Children will listen to what they say.

How to speak is the main content that children will listen to. In fact, what is more critical than language ability is our attitude. If we have no real feelings with children, everything we say is hypocritical in the eyes of children, and we all want to manipulate them. Only having a real relationship with children will touch their hearts. Perhaps the most difficult thing is to listen to children's emotional venting and tell them how they feel. This requires us to practice constantly, see the child's heart from his/her narrative, and determine his/her true feelings. It's important to tell your child's inner feelings. Once children know what they are going through, they can start to help themselves.

According to the theory of child psychology, the vocabulary gap in childhood leads to the gap in adulthood. Letting children listen to bedtime stories can cultivate their language expression ability, imagination and thinking ability in the early stage of their growth, which will play a huge role in their future growth.

I read the book recommended by teacher Xiao Yu and found it very helpful to me. I read extracts, print them out and put them in a conspicuous place at home to remind myself. Now put it on the forum, I wonder if it will be useful to everyone? I don't know if it is comprehensive and clear. Help children face their feelings (Chapter 1) Children need their feelings to be accepted and respected, and listen quietly and intently. 2. Respond to their feelings with simple words. "oh? Hmm. I see ... "3. Tell them how they feel. "It makes you very depressed! Or disappointed, sad, angry "4, realize your wishes in a fantasy way. "I wish I could make bananas for you!" "I wish I could give you something right away!" All feelings are acceptable, but some behaviors must be limited. "I see that you are very angry with your brother. Tell him what you will do with your mouth, not your fist. " Analysis: When I am sad or hurt, the last thing I want to hear is advice, truth, psychoanalysis or other people's opinions, which can only make me feel worse. If someone can really listen, identify with my inner pain and give me a chance to talk about my inner troubles, I will feel less depressed and confused, and I can better handle my emotions and problems. If we can also listen to children's voices and have feelings with them, we can also help them solve their own problems. Note: 1, you need to use communication skills when facing children's negative emotions. We need to abandon the usual ways of ignoring, denying and preaching. 2. When we give our children suggestions or immediate solutions, we actually deprive them of the process of facing and solving problems by themselves. 3. It is very important to tell the child's inner feelings. Once children know what they are going through, they can start to help themselves. Encourage children to cooperate with us (Chapter 2) 1, describe what you see, or describe the problem. "There is a wet towel on the bed." 2. Tips. "The towel wetted my blanket." 3. Express in simple words. "Towel" 4. Tell your feelings. "I don't like sleeping in a wet bed!" 5. Write a note. Please put me back to dry. Thank you. Analysis: It is difficult to teach children to abide by social norms. This stems from the contradiction between our needs and the needs of children. Is there a way to make children cooperate with us without hurting their self-esteem and making them rebellious? It is the above five skills that help us build a platform of mutual respect with our children, and mutual respect is the beginning of cooperation. Benefits and precautions: description is to use descriptive language, and the advantage is to avoid mutual accusations and complaints. Let's focus on what to do. It is best used when children feel they really need to do it. Tips are like gifts for children, so that they can enjoy them all the time. Avoid showing children what they already know. Using simple words can save time, save throat and avoid complicated explanations. Don't take a child's name as a simple word. Telling your feelings will lighten your burden, and parents don't have to be patient with their children. Some children are very sensitive to parents' objections, so it's best to express your expectations for such children. Write a note, whether children can read or not, they like to receive it. Parents also like to write notes. Time-saving, convenient and easy to remember. Instead of punishment (Chapter III), 1 clearly expresses the position of strong disagreement. "My new saw was thrown outside and rusted by the rain. I am so angry. " 2. Show your expectation "I hope my tools can be returned intact after being borrowed." 