Funny sentences in classical Chinese

1. Classical Chinese funny sentences 1. Haha, Mulan flies a plane. What plane does she fly? Boeing 747.

I resigned from Beijing last year and lived in Tokyo, where I was ill. There was no music in Tokyo, and Sima Guang was not heard at the end of the year.

3. Money is what I want; Beauty is what I want. You can't have your cake and eat it, and those who give up money for beauty are also.

I don't leave my grandfather here, I have my own place to leave my grandfather, and I don't leave my grandfather anywhere. I will go to the railway.

I was sick when I was a child, not when I was nine. Alone, as for the establishment of a new China. There are no handsome guys, and finally there are beautiful women. The door is weak and thin, and there is a rest at night.

Liu Suying's illness is often in the sky. Chen Shi urine soup, never expired.

7. Be soft when you catch the sacred dynasty; Li Kui JY, the former satrap, loved Fang La more. From the Secretariat in Leslie Cheung, a courtier and a slave.

8. The imperial edict is strict, and I am in charge of Altman. The whole universe forced me to hang myself. I must obey.

9. I can live for a hundred years without my grandmother; Grandma can live for a thousand years without a minister. Mother and son can't compare with turtles.

10. Chen Mi has two out of twenty this year, and Grandma has nine out of ninety this year. Please forgive my affair.

2. What are the classic funny sentences in classical Chinese? 1. In the extremely cold place in the north, a woman sat on the wall and urinated. As a result, the urine froze and even * * * was tied to a stone. Call her husband and tell him yourself. If the husband is short-sighted and careless, he will not melt, even the gas will turn into ice, and his hair will freeze, which is puzzling. But he ordered his servant to cut it open, and said, "Look at the chisel carefully, it is a connection between hair and straight seam;" Attached to the horizontal seam is a beard. "

Two brothers went to the river to take a bath. My brother's penis was bitten by a water snake and could not be pulled out. My brother tried to cut with a knife. My brother said, "Look at the knife carefully! Two eyes are snakeheads; The one-eyed one is a scorpion. "

3. A maid accidentally farted in front of her master, who was very angry and wanted to scold it. Seeing that her ass is very white and she doesn't feel hot, she is not only forgiving, but also angry. Tomorrow, the Lord was in his study when he heard a knock at the door. He opened the door and looked at it. It was yesterday's maid. Asked why he came, he replied, "I farted again just now."

4. Those who have never been near a woman in their lives don't know what Yin is. Ask people, and they say, "It's like an eye standing upright." This man keeps it in mind. One day, I suddenly had sex with a prostitute. I don't know where the prostitute's house is. I ran to the street and saw an ophthalmic signboard with several eyes painted on it, which was accidentally placed horizontally, so I went to the prostitute's house for this reason. The doctor went into the inner channel to achieve his goal and was furious, giving his son a scolding. The man said, "Since it's not a brothel, how can you put so many bi samples outside?" .

5. A person is good at divination and likes humor. When a pregnant man or woman came to ask, she congratulated her and said, "This is an egg catcher." . The man is so happy that he is undoubtedly pregnant. And production, it is a woman. Because in the past, fortune tellers said, "Only men have eggs, only women have eggs, and those who have eggs are not women."

6. Husband and wife will do something, because they are not asleep because of their two sons. So let's give it a try. Between two sons, they shouldn't know that they want to do this. And sex, its mother is very happy, almost dead. A son suddenly laughed, and his mother was ashamed and sour. Another Confucius said, "Well played, well played. When her mother died, she didn't cry, but smiled. " .

7. An unmarried woman secretly asked her sister-in-law, "Are you quite happy about this?" ? Sister-in-law said, "What is the honor? Just for the gift of the duke of Zhou. "After marrying my daughter, I will go back to Ning. She saw her sister-in-law and said, "What a liar. ".

8. On the bride's first night, the groom was not very good at it, so he put his penis in without moving. The female * * * said, "Oh, no, it hurts!" ! The husband said, "Take it out"? The woman said, "Oh, no, it hurts!" ! The husband said, "What do you want?" ? The woman said, "Take it in and take it out." .

