Failed parents often say these words. Are you a failed parent?

Scene replay: After the examination papers are handed out, Xiaohua still fails in math, and the tutoring every night is not very helpful. Mother was very angry and said, "Idiot! Useless thing! Why do you always fail? "

When children are young, they don't have enough ability to tell the truth of their parents' words, so they often understand the words of adults literally, and sensible children are most afraid of being called stupid by others. He doesn't understand why he always makes mistakes and learns things so hard. When parents get angry, they call their children idiots. In the baby's view, it is a denial of his ability. Mom and dad don't like themselves.

Children are invisibly labeled by their parents. The function of this label will make children have a psychological hint that they are not as good as others, which will seriously damage their self-esteem and self-confidence in the long run.

The correct way: in the face of similar situations, parents should first take a deep breath to stabilize their emotions, and then calmly tell their children that they can actually work harder. Parents should also listen attentively to their children's voices. Maybe he doesn't like tutoring every night, or maybe he just failed in the exam this time. Parents should patiently analyze the causes of failure with their children and actively find ways to solve the problem. Saying that children are stupid can't solve the problem, and criticizing children should only focus on the event itself rather than personality.

2. "Shut up! Why are you always disobedient? "

Scene replay: I saw my favorite toy train in the street, and made a scene in the street, insisting that my mother buy it. All the pedestrians in the street look this way. My mother was embarrassed by the noise of the children. My mother was very angry and shouted, "Shut up! Why are you always disobedient! " Then I dragged the child away.

Children's willfulness and disobedience really give parents a headache, but parents and teachers tell their children to "shut up" and "obey". Parents always let their children do what they are told, and it is easy for them to become timid, depressed, cautious and even fearful. They always look at other people's faces and act, easily losing themselves and being completely controlled by others.

The correct way: parents should pay attention to cultivating their children's independent personality and cultivate children with opinions. Don't restrict children's desires too much, and give them more freedom and more room for development as much as possible. Obedience can only make parents better discipline their children, but it can't make them develop healthily and completely. Parents should encourage their children to have their own ideas in life and give them the right to argue. As long as children can make things clear or justify themselves, parents should give them the greatest encouragement. Listen carefully to children's thoughts, not just to make them "obedient" in order to better restrain them. Parents should not impose their will on others.

3. "I don't care about you anymore, just do what you like."

Scene replay: 6-year-old Lingling is doing her homework on a small desk under the supervision of her mother. At first, she was obedient, but as soon as her mother turned to other things, she took out the picture books in the drawer. After the cat-and-mouse war between mother and Lingling, mother got angry and criticized loudly: "I don't care about you anymore, you can do whatever you like." Then turn around and leave.

The baby's first feeling was that her mother was going to leave her alone, but later she found out that her mother didn't really leave her alone. This seemingly empty threat will destroy children's trust in others. A child who lacks trust in the world is prone to anxiety, irritability and timidity.

This kind of threat will not only increase the prestige of parents in children's minds, but will encourage children to take these words seriously gradually, and he will feel that parents are just talking. Therefore, parents please stop these empty preaching, and it is best not to say anything without strength.

The correct way: parents should always respect their children's wishes, don't think that they will be imposed on their children for their own good, and tolerate their "inaction." Playing is a child's nature. Parents should not blindly stop it. Parents can make a "gentleman's agreement" with their children: "Finish your homework carefully before reading extracurricular books, so that your mother won't be unhappy and you don't have to peek intermittently." When necessary, parents can also emphasize the consequences of wrong behavior: "If you don't finish your homework in half an hour, you won't be able to catch up with your favorite cartoons." These words are more powerful than threats and criticisms!

4. "They are all the same children, why are you not as good as others!"

Scene replay: The girls in the neighborhood are very polite to others, and their rooms are very tidy, but the room of the "big lady" at home is very untidy. Her mother told her to tidy up the room, but it was like a garbage dump in a few days. Nothing can change this bad habit. Mom finally couldn't help complaining: "They are all the same children, so why aren't you as good as others!" " "

It is said that children in China have one of their greatest enemies, that is, "other people's children". Parents compare their children with others, thinking that they can give them a demonstration and example, but the result is often counterproductive. Children will think that their parents often dislike themselves and think that other children are good, but they don't love each other, which will easily cause a gap between children and parents. At the same time, the role of contrast will make children lose self-confidence and think that they are inferior to others in everything. No matter what you do, your parents are not satisfied.

The correct way: parents should realize that every child has his own advantages and disadvantages. Teaching children should not be unified, but should be taught in accordance with their aptitude. In daily life, parents should pay more attention to their children's efforts and progress in the process of growing up, and let them compare with themselves. Parents should also give sincere praise and encouragement to their children every time they improve. Let children fully feel the care and love of their parents. Parents can discuss with their children and make a timetable, so that children can have a small goal every day, encourage children to persist in completing small tasks every day, build their self-confidence and strengthen their sense of success, which is very beneficial to their emotional intelligence development.

5. "He has the problem of wetting the bed."

Scene replay: Mom and Xiaoming meet a friend in the street. During the chat, the mother brought the topic to the child. "Xiao Ming wet the bed again last night, and this month is the fifth time." Then everyone kept laughing. Xiao Ming hung his head and his face was red with fever.

For such an ugly thing as bed wetting, children are disgusted that their parents take it out to chat with people everywhere. Parents really shouldn't talk about their children's dirty secrets. Letting children make a fool of themselves in public and not paying attention to the minimum respect for children's privacy will not only cause stress and psychological shadow to children, but also make children's personality lack self-confidence and anxiety sensitivity. In severe cases, it will be difficult to communicate with others and paranoid in adulthood.

The correct way: If the child wets the bed, parents should not scold or make fun of the child first, because it is beyond the child's control and he doesn't want this to happen, so parents should give the child more tolerance and treat it with love. Parents should never complain about their children, let alone publicize them everywhere. They should protect their privacy and self-esteem and avoid causing psychological pressure to their children. Parents can also help their children by controlling the amount of water they drink before going to bed and waking them up at night.

6. "He hit you, why didn't you hit him!"

Scene replay: Xiao Xin went to a large kindergarten class this year. Her mother found that her baby has been bullied by other children recently. On several occasions, the bully in kindergarten also beat Xiao Xin, and Xiao Xin cried. Mom was very angry when she knew. She scolded Xiao Xin for bullying her children and blamed Xiao Xin for saying, "He hit you, why didn't you hit him!" "

It is understandable that parents love their children and don't want their children to be bullied, but it is absolutely incorrect for Xiao Xin's mother to teach their children violence. Parents scolded each other's children fiercely, and even instigated their children to answer blows with blows next time. Children will think that parents encourage this behavior, which will easily make children become arrogant, irritable, arrogant and even violent, so it is difficult for children to establish friendly and harmonious interpersonal relationships with others.

The correct way: when a child is beaten and bullied, parents should first calm their heads, and they should not lose their minds and be furious because their baby is bullied. Parents can teach their children some coping skills. When your child is bullied, encourage the child to express his position quickly, positively and accurately, tell the other party "don't hit me", or report to the teacher immediately for help. Parents can also actively communicate with other parents or teachers to prevent similar things from happening again.