Joke Collection Website - Mood Talk - 6 Internet embarrassments
6 Internet embarrassments
A collection of original embarrassing sayings by Internet experts
1. ⒋Although the bird is small, it really covers the entire sky.
2. ⒌Poor Nike, rich Adidas, gangster wearing Armani.
3. No matter how powerful Tang Seng is, he is just a monkey trick.
4. ⒎Missing after a breakup is not called yearning, it is called shame!
5. I wanted to turn around gracefully, but unfortunately I hit the wall gracefully.
6. Sleeping posture determines hairstyle. Starting today, I will study the relationship between sleeping posture and hairstyle at home.
7. Staying up late is because you don’t have the courage to end the day; staying in bed is because you don’t have the courage to start the day.
8. When I think that 20xx is coming, and when I think about the money I still owe the bank, I can even wake up from my dreams laughing!
9. Take someone else’s car and go your own way.
10. Don’t seek to be a good match, just seek to feel qualified.
11. People in the upper class always like to do some obscene things.
12. When I fall asleep, I dream out my dreams and saliva.
13. Whether you are stupid or not depends on whether you can pretend to be stupid.
14. For girls: If you go out to hang out, you will get pregnant sooner or later.
15. When a woman pursues a man, there is a veil between them. Men chase women, and mothers are separated from each other.
16. People searched for her thousands of times, but suddenly looking back, that person still dismissed me...
17. The people I like are all on the hard drive.
18. Youth, you are so acne-prone!
19. After many years of being a little lolita, she still became Xianglin’s wife...
20. I don’t curse because I have strong hands-on skills.
21. Cough! Say what you should say, and whisper what you shouldn't.
22. I suggest that everyone should understand my appearance first and appreciate it secondly.
23. From heaven to hell, I am just passing through the world.
24. In fact, I am a homebody. It’s just a matter of whose home I stay at.
25. You are not a VIP, not even a V, you are just a p.
26. Your complex facial features cannot hide your simple IQ.
27. On a whim, I used your photo as a desktop, and F*ck it got infected by a computer virus.
28. If my life were a movie, you would be the advertisement that pops up.
29. If you were a flower, no cow would dare to poop in the future.
30. Just forget about scolding you, but you have to wait until I hit you to realize that I am both civil and military
31. As the saying goes: rabbits don’t eat grass beside their nests; but as the saying goes, : The first to get the moon near the water tower
32. As the saying goes: The prime minister's belly can punt the boat; but the saying goes: He who refuses to avenge himself is not a gentleman
33. As the saying goes: No one will offend me. , I don’t offend anyone; but as the saying goes: Strike first to gain strength, strike later to suffer disaster
34. As the saying goes: A man would rather die than surrender; but as the saying goes: A man is capable of bending and stretching.
35. ⒈The departure of the stool is the pursuit of the toilet, or the lack of retention of the butt.
36. ⒉Everyone says that my sister is beautiful, but in fact it’s all because of her makeup.
37. Brother ⒊ smokes because it hurts the lungs, not sad. Appreciation of 30 embarrassing phrases on the Internet
1. One day, my wife bought some swimsuits and wanted to wear them to her husband at night. Wife: Does this look good? My husband is reading the newspaper: It looks good! Wife: What about this one? My husband still ignored me: It looks good! Wife: What about the last one? My husband still ignored me: You look good, you look good no matter what you wear! As a result, the wife got angry and stood there with nothing on. The husband was dumbfounded. He weighed his glasses, walked up to his wife and said, "The first few pieces were pretty good-looking, but why is this one so wrinkled?" Wife:...
2. It’s too hot this summer. I saw other companies issuing high-temperature subsidies. I went to the company to make suggestions to my boss. The boss said: Okay, I’ll pay it to you too, and wait until noon. Come to the conference room after get off work.
