It is interesting to talk about school uniforms.

1, take the bus, and a female diaosi's cell phone rang for a long time. She didn't answer it, so noisy. I wrote on my mobile phone: "Your mobile phone is ringing." Show her. She saw it and said to me, "Are you dumb?" I wrote on my mobile phone again: "No, I thought you were deaf."

2. In the hospital, two people were chatting, and one asked: Dude, how did you hurt your hand? The other party said, don't mention it. I hit a tree while driving in my dream. The man asked in surprise: lying in the trough, can it hurt to dream of driving? The buddy said that I didn't know I was driving until I woke up.

3. "What's the matter with you? So no spirit? " "I couldn't sleep yesterday. I am so sleepy. " "insomnia? Then count, count and fall asleep. " "Count, a * * counted 10 sheep. . . ""Only 10? What about your insomnia? " "I counted the wool!"

4. "You eat my clothes and wear mine. I either play mobile phone or want to sleep every day. You often get sick, you don't work hard at all, and you lose my fortune. Can you live up to me? ! "I looked down and said to my body.

5. The weather is very cold. Someone else covers a quilt, and I cover two quilts myself. Alas, I can't help it, I just have money!

6. I was playing games in the Internet cafe, and someone was filming me behind me. I turned my head and saw the man coldly ask me: which class? Suddenly unhappy, I roared, I graduated, and I can't wear my school uniform to surf the Internet!

7. Once in physical education class, we secretly played basketball with several classmates and didn't get together. After being discovered by the PE teacher, the teacher called us over and said, Come on, let's each find a twig. When one of us picked up one and came back, the teacher said, Go, one person catches an ant, and after catching it, he said, Go, give me a circle around the playground!

8. "Mr. Li, your courier will arrive soon, and it will be paid. A * * * 300 yuan, please prepare cash! " "Well, I'm ready to cook, you help me to bring a catty of tofu. They are sold in the supermarket at the gate. Pay! "

Girl, let me be your boyfriend. Don't ask me why I want to be your boyfriend, because I want to have a home. Don't ask me why I want to get married, because I want to have a son. Don't ask me why I have a son, because I don't want to be a grandson anymore. I want to be a father! ! !

10, scalpers are quite popular now. They asked me if I wanted a ticket. I asked how much it was. He said 50 votes, and I said that the group purchase was only 35. He said 70 for two tickets. Dude, I told you I was alone. He said that you can send a circle of friends and pretend to have a girlfriend to accompany you. Me. . .

1 1. The wedding scene was crowded with people. The groom grabbed the MC microphone with excitement and shouted, "Wife, no matter how many people have called your wife before, only I can call you from today!" " "Say that finish ha ha ha laugh three times! Instantly feel a green light piercing the sky!

12, I take a taxi home when it rains heavily. After getting off the bus, I didn't find my cell phone. I chased the taxi and shouted, master ... wait a minute. . . Dozens of meters later, I saw how the mobile phone was in my hand, but the driver had stopped. I used my quick wits to tell the driver that it was raining heavily, so drive slowly. ..

13, my wife cooked a pot of wonton in the evening. After work, I saw my wife beating my son, ignored her, went straight to the pot, scooped up a big bowl and ate it. The wife is still scolding her son, but she can't stand it. She said: educate children to convince others with reason, convince others with reason, put reason first, and don't beat and scold. The wife said: Have a good pot of soup wonton, this son of a bitch pees in it. I was annoyed and shouted; Honey, have a rest. I'll do it.

14, taking her daughter for an injection, the doctor pointed to her mouth and said, are these eyes? My daughter stared at me: mom, let's change doctors. .

15, went out with an idiot friend to get money. When I arrived at the bank, I saw that there was no place to park, so I stopped at the roadside in front. I told my friend when I got off the bus to withdraw money. If a traffic policeman comes to check illegal parking, you can call me. I was waiting in line when my friend shouted in a panic: Big Brother, the police are coming, run. The business hall is in chaos.

