My parents abused me thousands of times, but I treat life like my first love

I can’t imagine that I’m still alive after going through so much. I’ve seen a lot of news about family accidents, and children can’t bear to commit suicide; parents are abusive, and children can’t bear to jump off a bridge; college entrance examinations don’t go well, and children can’t bear to jump off a building; why are children’s minds so fragile nowadays? If I was so glass-hearted, I would probably die. Many times.

1

In my memory, my parents never had a good conversation. They either had cold wars or quarreled together.

When I grew up, I asked my mother: "When did you start arguing?"

My mother said: "We started arguing before you were born. If not Because of you, I wouldn’t even marry him.”

I only returned to them when I was in elementary school. Before that, my mother had to work and my father didn’t want to take me with me, so I lived at my grandma’s house. for several years. The days at grandma's house are the happiest. When I returned to my parents, I thought I could be loved by all, but things never went as planned.

Being with my parents, I took the initiative to learn housework. I was very independent at a young age. When my parents were not at home, I would cook and eat by myself so as not to cause any trouble to them. Neighbors say I am very sensible, but I am not born sensible.

One time, my parents had a big quarrel, and my mother got angry and ran away from home. After spending a few days eating takeout with my father, my father couldn't bear it anymore because he had no financial income and was almost running out of money. So, my father took me to find my mother.

We made an appointment with my mother to go to a restaurant for dinner. My mother came in with a sullen face, and after saying a few words to my father, we started arguing. They paid no heed to the occasion or to me.

The noise got louder and louder, "Let's go! Let's go to the middle of the road now and see who gets hit to death first!" Dad said angrily.

"Just leave, no one is afraid of you!" My mother also stood up immediately.

I was scared. I hugged my mother’s legs and cried, “Mom, no.”

My mother pulled me away and said, “Don’t hold me.”< /p>

Dad said: "Yes, take your daughter with you. Let's lie down in the middle of the road and die together!"

Then, Dad also got up and pulled me out. I cried. Even more powerful: "Dad, no, no. Mom, mom!"

Fortunately, there were no popular WeChat, Douyin, or short videos at that time, and the onlookers were not just watching the fun. The hotel proprietress helped us out. Finally, my mother went home, but the quarrel with my father still did not stop.

I didn’t dare to cause trouble, even though I had a high fever not long after that day. I had a fever for a week and didn’t dare to tell my parents, and they didn’t notice that I was sick. Finally, the teacher called home to inquire about my condition, and my mother took me to the hospital.

2

On Thanksgiving Day in fourth grade, the school taught us to learn to be grateful and asked us to go home and do something meaningful for our parents, so I decided to go home and give it alone Mom and dad cook a meal.

I ran home after school. Before my mother got off work and my father didn't come home, I started working alone. I am happy during the cooking process because all I think about is the satisfied expressions on my parents’ faces when they eat. I cooked three dishes, stir-fried bitter gourd with pork, which my father loved, fried stuffed eggplants which my mother loved, and stir-fried a seasonal green vegetable.

When my parents came back, I happily greeted them for dinner, but they were not as happy as I imagined. I was still full of expectations, so my mother picked up the green vegetables and took a bite.

"Is it delicious?" I asked excitedly.

"What did you put in?" Mom was a little confused, not in a happy tone.

"This dish you usually make is delicious, so I guessed what you put in it. Today I saw that there was southern milk in the kitchen, so I put a little bit in it. I thought it would be like you. It looks like it’s fried.”

My mother didn’t say anything, and my father picked up the bitter melon and took a bite.

"What kind of garbage is this! It's not cooked at all!" After saying that, the dish was knocked over by my father.

I was shocked and tears fell instantly. I didn’t know if I should apologize. Dad got angry and went back to his room, closed the door, and didn't come out again.

I looked at the food on the floor. I felt aggrieved and helpless but didn't dare to express it. I could only cry until I couldn't breathe normally. Surprisingly, my mother didn't make a fuss with her father. She quietly cleaned up the mess and didn't continue eating.

"Okay, don't cry. Just eat some food by yourself, and then go do your homework after eating." Mom said calmly.

Later I found out that my father was gambling outside that day and lost a lot. Before he went home, he told his mother. She was very angry at first, but then her father told her that he had found a job and he would make back the money he lost and would not take money from his mother again, so his mother calmed down.

Maybe I was afraid that my father would give up the idea of ??going out to work, so I didn’t argue with him again.

I will never forget that day. I ate a bowl of white rice with tears in my eyes.

3

When I was a kid, every weekend or other holiday, my parents had their own things to do, so I would take a ride to my grandma’s house by myself and come home the night before school. .

Because of motion sickness, I would sleep for a while every time I took the bus, which also caused me to often miss the bus stop. But I always wake up at a few stops near the arrival station, so I don’t go to many stops, and I can reach my destination in just a few steps. However, things always happen unexpectedly.

That day, when I woke up, I was frightened by the unfamiliar environment in front of me. I was still young and didn't have the ability to think calmly. I just wanted to get out of the car and walk back. I didn't care whether the direction was right or not, so I just cried while walking and wandered at every fork in the road. I had no extra money and had to hike.

It was getting dark. After walking for an hour and judging the direction based on the direction of the buses I usually took, I finally saw a familiar environment.

An uncle who picked up rags passed by on a bicycle: "Little girl, why are you crying? Where are you going? Do you want uncle to take you there?"

I see They didn't even dare to look at him and ran away immediately.

When I finally got home, no one at home looked for me, and no one rushed over to give me a hug or comfort me. Instead, I was scolded.

"Why did you come back so late! Where did you go to play!" Dad said.

"I, I sit, sit, sit more than stand." I was so frightened that I cried.

