I don't say (prose)

I'm afraid of noise recently, so whenever I hear my senior humming a tune at home to practice the piano, the most harsh words I often hear are: "Stop!" " "

Sister Shi likes video chatting with friends and relatives, and even sings to the video when she is happy. She was used to it before and didn't feel any discomfort. But recently, when she talks endlessly, she always has a buzzing feeling. Recently, I have been impatient for a long time, and suddenly shouted "Stop arguing!" Suddenly, like a silencer, the room became quiet.

However, it is easy to make the external noise quiet, but it is the most difficult to make the internal noise quiet; It is more difficult to be "calm" inside than to be "quiet" outside; It's easy to stop the volume that stimulates the ears, but the mind that interferes is always inseparable.

Teacher Wang told me to "calm down", stabilize my mood, focus on books or concentrate my thoughts. Constant practice can purify my mind and calm myself down. But it's easier said than done. Often the thoughts in my head are like hordes of horses, and my heart seems to be torn by five horses. If you want to count carefully, the distractions that flashed through my mind in a few seconds are intertwined like arrows, and an article, an assignment and an unfinished painting to be processed the next day are among the five arrows; Moreover, all kinds of trivial things that the teacher elder sister wants to do with me rank among the three arrows; And external disputes and other people's frame-ups are heavy arrows, enough for ten arrows, totaling dozens of arrows. ...

Close your eyes carefully and sit quietly to understand. No wonder you always frown deeply unconsciously. How can your heart bear Qian Qian's sadness? There must be thousands of "causes" for people's physical and mental "diseases", among which internal injuries are often the bane, although they are difficult to diagnose. Focus, breathe, relax ... practice for a while, magically, when the situation is good, you can only have two arrows left; With the yoga pose, I really made progress. Through this kind of practice, I can calm my mind, even if I can't completely control it.

How strong is the power of calmness? I feel my heart floating lightly, the lake is flat and quiet as a mirror, my heart is thinking positively, and my smile is blooming like a flower; My heart is put on armor, and the arrow will break when it comes, so I can walk through the bullets unscathed. The power of quietness is better than secular sword and interpersonal politics intrigue.

However, due to the lack of morality, silence can only last for a short time, so I need to practice from time to time, constantly replenish "quiet" drinks and drink "quiet" to stop "mania". I began to write brush strokes, and I held my breath with a wave of my hand. This sister doesn't understand why I have to ponder a word for so long. As we all know, my purpose is not to write well, but to smooth my beating heart.

Things in the world are too difficult. If you can't handle it, just put it down, unload it from your shoulders, unload it from your heart, and give your heart a clear and definite image ... When I calm down, I see a beautiful image. It is a calm sea after the storm, with a slight dawn in the distance. It is difficult to see the truth when the wind and waves are stirred. But when I calm down, I can still see the power of making waves at a glance, even though there are many sunken ships at sea.

I believe that the power of silence can restrain any big deception in the world.

When I was a child, I tripped when I walked, my knee broke, and blood rushed out instantly; A little scared, want to cry, want to win the care and attention of adults. It happened that my grandfather shouted: "Get up when you fall, don't cry!" " As a result, the tears instantly shrank back like the obedience of the A Bing brothers, and they could only swirl in their eyes, but not flow to their faces.

That's right! Stop crying! Slowly, I began to grow up. Even if you hurt yourself, you won't cry, but you will grin on purpose. It must be an ugly smile than crying.

I've probably had some kind of ADHD since I was a child, and I still can't finish talking since I became a teacher. I am so naughty that my husband will twist my brow into a knot when he sees me. Anyway, there will always be a lot of trouble involved, just like taking it easy to send it to my husband for repair. In the first few months of my first year, I was still a stranger to the people around me. Often the family has something to do, and the neighbors have to come over. Caring is beautiful, and watching the fun may be the real meaning. So, the harder Mr. Wang laid hands on him, the tighter my teeth became. I just didn't cry or beg for mercy, but put on a righteous and fearless look.