I was so happy at that time that I was the first to come to the conference room after get off work. After listening to what my boss said, cooling down and recuperating was so effective that my whole body felt cold from head to toe. The boss saw me and said: Two bottles of mineral water per person, plus a pound of mung beans. For your convenience, you can use the company's rice cooker for free. In addition, each person pays fifty yuan for electricity, and each person pays fifty yuan... p>
3. A woman asked: Husband, do you like spending time with me like this every day after work? Her husband said: It’s okay to pay for the month, but not to spend money!
4. I was relatively poor when I was in college. In order to earn some money to play games online, several buddies in Lao Wang’s dormitory came up with a way: the boss helps others When doing homework, the second child helped others write essays, the third child helped others write love letters, and Lao Wang helped others write self-criticisms. Later, the four of them became the famous "Four Treasures of the Study" in the school.
5. A friend went to an Internet cafe to surf the Internet, and suddenly he was in a hurry to go to the toilet. There was someone in the toilet, and this guy was waiting outside the door. Five minutes passed, 10 minutes passed, 15 minutes passed... I couldn't bear it anymore, so I knocked on the door: Guys inside, can you hurry up! The one inside said: I wiped it, someone finally came, do you have any paper?
6. LZ auto insurance after-sales customer service is responsible for the registration of accident vehicles. One day at work, I received a call. The customer said that the car had crashed, so LZ checked the information with him, as follows, "Sir, what is your last name?" , what do you call it?" The other party: "Your surname is Wang." "Did you drive the car when the accident happened?" The other party: "No, my son drove it." "Mr. Wang, what is your son's surname?" The other party: "What do you think I am? What should my son's surname be? "Didi Didi... No, uncle, I didn't mean that. Please listen to my explanation!"
7. I was on duty in the restroom of my workplace. Suddenly my boss came in and I quickly hid. The boss seemed to have seen it. He looked at me seriously and just as he was about to speak, I ran out immediately. It took ten minutes. Later, my colleague Xiao Li came back from the toilet and told me that my boss didn’t bring any paper with him when he went to the toilet and wanted to borrow it from you, but you ran away.
8. Nowadays, no one even dares to ask for free things on the street, especially those who give away tissues. Don’t ask me why I know, I am dying in the toilet now~~ Damn it, for To make passers-by remember the sign, they actually sprinkled pepper in it!
9. I am a freshman in high school this year. Even the second and third years of high school went on a spring outing. We didn't even go. Go talk to the principal. The principal said, don't be anxious, don't be anxious, listen to me explain slowly. Every year, there is a grade that does not have spring outings. This year I will be a freshman in high school, next year I will be a sophomore in high school, and the year after that I will be a senior in high school. It will be no problem, don’t worry.
10. A friend gave me a very expensive coffee. I had just brewed a cup, so I took the opportunity to teach my brother: "Life is like this cup of coffee. It smells good to you, but it tastes bitter to me." The younger brother said: "Brother, why don't you just smell the fragrance and I'll drink the coffee."
11. Playing League of Legends with the squad voice on, I gained an advantage in the first ten minutes. Suddenly our ADC stopped moving, and a faint roar came from the earphones: If you don't cook and play games here, how will your children starve? It's too late to live this day. Then the ADC went offline.
12. I had a quarrel with my wife today. He ignored me all day. At night I tried to coax him. At first I tried to reason but it was ineffective. Then I admitted my mistake and apologized but the effect was average. I got anxious: Baby, I’ll buy you a sauced pig’s trotter! Answer: Two! Well, so many words are not as good as two sauced pig trotters!
13. Today I asked my girlfriend to lose weight. My girlfriend said: I feel like there are four people living in my body and I can’t lose it. I asked in confusion: What do you mean? Which four people? She said: They are Tang Monk, Sun Wukong, Zhu Bajie and Monk Sha. Every day Tang Seng said: I want to be a vegetarian. Zhu Bajie said: I want to eat meat. Sun Wukong said: I want to eat fruit. Monk Sha said: What Master, Senior Brother and Second Senior Brother said are all right!