3. Tell children how to make up for their mistakes. "Now we need to wipe off the rust with steel balls." 4. Provide a choice. "You can either borrow my tools and return them in time, or you can never borrow them again. You decide. " 5. Take Action Child: Dad, your toolbox is locked! Dad: That's right. I hope I can find my tools wherever I put them. 6. Solve the problem "We'll find a way to keep you using it, and then look for it when I use it." Discipline may make people helpless, but it must be emphasized that the original meaning of "discipline" is "education". It is a set of guidelines aimed at cultivating children's self-control, self-motivation and subjective initiative. Discipline can only be effective if it is based on mutual respect and trust. Punishment is to control or force a person with external force, and the punished person has little respect. Children's punishment will alleviate their guilt about wrong behavior. They believe that "punishment" can offset their "crimes" and they can repeat the same mistakes with peace of mind. Matters needing attention in each step of "solving problems": 1, discussing children's feelings and needs. (I think you probably think ...) 2. Tell your feelings and needs. (My feeling is ...) 3. Discuss together and find a solution acceptable to everyone. 4. Pick out which suggestions you accept, which you don't accept and which you want to put into action. 5. Follow-up implementation. 6. Don't allow children to criticize any of your opinions. Encourage children to be independent (Chapter 4) 1, and let children make their own choices: "Wear gray pants or red trousers today?" 2. Respect the child's own efforts. "The bottle is not easy to open. Sometimes, it may be useful to pry one side open with a spoon. " Don't ask too many questions. 4. Don't tell them the answer in a hurry. This is an interesting question. What do you think? " 5. Encourage children to make good use of external resources. "I think we can ask the owner of the aquarium shop." 6. Don't ruin the children's hopes. "If you want to try the protagonist, it will be a good experience." An important goal for parents to cultivate their children is to help them become independent individuals. Let children do their own things, experience the struggles brought by various problems, and let children grow up in their own mistakes. Let the child's sense of dependence be minimized and let the child become a responsible person. When a person is dependent on others, besides a little gratitude, there are more feelings of incompetence, worthlessness, resentment, frustration and anger. The process of encouraging children to stand on their own feet is complicated. We understand the importance of cultivating children's independence, and at the same time our hearts are full of contradictions. The first is to save trouble; Secondly, emotionally, we can't cut off the close contact with our children; We should also avoid giving advice; What's more, when our children no longer need us, we can't afford this loss. More ways to encourage self-reliance: 1, so that children can have their own bodies. 2. Don't interfere too much in children's lives in details. No matter how young children are, don't talk about them in front of them. 4. Let others ask children questions. 5. Respect children's occasional "not ready". 6. Beware of saying too many "no". Instead of saying "no": hint; Accept feelings; Describe the problem; If possible, use "yes" instead of "no"; Give yourself time to think. Learn to appreciate children (Chapter 5) Describe what you see with descriptions instead of comments 1: "The floor is clean, the bed is flat, and the books on the bookshelf are neatly stacked. 2. Describe your feelings "It's very comfortable to walk into this room. "3. Summarize the child's commendable behavior into one sentence." You put pens, markers and pens in different boxes. This is called' organized'. Analysis: A person's evaluation of himself will directly affect his core values and whether he has a positive attitude. Self-evaluation will also affect his way of thinking, emotions, hopes and life goals, as well as his behavior. How to help children build a positive and true self-image? The answer may be "admire them". However, appreciation needs to be cautious. Useful compliments are the three skills mentioned above. Tips for appreciation: 1, make sure that your appreciation is suitable for your child's age and ability. 2. Avoid touching his past weaknesses or mistakes. 3. Excessive praise will disturb the children's enthusiasm for doing things themselves.

