Classic humorous campus jokes

Classic humorous campus jokes

Classic humorous campus jokes: When I was in elementary school, I loved to sleep in class. Once, the Chinese class teacher assigned an assignment to write a composition titled "If I Were a Spider." After class, I asked my classmates, racked my brains at home that night, and wrote an article "If I Were a Pig" that shocked the whole school. The following is a collection of classic humorous campus jokes that I have carefully compiled for reference only. Everyone is welcome to read them.

Classic humorous campus jokes 1

1. In the dormitory at night.

"Put it in? Where are you inserting it?"

"It can't be inserted!"

"Push it in!"...

Then the dormitory went dark in an instant, and there was a short circuit!

2. Chatting on the phone with a college classmate I hadn’t seen for a long time, me: How are you doing, brother?

He Said: Back then, I thought that with the housekeeping skills I learned in school, I would definitely be able to do something!

Me: What about now?

He said: Now I am working in a factory. Janitor, janitor!

3. There were so many mosquitoes in the summer class. The male classmate sitting in front of me was always bitten by mosquitoes. He got angry and said: "Keep biting your dad!"

As a result, my deskmate heard it. After a while, a mosquito bit my deskmate. My deskmate patted the male classmate and said, "Look after your kid, he keeps biting me!" Classic humorous campus joke 2

1. If I pass all the exams, please don’t call me a top student, call me a god of gambling!

2. I’m so distressed that I fail to do my homework every day.

3. When I was in high school, the teacher assigned boys to one table and girls to another to prevent early love. In fact, he did not realize the more serious problem!

4. There are generally three realms of academic masters: everyone is sleeping and I am awake alone; the bags under my eyes are getting darker and I will never regret it; others are passing me and I am all right; After working at the table for three years, I suddenly looked back, and that person seemed familiar!

5. Is your math score higher than your weight? - This is really a bloody question!

6 . It is strongly recommended that the school study room be divided into four types: couples showing affection, singles looking for encounters, gay friends walking together, and academic top students to avoid accidentally hurting others and harming others and themselves!

7. Workbook test Normal! The pen test is normal! The answer is ready! The seat safety test is normal! The desk lamp brightness test is normal! The mobile phone isolation is normal!

Homework countdown 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3 …Beep! Beep! Beep! There is a malfunction in the mobile phone isolation! Warning! Warning! Don’t touch the phone! Warning! Warning!… Fingers touch the phone, the system crashes! Failed to write homework!

8. “Actually, just now The geography test is not difficult. ""The test I just took was biology..." Classic humorous campus jokes 3

1. Senior: "Are you a freshman?"

Senior sister After hearing this, I secretly laughed, thinking I was praising myself for being young: "How did you know?"

Senior: "Look at your skin!"

After hearing this, the senior was even happier and thought to herself : I didn’t expect my skin to be so good!

She waved her hand and said, “Actually, I’m a junior.”

The senior muttered: “Looking at your skin, I thought you just went through military training. Finished."

2. My roommate lamented: There are only two people I have known so long with the word "empty" in their names!

Me: Which two?

Him: One is Sun Wukong, and the other is Cang Jingkong!

Me: What then?

Him: One is a childhood dream, and the other is a boy’s fantasy.

3. Xiaoli was wearing a hot low-cut dress, and suddenly she heard someone whispering: "I think it's B."

"No, it must be A.

"

Xiaoli was angry, walked over and cursed: "You are not allowed to correct the answers during the exam!"

4. One roommate in the female dormitory came to Dayi Ma, and the other roommate It was said that girls' breasts would get bigger if they came to Dayi Mama. The roommate sighed: "It would be great if she came to Dayi Mama every day!"

As a result, another roommate said: "It would be better if she came to Dayi Mama every day." It’s useful!”

5. When I was a freshman: Brother, are there any beauties in your website? Introduce one to me

When I was a sophomore: Brother, do you use the button? Is there a girl on the button? Introduce one to me

When I was a junior: Brother, is there anyone else on the button?

