Share bit by bit. (Parenting, Sophie Swirl Dance)

There are always a lot of insights coming out recently. I turn on the computer but I don’t know what to write, and I feel completely empty. At the moment, my two kids are having a routine fight under my computer desk, and now they ran out again. Why are you writing this suddenly? Because I connected to a parenting sharing by Teacher Zhou. He seems to be his husband and brother. There are also two boys at home. When there are disputes between children, adults will get involved, solve the problem for the children, and even act as judges to help the children solve the problem. (Judgment, the elder brother is right, or the younger brother is right) This should be something you often see in parenting. No matter whether you are a family with two children, in fact, when a single child conflicts with other children while playing outside, many parents will rush to the front. Help children. Because I thought so before. Children, what do you know? Without adult intervention, it would become a pot of porridge!

But what if we have thought about interfering with the children in this way? Take the situation of Teacher Zhou’s husband’s brother’s family as an example. The children will grow up and their quarrels will escalate. The patience of adults is indeed wearing away little by little. At the beginning, parents will be happy to participate in helping their children solve problems, and find it fun and fresh. As time goes by, family members will gradually become numb to their children's quarrels until they eventually break out. Teacher Zhou shared that he went to the home of the two children. The children will constantly have fights and quarrels, and every time they are unhappy, they will run to beg their mother for help. Mom has reached a state of numbness and doesn't want to respond. (As a mother of two, I know very well that numbness does not mean no emotion, it just automatically cuts off and does not want to pay attention to it.) The children continued to fight and look for their mother, again and again. Finally, the mother broke out and beat the two kids 50 bucks each. The children stopped.

Since I entered Teacher Zhou’s class because of my second baby, I pay special attention to parenting. I would like to share with you the current situation of my second child. (Two boys, 2 and a half years apart) When my elder brother comes back from kindergarten every day, his younger brother welcomes him happily. According to incomplete statistics, the average frequency of the two babies crying is 15-20 times every night. Sometimes it's the older brother, sometimes it's the younger brother. As for why I'm crying, I can only say that I don't understand the world of children. When I was young, my elder brother opened the candies by himself, but his younger brother could not open them without helping him. It got so big that my brother got angry and locked his brother out of the room. Anyway, there are children crying at my house all the time at night. My mother said she cried a hundred times a night.

I am really happy that I started learning about mind, body and spirit when my children were so young. Because I didn’t make my parenting life like the mother above. When my kids come running to me for help, I just hold them and listen to what they have to say. No matter what they say, I will repeat them first (so they know they are heard and seen) and then say brother (younger brother) loves you. It's that simple.

What is the result---they run over, sometimes I need to repeat the above steps, sometimes I just need a hug, even they run over crying, hug my legs, turn their heads and wipe out the runny nose All the tears stained my trouser legs, and I turned around and ran away to continue their play

? If the child cries very much, I will ask him if his elder brother (brother) did this to you. You are very unhappy. If so, you need to tell him yourself, okay?

Sometimes the elder brother will take the initiative to tell his younger brother, and the younger brother will nod "Yeah" or turn his head "Humph" in displeasure! And younger brothers generally don't dare to talk to their elder brothers, so I will deliberately tell my elder brother loudly and tell him at the same time that crying can't solve it. You need to say to yourself that your mother cannot replace you.

My role in their relationship is to guide them to express their emotions and thoughts. As for how they handle it next, I won't interfere. Sometimes they reconcile right away, sometimes one is in the bedroom and the other is in the study. Of course, the final outcome every night is a family that loves each other. ?

Fighting among children is also part of their fun. Fights in the living room can be reconciled in the restaurant. This is how children get along with each other, and will excessive involvement of parents destroy the harmony between them?

This is how I face them now and they face me. I think it's pretty good.

Of course, if there is danger that may arise, I will intervene. For example, the elder brother sometimes hits his younger brother with an aluminum alloy car, which is not allowed, and tells them that it is not allowed to take things from adults. His head, buttocks, and sexual organs are not allowed to be hit. But what about the younger brother? Pointing stick-like or sharp objects at your brother is also not allowed.