How to Speak Before Children Listen is a book published by Central Compilation Press in 2007 by Adele Farber and Elaine Mazlisch. Mainly to learn a magical language that makes children obedient. This language of love is easy for children to accept your demands and suggestions.

Well, this book is good. I've already read it. Very good.

How to say that children can listen, how to listen to children can talk.

When children grow up, they become more active and naughty. How to say that children will listen, how to listen to children will say "finish reading." When eating, rice is all over the table and all over the floor, and it is deliberately flattened with your fingers; Don't get wet by water, just change five sets of wet clothes a day; When you meet an acquaintance, you just don't call your uncle and aunt; Playing with toys well means throwing toys around and making a mess at home ... There are so many such things that you just don't listen to a word.

"Why are you so disobedient?" Therefore, in the face of children's bad behavior, I often can't help but blurt out and swear at each other. In fact, in the communication with parents, I often hear similar complaints, such as children being disobedient, being beaten and cursing. The smell of gunpowder at home is getting stronger and stronger, and the parent-child relationship is not intimate, but the problem cannot be solved. Children's disobedience really makes countless parents worry and have a headache!

Would you be surprised if there is a book that can help you learn a language and children will listen to it when you speak? Yes, that's it-how to tell a child before listening? Faber and Mazlisch, the two authors of this book, are mothers of three children, internationally renowned experts in parent-child communication and the best-selling authors of parenting education books in the United States. At present, they have been listed in the Who's Who of America. The book has sold more than 3 million copies in the United States and has been translated into more than 30 languages, making it popular all over the world. Parents and experts all over the world enthusiastically praised it. The language they have explored in their long-term practice is so effective that it can really ease the tension between children of all ages and their parents, end the conflict between parents and children, and bring cooperation between parents and children. It will help us learn a magical language that makes our children obedient. This kind of love language makes it easy for children to accept our parents' demands and suggestions. Tens of millions of parents in the world have proved that the method provided in the book is very effective with their own personal practice.

There are such good books? I can't wait to buy this book and read it from beginning to end. Focusing on "how to say" and "how to listen", the author discusses and practices from six aspects: 1 to help children face their own feelings; 2. Encourage children to cooperate with us; 3. Alternative punishment methods; 4. Encourage children to stand on their own feet; 5. Appreciate children properly; 6. Free the child from the role. What is particularly commendable is that the author clearly and concisely created a set of operation methods and gave 30 skills to realize these six aspects.

It is supplemented by a large number of common scenes and problems, and equipped with corresponding exercises, so that parents can learn these skills by heart and use them flexibly to cope with various situations at any time.

This book not only uses words, but also some pictures, combining with some examples in life, giving parents and readers a good guide. Reading is neither laborious nor boring. Some short stories also happened around me. The comics and cartoons in the book vividly show every skill, making it easier for me to imitate and operate. I can quickly review the methods and skills taught in the book at a glance (instead of reading the text from beginning to end). The following is an excerpt from the book:

Child: Mom, I'm tired.

Mom: You just slept for a while. You can't be tired.

Child: (loudly) I'm just tired!

Mom: You're not tired, just a little sleepy. Get dressed quickly!

Child: (crying) No, I'm tired!

Child: Mom, it's so hot here.

Mom: It's very cold here. Put on a sweater.

Child: No, I'm hot.

Mom: I said, "put on your sweater!" " "

Child: No, I'm hot.

Child: This TV program is really boring.

Mom: No way. How interesting.

Child: This program is really stupid.

Mom: No, it's educational.

Child: This program sucks!

Mom: Don't you talk like that!

Do you see the problem? All our conversations eventually turned into quarrels. I read the book "How to say that children will listen and how to listen to children before they speak". What helped me the most later was to understand the children from their standpoint. I asked myself, "Suppose I am the child who feels tired, hot or bored, I hope that the adult who is very important to my life can understand my feelings." ……"

In the next few weeks, when I tried to understand my children's feelings, my way of speaking changed. I didn't deliberately use a speaking skill, but felt the child's feelings from the heart: "Although you just took a nap, you still feel tired." Or "I feel cold, but you feel hot here." Or "You don't seem interested in this program." Anyway, we

..... If you can listen to your child's voice and have feelings with your child, it will help your child solve his own problems. However, we are not born to speak the language that produces feelings, because it is not part of our "mother tongue". Most of us have been denied when we grow up. In order to speak this "new language" that can accept others fluently, we have to.

The following methods can help children face their feelings.

1. Listen quietly and intently

2. Respond to their feelings in simple words.

"Oh ... um ... so that's it ..."

3. Tell your feelings.

"This incident makes you very frustrated!"

4. Realize your wishes in a fantasy way.

"I wish I could make bananas for you right away!"