14. When a man learned that his wife was having an affair with his boss, he angrily went to his wife to argue with him. The leader's wife was furious and said we should go to bed to take revenge on him! Then act on it! After the incident was over, the leader's wife said she couldn't help but want to do it again. Five times in a row. The leader's wife wanted to continue, but the man knelt down and cried: Please, I have forgiven them!
15. If you were the invigilator and you found students cheating, would you catch them? Tell you, it's best not to catch him. Yesterday, a teacher in charge of the exam caught a cheating student. As a result, the director of the examination center and the leaders of the Municipal Education Bureau came. It took more than two hours just to write the process, and I didn't even have lunch. In the end, the conclusion is that if the discovery is timely and the cheating is attempted, it does not count as cheating.
Alas, if I had known this, why bother!
16. Once I was taking a bus, a beautiful girl got on the bus, took out her card and swiped it, and heard the card machine reply: Di~senior card~! The whole car froze and looked at her. She said with a dark look on her face: What are you looking at, Tianshan Child Elder, have you never seen her before? The first uncle stood up and said, "Come on, aunt, sit here."
17. LZ has a friend who thinks he is very smart and saves his mistress’s phone number in his wife’s name. She has been quarreling in front of us. Today, when her wife was playing with his cell phone, she called, and she saw that it was her name. I wonder how he is doing now...
18. The teacher asked: What is the second line of "rich and willful"? Xiao Ming replied: "If you have no money, accept your fate." Teacher... In the second class, teacher: "Why did women in ancient times bind their feet?" The whole class fell into deep thought. Xiao Ming said loudly: "I'm afraid they will go shopping." The teacher then asked: "Then why don't you bind your feet now?" Xiao Ming continued to answer: "Now that we have Alipay, binding our feet is useless." Teacher: Come on, come on, let's give a lecture!
19. I remember when I was a child, my teacher once asked me to write an essay. The requirement was very simple. As long as it made her cry, she would pass. The next day, one of my buddies gave the essay to the teacher. After the teacher opened it, While sneezing and crying, a teacher saw it and asked: Is this composition really touching? The teacher cried and said: What bastard sprinkled pepper on it!
20. I remember one day, a husky brought back a muddy hamster from a neighbor’s garden. I recognized it at first sight. It was the neighbor’s pet hamster “Tangtang”, which had been eaten by the dog. Tortured to death. I was so anxious that I immediately cleaned the hamster and secretly threw it back into the neighbor's yard. Early the next morning, I heard my neighbor getting angry and shouting: Damn it, who dug out my dead hamster and cleaned it!
21. A classmate of mine is nearsighted. During the physical examination for the college entrance examination, he memorized the direction of E on the eye chart. As a result, he could not see the stick in the teacher's hand during the physical examination...
22. When I got home from get off work today, my son told me that he only passed the final art exam this time. I asked why, and he said that the teacher asked me to draw a group of fish. The whole class drew fish swimming in the water, and I was the only one. The picture is of a squid on an iron plate. I burst into tears instantly!
23. I was riding home during the holidays, and sitting next to me was a beauty who looked like a milk tea girl. I was racking my brains on how to strike up a conversation, but I just didn’t know how to start a conversation, and I was about to arrive at the station. , I was so anxious that I couldn’t sit still. Then the girl glanced at me and said: We will arrive at the station soon, don’t worry, there is a toilet at the station.
24. My friend and I went to the gas station yesterday to refuel. He rolled down the window and said, "Give me an extra ten yuan." I was stunned for a moment, turned around, slapped him in the face and angrily said, " It’s only an extra ten yuan, isn’t it a shame?” Then he said to the cheering guy: “Give me an extra ten and a half yuan!”
25. The young man was heartbroken, lowering his head and crying sadly. The Zen master comforted: "You just lost someone who doesn't love you, but he lost someone who loved him deeply." The young woman raised her head and wiped away her tears: "So I am lucky, and he is unfortunate, right. "?" The Zen Master looked sad: "Actually, I don't have much experience in love, but the night when the master took away the Taoist priest, I saw this sentence in the space and thought it was quite good."
