I have an unfortunate social phobia.

(I am a questioner, because of the word limit, the content is posted here. )

Gender, male, age 20, occupation, no marital status, unmarried cultural high school.

I have social phobia! I suffered a lot for it. I've been hiding at home for almost three years now, so I can't do normal work and study, and I'm afraid to attend class reunions, friends and relatives gatherings, etc. I have been hiding at home for nearly three years since 17 years old. During this time, I tried many times to work or go to school, but it didn't last long. Because school and work need to contact a lot of people, which is the last thing I can stand, because whenever they watch me work or sit opposite me and talk to me, I feel scared, extremely scared, my heart is pounding, my mind is confused, I am restless and at a loss. I only feel a strong feeling with all my heart-fear! I can't help myself, but as time goes by, I feel much better now. I have experienced so many times of tension and fear, and I have also taken many antidepressants and anxiety drugs, such as; "Zoloft", "Le You" and "De Anxin" have also seen many psychologists, and I think those psychologists will only prescribe medicine for me. The so-called psychological counseling and therapy are not professional at all. Their knowledge, conversation and professional knowledge are no different from ordinary people. To put it bluntly, it's just a hollow reputation, but I don't deny that there must be excellent professional psychologists. But in Shijiazhuang, this kind of psychological counseling has just started in the primary stage, and even if it exists, it is very rare, at least I have never met it once. I wonder if there are professional psychological counseling institutions in other cities? ) So I am hopeless and helpless. I don't know whether I can get better, how I will face life, and I don't know the future. It is said that being young and suffering more is a good thing, but I don't know if I am "bitter", because my so-called "social fear" is completely the product of my own subjective assumptions, and I can't extricate myself from my imagination! I learned from Morita therapy founded by Japanese professor Morita Shoma that people's emotional activities are regular, and people's emotional activities are not controlled and dominated by their own will, which means that will can only control people's behavior. However, the spiritual and emotional field cannot be dominated by one's own will and reason. For example, "when I feel nervous and anxious, the more I want to eliminate this bad mood with my will, the more I will strengthen this mood, which will not only make me more nervous and anxious." What do you think of this view? According to Morita's theory, "Let nature take its course, endure the pain by hook or by crook", that is to say, if there is a symptom, let it appear, no matter how painful and fearful it is, and work and live with it. I think what he said is very reasonable. But I can't stand repeating my fear at work almost every day, because when I'm afraid, not only my heart beats faster, but also my face. This is the main reason why I can't stand it. I blush, and my facial expression is unnatural, which makes people look uncomfortable. You know, emotions are contagious and affect others' emotions very much. At this time, the other person will blush and be at a loss. This is not what I imagined. This is an objective fact. I don't think I can make eye contact with people normally, because it will not only make me feel uncomfortable, but also make others feel very uncomfortable. I'm ashamed of myself. I am ashamed to have such a disease! Not only will you suffer, but you will also bring trouble to others. Whenever people avoid me, my sense of shame will increase, so I have to feel so bad. Then I simply don't go out and touch others. I shut myself in my room for more than a year. I remember that I didn't take antidepressants for the first few months, which was the most painful and unforgettable time for me since I was a child. Lying in bed with a quilt all day, helpless, helpless, Let fear attack me endlessly. ............................................................................................................................................ ..............: In short, all social activities related to the outside world have been put off, even to the point where even parents feel strong fear of eating at the same table! After eating this meal, will you think about what to do next time? Maybe you'll think it's ridiculous: there's nothing to be afraid of, isn't there? However, people who have not experienced this feeling will not understand whatever I say. When I was eating, I kept my head down to the lowest, staring at the food and afraid to look at anyone, and a burst of fear came to my mind. I had to wolf down my meal as soon as possible, and then I hid in the house and covered myself with a quilt ... so I spent the first seven or eight months in pain, during which I completely despaired of my life and felt really hopeless. Slowly, with the passage of time, I read some books about mental health and did a lot of psychological counseling. The most important thing is to take a lot of anti-anxiety and fear drugs, which I think are still very effective, and I have been stumbling until now! Now you can go out to buy food and walk with pain! But I still can't hold on, because I was scared by my previous experience. I don't have the courage to try, because I don't have the confidence to beat myself! I am a person without perseverance, and I have no confidence in myself! !

