I want to get to know you again

I’ve been thinking about this sentence over and over in my head lately.

I want to get to know you again, just because I want the unpleasant feelings between you and me to disappear and leave more beautiful things.

After breaking up with you, I did a lot of stupid things. The condition is also particularly bad. But I am also reflecting and changing myself.

In the first week (6.24-6.30), my food was tasteless and I had trouble sleeping. I often can't sleep. I think of you before going to bed and feel uncomfortable. But when I finally fall asleep, I often have you in my dreams. In one sentence, he smiles during the day and cries at night. But the strange thing is that I can't cry. I never shed a single tear from beginning to end. Maybe it was because my lacrimal glands were failing, or maybe I felt that it was useless to shed tears. And after I broke up with you, something happened. In short, it seemed like the whole world was against me. I knew it was me who was in a bad state. However, I don’t seem to have the strength to fight back. That week, I lost 5 pounds of meat in a row, which is a good thing. Friends began to look for me one after another, but just like the song "Broken Love Again" by Huazhu, no one cared whether I was really sad or not. Some friends want to trouble you for me, some friends comfort me, and some friends want to wake me up by scolding me... But my ears seem to be blocked, my heart is blocked, but my brain is extremely clear. I understood everything they said, but I just didn't want to wake up. Especially when I heard them emphasize again and again that you don't like me at all. This week I call it "Life and Death Week". This week, my whole state is confused and lifeless.

In the second week (7.1-7.7), my appetite quietly recovered, and my mental state also changed a lot. But sometimes I still want to find you, especially you. When I’m bored before going to bed, I feel particularly strong when I’m alone. Sometimes I will look at your circle of friends from time to time. I deleted your WeChat account before, but you probably didn’t notice it either. Because you have never looked for me, how could you possibly find out. But I still couldn’t bear to part with you and wanted to know about your recent activities, so I kept watching WeChat every day to probably know about your activities. Sometimes when I see you walking more than 10,000 steps, I wonder, where did you go for a walk? I also sent you a message, but you never replied to me. Then I looked at your circle of friends and saw a horizontal line. I thought either you had hidden it or you had blocked me. I think maybe I'm disgusted by you. Later, I accidentally learned that my friend sent you a text message to scold you. I felt very sorry and wanted to talk to you about it, but I also thought that maybe you already think that I am the kind of person who is particularly pestering and annoying, so I thought, I still don’t Excuse me.

The third week (7.8-7.14)

Starting from the second week, I have started to find things for myself. Whether it's losing weight, treating acne, reading books, listening to classes, or playing games with friends, I try to make up for all my free time... Sometimes I even check out pesticides, maybe I'll meet you, and you can be cheeky Want to play games with you? At that time, I saw that our intimacy level was over 500 and almost 600. I felt it was a pity and secretly sent you a few flowers to increase the intimacy level. I also thought, why don’t you ask me to play any of your games? Think about it, you really wouldn't come to me in this embarrassing situation.

In fact, I was not very interested in that game from the beginning to the end, because I liked you before, so I wanted to play with you. Now without you, I almost don't touch that game anymore. One night, when I was working the night shift, I was bored at home and logged into the game, and suddenly I saw you online. I remember I sent you a few words, because I thought at the time, didn’t we agree that we could play games together in the future? Why didn’t you come to me when playing games... I was a little angry, and I couldn’t hold my anger. So I asked, not knowing if you couldn't see it or if you were deliberately too lazy to reply. Seeing that you have been in the game, I also entered the game, but later I saw that you were offline. At that time, in anger, the intimate relationship was dissolved, and the master and apprentice were also dissolved. Because, I know, if you don't play this game with me, I won't play it again. Like a shadow. Very worthless to say. Later, I don’t remember the day I saw your space updates and learned that you went to Jiuhua Mountain. In fact, I still felt bad, but I still took a second look at it and didn't like it at all. After all, you have been taking pictures and someone is taking photos of you. I know that you are doing well. How should I put it? It is expected. After all, you are so powerful, so the feeling of freedom should be pretty good.

The fourth week (7.15-7.18)

It was probably this week, probably after seeing your updates, I started to want to follow you again for no reason.

