Why did Leslie Cheung finally choose to jump off a building? Are you tired of life?

My brother (Leslie Cheung) played a big joke on us on the beautiful April Fool's Day and turned into a butterfly, which left us many wonderful memories. However, my brother has been gone for so many years, and we often think of him. Do you remember what my brother said in The True Story of Teddy Boy: "I am like a bird that never touches the ground. I can only fly and fly, and I will die when I stop. " Melancholy+struggle+rebellion+root-seeking made us remember him at once. The Red Lover and Spring Break remind us of his masculine charm. However, somehow, he chose heaven to spend the rest of his life.

My brother left a suicide note with only a few fifty words: "Depression". Thank you friends. Thank you, Professor Philip Male. It's been a hard year, and I can't stand it any longer. Thank you, Mr. Tang, my family and my fat sister. I have never done anything bad in my life. Why? "Next signature: Leslie. '

After reading it several times, my eyes are full of tears. I don't know why. I have always liked his last sentence: I have never done anything bad in my life. Why? All the complaints and sorrows go with the wind, and we always like the wind blowing constantly. Keep blowing, but I can't blow away my brother's figure.

How to understand the last sentence of Leslie Cheung's suicide note?

Regarding this sentence in my brother's (Leslie Cheung's) suicide note, they said that it has nothing to do with good people and bad people, good and evil cause and effect. It's just that depression is too painful to sigh.

Why do you get depression? People often say that people with depression are kind, but not necessarily. The cause of depression is very complicated, and people have had many conjectures about the death of their brother. Personally, I think his illness is caused by many factors, not simply "hard feelings" or physiological changes.

How painful can depression be?

What symptoms does my brother have? In his report, his friends, agents and media contacts mentioned:

At that meeting, Leslie Cheung in front of Cha Xiao Xin was pale, gaunt and his fingers trembled badly. "I asked him when he would come out to work, and he said he would come out soon. See you then." The affectionate embrace of the two turned into a farewell. A Hong Kong media source who interviewed Leslie Cheung many times also revealed that the two met five months before Leslie Cheung's death. "When I interviewed that day, I saw his hand shaking all the time, shaking badly. At that time, he was too ill to sleep. "

Later, he acid reflux, burned his throat. Leslie Cheung went to Australia to see a doctor, who advised him to quit smoking and drinking. But because he had a contract at that time, the sound of the records recorded in the studio was not perfect, which made him even more depressed. At that time, there were still four films waiting for him to shoot. Unfortunately, due to lack of energy and poor sleep, he smoked more and more, one after another, shivering with a glass in his hand, fidgeting and distracted.

There is a sentence in my brother's suicide note, "I have worked hard for a year, and I can't stand it anymore." The report quoted above mentioned that he was so ill five months before his death that he couldn't even sleep.

In addition to other symptoms of depression, only long-term insomnia (chronic sleep deprivation) can lead to fatigue, muscle pain, weight change (decrease or increase), headache, shaking hands, chills, bloodshot eyes and bags under the eyes, nystagmus, hypertension and increased hormone levels. It can also affect the brain, mental state and cognitive system, and lead to inattention, unresponsiveness, depression, irritability, confusion, distraction, (intermittent) amnesia, hallucinations and similar symptoms of mental illness. Therefore, sleep deprivation will be used as one of the means of torture. Insomnia lasting for more than 5 days due to stress, illness and other reasons. Need to be hospitalized for intervention and relief.

He was very demanding of himself and didn't give up his job during his illness. In addition to the recording mentioned in the above report, he was busy preparing his directorial debut before his death and went to Qingdao to see the scenery three months before his death. Chen Shufen, his agent, choked up in an interview that he struggled for a long time after his illness. It's true.

Suffering from depression can make people feel so painful, so suffering from moderate and severe depression will last for a certain period of time. For people with many symptoms of depression, suicide is a shortcut or even the only choice to get rid of pain. So people who are suicidal will say, "How happy I am to die! 」

Alfred Mok, my brother's last friend, told the media that Leslie Cheung called him at ten o'clock in the morning and said that he would drive himself out of the street and drive around aimlessly. I felt very hard that morning. I just want to drive fast, so I'd better crash. When they met, he mentioned the way of suicide and said bluntly: "The most direct way to die is to jump off a building. 」

What my brother did is already a warning of death, and it can also be said that it is a subconscious distress signal. His sister Look Ping Cheung told the media that he had said goodbye to her many times before committing suicide. This is not the first time he tried to kill himself. In a meeting with reporters shortly after his death, Tang Sheng revealed that he tried to commit suicide with 1 1 last year (2002). Later, his friend Alfred Mok mentioned to the media:

As far as I know, Tang Sheng and Chen Shufen, as well as a group of friends, never left his brother alone, for fear that something would happen to him. Two or three weeks before the accident, Leslie Cheung showed emotional stability, talking and laughing, and seemed to have recovered, so later he wanted to go out alone, and everyone was less alert.

My brother's relatives and friends were paralyzed by his seemingly progressive performance, so he succeeded in committing suicide. Many people don't know that patients with depression still have the risk of suicide for a period of time after attempted suicide, and their painful symptoms and obsession with getting relief through death can't be alleviated. People who have tried suicide will still choose this path. Psychological diseases such as depression are no worse than physical diseases, with obvious symptoms such as ulcers and limb injuries. Even if the patient is terminally ill, leads a hard life every day and has a strong suicidal impulse, many people can still talk and laugh with the people around them through deliberate concealment, seemingly innocent. Their subsequent suicide behavior makes it difficult to believe and accept that they suffer from depression.

For why he didn't take his brother to see a doctor, his agent Chen Shufen replied to the media:

He didn't tell me that he had depression, and I didn't know it until very late. He didn't want the outside world to know that he was seeing a psychiatrist for fear of being scribbled. Many friends around him introduced him to deal with depression in different ways, including praying to God and worshiping Buddha. By the time I knew it, he was already taking the medicine prescribed by the doctor.

A lot of things that my brother cares about can only be kept in his heart, but he can't say it. Although there is a psychologist, he dare not go on under the pressure of that environment because he is afraid of being scribbled by others.

His sister Look Ping Cheung's answer to the media is:

"Leslie doesn't feel sick and won't even take the medicine prescribed by the doctor."

Afraid of being photographed by a reporter to see a psychiatrist, he invited a psychiatrist to visit his sister's house. As a superstar, even the right to see a doctor has been deprived.

From these interviews, we can see that the general discrimination against mental illness and patients with mental illness in society has formed the resistance of patients to see a doctor. As a celebrity, he is more afraid of being criticized by the media after being known by the outside world.

Under the influence of various unfavorable factors, such as the disease has not been alleviated, the work has not been reduced or stopped, and the medical care has not been done well, the death of my brother can be said to be an inevitable result.

Whether it's a celebrity like my brother or an online patient, when they can't persist, they will disappear from this world. Sometimes I can't help but wonder whether they can still live in this world, return to a carefree state and smile brightly if there are fewer unfavorable conditions that affect their good treatment and survival.

My brother is very kind to people around him and likes to spread happiness to others. I don't want his fans to be unhappy for him. Some people give up following his life out of love for him. As a fan of his, I still remember his brilliant and happy side. The subject's mood is influenced by idol suicide, or he is psychologically troubled and disappointed with the world. It is suggested to talk to people around you or call the psychological crisis intervention hotline to find someone to talk to.