26. Several colleagues traveled by plane together. After passing the security check, it’s time to board the plane. A bastard said: I ascend the throne today, thank you all for congratulating me! Another idiot said: Your father just died...
27. I was driving the car, and she was sitting in the passenger seat with her head down playing with her mobile phone. We didn't say a word to each other. Finally, I couldn't help but break the silence. I turned around and asked her: "Do you think I'm casual if I come here like this?" She was stunned and said calmly: "It's okay, Master. Turn left at the intersection ahead. "..."Okay!"
28. The company has set up a venting room with portraits of leaders where employees with opinions can vent. That day, the manager walked in and looked happy when he saw that his portrait was intact, while the other leaders' portraits were riddled with wounds. The manager said: Before other leaders’ portraits could be changed, yours has been changed three times!
29. Patient’s wife: “Doctor, save my husband! He always thinks he is an elevator.” Psychiatrist: “Bring your husband here and let me take a look.
"Patient's wife: "No, he said it is a high-speed elevator that does not stop on this floor. "
30. An ugly girl stepped on a man on the bus. The man was very angry and said, "If you step on me again, I will make you look good." The ugly girl was overjoyed and went immediately. Another step, brother, thank you, I don’t have to spend money on plastic surgery. 30 embarrassing and funny mood phrases
Introduction: When I was a child, I only scored 8 points on an exam. After being beaten, I secretly added a 0. When I got home, my mother looked at my test paper and asked me: "Did you change the score?" I confidently said no, and my mother beat me and scolded me: "I want you to get 08 points in the test, I want you to get 08 points in the test." ”
1. I have a six-year-old loli at home. I took her to the supermarket yesterday and bought a bunch of food and more than ten packs of auntie towels. I buy them for several months at a time. , when paying the bill at the checkout counter, she wanted another box of candy. I didn’t want to buy it because she had tooth decay, so I said I had no money. She shouted at me angrily: “Who asked you to buy so many candies that stick to your butt? , I spent all my money.” Those waiting in line at the back were all holding it in until they were internally injured...
2. Dad’s desktop phone was broken, so I gave him a smart phone. Two days later he said The phone was broken and got wet. I asked if it had fallen into the water. He said no. He said: Didn’t you say that the phone can cut fruit? We had a guest at home today and bought a watermelon.
3. One day, a group of people from the construction team were resting in the office. Then a man came in and distributed cigarettes to everyone. After half of the cigarettes were distributed, he didn’t have enough. He said, whoever lends me an electric car, I will go buy cigarettes. One of my friends actually borrowed it. , and then he rode away and never came back... When I asked, I found out that no one knew him... This is a crime with a high IQ!!!
4. Working in a convenience store, The boss told me to be careful not to receive counterfeit money when checking out, otherwise he would deduct 50 yuan from my salary for every counterfeit currency I found. I took the boss's words to heart, and that night I replaced all the hundred-dollar bills at the counter with counterfeit currency. < /p>
5. During a meeting in the company, a man sitting in the back accidentally sneezed. When the man looked up, he suddenly found that the mucus was on the back of his female colleague! The female colleague did not notice it, so the man secretly wanted to help. She wiped it off. As soon as the man reached up, another colleague next to him noticed him! "Why are you wiping your nose on someone else?" ! "
6. When I was a child, I only got 8 points in an exam. In order not to get beaten, I secretly added a 0. When I got home, my mother looked at my test paper and asked me: "Did you change it? Scored? I confidently said no, and my mother beat me and scolded me: "I want you to get 08 points in the test, I want you to get 08 points in the test." ”
7. Wife: If you want to play cards today, why don’t you go and play? Me: Really? Wife: But you have to promise me a condition, but I’m afraid you can’t do it. Me: I can definitely do it! Wife: You have to tell me an hour in advance when you come back! My wife is so stupid. This condition is too simple. Let’s go play cards...