When I was a senior: Brother, come here Let’s take a look... Classic humorous campus jokes 4

The last question of the professional course examination: Who do you think is the most influential physicist? I wrote "Newton". As a result, I was the only one in the class. I failed. It turns out that everyone wrote the name of the instructor... What a world!

Yesterday morning, I was watching the scenery on the balcony and found a beautiful girl in the girls' dormitory opposite holding a handkerchief. She waved to me, and I waved to her; then she ran to another window and waved to me again, and I waved to her again; then she left again, and I didn’t react until she waved to me again from the third window. , it turned out that she was cleaning the windows...

MM was looking for Tsinghua University, but she got lost. Fortunately, she met a gentle professor with several thick books. "Excuse me, how can I get to Tsinghua University?" The professor thought for a while and said earnestly: "Studying, only by studying hard can you go to Tsinghua University." "

A student from Tsinghua University squatted in a corner of the zoo watching bears with a broken bottle every day. His mother went to the hospital to ask if the child had any neurological problems. The doctor said that in order to determine whether he was sick, he must start with He started to get to know him, so the doctor brought a bottle with him to watch the bears every day. The two of them squatted in silence for a month. Finally, one day, he spoke: "Excuse me...you...you are also planning to throw sulfuric acid." A bear? "

The only girl in the department came to watch the basketball game. Suddenly, MM's skirt was blown up by the strong wind, and the boys from outside the department shouted: "Oh my God, the beauty is leaked!" The boys in the department said in unison with a solemn face: "Please, it's just a family scandal!" ”

A man swore to God to be faithful to his marriage when he got married, but he cheated on him soon after the marriage. He was worried for a few days and found that there was no retribution, so he forgot about it. Until one day he was on a boat Encountering a storm while sailing, he suddenly realized that this was God's punishment, so he quickly knelt down and prayed: Please forgive him for the sake of other innocent people. At this time, he heard a low voice from the sky: What do you think this is? I have been idle for a year. How easy is it for me to gather this group of people? Classic humorous campus jokes 5

1. It turns out that it is just a misunderstanding.

2. One afternoon in class, there was thunder and lightning, heavy wind and rain, and the weather was bad. Many students skipped class. The teacher came into the classroom and said slowly: In such bad weather today, there are still so many students coming to listen to my class. I am very grateful. Please call me by name!

3. Love is always there, so can you give me an extra point?

4. I can’t stand the passage of time, and I can’t escape this young man. .

5. Buy good things at reasonable prices, don’t buy cheap things.

6. Caterpillars and maggots are quite similar, but butterflies and flies are not the same.

7. When looking for a job after graduation: Age is a treasure, relationships are very important, and ability is a reference.

8. I have to ask my parents if I have bangs in school. If I don’t get good grades, it depends on my hairstyle.

9. You are at a loss as you can imagine, and I am insignificant as you can’t imagine. 10. I think back then, when I was wearing a red scarf and a primary school uniform, I was so chic.

11. Toss a coin: if it’s heads, go online, if it’s tails, go to bed, if it’s tails, go do your homework.

12. Mom said: Even if you are jealous, you have to act like you’ve drunk soy sauce, and you can’t be looked down upon.

13. I really miss my childhood. When the weather is hot, I can be shirtless like a man.

14. The same person who holds a telescope is called a general on the battlefield, but becomes a hooligan at home.

15. I am learning sacred knowledge, but you actually use scores to measure it. This is simply a stain on academics!

16. Student: Teacher, you are so beautiful today. Teacher: Thank you. Student: You’re welcome, I lied to you.

17. Adolescent love is spiritual opium. Whether you smoke it or not, there are always countless Lin Zexu standing behind you.

18. If I don’t fail the exam, that’s what I want; if I don’t review, that’s what I want; I can’t have both, so I just give up.

19. I heard that high schools no longer distinguish between liberal arts and science. Liberal arts take up memory, and science burns chips. Then should I go to bed now?