16, I, female, 2 1. One day last year, when I slept naked, I found that there was a trick to tucking in the quilt. I clipped it to the zipper of the quilt and pulled it up and down. ..............................................................................................

17, I bought a plane ticket yesterday and saw a foreigner buying a ticket. He can speak a little Chinese and say, you, no, buy a plane ticket to Holland. Then the ticket buyer gave him the ticket, and I took a look: Nima, Zhengzhou! What the hell? Holland? Henan?

18, teacher: Xiaoming, remind your deskmate Lily to sleep in class in the future. Xiao Ming: Oh, I see. The next day, just after class, Xiaoming said to Lili: Lili, it's time for you to go to bed! The teacher is afraid that you will forget. Let me remind you.

19, I went to see my father-in-law yesterday, damn it, it was a surprise! I met my father-in-law, who was my math teacher in junior high school and later transferred to the county high school. Let's say hello. My mother-in-law is cooking in the kitchen. I haven't met her yet. Mother-in-law is busy, come out to see me, damn it, she is my high school lover! Do you think my girlfriend and I can continue to talk?

20. Teacher: From today on, whoever plays truant will be fined ten yuan, so let's not play truant again, shall we? Then Xiao Ming raised his hand. Teacher: What can I do for you? Xiaoming: Excuse me, teacher, can I swipe my card? If you can, brush1000000 first!

2 1. Before graduation, I saw my seniors selling books and sundries. I also went to Taobao curiously. Unexpectedly, I saw a senior' gone'. So good thoughts prompted me to kindly remind her: "Senior, you are gone." I didn't expect people to say, "This is my marketing strategy. Think about it. If I don't run out, people who buy things will run out. " . . . . "Come to think of it carefully, that's a fact.

22. Today, my colleague's 3-year-old daughter came to the company to play. Everyone is saying, "Is this little girl shy?" At this time, the little girl asked her mother, "Was Dad shy before?" . Colleague said, "If he is not shy, you are at least 3 years older now." What a connotation. ...

23. The company goes to KTV to sing. I don't know who put the microphone on the sofa. My colleague may have drunk too much. He sat on the microphone and only heard loud fart coming from the microphone. Deafening, the whole room was silent! !

At the parent-teacher meeting, Lao Wang asked about his son's study. The teacher said, "He has surpassed Xiaohong, Xiaoming and the monitor this term. You should take care of it. " Lao Wang said, "I have surpassed the monitor. How can I manage it?" The teacher said, "I said copying homework."

25.w: Honey, what do you like about me? M: Do I have to choose only one point instead of three? Shyness: Death, which three points did you say? Man: The chest is bigger, the waist is thinner and the ass is a little upturned. ..... male pawn, 25 years old.

26. Now people who open online stores use' pro' when greeting anyone. When I was shopping online, I was discussing the price with the store. My mom leaned in and looked at the chat record and said who called. .....

27. President Li wandered around the office to find out the attendance. I saw that everyone was preparing lessons and correcting homework. Only Xiao Wu eats eight-treasure porridge during work. He must have got up late and didn't have breakfast. Seeing that he was so angry, the headmaster criticized, "What do you think people are doing? Are you too idle? " Nima, Xiao Wang is also very angry after hearing this. Immediately took over the topic and said, "It's not salty at all, it's very sweet. Why don't you try it?" . . . "

28. I went to sing with my colleagues and found that I forgot to bring money when I paid the money. At this time, he knocked on the door of each private room and said that we had failed in the big adventure of truth. The result of punishment was that I came to someone else's private room and sang a song, so I finished singing 20 private rooms.

29. Xiaoming: "I want to get rich." Mage: If you can find seven balls, your dream will come true. Xiao Ming: "What? Is it a dragon ball? " Master: "No, two-color ball."

30. Just after cutting a customer's hair, he smiled in the mirror: "I'll call my brother tomorrow!" " "I was so happy that I was about to thank him, but he patted me on the shoulder:" Call someone, too, don't say how much I bully you! "