Classic funny quotations: next door, you are fucking blind.

1. Recently, many people don't like studying. At the class meeting, the class teacher flew into a rage and complained, "I really don't know what the game is about, just say what's the use of hanging that buckle!" " Hanging for a year? What did you get? "The whole class was silent, and a weak voice came from the corner:" A grandson! " "The whole class suddenly boiling! Dude, you're too honest. Your leg still hurts.

2. When the school asks for sick leave, it is necessary to submit a photo of the hospital certificate. This classmate took photos of his needles and infusion bottles inserted into veins during injection and sent them to the teacher. The teacher is crazy. I want to prove that this is a sick note, not a 45-degree tilt, but a smile!

3. In the third year of high school, a woman always quarreled with a boy, and the boy was always inferior to her. Women often recognize him as a grandson and call him grandma. Once the boy finally won, screaming at the sky and calling him grandson! ! ! ! The whole class is boiling.

I remember that all of us were strangers to teachers when we first entered junior high school. Once in a math class, the teacher wanted a classmate to do a problem on the blackboard, but he forgot the name. It happened that the classmate was very fat. Our teacher pointed at the child and made him cry. Let's do this problem.

5. Xiaoming was awarded the prize as a three-good student in the first grade. The teacher said, "Continue after calling your name. Will you salute? " Xiao Ming said, "teacher, I will!" " "In this way, when Xiao Ming received the award, Xiao Ming stood under the national flag and banged the principal three times. The headmaster was shocked at that time, and then I became famous in the whole school.

6. In high school, the class teacher's surname was Huang, and we secretly called him rhubarb. Playing with you in class on New Year's Day is better than I expected. The game has reached a white-hot stage, and the last question is "Tibetan Mastiff". The students in group A made a dog gesture. Finally, a classmate happily pointed to the class teacher and shouted, "I know, I know, it's rhubarb!" It's rhubarb! " Then, no then.

7. I once had a female classmate in junior high school who looked like a boy. One day, she shaved her head, and the class teacher was furious and called her parents. Then her mother came, and as a result, her mother was also the boss!

8. The boy you like walks up to you with a smile, pats you on the shoulder, bends down, gently pulls open the broken hair in your ear and whispers: The teacher wants you to come over.

Not long ago, Xiao Ming took part in a small military training. Just got home one day, Xiao Ming's mother asked Xiao Ming to count whether all the chickens had entered the nest. Xiao Ming went to the chicken nest and said to the chicken, Count off!

10, friends often boast that their IQ has reached 200, which was measured by a website. I said, yes, you are smart. I think this website is not accurate, and your IQ is higher. My friend asked me happily: What do you think my IQ has reached? I said, at least 50.

1 1, sons and children live longer than the elderly. Child: My grandfather is over 80 years old. He is healthy and has a long beard. Son: My grandmother is over 90 years old, still young and has no beard!

12, one day, thin Akin asked strong A Dai to donate blood together. When he arrived at the blood donation center, he filled in the basic information and had a blood test. The nurse looked up at the two men and said to Ah Chin, you, 250! The rascal's heart is starting to get hairy. You (A Dai) can take 500. After that, I was ready to draw their blood. I saw them standing still. It was a long time before they spoke: yes, I'm sorry! We didn't, we didn't bring money.

13, I heard from a friend that she and her husband went to buy milk powder for the baby. The waiter introduced a new product, which is the same as breast milk, so a friend asked her husband what you think, and he quickly said, I haven't tried it, how do I know?

14, I went to school to substitute for the fifth grade today, and the students especially like me! When class was over, my classmates asked me for contact information, so I wrote the QQ number on the blackboard. Suddenly a student stood up and called me husband. I asked her what you said? She said on CF that I am your wife! I'll go, and this school can't come again!

15, go to work to fetch water today. One of our eldest brothers went to fetch water, and the water was so hot that it blew the glass. At this time, I heard a big boy: Big Brother's cup burst. A day later, someone asked, "Who blew up Big Brother?"

16, I didn't listen carefully in junior high school. The teacher told my dad to sit next to me and listen! In class, my father was a heavy smoker and wanted to light a cigarette. The teacher saw my dad take a cigarette and shouted at him, which parent doesn't know that the school has regulations? Father smiled and said, I understand. Stand up and smoke for the classmates around you. He also said: Come on, come on, light them all. Later, my father and I stood outside the classroom!

17, physical education class, idle eggs hurt. Secretly came to the door of other classrooms to turn on my high-quality cottage phone and ring the bell silently after class. After hearing the teacher call the roll, I left at a speed of 100 meters, hiding my merits and fame.

