My mother was so angry with her baby that she was hospitalized! How to provide correct homework tutoring?

01

Although "If you don't do homework, the mother is kind and the son is filial, but when you do homework, the chickens and dogs will fly" has been stamped by countless mothers and has become a true portrayal of the parent-child relationship in the new era. But obviously, there are still many mothers who have not appreciated the power of this sentence, and continue to charge towards the fortress of tutoring homework, and then tragically fall on the road.

In the past, we thought that the price of tutoring homework was just to scream until our throats were dry, to be angry to the point where veins bulged, to hate iron until we trembled all over, and to sacrifice a few question books by the way. Unexpectedly, one day, we would be My own child went to the hospital because of anger. It's not a glorious thing to say. After "the mother was so angry with her baby that she was hospitalized" became a hot topic in the family group, many members who didn't know the truth asked questions about the baby: Why is she so angry? Divide the family property? Don’t support the elderly? Unmarried, infertile or openly gay? Unexpectedly, the answer was tutoring homework.

If this mother had known about this, she would probably sigh: If I am guilty, please let the law punish me, instead of sending a kid with my blood to pretend to be a fool to humiliate me.

Many people thought this was a joke and just ignored it. The doctor warned: After the onset of the disease, the mother developed symptoms such as foaming at the head and convulsions, and was diagnosed with acute coronary syndrome. Symptoms are what we often call "myocardial infarction". If not rescued in time, it may be life-threatening and should not be treated as a joke.

But the strange thing is that this mother has no history of coronary heart disease or hypertension, so how could she have a sudden myocardial infarction? The answer given by the doctor was "Excited emotions are potential triggers of myocardial infarction", that is to say, angry. Finally, the doctor reminded me again: life is no small matter.

We also heard the implication: if your homework is awesome, just let it go, your life is at stake. This incident has sounded the alarm to countless parents who are crawling on the road of tutoring homework: tutoring homework is a life-burning career.

Most of the parents who need help with homework now are born in the 1980s. Think about you. You have escaped family planning, shouldered high mortgage loans, and accepted the impact of high technology. None of this has defeated you, just a mere one. You were sent to the hospital just for a job of tutoring homework. How can you have the nerve to explain it to the patients? Could it be that you said: Hi, I was sent to the hospital because of elementary school mathematics. How about you?

So, if you are not planning to sacrifice on this road, then please master the correct posture of tutoring homework. Teacher Zheng Renqiang said that adults are used to dealing with people of the same IQ and experience. When dealing with children, adults need to "reduce dimensionality."

Of course the "dimensionality reduction" mentioned here does not mean that parents lower their own IQ to the same level as their children. In that case, what is the point of tutoring? Why don't we all show our support? The child should be treated as a subordinate, an employee, and the parents, as a manager, have a conversation with an employee who is inferior to you in all aspects, and the two parties should communicate.

After all, tutoring is also a task, and it can completely bring in management concepts and psychological knowledge. With the blessing of professional knowledge, parents will not have to work hard and get nothing when they open up the wild land of "homework tutoring".

02

The first point is to create a distraction-free environment that is conducive to children's learning.

We must ensure that there are no sounds of hawkers, square dances, neighbor children practicing piano, or the mother next door tutoring her children in lion roaring skills. Although Chairman Mao once studied in a busy city to practice concentration, it is important for people to be self-aware. You should judge whether your children can make progress in a noisy environment. If not, please create a hygienic and quiet learning environment. .

There is a "limited attention effect" in psychology, which means that people have limited ability to process information. Our attention is a scarce resource in the cognitive process and will be used by some sensationalists. Things attract attention, thereby distracting attention, resulting in a corresponding decrease in attention on some mundane things.

Just think, is it more interesting to memorize words, or to watch the enchanting dance of the aunt downstairs? Is it more interesting to do math problems, or to listen to the neighbor’s gossip? The child has poor self-control and cannot focus on his homework, and the mother cannot let him stick to his buttocks. After all, he is her own child. She can only artificially block interference so that the child can isolate himself from interference and passively focus on his homework.

But the truth is that when there is danger, parents will protect their children, but when there is no danger, parents are the biggest danger. If when a child is studying, parents give advice as if they have experienced it, or talk about their "great achievements" when they were in school, or even answer the phone and play mahjong in the child's room in the name of tutoring homework, to be honest, the child will be angry with such parents and send them to the hospital. , I can only say that good and evil will eventually be rewarded, no one will be spared by heaven.

The second point is that emotion gives way to reason.

I understand that when mothers are tutoring their children with homework, they will get very angry when faced with children who always make the same mistakes. Then they will burst into anger and shout hysterically. To hell with any decency, intelligence, and elegance. Today I vow to do it. Have a good chat with this little brat. This is such a familiar scene. The children stare with big confused eyes, and the mothers have gone berserk.