It was not until the next year that Mr. Wang confided: "Who told you to be naughty, not to study hard, to pretend to be a tough guy, not to cry, not to admit your mistakes ... The more stubborn you are, the more you refuse to teach. What else can you get? " Can you learn real skills without fighting to the death? "Think about it too. I seldom see adults cry. Even in movies, crying is the patent of children and women.

I have always thought that my husband belongs to the kind of person who is "cold-faced" and "heartless", and he must be the kind of person who "men don't cry lightly when they are in tears". However, I witnessed my husband crying when he was drunk. Later, I learned that because his mother was hospitalized again because of illness and the current epidemic situation, he could not go back to visit at once. After drinking, this usually taciturn gentleman seems to have a lot of grievances that cannot be eliminated, and he is more depressed than usual.

I can't give up drinking for days on end. After all, his heart is bitter. Without two glasses of wine, he could not restrain his sadness. I was drunk, so I helped him into the bedroom. It looks like he might throw up. Of course I know. At that moment, the wandering atmosphere at home was a bit weird. He didn't say anything, but I noticed that some unstable factors were fermenting. So I went in with a washbasin and put it on the floor beside the bed. I just wanted to remind him, but I heard him cry in horror.

His crying, of course, was not spilled by my generation. He was stuck in his throat, like a muffled thunder, between his mouth and his fist; Although his back is turned to me, I just know that he is extremely painful and sad. I was just about to go out quietly when I heard him crying in a low voice: "Mom!" " "

My world collapsed in an instant!

In my eyes, Mr. Wang is the sky. How can the sky be weak? How can the sky be weak enough to cry?

In a bedroom full of alcohol, I hate alcohol; It's all because of wine that my day collapses mercilessly.

I also know that heroes can't touch wine since ancient times. In many dramatic romances, wine is the poison in the broth.

In my third year with my husband, it's time to start my career. Although I don't want to start a business, my husband's discipline is not as strict as before, and occasionally he will take me to understand the society. I further understand why alcohol is indispensable in the adult world. Wine can certainly relieve fatigue and activate the emotions of peers; But wine can weaken the will, and it is also a tear gas, which will completely disintegrate the psychological defense.

With more and more time with my husband, I gradually understand his past, and my sympathy for my husband is increasing; The misfortunes of childhood, the hardships of teenagers and the frustration of teenagers not only made his broken heart irreparable, but even crying became an outspoken spell. I can't even think about it easily. As long as I am not careful, the tears bank will fall apart and be irresistible!

Perhaps, the stoic and aloof tower that Mr. Wang piled up when he was a child can't stand the erosion of wind, frost, rain and snow for decades, and it has gradually weathered and fallen, making it unsustainable.

Although these months have passed, fortunately, Mr. Wang finally got auspicious news from his mother. I suddenly found that Mr. Wang's long-tense face finally stretched out and sometimes I could see a smile!

Yesterday afternoon, I heard Mr. Wang's piano sound again, perhaps because of the music flowing from his fingertips, perhaps because he was addicted to the freehand brushwork in the piano, perhaps because of his outstanding perseverance between his eyebrows and eyes and the wrinkles outlined in his mouth ... In short, a stone pillar that supported my heart suddenly tilted, and a huge disintegration force tore my defense. I am like a flustered child, left alone in a desperate situation. I don't want to cry unless I cover my mouth with a handkerchief.

Afterwards, I made a self-analysis. During that time, I suffered great setbacks that I had never encountered before. Not only do interpersonal relationships fall apart, but there is nowhere to tell grievances. As a result, the superimposed pressure is like a bomb that has accumulated more than a few tons. All I need is a spark. But Mr. Wang didn't abandon me. On the contrary, we are getting closer and closer. Maybe he didn't abandon me because he knew the taste of pain and couldn't bear to let me fall into pain.

At that moment, I really realized the bitterness behind my husband. My mother is his only family. He tried his best to save her life three times, and his love for her was great. When he heard the news that his mother was seriously ill again, it touched the feeling of mother's love and lit the fuse. Then, a loud noise, like a magnitude 7 earthquake, shattered his already vain soul and released the lacrimal gland defense that had been imprisoned for a long time; With tears of sadness and anxiety, I ran all the way to the boundless sky, sometimes watching the sunset, which turned out to be my mother's direction.

