How important is it for a person to speak well?

?Recently, I have been reading "The Book of Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Luxemburg, and also listened to the wonderful and popular explanations by training expert Si Kunlaoxi on the "Ten O'clock Reading" public account. Ever since I learned about the official account of "Ten O'Clock Class" two years ago, I really couldn't stop listening to it. I usually listen to it while I'm cooking and mopping the floor. I feel that time flies by very quickly, and I can kill two birds with one stone. I don't feel tired while doing housework while listening. Therefore, "Ten O'clock Class" is the public account I must listen to every day, and my understanding of this book is also learned from "Ten O'clock Reading". Once again, I feel that speaking well is really a skill, even an art, and the benefits it brings to you are immeasurable. Whether you are talking to leaders and colleagues, strangers, or the closest family and friends around you, speaking well is very necessary. As a good, law-abiding citizen and a qualified teacher, I have never thought of anything to do with "violence." However, if I pay a little attention to the way we talk in real life, and carefully understand the different feelings various ways of talking give us, I find that some words are really hurtful! Verbal accusations, ridicule, denial, preaching, arbitrary interruptions, refusal to respond, and random comments and conclusions have brought emotional and mental trauma to many of us, which is even more painful than physical injury. These unintentional or intentional verbal violence make people become indifferent, alienated, and hostile...

? After many years of experience as a class teacher, I reflect on myself. When talking with students or parents, I Linguistic "violence" is performed unintentionally. For example, if students are asked to memorize ancient poems, there will always be a few "poor students" in the class who do not take the teacher's words seriously and do things slowly. Every time this happened, I couldn't help but call him to the office and give him a severe reprimand to show the teacher's power and relieve the anger in my heart. "Is your brain flooded? Is your brain made of paste? You can't recite such a short poem!" "Today is your duty, why don't you come earlier? Your grades are not good, and you can't even sweep the floor." "What are you doing for food?" "You can only complete your homework today. You can't see the homework. You know the consequences..." Just imagine, if students hear such language, they will feel panicked even if they know that they are wrong. Being willing to sincerely change, and even being hostile to the teacher, is detrimental to the teacher's work effectiveness. Thinking back to some scenes at work, and comparing it with what I recently read about "Nonviolent Communication," I felt like I was being shot every minute I lay down. This kind of talk is even more common in parent-child education at home. Only then did I realize that many times, under the banner of being responsible for students or doing good to my own children, I used verbal violence to deeply hurt them. Now that I think about it, I realize what a jerk I was. The wounds caused by speaking are all hidden wounds, which have a slow-release effect. If no one wakes up, they will not know it until death. Fortunately, I came across this book, and while reading it, I kept reflecting on some of the conversations I had or those around me, and then I suddenly realized it, and vowed to speak well in my future life and work. There is a passage in this book: "Observation without comment is the highest form of human intelligence?" When communicating, we should accurately grasp the unique communication situation and pay attention to what happens - the results of our observations. Whether we like it or not, we only need to state the objective results of observation. "Many people, including myself, often make such a mistake, just to have fun at the time without thinking about how to solve the problem. If I said this in the scene just now, "Have you been feeling unwell lately? You didn't recite the poem assigned by the teacher." "Why were you late for what reason? Are you sick? I feel like you have no energy when you are on duty. "I think there must be a reason why you didn't finish the homework on time today. I hope you can overcome the difficulties and use your spare time to complete the homework and hand it over to my office at a certain time." If you say it from the perspective of a student. If they talk well, most students will definitely be more receptive and even realize their mistakes. However, the teacher does not severely reprimand them. This not only gives them the opportunity to correct their mistakes and solve problems, but also allows them to take the initiative to realize their mistakes and make up their minds. Go and correct it, maybe you will feel grateful to the teacher. Only then did I understand that the so-called non-violence means integrating love into our lives and letting respect, understanding, appreciation, gratitude, and compassion rather than hatred, prejudice, suspicion, and hostility dominate our lives.

I remember seeing news like this on TV: the appalling beheading incident at Wuchang Railway Station in Wuhan.