9. A woman stays up late and plays with eggplant in a bowl alone. The woman thought she knew she was bullied when she saw eggplant, but she was cursed. The neighbor said, "This is ugly. Please keep your mouth shut, madam. " . The woman said, "That's not what I said. I won't scold eggplant this time, and melon and gourd will come together in the future. "

10. Married women are rich and men are poor, and men are worried about their dependence on marriage, which leads everyone to rob relatives and mistakenly carry their aunts out. The woman shouted, "I was robbed!" " Aunt said on her back, "Yes, yes! Come on, don't believe him. "

1 1. Wedding night, farewell dinner. The next day, the chef looked at the desktop and didn't see the sugar man. Asking questions everywhere, the couple suddenly laughed. Xi Niang was there and asked, "What are you laughing at?" The woman replied, "No wonder a person's tongue was sweet last night."

12. A man happened to meet two boats, so he reached out of the window sill and hurt a finger, complaining to his wife. His wife told him in horror: "Remember not to pee when you meet two boats in the future."

13. Yong Dong is very filial, and God arranged a fairy to marry him. When the fairies sent them away, they all said, "Go down. If you have more filial piety, please send a letter. "

14. A woman complained to Guan Yun: "Pumping water from a well defiles it from behind." The official said, "Then why don't you come forward?" Answer: "If you stand up, you may lose your ears."

15. remarried, having sex for the first time, and then not feeling it. Ask her husband, "Are you going in?" He said, "Go in." The woman went on to say, "Well, I have a little pain."

Ceng Zi said: I save myself three times a day.

Ceng Zimo, the host, said: My body went to three provinces in one day. Confucius said: My parents are here, so I won't travel far.

You must travel well. Confucius said: I dare not swim too far when my parents are here.

You must have a steering wheel if you swim. Confucius said: It's rare to miss an appointment.

Confucius said: Losing one's virginity because of dating sounds very fresh. Confucius said: if virtue is not alone, there must be neighbors.

Confucius said: Germany after World War II was not isolated, and there must be neighboring countries. Confucius said: You can't carve rotten wood.

Confucius said: No matter how precious a sculpture is, it can't be placed on rotten wood. Confucius said: I have never seen a righteous man.

Confucius said: I have never seen anyone like Degang Guo. Confucius said: In a threesome, there must be a teacher.

Choose the good and follow it, change the bad. Confucius said: If we have a threesome, one of us will get wet. Choose someone who is good at threesomes and let her correct those who are not good at threesomes.

Confucius said: Prosperity lies in poetry, and propriety lies in propriety. Success is fun.

Confucius said: Happiness makes you wet. When you stand up, you look like a salute. When you finished, you were happy. Zi Gong said: Sri Lanka has beautiful jade.

Zi Gong said: Russia has a beautiful jade. Confucius said: I guard against Lu, and then I am happy.

Confucius said: I was rude when I was * * *, but I was happy afterwards. Confucius said, "The deceased is like a husband! Don't give up day and night

When Confucius went to Sichuan to eat hot pot, he said: Dead people like Stalin and Khrushchev, overnight. Confucius said: I have never seen goodness as a lecherous person.

Confucius said: I have never met anyone who likes Germany as much as Israel. Confucius said: The afterlife is awesome. How do you know that the new guy is not now? Forty or fifty people don't know anything, I'm not afraid.

Confucius said: People born after 1980s are terrible, but you can't say that they are not as terrible as people now. If they are in their forties and fifties, there seems to be nothing to be afraid of. Confucius said: when I was young, I was cold, and later I knew that pine and cypress were carved.

Confucius said: When winter comes, you will know where the mountain carvings are hidden in the snow forest. Confucius said: The near one says that the far one will come.

Confucius said: if you whisper to the people next to you, people far away will definitely come and listen. Confucius said: there are words in state affairs, words must be kept, and actions must be fruitful.

Confucius said: If there is a road on Nippon paint, it will be dangerous for you to talk and walk (probably a dangerous building). Ceng Zi said: A gentleman can't think about his position.

Ceng Zimo said: Good people always want to know why they don't do their best. Confucius said: Don't suffer from human ignorance, don't suffer from human ignorance.

Confucius said: A person who is not ill knows impotence only when he is ill. Confucius said: By! Those who know virtue are rare.

Confucius said: yo, you still know how to govern the country by virtue. Really new! Confucius said: If a worker wants to do a good job, he must sharpen his tools first. Confucius said: If you want to improve the quality of sexual intercourse, you must sharpen your penis first.

Confucius said: If a man has no long-term worries, he will have near worries. Confucius said: People who don't think about farsightedness worry about myopia.

Confucius said: Sex is similar, but learning is far away. Confucius said: * *' s posture is mostly similar, and * *' s habits are mostly far apart.

Confucius said: Only the superior knows, and the inferior is stupid. Confucius said: it has not changed since ancient times only by letting the people above know and letting the people below fall for it.