I don’t want you to know about it, just like when I saw you posting a song on National Karaoke, I really wanted to listen to it, but I didn’t dare because there were traces of it after listening to it. This week I often click on your QQ to see what you use online, sometimes it’s an iPad and sometimes it’s a mobile phone. Sometimes I will click on your QQ music to see what songs you are listening to recently. It turns out that even QQ Music has traces, which is so damn perverted. Then I felt that I couldn't keep doing this, so I uninstalled the old QQ and installed TIM, and then quietly deleted your QQ.

I know that you definitely don’t know, after all, you won’t look for me. Sometimes, I will check your Weibo, even though I know you don’t use it at all. WeChat Sports also didn’t want to rank with you for a while because I didn’t want to see you. Tao Baibai, who is followed on Weibo, still talks about Aquarius, but I can't stand even seeing the three words Aquarius, and neither does Peng Yuyan. How should I put it, I always think of you when I see Peng Yuyan and Aquarius. I call it "Shadow".

I've been feeling much better recently, but I still feel sad for no reason. I'm angry that time is so slow, and I'm angry that you still haven't made me forget you. My mind has never been so clear, after I was separated from you. Everywhere you go you have your shadow. Sighing, oh my God, it’s so lucky.

I'm looking for you again tonight, maybe it's a pity that I couldn't break up with you face to face, and I couldn't say goodbye to you properly. Maybe I still think we can reconcile and become friends.

Just the day before yesterday, I dreamed of you for two consecutive days. One day, I dreamed that you came to me and told me the reason for breaking up in person; the other day, I dreamed that you came to say goodbye to me and said that you had to go to Guangzhou. ...and then I woke up before I could say goodbye to you in the dream.

Actually, you don’t know that before I broke up with you, I carefully compiled a list of 100 things I wanted to do with you, but before I even finished half of it, I had already messed with you. Lost.

Before, I was thinking that if you were at home during the summer vacation, I could go on a trip with you. I also thought that if we have an anniversary, I would record every moment between us and make a book for you. Although very silly and pretentious.

Sometimes I tell myself, maybe you are a scumbag, maybe you are just playing tricks on me. But I still don’t want to speculate on you like that, because really, I believe everything you said in the past, and I really think you are different.

By the way, there may have been someone who added you on WeChat before, and it was me, because I really wanted to use that account to add you and get to know you again. But when you started asking me who I was, I got a little scared. After all, I feel that I have been blacklisted by you as a troublesome and annoying person. Ha ha ha ha.

Oh, by the way, I recently reflected that your breakup was just right. Maybe it's a coincidence? Just before you went to work, I also thought about it. Everything you said before about the impossibility between us is correct. The different place, the future, and the age are all right. I was too one-sided at the time.

After all, we are all at a critical period in our lives, and we really should spend more time on ourselves. Invest in yourself and put more energy into yourself. There has been too much uncertainty these past few years. I know you couldn't commit to me from the beginning, and now I understand. I'm sorry. I blame myself for being too obsessed and immersed in it before. I won't do it again in the future.

There are so many more things I want to say to you

In fact, when I reflect on myself, the worst thing I did in our relationship was that I lost myself. I spent too much energy on you, which inadvertently put pressure on you, and then I myself changed later on. It was me who started to want to escape, leaving us with nothing to say. It's me. When I encountered a problem, I didn't solve it. I just wanted to confess. It's useless to confess without solving the problem.

However, in relationships, it is never a person’s problem. It's all from both sides. I still have some merits. I say what I think and always implement it.

But I have to pay attention to my methods in the future, I still have to have routines, and I can’t get too involved.

I still want to get your feedback.

Why keep everything in your heart? There is no use in escaping some things, they will always exist. Not everything can be solved by you alone.

I know you never regret anything you do.

I don’t regret it either.

It’s just that I didn’t expect that losing would be so sad.

I also wonder if I will never meet someone like you again

But it’s not necessarily a good thing, what if it happens later

Now I'm not good enough, I will work hard to change myself, at least I have to become the person I like. I don’t deserve to have some things now, and I learned this from you.

I hope that we will not be in contact with each other forever. If possible, I still want to get to know you again, get to know you again, and return to the most primitive state. I still don’t want to be disliked by you.

I hope to meet one day in the future, you and I will be in the best condition, and then it will be the best time.

(If one day in the future you want to get to know me again, just add me as a trumpet, and I will treat it as your agreement. Hehe.)

Then

Goodbye, old cat monkey

See you soon, I wish you well.