"Have you ever sat at the station? You wouldn't have come back so late if you had sat at the station! You came back more than an hour late. Kneel at the door and don't let me in!"

I saw the man next to my father. Feather duster, I didn't dare to go against my father's words and looked at my mother, who was sitting silently. So I could only cry and kneel on the insole at the door of my house.

After coming here for a while, the neighbor downstairs heard my crying and came up to ask what was going on. He helped me up and said to my father: "It is wrong for the child to come home late, but You can’t punish your child like this!”

Dad is a face-saving person and doesn’t want others to gossip, so he acquiesces to me not to punish him. Just let me go back to my room and reflect on my own.

That night, I didn’t eat and kept crying in the room. I was in a daze and I don’t know how I fell asleep.

I woke up from hunger the next morning. I got up, washed myself in a hurry, and ran to school. First, I was afraid that my father would beat me and scold me when he woke up. Second, I was too hungry and wanted to go to school early. Eat the breakfast you ordered early.

4

Later, my parents finally separated, and I followed my mother.

Because I hate my father, my mother doesn’t like me to have too much communication with my father. Every time my father was mentioned, my mother had a lot of resentful words and explicitly prohibited me from having any contact with him.

My father wanted to move, so he called home and asked me to help. I told my mother.

"No!" Mom ordered.

"But, Dad told me to go." I whispered.

"If you dare to go, don't come back!" After my mother said that, she went to work.

I don’t know how to say no to dad. When I was distressed, my father had already come downstairs and was ready to pick me up and help me.

I went there biting the bullet, thinking that it would be fine as long as I came back before my mother got off work.

However, things never develop in the direction you expect.

My mother couldn’t see me when she came home, so she guessed that I was at my father’s house. She called her dad and asked me to answer the phone.

"Hey." I said carefully.

"I told you not to go, but you still want to go. You like going to your dad's so much, so don't come back!" You could hear that my mother was very angry.

"Mom, I'm sorry, I'll go back right now." I was anxious.

When my mother hung up the phone, I immediately ran to my father and said, "Dad, we are almost done here. Can I go back first?"

"Your mother asked you to go back. "?" Dad asked.

"Yes."

"If you don't want to go back, eat at my place first and then go back!" Dad was deliberately going against his mother.

"But..."

"No, it's just decided. I'll take you back after eating."

I was so anxious, I want to go back quietly, but I don’t have any money.

By the time we finished dinner and my father sent me back, more than two hours had passed. After I said goodbye to my father, I immediately ran home.

When I took out the key and opened the door, I found that the door was locked.

"Mom, mom!" I shouted loudly, but no one answered the door.

I'm sure mom is at home.

"Mom, Mom, I know I was wrong. I won't dare to do it next time..." I cried.

My mother still ignored me. I screamed louder and the whole floor could hear me.

Finally, my mother opened the door because I was disturbing the neighbors.

However, my mother did not calm down. She did not buy groceries for a week and did not come back to eat. So I ate soy sauce bibimbap for a week.

5

A year after graduating from college, I got pregnant. The child’s father is not a particularly good person, but he treats me well.

When I was with him, I told my mother. She objected to our relationship because he was not rich enough, but I did not agree. So when I was pregnant, I didn’t dare tell my mother because I was afraid she would take away my right to be a mother.

So, I never told her. Fortunately, after I graduated, I went to work in another city and was no longer with her, and she never came to see me.

When I was five months pregnant, after I confirmed with the doctor that the baby could not be removed at will, I decided to tell my mother.

As I expected, my mother was very angry. She ordered me to end the child's life.

"Mom, the baby has taken shape. It is very dangerous to take it away now, and I am reluctant to let it go."

"Who made you pregnant? Who told you to tell me now. It’s okay for so many people to beat their children, and you’ll be fine too. Go to the hospital tomorrow!” After her mother said that, she picked up her phone and prepared to register.

"Mom, I will not take away this child, she is my life." I said firmly.

"Then get out, don't come to my place, take all your things away, and don't let me see you again in this life." Mom said very firmly.

"Okay."

I asked her for a week because I needed to find a new rental house and then pack up.

"When will you move out? Don't rely on me." After two days, my mother became impatient.

"I'm leaving now."

I had not found a place to live at that time, so I had to move my things to a friend's house before continuing to look for a house.

Five months pregnant, I was carrying large and small bags, dragging my suitcase, walking two steps and resting one step, and shuttled through the crowd. People who came and went looked at me strangely and did not dare to come forward to help.

I didn’t break down and cry like the TV show. Instead, when I got to my friend's house, I joked with her about my experiences along the way.

6

In such an environment, I finally became an adult. I was quite successful and got into my ideal high school and into a good university.

After experiencing so many things, I should probably grow into a submissive person who dare not speak too loudly. But the fact is that I am an outgoing girl, I have made many friends, and I often "spoil" my friends.

I didn’t tell my friends about my experience, but when I heard them complain about their parents’ “too much control”, I still felt a little sad and a little envious in my heart.

When I was in college, I read a book, "The Road Less Traveled: The Journey to Mental Maturity" by Scott Pike. After reading it, I felt even more enlightened.

It made me understand that we should not hold on to suffering, let it go, and accept some cruel facts calmly. It is actually not that difficult.

I recommend that people who have had similar experiences to me read this book. You may feel a little uncomfortable after reading it, but it will indeed give you a different perspective on life.

Now that my father has his own home, my mother and I can communicate well, and I have organized my own family. I have a daughter, and I love her very much and don't want her to suffer any injustice. Because I am not willing to let her go through what I experienced again.

Things in the past are as if they never happened. No one mentions them, no one dwells on them, and life is always peaceful and comfortable.