Confucius said: A gentleman is righteous. A gentleman is brave without righteousness, while a villain is brave without righteousness.

Confucius said: People take Marxism–Leninism as the guiding ideology. Good people who have courage but don't adhere to Marxism-Leninism will definitely like rebellion. If the bad guys have the courage and don't adhere to Marxism-Leninism, they will definitely be corrupt. If I hadn't stayed to work with you, I would have closed my eyes and taken a nap today, and it wouldn't be less than two or three sentences. Anger also, people who take a nap, not only me, but also the focus. What's more, I haven't lost my mind, and I am very wronged.

What can you do? If you really have the ability, why are more than half of the students lying on the chopping board? Six out of ten people hate you. Are you okay? Its number can be seen. Let bygones be bygones. Today's events are hateful, so don't get angry.

! Mom, if it weren't for my grades, I would have said at least two or three words to you when I dozed off in class today. I'm not the only one who dozes off. Why do you only miss me? Besides, I am not completely asleep. What a mistake! What gift do you have? If you are really capable, why are more than half of the students sleeping at their desks? Six out of ten students hate you. Do you teach well? Judging from the number of people sleeping, I know I won't care about what happened before, but today is really hateful and makes me really angry. Shit, it's fucking uncomfortable.

4. Funny China Classical Butcher can damage the chief father's hill without starting a business halfway.

Today, we have a huge soup. Fiona Fang is seven miles away. This sincerity can be a tree with an inch diameter, a piece of jade, a beautiful island and a rock. However, the guards' ministers were filthy, loyal ministers were frozen thousands of miles away, and snow drifted in Wan Li. The cover chased the butchers all day to see the beautiful scenery of the field, and the more they looked, the more they entered.

Sincerely, it is advisable to cut bamboo and take the road and go to the countryside to feel homesick. Don't hold a holy meeting and stab me in the face to block the way of loyalty. The palace is full of smelly oil and rotten sauce, and there are rows of fines.

If there are criminals, honest and kind, they should show their tails and bare their breasts to show their unkindness. Assistant ministers Yu Shinan, Zhang Suiyang, Zhang, etc. Are they all animals? Do they jump big? , is a butcher like a tourist, Jane.

Fools think that if they learn to read, they can "click" and read the drums all around and scatter tirelessly. Donkeys and generals in Guizhou love to make noises during sex. He tried in the past. The butcher called it "two wars, and he wanted to go first" because he regarded Zhong Yong as a satrap.

Fools think that if they learn from disputes, they can make their flags weak, and if they are chaotic, they can be in an invincible position. Feet confused, eyes blurred. This is why the Han Dynasty was so prosperous; I was confused by my own eyes, I was confused by my own feet. Since then, the Han Dynasty has been so depressed.

When the butcher is around, every time I look at his minister with a knife, I sigh that I am not a good marksman. Taihang, the palace, the son of the neighbor, the snake god, I know that I am a minister who died of chastity. I hope your majesty believes that then the Han Dynasty will be overthrown and nothing can be done.

I don't know who Chun Han is, but he is as tall as two millet. He devoted his whole life to the hidden place in the north, risking his life for the people of Wen Da in Chu. The butcher does not regard his ministers as fierce and chivalrous, but cares about him from left to right. Thanks to the three ministers in the Broken Mountain Temple, the butcher was allowed to live a quiet life with his territory and could not stay long.

When the post-value is overturned, when it is appointed at the end of the road, it ranks between two stocks, and it is useless for you to come. The butcher knew that my minister had thrown my food bar and cup aside, and I couldn't eat or drink, so he knocked my minister to the ground.

Since he was appointed, he has always supported yellow on the left and blue on the right. He only knew how to shoot an eagle with a bow, and he was afraid that the entrustment would not work, so he hurt the young madman of the first emperor. So he brushed Zhang Suiyang with his sleeve and didn't dare to play. Today, the South China Sea has decided that the military revolution is not unyielding, and there is not much rice and millet. When the three armed forces were awarded prizes, they ordered the barbecue for 800 miles, but they were mixed with the former dynasty.

Therefore, the minister reported that the butcher's duty was to go home by the wind. As for the losers who sing on the road and the walkers who rest in the trees, Yu Shinan, Suiyang and Fang Ping will be appointed.

May your majesty languish for Iraq. If not, shoot it and sue the butcher knife.

If there are no novelists, blame the south, which has no good opinion of Yang and is slow to respond. Your majesty will also entertain guests and cut his throat.

I am very grateful to you. I am far away now. I'm fighting two wars, and I want to go first.