In fact, the chaos in tutoring homework is often a one-man show for mothers, and the children are not involved at all. Mothers have been dominated by emotions and are full of anger. Teacher Zheng Renqiang said that when dominated by emotions, many parents become "savages in suits", devoid of any courtesy and just want to vent their emotions. This is very common in homework tutoring.

Every time mothers see their children making mistakes, they will yell at them to vent their anger. In fact, this kind of counseling method has little effect. The children will not remember where they made mistakes and will forget about them. Without self-reflection, he will only remember the horrific faces of mothers, which may even leave a psychological shadow.

The correct approach comes from the "emotional judgment priority law" in psychology, which says that emotions will affect people's judgments before reason. A truly mature person will deal with emotions first and then deal with things to avoid bad emotions affecting people's behavior.

When mothers provide homework guidance, they must pay attention to "deal with emotions first, and deal with things later." This is a process in which mother and child work together to defeat the enemy, rather than turning the child into an enemy.

Mothers must learn to combine love with demands, because when children receive signals of fear or disgust, they will shut out information from the outside world and will not listen to any words or principles. Still learning a lot. Parents must deal with their own emotions in a timely manner so that they do not affect their children's emotions and keep their children in a good state so that both mother and child (daughter) can complete their homework.

The third point is, there are no rules, there is no circle.

In a thousand families, there are a thousand restless children. For some children, even if the White House is taken down for them, dozens of bodyguards ensure that they are not disturbed by the outside world, and their kind-hearted parents never yell, it will not stop the child from wanting to go to the toilet or drink water during homework tutoring. , the heart that wants to move its muscles and bones.

They seem to have a free soul, but they just refuse to sit at the table for more than fifteen minutes, otherwise they will get sores on their buttocks. But if they are not allowed to drink water, their parents will be worried about being accused of child abuse. Faced with children who procrastinate endlessly and are free and undisciplined, parents who are gentle and gentle will not work. Only an iron-clad system can work.

There is a "convict ship theory" in management. It says that the British government sent prisoners to Australia to develop colonies and paid the ship owner according to the number of people on board. As a result, the prisoner mortality rate in Australia was extremely high. The British government morally condemned the shipowners, but had little effect. The prisoners still died one after another. So the UK changed its settlement method and settled fees based on the number of prisoners who arrived in Australia alive. As a result, the mortality rate dropped significantly. This shows that the system is always more effective than human rule. The system can constrain all parties well, and as long as they abide by the rules, they will benefit.

When mothers face undisciplined children when tutoring homework, instead of following instructions and moral inspiration over and over again, it is better to set rules, such as preparing learning supplies in advance, making a timetable, and not allowed to use the toilet during study time. , Move around freely, otherwise you will be punished. Rest times should also be planned to ensure that children can balance work and rest. As long as it is formulated, it will be strictly implemented. There is no mother or son (daughter) in front of the system. Anyone who dares to break the system will be punished.

The fourth point is for parents to reduce their desire to control and give appropriate authorization.

There is an "exception law" in management, which says that too much control will lead to inefficiency. Those in power must know how to let go at the right time and let children learn independently. Mothers must understand that listening to politics behind the curtain will eventually end. Children are learning for themselves, not being a puppet or a bridge between mother and homework. It is the child himself who really has to complete the learning task. Many mothers are possessed by obsessive-compulsive disorder and must force their children to hand over a perfect homework book. The mother has become the real owner of the homework. Is this putting the cart before the horse?

Teacher Zheng Renqiang also said that there is a kind of love called letting go... No, it’s a conspiracy. Teacher Zheng Renqiang said: In many things in the parent-child relationship, the subject must be clear, such as tutoring homework. The subject is the child, and the parents are only assistants. . Many mothers do not let go of subjective questions and force their own ideas on their children. Children learn passively and naturally hate procrastination.

Moms should know that it is more important to cultivate their children's study habits. You are coaching, not commanding, and not the driving force behind the scenes. Let your children enjoy a certain degree of autonomy in learning, and take the initiative to reflect on and correct mistakes after making mistakes, which is better than mothers. Just preaching.

This coincides with what Hengshan’s Law says: “It is better to govern people than to allow them to be autonomous.” It means that the most effective management is to trigger the individual’s inner spontaneous control. Excessive restraint and suppression will cause children to lose their enthusiasm, and learning will become learning for their parents and teachers, but not for themselves. The results are often counterproductive. Only by decentralizing power, staying on top of the tutoring process, and allowing children to bear the consequences for their own learning can they develop their ability to learn and think independently. This is the ultimate tutoring rule.

Finally, I want to tell all parents that homework guidance has a long way to go. Before homework overwhelms your children, please don’t let it overwhelm you. To take a step back, even if your child loses at the starting line, it is better than you crossing the death line. When tutoring homework, you might as well be a little more "Buddhist" to help your health and family harmony.

Supervised by Teacher Zheng Renqiang