8. After giving birth to the baby, I never lost weight and I wore beautiful clothes. No. I was envious of my colleagues’ figures in jeans, so I decided to lose weight. After months of hard work, I felt that I was getting slimmer. On Thursday, I took out the jeans and tried them on. I actually put it on. I said to my husband excitedly: "I have really lost weight and can actually fit into jeans." My husband looked at me and said, "Why are you wearing my jeans?"
9. The son looked through the photo album and curiously asked his mother: "Mom, who is the young man standing with you taking pictures?" This one has dark and strong hair. "Silly boy, that's your father." "Is it dad?" So who is the fat bald man living with us now? ”
10. On the bus, I suddenly heard the ringtone of an opera. The old man on the seat immediately dug into his bag and took out his mobile phone and answered it with the slide button. I was wondering why the unlock button was on top, when the old man shouted. :"What? You asked me where I was, but I couldn’t hear you clearly. Please speak louder. "At this time, the sister next to me saw that the uncle was holding the mobile phone upside down, and kindly reminded: "Uncle, it's upside down. The uncle hurriedly shouted into the phone: "We're here, we'll talk about it when we get home."
"
11. I was queuing up to withdraw money from a bank ATM. A couple was in front of me. The woman took the card. After inserting the card, she said to the man, "Don't look at it." I thought at that time that this company The woman was in charge of the money. Then, after hearing the button beep three times, the woman said to the man, it’s your turn. Damn it, one person actually knows half of the password.
12. I came back late today. Mosquitoes flew in when I entered the house, and I spent a long time catching them without catching them. Before going to bed, I urged my daughter to take a bath, but she lingered there and muttered: "Mom, I won't take a bath." If a mosquito bites me, do I still have to clean it? ! "
13. I live in a company. When I went downstairs to fetch water last night, I saw the security guard running past me very quickly. I thought to myself, something bad has happened. Then, I put down The thermos bottle chased him. After catching up, he asked him what happened. The security guard said: "It's too cold to stand guard, so I'll warm myself up by running around twice." "Happy Joke Collection: If you make a joke, I will give you a bonus!
14. The husband was very unhappy when he came home. The wife asked with concern: "Did anything bad happen to you?" Husband: "Today I found 200 yuan in the bus. Wife: "That should make you happy!" Husband: "Another passenger also saw it. He and I split it equally?" Wife: "Then you still have 100 yuan?" Husband: "Before going home, I realized that the 200 yuan was actually lost by me." ”
15. An old man was hospitalized and wore an oxygen tube. One day, a friend came to visit him. He saw that the old man wanted to say something, but he couldn’t explain it clearly. The friend thought he was talking. He asked the old man to write his last words on the paper, and he died after writing it. The friend did not read the note and handed it to the old woman's wife. The old woman was very angry after reading the note. Step on my oxygen tube.
I was wrong. I didn’t know your tea was the most expensive. Two... I shouldn't have put too many tea leaves in it... But the door is closed.
17. A woman was taking a driving test. The one in front got off the car and it was her turn. She was very nervous! She got off the car on the right side, walked around to the left, and opened the door... Then she shouted: Coach! Where is the steering wheel? The examiner looked back at her and said: You opened the back door... 18. "If your mother and I fell into the water at the same time, what would you do?" . . . "I will give you points based on the difficulty of your actions before entering the water and the size of the splash after entering the water." "
19. My wife was sent to the emergency room. I waited patiently outside the door. Half an hour later, the doctor came out: "I'm sorry, we have tried our best. But your wife was very peaceful when she left, and she didn't suffer much. I shouted in pain: "Today is April Fool's Day, you must be lying to me, right?" The doctor suddenly burst out laughing: "How clever!" I lied to you! It was very painful when your wife passed away hahahaha! ”
20. One day, my younger brother forgot to bring toilet paper when he went to the toilet, so he asked his elder brother, “Bring me some toilet paper.” My elder brother was playing on the computer and said, “Wait a minute.” It turned out that my elder brother was playing games. Half an hour later, my elder brother I remembered that I went to give toilet paper to my brother. I opened the bathroom door and saw my brother holding up his pants and asked, "No more?" "My younger brother said, "No, I've already done it!"
