What should a girl who has been in love for four years realize that she has been "calculated" after talking about marriage?

The word "appropriate" in the marriage world is simply two words: consistent.

It is appropriate that all interpersonal relationships involved in marriage are relatively consistent. Especially, the two parties in marriage will not be happy if they do not have the same goals and ideas.

From love to marriage, the consistent marriage of two people is naturally smooth sailing.

From love to marriage, marriage will start smoothly if they gradually agree with each other.

Two people who are inconsistent from beginning to end, or have the same idea when they are in love, but they are inconsistent when they face marriage. Marriage is doomed to fail to start smoothly, and many people's love dies in marriage. This is the truth.

As a reader said when talking about his ex-boyfriend:

"When we fall in love, we all think each other is the right person for us. We have had laughter, tears and plans for our future marriage, and we have never had conflicts because of different ideas.

I thought our love was destined to develop smoothly into marriage, but who would have thought that when we really faced marriage, our views on marriage were greatly different.

The most crucial issue is the "bride price".

If our initial agreement on the "bride price" was that no bride price would be given, I wouldn't say anything or be unhappy. But the problem is that every time I talked about marriage before, I always mentioned the bride price. He can accept what I didn't ask for, so we are together.

But as a result, after I got the certificate from him with great joy, his mother said to him, "Son, you have got the certificate anyway, and she wouldn't dare not marry without the bride price!"

I happened to see the chat records of their mother and son. His reply to his mother at that time was: "Yes!"

When I saw it, I pointed it out and asked him if he really wanted to miss the bride price. He didn't deny it, and then he started to carry out his fucking orders to make me give up the idea of asking for a bride price.

I broke up with him, technically, divorced. After all, we have got the license plate.

He said that I am not sensible, hehe, whoever is not sensible knows it. If you are not married, you can change your mind. If you get married and you always break your word, who will I cry to? 』

There are many similar emotional tragedies in reality, all of which feel good when they are in love, but there are many problems and contradictions before marriage.

The following reader's marriage road has also encountered similar setbacks. Let's take a concrete look at her experience.

Hello, Mr. Lin Dong: I recently destroyed my original view of marriage and set up a new view. The reason is very simple. My previous view of marriage was always wrong.

The so-called "wrong" is that I trust people too easily and take it for granted too much. I think two people have had love, and then the marriage will be smooth. In fact, marriage is not as simple as I thought

My ex-boyfriend and I have been in love for many years. Yes, we have the same plan for marriage, but all this was disrupted by his mother when we got married.

All along, I didn't think he would be Ma Baonan, because he has always been opinionated in front of me. However, when I contacted his parents, I realized that he was a baby boy at heart, and he did whatever his mother asked him to do, regardless of my feelings.

I only asked for a bride price of 65,438+10,000 yuan, which is extremely low, but even so, they didn't want to, and then tried to make me give up the idea of asking for a bride price through "obtaining a certificate".

After the minimum bride price requirement was rejected, I decided to break up, because I could imagine what my married life would be like: I wanted a bride price, not money, but a test for men. If I can't meet this small requirement, and then I get married, I guess I don't want anything else at all.

When I broke up, he didn't stay. A few days later, he came to me and said, "My mother agreed to give a bride price of 654.38 million yuan. Let's get the certificate first! "

I asked him, "Why do you need to get a license first? Why not give the bride price first? "

He naturally replied: "It is only natural to give you a bride price after receiving the certificate!"

I continued to ask him, "What if your family doesn't give you a bride price after receiving the certificate?"

From his reaction, I can see that he has not prepared the answer to this question, and I am right. His family just wanted to get rid of the bride price after receiving the certificate.

So, I politely refused his request and told him, "Sorry, the price of bride price has gone up!" " As long as the bride price is 654.38 million+,I don't want to belittle myself. If I want to give it, I will give it to 654.38+0 million. If you can get it, I can marry it! "

How can a person who wants to default on the 1 Wan Cai Li promise 1 Wan Cai Li? In this way, our love has completely come to an end.

This emotional tragedy has made me understand that I can't be too soft-hearted, and I can't just care about other people's feelings and ignore my own. No matter how much bride price you want, there will always be people who think you are asking too much. In this case, it is better to put forward the requirements at the beginning. In this case, even if the other party bargains, he won't lose too much. what do you think?

It is normal that different people have different ideas and attitudes towards marriage. It is absolutely impossible to say that everyone has exactly the same idea about marriage.

If you are lucky enough to meet someone who is in general agreement with your marriage concept, you are of course happy. But if it is inconsistent, you need to run in.

The so-called running-in, not all will run into the same result, many people run into the end, that is, go their separate ways.

Take the bride price in the above case as an example: if the two sides are inconsistent from the beginning, they can run in from the beginning and the running-in results are consistent. Only by implementing the results can the marriage get off to a smooth start. On the other hand, if you pretend to be consistent at first, and then go back on your word before marriage, it will often lead to tragedy.

If the concept of marriage can't be relatively consistent, there is definitely no need to start, otherwise one party will feel very painful. Marrying with the psychology of losing money will inevitably lead to contradictions after marriage, and such a marriage is not good for both sides at first.

I hope that others will not encounter the problems in the case when facing marriage: the marriage conditions agreed in advance are best implemented according to the contract, and don't be the one who breaks his promise. It is not easy for two people to be together. Obviously, I am going to get married, but I bargain because of the bride price, regardless of the previous agreement. This will not only hurt each other, but also may not be able to start over smoothly after missing the marriage.