20. When I was a child, my deskmate asked me what a monster looked like. I took a mirror and asked him to look inside. Two seconds later, he cried.

21. God has deceived everyone, because hell is the most beautiful! Buddha knows the truth, so Buddha said: If I don't go to hell, who will?

22. One day, the teacher yelled at the students in the class: You are too stupid, your IQ is negative, my IQ is a hundred times yours! Student:

23. A teacher said: You are more unjust than Chang'e! The student thought for a long time but didn't understand. After a long time, he understood. The teacher wanted to say that you were more unjust than Dou E. I can't help but admire you.

24. We should show our own style, carry forward our own sexual interests and hobbies, and not be playthings in the hands of our parents. (This house is so chaotic that I can’t even think about it. The more I think about it, the more chaotic it becomes.)

25. For more than ten years, I have worked hard to copy every exam. Why? Is it for myself? It’s not just to improve the average score of the class! For the face of the classroom teacher! For the grade director’s evaluation! It’s a shame to go to the Education Bureau meeting for the sake of the principal! Every time I copy, I feel scared and sweat all over my body. Did I say a single word of complaint? You are so selfless, what else do you want from me? Classic humorous campus jokes 6

1. The whole semester was wasted, and my heart was broken when the exam was approaching. I didn’t sleep at all for a week. I was memorizing everything before the exam. When I walked into the exam room, I collapsed. When I got the paper, I was in tears. 2. The girl followed the boy and asked, "Do you love me or not?" The boy turned around angrily and said, "I Mom gave me three yuan a day and bought you food with two and a half yuan. Do you think I love you? ”

3. In the past, the school said it would conduct a physical examination and require stool samples for testing. , and then everyone brings a little bit with them. There was an alumnus who packed it in Chow Tai Fook's bags and boxes... and then he was snatched away on a motorcycle when he was halfway there.

4. Teacher: "If you have one dollar and ask your father for another dollar, how much do you have?" Student: "One dollar." Teacher: "Don't you know how to do arithmetic?" Student: "You won't understand my dad."

5. Woman: How many suns and moons are there in the sky? Man A: One sun and one moon. Man B: I know this question too! Woman: Well, let me ask you, how many stars are there in the sky? Man B:...

6. At night, my classmates talked in their sleep, "My dear, my dear, don't leave me." I turned to stone! After a while, "The great Qing Dynasty perished like this, I am not willing to accept it, I am not willing to accept it." I collapsed directly

7. The physics teacher talked about frictional electricity and said: We take off our sweaters in winter. The sweaters made a squeaking noise and there were electric flashes. But that won't be the case in summer. Why? Boy in the back: Because I don’t wear sweaters in summer. Classic humorous campus jokes 7

1. Three school girls talked about a man who came to school to propose marriage.

A (junior undergraduate): How tall is he and is he handsome?

B (master’s student): What does he do and how much is his monthly salary?

C (PhD candidate): Where is he!

2. Daming said: "I found that the form of queuing will be different as the age increases. For example, primary school students always go into teams. But there are piles of middle school students. "

Xiaohua asked: "What about the college students?"

Daming said: "There is no need to ask, they are a pair!"

3. After Xiaoqiang went to the toilet, he returned to the classroom and said to the teacher: "There are a lot of ants in the toilet."

The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiaoqiang: "ant How do you say that?"

Xiaoqiang looked confused...suddenly smiled and said: "Ant... didn't say anything..."

4. One day a professor suddenly stopped teaching and said to everyone in a serious and sincere way:

If the students sitting in the middle chatting could be as quiet as the students sitting in the back playing cards,

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Then the students sleeping in front will not be disturbed.

Girlfriend: I am Zhu.

6. Student: "Teacher, I think there is something wrong with the probability formula!"

Teacher: "Oh, tell me your reason?"

Student: "There are 33 students in our class. According to calculations, the probability of me being asked a question is 1/33, but in today's class, you almost let me answer all the questions!" ;