because money belongs to parents-in-law, they have the right to dispose of their property at will. Even if all the money is given to your sister-in-law and not a penny to you, don't go to the forum to curse! Even if you want to fight, it's your husband, not you! Besides, when my in-laws are old, I always have to leave some pensions in my hands for future trouble, and I'll give them to you. When they are sick and old, as a daughter-in-law, will you pay for their treatment and maintenance without complaint? As long as you look at the virtue of calculating the property of your husband's family, no one will have such unrealistic fantasies about such a daughter-in-law.

When you meet a nagging mother-in-law, you should take everything she says seriously, or you should defend everything she says.

In all fairness, my mother-in-law's nagging is annoying, but it is not necessarily because my mother-in-law has any bad intentions. Many old people have troublesome problems. Her nagging may not be aimed at you personally, but at the whole family, such as her father-in-law, such as her husband, brother-in-law and sister-in-law, but her mother-in-law's nagging is used to them, just like the feeling of listening to your mother's nagging when you go home. However, if you change your daughter-in-law, you may think that your mother-in-law's nagging is directed at yourself, so you will be particularly careful to find fault with her words. And often can pick out, some daughter-in-law is very serious about this nagging, will be very serious with her mother-in-law, maybe you will argue that her mother-in-law has nothing to say because of your eloquence, but it is also possible that your mother-in-law is also an indomitable person. You quarreled with each other, and the two sides finally said a lot of hurtful words because of words, leading to war at home, which was out of control; There are more subtle daughter-in-law, although not on the spot, but will be unhappy. The longer the time, the less satisfied I am with my mother-in-law. When one day she can't stand it, it will explode, and the lethality will be far greater than turning her face on the spot. Generally, after this happens, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is basically impossible to repair.

Excerpt from Baidu experience