21. I am about to graduate from college. I have been in love for four years, but there is still no promise. On the train home, he had 32 stops and she had 21 Station, she said in despair, she called me at the station and then fell asleep. After an unknown amount of time, she was woken up. The car had already passed several stations. She turned around and he smiled softly and said, "Come home with me." She burst into laughter, and tears fell down. When she came to the small mountain village where he was born and raised, she was sold to an old bachelor in his fifties.
22. A colleague, a loser, and. The goddess was afraid that her family would not approve of her date. The goddess lied to her family and said that she was dating a rich, handsome man who was a bit of a playboy and had no interest in getting married. Diaosi often came to see the goddess. The goddess acted to bully him. When her parents asked who she was, the goddess replied: Spare tire, be honest. People. Half a year later, the goddess was abandoned by the rich and handsome man again. She was heartbroken and the man had no good things. Her parents comforted her: Don’t be sad. In fact, the backup man was quite good... and then the diaosi succeeded.
23. “Some students are starting to feel proud. You all still remember the story of the tortoise and the hare.
Xiaogang, tell me, why did the rabbit lose to the tortoise? "Xiao Gang: "Because it sleeps. "Teacher: "That's right! What should we do to stop rabbits from sleeping? "Xiao Gang: "Replace the tortoise with a wolf. ”
24. One morning, I didn’t have enough breakfast, so I sat through 4 classes. Finally at noon, I ran to the cafeteria and said to the aunt in the cafeteria, ‘Auntie, can my meal be served quickly? "I saw the auntie politely saying to the people in the cafeteria, 'Hurry up, the beggars can't wait.'
25. Some people don't care whether they have 2G, 3G, 4G or wifi online. You tell them 100 He won't reply to you even if you say a word to him. Some people are invisible and he will reply to you instantly. Isn't this the same as the saying: some people are dead but they are alive.
26. I asked you to peek at my lord taking a bath, I asked you to peeped at my lord taking a bath, I asked you to peek at my lord taking a bath... Note: Zhang Fei peeped at Liu Bei taking a bath, and he was punished by cleaning the toilet for a month. Everyone who sees it as a "princess" must like it!
27. I went to the canteen to buy salt and asked: How much does a pack of salt cost? The boss gave me a pack. He looked at the salt and said: Isn’t it written with a suggested retail price of 1.5 yuan? The boss said seriously: I don’t accept his suggestion.
28. I brought my girlfriend home for the first time yesterday. She is very beautiful. She was very diligent. Her father was about to smoke. She picked up a lighter and was busy lighting his cigarettes and pouring wine for him... When her father was happy, he took out 1,000 yuan and said it would be a gift for the first time, and his girlfriend took it. Money, say thank you, boss, boss.
29. I just met a child at the gate of the yard who was setting off cannons and throwing them at people's feet. I walked over and asked him lovingly: "Child, what are your parents?" Woolen cloth? The naughty boy looked at me with a provocative look on his face: "I came out to play alone!" Depend on! "I felt relieved as soon as I heard this, and I cleaned him up on the spot. I feel so comfortable now.
30. Xiao Mao: "My mother is a master's degree, and my father is a doctor. "Xiao Ming: "What's so great about you! Xiaomao: "Who are your parents?" "Xiao Ming: "My father is a man and my mother is a woman.
Postscript: One day, my younger brother forgot to bring toilet paper when he went to the toilet, so he asked his elder brother to "bring me some toilet paper." My elder brother was playing on the computer and said "wait a minute." It turned out that my younger brother was playing games. Half an hour later, The elder brother remembered and went to deliver toilet paper to his younger brother. When I opened the bathroom door, I saw my younger brother holding up his pants and asked, "No more?" My younger brother said, "No, I've already done it."
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