All feelings are acceptable, but some behaviors must be limited. "I can see that you are very angry with your brother. Tell him what you will do with your mouth, not with your fist. "

In fact, what is more critical than language ability is our attitude. If we don't really have feelings with children, everything we say is hypocritical in the eyes of children, and we all want to manipulate them. Only when you really have feelings with your children will you touch their hearts.

I really gained a lot by following these methods. Here are some stories I recorded for my daughter when she was growing up:

One morning, my daughter begged for prince biscuits, and there was none at home. She just refused to eat other kinds of cookies. What should I do? I used a trick I learned in the book: sympathize with my children: "Yaya really wants to eat prince cookies, but unfortunately she doesn't have them now, but mom will definitely buy them after work."

A similar incident happened later. For example, she suddenly thought of eating a snack before going to bed, and I realized their wish in a fantasy way: "I wish I could change your prescription right away!" "

These methods are really successful.

Yaya likes to wear Altman's sneakers, but these shoes are worn in autumn and winter, which is not suitable for such a hot day, but she wants to wear them. So when changing shoes, her mother pretended to be a little foot and talked to her: "Ya Ya, I live in this room so stuffy that I can't breathe." Please change a pair of breathable shoes for me quickly! " Exhaled vigorously, causing her to laugh happily. She lets me kick her little feet every time she changes shoes. Later, when she changed it for her, she was willing to wear summer shoes. She also asked me, "What will Little Foot say this time?" Although Ya Ya sometimes can't accept the adult's preaching and demands at once, our adult's demands have actually been planted in her heart and can be accepted at the right time, so I can't worry. In fact, many contradictions between me and Yaya stem from my impatience.

Besides, I am always too serious. When I am with Yaya, I always want to erect my authority and stick to my principles. The result is just the opposite, and Yaya is more resistant to me. Mom should learn from dad's practice and play jokes with ya ya more. She likes this way very much. My mother also wants to find her childlike innocence and treat herself as a child. Is it too late now?

Although there are some differences between eastern and western cultures, we must believe that there are many things in the world that unite us. No matter where we live on the earth, parents love their children the same. They are willing to give the best to their children, hoping to convey a way for them to learn to face the reality and create the future. This is also the core of this book, which provides us with a way based on equality and mutual love.

As the editor who recommended this book said, the experience of reading this book will be a process of learning the skills of love and receiving the training of love.

It gives you the key to your child's inner world and guides you to feel his inner feelings. Through a series of practical and effective methods, it helps you build a platform for happy communication with your children, making them extremely willing to cooperate with their parents. How can I put it? "How to listen?" You can open your child's inner world, reach a wonderful communication with your child, and let your child develop physically and mentally under your guidance.

[How to say that children will listen, how to listen to children will say "after reading"] Essay: Everything in this world is made by hope. If farmers never want a corn to grow into a seed, they will not peel it; A bachelor will never get married if he never wants to have children; A businessman won't go to work if he doesn't want to make a profit from it.

Generally speaking, you should obey your child's wishes.

If the child says it, don't let him feel that he will be punished after saying it.

Let him speak.

How old is the child? If you are still young, make some rules with him and set an example. Needless to say, he knows how to do something. As for listening to him, the most important thing is to guide him patiently and slowly.

It is important to teach children patience, and if possible, tell them what to do with actions.

It is the source of strength when you raise your child, and it will help you shape and change your child's life! Those bad habits must be understood by mothers, and smart mothers must be reversed in time. A clever mother must skillfully guide her children's twelve personalities and make them fall in love with learning to be mothers. Please communicate with their children in this way, which determines their quality of life, future and destiny in a sense!

I recommend this to you! "Before 13 years old, the mother changed the child's life" and "Before 13 years old, the mother changed the child's life" are the source of your strength when raising children, which will help you shape and change the child's life! Those bad habits must be understood by mothers, and smart mothers must be reversed in time. A clever mother must skillfully guide her children's twelve personalities and make them fall in love with learning to be mothers. Please communicate with their children in this way, which determines their quality of life, future and destiny in a sense! Many mothers often ask: how can we make our children more self-disciplined, better and better? How can children have a bright future? How can children have a perfect and successful life on their own? :uus8。 /book/display_24 19