His melancholy complex, because of this rock-breaking hard cry, cleared up a sunny and clean fertile field; After the rectification, it is natural to re-sow, sow and harvest unexpectedly.

Therefore, the eternal motto of "one should not flick when he has tears", which bears a heavy burden, has been interpreted differently after his half-life experience. I have cried my eyes out, I know, but I think opening my heart moderately and softening the stones in the lacrimal gland can really relieve my troubles more effectively than wine.

Ten years is actually long enough. He has never been really happy for a year. I'm thinking about the ups and downs of my career, the betrayal of my lover, my mother's illness for several years in a row, and I'm in the same emotional quagmire with him, hugging, struggling and sad. Life is a rhythm of panic and wasting time. So, in the past ten years, he lived alone in a corner of Shan Ye, accompanied by wind, frost, rain and snow, away from worldly troubles. Maybe this is what he really wants.

I asked him several times, but he didn't say anything.

What he said is independent, strategic and complete.

There was a long silence, and then I stood up and smiled. That's a helpless wry smile. His back didn't drag at all. In those days, the cloudy sky with light snow suddenly became quiet, the sun penetrated the clouds, and the golden light in the yard seemed to be because of him at this moment.

Need I say more? Finally, he told me firmly: "I will only bless you."

It hurts people and complicates things. He chose not to say anything and forbade me to say anything.

Mr Wang told me something.

He said that he knew the teacher elder sister believed in Christ, so he asked her, "Did Christ touch you?" The elder sister said, "Jesus' sacrifice and tolerance." Mr. Wang asked again, "I don't want to talk about sacrifice. I know that story. "But where does tolerance begin? Is it his sentence that only the poor can go to heaven, and it is more difficult for the rich to go to heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle? I can't see how inclusive it is. " The elder sister smiled and said, "No! It is the sentence in the New Testament,' If someone hits you on the left face, you should also open your right face'. " The teacher smiled and asked, "Did Jesus say this? Or did Jesus say what God said? " The elder sister asked, "Is there a difference, sir?" Mr. Wang said thoughtfully, "Oh, of course, I don't think there is any difference, but others don't think so."

After listening to it, I asked my husband, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Stop it, if anyone thinks it is a pleasure to slander you, then do it." Mr. Wang said seriously.

I won't talk about it. This has nothing to do with moral cultivation. I think it's because I've tasted being hurt myself, and I understand that the busyness and waste after that will not help but damage my vitality. Then, I will leave myself that I don't like very much. This should be related to the simple kindness between people I like.

Like my husband, I am also a person who doesn't talk easily when meeting people, which is related to my low ability. Just like my husband, I often feel that I have too many things to do and not enough time. Although I sincerely admire how others can do so many things, take an active part in so many social activities, and be considerate of so many things, it doesn't seem to be of much benefit. What I admire most is coco chanel, a legendary celebrity in the 20th century, who never cared about criticism and gossip. She is busy leading and creating fashion. I like what she said: "I don't have time to hate you."

If you don't say it, you will certainly suffer, and those who have the strength to speak around you have the right to speak. But the truth, besides you and him, doesn't God know it?

I've always liked this story:

Su Dongpo was imprisoned for the Wutai poetry case, and his fellow prisoners wrote a poem about him: "Poor northern household Wu Xingshou, I can't bear to hear about it all night." He suffered more injustice and destruction than others.

It was Li Ding who took the lead in framing and interrogating Su Dongpo. One day, Wu Wen, the Manchu dynasty, waited for the early dynasty outside the Chongzheng Hall. Li Ding proudly told everyone about the trial of Su Dongpo. This famous case must be of great interest to everyone. Strangely, no one answered and asked questions. Li Ding pretended to sigh and sigh, and everyone was silent. Li Ding shan shan shut up.

I can't afford to be a messenger of justice or a just judge, but I can be ruthless, heartless and irresponsible.

Stop talking, there is motivation.