My realization. Raising children in this way in the early stage is indeed not understood by parents. --What children know, adults have to control, and they will do whatever they want. But I still insisted not to interfere and let them learn to get along with each other. This is what Teacher Zhou said that children should learn the law of the jungle. In fact, this is also the resource that two children have compared to one child. They can learn to get along with others in their own home. Of course, if my parents or husband wanted to intervene, it would be fine, and I would be happy to be in peace. But gradually, my parents and husband also learned to be bystanders, watching the children play and taking action when there was danger.

Giving children free space to grow does not mean not to set the rules of the game. Too many game rules make people timid and lose the meaning of fun games.

Next, let me share something that has excited me for a long time. My faith is shattered - Breathe. Teacher Zhou said that some people don’t know that they are breathing until very late. I don't know about others. I only know that I have known that I am breathing since I was very young, and I have tried countless times to see what would happen if I did not breathe. I held my breath almost to death. It is precisely because of this that when I was a child, I thought about death and was very afraid that I would die if I didn't breathe. Probably around the time I started elementary school, my daily homework made me forget about breathing. It wasn’t until I was 17 that I discovered yoga, oh my god. Breathing turns out to be so great, it can regulate your emotions and exercise your body. Between every breath and every breath, I can fully stretch, squeeze and feel my body. I love breathing so much. Until now, Teacher Zhou told me that the fastest and most convenient way to return to the present moment is to breathe. Our thoughts will stay in regrets about the past, or we may fly to worry about the future. Once you fall in, it is difficult to extricate yourself, but breathing is definitely present. As long as you pay close attention to your breathing, you are absolutely present. Oh my gosh, breathing is okay. I am absolutely obsessed with breathing. I am proud that I can breathe.

On the 11th, I participated in a dance meditation course. There is an exercise in it - Sophie whirling dance. It just kept spinning. Specifically, everyone can decide on their own.

I once had a bad Sufi whirling experience. I was in the last row next to the glass door. Not long after practice, someone ran out and vomited. When I see someone vomiting, my self-defense mechanism kicks in and I spin unintentionally. I didn't want to vomit, but I felt like vomiting. So I stopped practicing.

But this time when the teacher proposed this exercise, I expressed my worries and resistance. The teacher said let me tell you why you want to vomit.

These are the sentences in the picture above. Don’t be taken away by emotions, thoughts, external circumstances, or physical sensations, just observe everything happening as it is.

I started my second journey of Sufi whirling with great restlessness, wanting to resist and yet convince myself to surrender. I didn't expect this trip to be wonderful. As for how wonderful it is, you need to experience it for yourself.

Let’s talk about how I got rid of my obsession with breathing. While spinning, the teacher kept reminding me not to control, just observe. Easier said than done. When you enter the rotating downstream, the speed will increase unconsciously, which is actually a very comfortable experience.

But I feel like I am in a two-channel state. My body enjoys the feeling of rapid rotation, but my mind is reminding me that there is danger and that you need to adjust, adjust, adjust. So I did breathing adjustments, a choice I had always had with success. But it's so strange that breathing has no effect at this time, but instead makes it more difficult for me to be calm physically and mentally. The mind controls the pace to slow down, but the body's rotation speed is still there. The steps under the feet are messy, the feet are unstable, and the internal fluctuations increase.

Because when rotating, the body's breathing will be automatically synchronized. My breathing adjustment is a forced entry, which will disrupt the rhythm of my body and mind. Later, after the practice, a student present said that the reason why he vomited was because he wanted to slow down and ended up vomiting.

Realize--Nothing is absolute. Breathing is just a tool, not the truth, let alone omnipotent. Different responses are given at different times. Live truly in the moment, every moment is fresh and unique. While past experience helps you, it also limits you.

When life goes smoothly, do you dare to believe it completely, make no adjustments, and just follow the rhythm of life?

The dance meditation experience is great, I highly recommend you to try it. The only thing you need to pay attention to is to choose your teacher carefully. There are various teachers on the market, so it is important to find the one that suits you.