What should I do if I am always afraid of conflict and dare not get angry when something happens?

First of all, you should know the reasons for the formation of this character, which are generally divided into two types:

1, family education, affecting mental health.

If you are a person with weak innate character, you are not very aggressive, do not like to get angry, and like to solve problems with silence, but you are not afraid psychologically.

If parents often quarrel or beat their children in the parenting environment, they will make their children feel insecure and afraid of being yelled at by others when they grow up.

It's a temporary stress reaction to the head, and the whole person may be in a coma, just like some people stop there when they see a dangerous tiger coming and forget to run away.

The feeling here is extreme fear. When you are afraid, your whole nerve is tense and you can't relax.

There are also parents who are very controlling. They don't allow children to resist, nor do they allow children to have their own opinions. Everything must be obeyed. Over time, they will become learned helplessness, their hearts will become very fragile, and their personalities will become very weak.

2. Other life events aggravate psychological trauma.

For example, left-behind children, or their parents are weak, they can't get support from their families since childhood, they are bullied by their neighbors, they are bullied on campus when they study, and they meet a teacher who likes verbal violence or physical violence, etc., all of which may leave psychological shadows.

Knowing the above reasons, how can we improve?

1, correctly understand the conflict and see clearly the feelings behind others' emotions.

The reason why we are afraid of others losing their temper and being accused is because we think the other person looks powerful, and their anger seems to devour us and threaten our safety.

Actually, you know what? Behind anger is fear, and they can only dispel the fear in their hearts by the power of instantaneous explosion.

People who are truly safe will not lose their temper.

If you can see the fear behind them, you may not be so afraid of them yelling at you.

Some people think that in the face of other people's attacks, only by returning directly can the other party learn a lesson. That's cool, but it will aggravate the conflict and make you feel worse.

2. Accept your feelings and avoid falling into secondary emotions.

When you are yelled at by others, you will look confused and don't know how to respond to others. At this time, you are nervous, afraid and embarrassed.

Looking back now, I will feel ashamed, angry and unwilling, right?

Do you feel wronged and blame yourself when you think that you are weak and bullied?

These emotions are acceptable because it's not your fault. You can have these feelings, which are real and necessary.

If you refuse these feelings, you will be dissatisfied with your state and may fall into anger, injustice, shame, fear and embarrassment again.

3. Seek professional help to eliminate the fear caused by previous trauma.

Past experience will be unconsciously applied to real life. Maybe the past did bring you a lot of pain, but it's different now. The people you face are different, the things you encounter are different, and you have become more different.

Therefore, when you encounter a conflict, you can have the means and ability to solve it, but you can't rule out the temporary fear and dare not act.

This fear is not so easy to lift at once. It is best to repair the trauma and ease the fear through the help of a psychological counselor.

4. Re-establish a sense of security, enhance inner strength and dare to face conflicts.

There can be no contradiction between people.

How to face conflicts, how to solve conflicts, and how to correctly handle interpersonal relationships can all be learned and acquired.

Because when you were young, your parents might give you complete control and suppress your reaction, so you only know how to face conflicts through this mode.

If you know the childhood experience, parents' control over you, and their own lack of love, some of their psychological needs have not been met and have been passed on to you, you will know that they don't love you, you are not good enough, but they are also very painful and don't know what to do.

Understanding the pain of others can make you feel more secure and increase your inner strength.