5. Ask for funny phrases in classical Chinese. The more concise the writing, the better.

Wu (1), the fable of Ling is: I am pregnant with Ke Wu, who drinks in the city every day, drunk and crazy, and goes to the city. 4. Walker avoids it. City pawn Wen Wumu. Animal husbandry and machinery, for the operator to transfer 500, so as to protect and return the right. Five hundred people criticized Fatu and said, "Madman, I have a battle of thousands of miles, and I am bitter." Every morning, it is the way to get there, and after that, you can't rest; At night, you will lick your feet until you run to the cow. Tuotu went out to the gold market to fight for wine. In the evening, he drank 500 yuan and lost his head. He was stripped of ink and clothes, and with the help of machinery, he collapsed and fled. Tomorrow, the sun is shining, 500 people wake up, the pagoda is gone and the wall is broken. He said, "Hey, he can't escape." He used clothes as ink, followed his head and stopped giving them away. He is too stiff to leave home. He shouted, "I'm crazy, so I lost my ear alone."

Every time a guest sees Wu, Wu laughs at himself.

The old man said: This is hardly a fantasy. The people who lost me in the world are not only one person in Wu's 500-year-old life, but also those who are not proud or tired. What you sent to see glory and resilience were all foreign things, not so-called evil? It is glorious to die now. Those who come to collect the body will prosper day by day, while those who care will change with the delivery. People who live in harmony are not doing well now, and their self-esteem is almost different from that in the past. Is there a gap between it and Wu Baiguo? My old friend or film (3) wants to be in China, so this book should stay. ("Southern Song Dynasty Wu 500" Volume 20)

[attention]

Yi: Chang is stupid.

(2) by accident.

③ Biao: qn horse runs fast, which means suddenly.

6. Who can give me some funny ancient prose * Bernard Shaw liked riding a bike when he was young. Once he broke his leg bone, and his female classmates took good care of him. Bernard Shaw is worried that he will not be firm and will propose to this female classmate. He decided to slip away. But he accidentally fell down the stairs and both his legs were broken. As a result, he really asked her if she would marry him. Bernard Shaw fainted when the female classmate nodded. A lady said to Mao Mu: I've been with a man for a long time, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him. This famous writer has a very unique view on the test of love. He said: there is only one way to test whether you really love him. Would you like to brush your teeth with his toothbrush? Someone asked Dumas: Why can you stride into old age with great composure? He retorted disapprovingly: It took me all my life to live today. When a famous figure in the Tang Dynasty was not an official, he once became seriously ill and said to his wife Lu: If I die of illness, don't be widowed and remarry. Lu went into the room, gouged out an eye and said that he would never change his mind. Later, Fang recovered from his illness and rose to the high position of prime minister, always respecting his wife. Detective novelists say: archaeologists are ideal husbands. You see, the older things get, the more he likes them. Voltaire visited Britain on 1727, and he found that the British hated the French very much. A group of Englishmen shouted at him: Kill him and hang the Frenchman! Voltaire said: English! You want to kill me because I'm French. Isn't it hard enough to be punished because I'm not English? The Englishman smiled and sent him all the way back to the apartment.

7. Who can give me some funny ancient prose * Bernard Shaw liked riding a bike when he was young. Once he broke his leg bone, and his female classmates took good care of him. Bernard Shaw is worried that he will not be firm and will propose to this female classmate. He decided to slip away. But he accidentally fell down the stairs and both his legs were broken. As a result, he really asked her if she would marry him. Bernard Shaw fainted when the female classmate nodded. A lady said to Mao Mu: I've been with a man for a long time, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him. This famous writer has a very unique view on the test of love. He said: there is only one way to test whether you really love him. Would you like to brush your teeth with his toothbrush? Someone asked Dumas: Why can you stride into old age with great composure? He retorted disapprovingly: It took me all my life to live today. When a famous figure in the Tang Dynasty was not an official, he once became seriously ill and said to his wife Lu: If I die of illness, don't be widowed and remarry. Lu went into the room, gouged out an eye and said that he would never change his mind. Later, Fang recovered from his illness and rose to the high position of prime minister, always respecting his wife. Detective novelists say: archaeologists are ideal husbands. You see, the older things get, the more he likes them. Voltaire visited Britain on 1727, and he found that the British hated the French very much. A group of Englishmen shouted at him: Kill him and hang the Frenchman! Voltaire said: English! You want to kill me because I'm French. Isn't it hard enough to be punished because I'm not English? The Englishman smiled and sent him all the way back to the apartment.