18, fewer and fewer people watched the school exercises for several days in a row, and there was no one in the classroom. Later, it was found that they were all in pairs hiding in the small playground behind the building (which has been useless) to have sex. Anyway, they caught 13 and ran away. Finally, they gave the boy a punishment for running away. Just a few things, I dumped my girlfriend.

19, at the beginning of the new semester, the physics teacher walked onto the platform with a smile. Everyone knows me, Li Jianmin, and Li Shimin, the emperor of the Tang Dynasty? I don't know him. He can be emperor, but I can't. Close call, thousands of miles away! Shame! Li Shimin spilled blood in Xuanwu Gate and killed his own brother, which makes no sense. He is unreasonable, and neither am I. I talk about physics. Today, I want to talk about physical phenomena. Pig eight quit to look in the mirror-inside and outside is not a person, the imaging principle of the mirror.

20. "I bought a new Regal, which drives a high-class petrol car." "Well, cars of general descent are like this." "Yes, but that's not the main reason." "What is the main reason?" "The main thing is not to recognize the Tao."

2 1. Today, a BMW 5 Series passed by me, and the woman in the co-pilot looked at me with contempt. At that time, I was not happy I turned around and put my car in front of the BMW. At this time, I almost scared my driving buddy to cry. Apologize to me when you get off the bus: bitch is not sensible, buddy, please put your bike aside and let my car pass first.

22. A fish met a shrimp, but it was not sure if it was a shrimp, so it went forward and said hello: "Are you a shrimp?" Shrimp is very angry: "it's spicy next door, you are fucking blind!" " "

23. Nowadays, primary school students go against the sky. What should you do if you fail in the exam? Change the score? Very weak. My nephew handed in 67 points in the third grade, printed a paper, filled in the correct answers, got 98 points in the exam himself, and then bought a certificate himself. The whole journey is less than ten dollars, and my father rewards one thousand. This business-minded friend analyzed and analyzed, which one is suitable for what?

24. The steering wheel holster always contains 100 yuan for emergency use. One day, I heard my son and other children say: my father's car horn will be rich as soon as he presses it! Damn it, no! When I saw it was gone, I asked him about the money. Tell me I gave it to my mother, reward her with a dollar, and then look at me proudly. Son, tell dad when you see the money, and dad will give it to you 10!

25. When I was in high school, I sat at the same table with a classmate in my class, so I naturally wanted to stay. On the first day when we were assigned to the same table, this guy chatted with me at night to read my palm and said, Oh, your hands are not good! Leak money! Like me, I am also leaking money! At this moment, a sudden evil wind struck, and the head teacher suddenly appeared and said, why don't you two study? Everyone will be fined ten dollars! Damn it, you are so accurate!

26. I have two goods with me. In class, the teacher asked everyone to say that a black cat is not a cat from a philosophical point of view. The teacher asked several times, but no one responded. The teacher was angry and asked loudly, "A black cat is not a cat, what is it?" Suddenly the idiot shouted, "A black cat is not a cat, but a sheriff." After a few seconds, the whole class burst into laughter.

27. At the concert, a buddy excitedly said to the star on the stage with a microphone: "I am your most loyal fan. I have attended almost every concert of yours, and today I finally have a chance! Can I take a picture with my girlfriend? " The star felt very moved and agreed without hesitation. Then the buddy listened happily and asked the audience, "Great, so ladies, who wants to be my girlfriend?"

28. After the lights were turned off in the dormitory, the roommate took out the emergency light and looked at it. The light lit up half of the dormitory. Another roommate couldn't help shouting: the dormitory is yours alone! Two people quarreled. Soon, I heard another roommate shouting: The dormitory is yours! So the three men quarreled. Finally, the next door couldn't help it, yelling: the dormitory belongs to you three! Suddenly, the building was noisy. A few minutes later, I heard the teacher's roar from the school radio station: this school belongs to the four of you!

29. In English class, two students are sleeping at their desks. The teacher angrily called the student A: What blank is this? A: I can't answer this question, teacher! The teacher called classmate B angrily, and classmate B replied: classmate A is right!

One day, when I was studying by myself, there were dozens of speakers in my class. Finally, the teacher couldn't bear it, saying, you write your homework with your mouth! ! ! The voice in class is a little low. Suddenly, a faint sentence came from behind: it is because of handwritten homework that people can make their mouths speak freely. The class was quiet at once.