Tell me about my childhood experience! I remember when I was a child, I was timid and inferior, because my father was an impatient, simple and rude person (forgive me! I didn't mean to speak ill of my father. But I am the kind of child who is active and doesn't study very well, so I am often criticized. My father likes to quarrel with others. He is narrow-minded and always thinks the worst of people. I have been scolded by him many times, so I am afraid of him! Gradually, I found that no matter what I did in front of him, I was very stiff, unwilling to let go, dissatisfied with myself and had a low self-evaluation! My father has a very negative way of thinking. He doesn't encourage me at all. He always says I can't! Maybe he is trying to motivate me to make progress! At school, because I am active and playful, I can't sit still, so I always feel inferior in my studies, and I often violate discipline, such as talking in class and playing with my classmates. Sadly, the head teacher is also a man and often criticizes me sharply. Sometimes he will hit me, stare at me with evil eyes and punish me for standing against the wall, so I have a shadow in my heart. I was very uncomfortable when I met the head teacher on the way to school. Specifically, I'm scared! I dare not look at him. Stay away from him. And when I was a child, because I was in the countryside, no one in my class was nearsighted, but I had to wear glasses because of myopia. My classmates often laugh at me out of curiosity and call me "Little Four Eyes" and "Second-in-command" ... Because I have a strong sense of inferiority and self-denial, and they often make fun of me, I don't wear glasses in class. Learning can't keep up! ……

But what really induces me to be "horrible to people" is my appearance. I remember when I was in third grade, I fell in love with a girl in my class, so I paid too much attention to my appearance. My classmates all say that I am not good-looking. Eyes are small, there are many small black spots on my face when I smile, and my nose is flat like a pig's nose. The most terrible thing is that my left eye is squint. As the saying goes, it is not obvious if you look at the fierceness carefully, but you will find it if you look closely. And night blindness. You can't see others clearly within two meters of going out at night. It may be that the left eye is not well protected, and some complications lead to strabismus! I remember once returning to my hometown in the countryside for the New Year. My cousin and I played football in the street. At this time, a teenage girl came along the street and played with us with a ball, but she only played with my cousin, not me. Cousin asked her why? She actually said I looked like a bandit and didn't want to play with me. This seems insignificant to others, but it seems to me to be a "heavy blow." I feel inferior, and I am still the kind of person who demands perfection. After their repeated intentionally or unintentionally, I was "laughed at" and my spirit was strongly stimulated! I look at myself carefully in the mirror at home and find myself the kind of person who doesn't look; The uglier you are, the less you can accept yourself and reject yourself, especially when you laugh. The more I look at it, the more I feel abnormal and different, and gradually I dare not look at people. I think the way they look at me is full of disgust and ridicule (am I too subjective? )。 Gradually, the fear of looking at the opposite sex developed into the fear of looking at the same sex, and then to teachers, friends, relatives, … until everyone later! Finally, one day when I was reading a newspaper in the bathroom, I suddenly felt a very strong fear (this is the so-called symptom). This sudden feeling surprised me! I found myself tightly bound by it, unable to get rid of it and struggling more and more. I really can't control this fear. I find that I can't go to school anymore, and I can't go to crowded places anymore. Because once I entered such a scene, I was simply afraid of death, so I stopped all activities related to the outside world. Shut yourself up at home for a long time!

In addition, I also have a very important shortcoming, that is, no matter what I do, I have three minutes of enthusiasm and no perseverance at all! Nothing can last long. Always give up halfway, you won't be interested in anything for long! I think this is the most direct reason why I have accomplished nothing for so many years, such as learning English, doing exercise in the morning, practicing basketball and football, practicing art and practicing pen and ink, and so on. Even if you play computer games that boys like, you can't have long-term interest and devote yourself to them. How hard it is to get used to it! At this rate, I will accomplish nothing! Please help me! I really don't know the way ahead, I'm confused!