The trick to deal with Ma Baonan (Ma Baonan's ultimate coping guide)

Some people say that it is better to marry "Ma Bao" than "domestic violence".

Because of "domestic violence", you can confidently say, you bastard, you are a big man hitting a woman, how dare you hit a locomotive!

But "Ma Bao" can't. Ma Bao has a set of moral standards that can make you suffocate or suffocate-

"My mother is so old, let her go."

"I can't forget my mother when I marry a daughter-in-law. Don't you also take a fancy to my filial piety? "

"My mother brought me up alone. I really owe her. "

The feeling of choking to death, is there wood?

And once you are convinced by this truth, this family has established a rule,' everything must be based on mom's satisfaction.'

There is nothing wrong with this rule. People in China pay attention to filial piety.

But the terrible thing is that Ma Bao's mother is different from ordinary mothers. Ordinary mothers can be satisfied as long as you are filial, respectful, understanding and caring. However, there is only one thing that can satisfy Ma Bao's mother, and that is to completely erase her daughter-in-law's voice from this family.

The man in the family is the husband and the woman in the family is the mother-in-law. Since then, the daughter-in-law has become a redundant person in this family, even an unwelcome person, and all this will intensify with the fading of her husband's wedding passion.

At the same time, the daughter-in-law will feel reluctant because she is holding back more and more efforts in this family.

The feeling of entanglement will get deeper and deeper. No wonder there is a story that "the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law share the same bed for three years, but the daughter-in-law can bear it".

Daughter-in-law knows best the pain of marrying "Ma Bao", but what is "Ma Baonan"? We are here to explain them to you.

Intimate treasure-difficulty index ★★★★

This kind of horse-haired man has outstanding ability. They may have a successful career and become the backbone of the family long before they get married. Only emotionally, they are also involved with their mother.

Mother has no control over him, only dependence. Emotionally, she needs his real-time attention and needs to communicate her thoughts and feelings in real time.

Perhaps even the love and marriage that the son talked about, all the mental journey and the turning point between them, the mother is very clear.

The biggest feeling of a woman in this relationship is that her husband is closer to her mother-in-law, and her husband is willing to tell her anything. Not trusted, not needed, often feel lonely and lost.

We understand these feelings, but what we are most afraid of in this situation is impatience. Competing with my mother-in-law for her husband's feeling space is even worse than seeking intimacy and contact with her husband, which is likely to be counterproductive.

Think about it, a man has no room to feel since he was a child. He has been living behind someone's back for the first half of his life, which makes him stressed and suffocated.

If the wife comes to rely on herself, he is likely to collapse and even turn the pressure of attachment to his mother into anger and attack his wife.

In fact, this kind of man is relatively independent in character compared with other mothers. His emotional attachment to his mother is probably a habit.

After all, there is a generation gap between them for more than 20 years, so there are still many topics for wives.

So in principle, as long as the wife is herself, she can get along with men with independent personality. The interaction between husband and wife will inevitably bring more new ideas and energy to men.

And this man with autonomy will naturally gradually adjust the relationship distance in marriage, let the mother return to her mother and the wife return to her wife, so as to realize the separation of attachment from her mother.

Puppet treasure-difficulty index ★★★★★★★

Puppet type, also known as controlled type, mother-in-law will control her son's behavior to ensure their contact.

A man has no ego since he was a child, which leads to his loss of autonomy in life. Externally, I have no interest in anything, no perseverance in doing things, avoidance relationship problem, and no sense of responsibility.

In intimate relationships, men may also show two situations:

One is that he is completely convinced psychologically. In order to make himself comfortable, he will find a wife who is similar to him, and is also a soft persimmon that can be pinched at will.

In this way, he and his wife are under the care of their mother. The advantage is that he has a companion and his pain is understood. That is to say, emotionally, he is willing to be with his wife, but in life and behavior, he is a puppet who has been matched.

The other is that he still has a sense of resistance in his heart, but he can't resist himself. So he married a powerful wife and subconsciously used her to resist his mother.

However, due to the unsuccessful resistance in his inner world, he consciously felt that it was wrong to resist his mother, so he would not support his wife and her wife would stand on her side.