Due to a verbal dispute, the criminal suspect took a noodle shop knife at the door of a restaurant and chopped off the head of the noodle shop owner. The reason was that the price of a bowl of noodles had increased by one yuan, but the shop owner did not clearly indicate it and used extremely rude language to tit for tat. However, if the store owner changes his tone and says, "I'm sorry, starting from the Spring Festival, due to the increase in raw materials, the price of each bowl of noodles in our store will be increased by one yuan. We haven't had time to change the signage yet, please understand." I think such a tone and words will probably make both parties feel at ease. But the fact is, the boss said in an arrogant manner: "It's as much as I say. If you can't afford it, don't come here to eat. Get out of here!" As a result, he met a diner with the same bad temper and paranoid personality, but unexpectedly, he Lost his life, leading to tragedy. It is obvious that if the same meaning is said in a polite, gentle, roomy, and considerate way for the other party, what will be gained is the gratitude, consideration, care and understanding of the other party; but if the same meaning is said in a simple and rude way, on the line, criticizing, criticizing, and criticizing the other party, Even speaking out in the form of personal attacks will result in the other party becoming furious, and may even lead to physical conflicts, leading to bad consequences. As the saying goes, "A kind word warms three winters, but a bad word hurts someone for six months." This sentence from "Zengguang Xianwen" tells us to learn to use "love words" to form good relationships. Many times, a word of sympathy and understanding can give people great comfort and courage, making them feel warm even in the cold winter. And an untimely word is like a sharp sword, stabbing people's fragile hearts. Even in the summer of June, they still feel the severe cold. A positive and kind way of speaking will often give positive hints, giving others the strength to overcome difficulties and keep making progress; on the contrary, a negative and bad way of speaking will make others affected by negative hints and become cold, discouraged and withdrawn. , malaise, etc. Due to the complexity of speech itself, the ability to speak well has never been an innate skill. People with a kind nature tend to be dull; people with a smart nature tend to be sharp; people with a carefree nature tend to hurt others without realizing it; people with a delicate and gentle nature tend to be nagging and annoying... In particular, there are many special places for speaking. , such as public speaking, such as fierce arguments, such as persuasion to reverse the situation, such as communication to guess people's hearts, each is a rapidly changing battlefield, and each requires excellence in skills. You can't become a general just by relying on your brute force. You can't become a general just by relying on your own little cleverness. Sometimes your cleverness is mistaken for your cleverness. As you can imagine, the importance of speaking well is self-evident.

One of my high school classmates was born in a family that often quarreled since childhood. Both his father and mother had very strong personalities. Many times, a slight disagreement can stir up a thousand waves, causing constant big and small wars in the family. Just because of trivial matters such as taking out the trash or sweeping the floor, they can quarrel, yell, and have a cold war... The drama of throwing their heads away often happens, and they fall out when they disagree. Sometimes they feel warm one second, but the next second The situation suddenly changed. She grew up in such a family. As an adult, she has a particularly fragile personality. She has always been cautious and lived in fear, fearing that if she was not careful, she would fall into the abyss. ?The way she spoke as a newly married woman seemed to copy the pattern of her family members. It was obviously a friendly and harmonious atmosphere, and she had good intentions in her heart, but when the words came to her mouth, she changed her way of saying them, causing the people around her to disperse. . Fortunately, her husband's family are all well-spoken and gentle people. Under the influence of such a family, she gradually became influenced by what she heard and saw, and was deeply affected. So she slowly changed, determined to be restrained, and changed the way she spoke so as not to have a negative impact on her daughter. She said that she had witnessed her parents' noisy marriage since she was a child, and she would never make the same mistake again. Now she knows how to exercise restraint and speak well. She is loved and cared for by her husband. She has a happy marriage and a happy family. She always has a smile on her face and is full of energy. My daughter is also cheerful and generous, knows how to take care of others and is even more generous and decent in her manners than before. Yes, families who know how to talk well are indeed happier; and for those unhappy families, the quarrels and conflicts day after day mostly start from not talking well. When you speak politely and politely, your body language will also become elegant and refined, and your behavior will be more mellow and considerate, and it will be easier to get positive feedback from people around you... But when you speak vulgarly and violently, your body language will also become arrogant and domineering, and your behavior will become more perverse and paranoid. It is also easier to fall into the negative energy around you.

Therefore, let us all have the awareness and ability to speak well, to our leaders, colleagues, strangers, and even to the loved ones around us...