This is to protect himself, and secondly, with the help of his wife, he subconsciously shows inner contradictions-I want to realize myself, but I can't disobey my mother. No matter who it is, it is wrong to attack the mother. I can't. Neither can you.

As a wife, if she agrees with this projection and plays the role expected by her husband, she will become cannon fodder in this war.

But if we understand the role relationship, we can quit, watch our husband break through, and even help him complete the process of real personality independence and emotional separation.

In addition, it must be understood that the mother-in-law's control is also a bluff. She must have controlled her son because of anxiety.

Without her son, she lost contact with the world. Because of loneliness and despair, she could not give up.

Therefore, if the wife can give her mother-in-law a little kindness and care, it is easier for men to come out and achieve independence.

Of course, the reality is that most of the wives in this family are henpecked.

They look strong on the outside, but they are also fragile on the inside. They are also children seeking support. She looks tough because she doesn't want to be isolated. She felt bullied and helpless. Tears are useless, so she protects herself with anger.

The result is that three people with fragile hearts perform a farce, and after all, they will not have the power to lead the farce in the right direction.

Comprehensive treasure-difficulty index ★★★★★★★

Men are not independent emotionally, nor are they independent in behavior, that is, they are controlled and dependent. It's simple. the Monkey King is trapped at the foot of Wuxing Mountain.

This kind of man usually shows some problems before getting married. He has no opinion, is emotional, listens to his mother's words, and even his mother is unhappy, his love relationship will be affected.

In this case, I'll talk about ourselves in reverse. If we clearly saw the fire pit, but resolutely jumped down, it can't be said that it is our own problem.

I once had a visitor who had a similar problem.

The husband had laid his cards on the table with her before getting married, saying that the married mother would definitely live with them. The mother had many demands, one, two or three, and hoped that she would think it over and accept to get married again.

It doesn't feel like a couple getting married at all. It's more like we married our mother-in-law, who couldn't change her faults and asked if we could make do with it.

Girls were also puzzled at the time why they agreed. We learned through psychological counseling.

First, the girl was born in a bad family environment and longed to escape. But she is afraid that she can't face life by herself, so she hopes to get married soon, have a home and a place to belong.

Second, the girl's childhood was seriously denied and her sense of self-worth was extremely low. She feels that she is not good anywhere, and there is nothing worthy of recognition. That boy is better than her in her opinion, and she dare not let him go, thinking that no one will look for her after he is released.

Thirdly, the girl has been seeking her mother's affirmation, but she can't get it all the time, which has become her long-standing psychological wish. Although the boy's mother is in charge of the boy a lot, she is positive and appreciative of him, which makes the girls very envious.

So she hopes that she can do well, and then get the love and affirmation of her mother-in-law and fulfill her long-cherished wish.

To sum up the above three points, the girl may not have seen the pit at all, but it may still be a good Eden.

When she entered the pit, she found that her mother-in-law only had that kind of love for her son, and she was simply hostile to herself. How hard she works has not been recognized. So she was injured again and felt desperate again.

The girl said that in the end, her environment had not changed at all. When she was a child, her mother destroyed herself in various ways, and her father ran away from home and took care of nothing. Now it's the mother-in-law who ruined herself, and the husband who evaded responsibility and did nothing.

So every woman in into the pit has her reasons, and every Ma Bao has her own story.

What we can do is to truly and systematically evaluate the relationship structure of two people before into the pit, make full preparations for the problems that may be encountered in the future, and even solve the problems before marriage.

For those who have already gone to into the pit, it is necessary to evaluate the current relationship.

First, from your own point of view, what do you want to meet and achieve in this relationship? Is there any psychological complex that can be cured by other means? Second, look at the man around you and make a good assessment of what level his character has developed and whether he has the motivation to continue to develop. Those who finally decide to abandon the pit will take action to prepare for separation, and those who decide to continue will also take action to adjust and improve.

In a word, it is better to rely on yourself than anyone else. The road is under your feet, and the shoes are on your feet. Where to go must be decided by ourselves. At most, we can lure the people next to us to the road of growth, or simply change someone who can accompany us on this road.

Move, you can sleep for a long time after death, and don't be like a dead man when you are alive.

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