Having a father accompany you in childhood has three important impacts on your children!

Having a father accompany you in childhood has three important impacts on your children! (Updated on 2020-12-03) The mystery of God’s creation is to allow new fathers who play the role of “father” to reduce the testosterone in their bodies to reduce their aggression towards foreign objects, and to participate in childcare care with mommy~ As the baby grows up, he will begin to have frequent contact with the outside world and learn to interact with people. At this time, the outdoor games and external personality that the father is good at will allow the child to imitate and learn these abilities! PART1. "Dad" is a good companion for children to grow up

More and more modern families have a dual-income model, which means that the financial provider of the family is no longer limited to the father; and the roles of parents in the family may be interchangeable. Under such circumstances, the structure among family members will also change and create new relationships and thinking.

Su Xiangting, director of the Expressive Arts Therapy Center of Xingyu Soul Clinic, said that a child is the product of the same identity of father and mother, and neither parent can be conceived without one; therefore, as the child grows, God also gives gifts to the child. The roles of both parties must bear the responsibilities. Who should take care of the baby?

Babies aged 0 to 3 years old will seek a sense of security that they need to rely on from stable objects, and the sense of security will affect the baby's personality development and external emotions; to enable the baby to have a more stable growth During development, father and mother should be responsible for the baby's attachment.

In addition to establishing a good attachment relationship with the baby by taking care of the baby before the baby is 3 years old, the father's role also plays an important stage role when the baby is 3 to 5 years old. The necessary attitude of caregivers

Although parents are the best objects of attachment for children, dual-income couples change the objects of attachment of babies to nannies, grandparents or grandparents. Therefore, the most important source of security for babies is transferred from parents to real caregivers; and caregivers with long-lasting and stable emotions are also the key to promoting stable growth of babies.

Therefore, it is not necessarily the father or the mother who will be the main caregiver, but it depends on who has sufficient caring qualities; the caring role must be fully devoted to parenting. , in order to achieve the best state of childcare and care. The Myth of the Attachment Role

Teacher Su Xiangting said that if the caregiver must stay at home to take care of the baby, but not voluntarily and there are many complaints and injustices about the existence of this role, then the emotional fluctuations will affect the quality of care. This in turn affects the way you treat your baby. This is why the tradition always believes that the mother is responsible for the baby. Therefore, the mother is forced to give up her career or work to become a full-time mother. However, she suffers from postpartum depression because she is not adaptable or unexpected.

Although it is undeniable that women’s characteristics (they are better at taking care of children and have the instinct to understand their needs) are indeed instinctively displayed in responding to and understanding the baby’s physiological needs; but such as "keen awareness" Issues such as "strength" and "soothing skills" are also reliably acquired. Parenting is all about learning

Just because mommy is gifted with the innate ability to take care of her baby does not mean that daddy cannot have close emotional communication with his child. In fact, as long as dad learns to implement parenting and enjoys it, he will not only satisfy his inner sense of accomplishment, but also get unexpected feedback from his baby.

The general public’s stereotype of motherhood not only reflects gender advantages, but also social and cultural upbringing and expectations. If fathers also establish a good attachment relationship with their children, they will build up their children’s confidence. And it is of great help to the exploration of the outside world. Dad - is a man's new role

In traditional concepts, the father is the backbone of the family and a hero who cannot be defeated in the eyes of his children. The role model of "men are at home and women are at home" is also a continuation of tradition. concept. As times change, modern fathers have more opportunities to interact with their children, and fathers are beginning to be willing to participate in their children's growth and share parenting responsibilities with mothers.

So, if you want to know how to promote the parent-child relationship, start by understanding and learning to be a "dad"! From tradition to modern times, the role and concept of fathers have also changed a lot; the following is a comparison of the two categories, ancient and modern.

"Law Enforcer" Traditional Dad

Before the 1950s, most fathers' roles were only to provide family material and other financial expenses. Most of the responsibilities for parent-child education and family emotions fell on the mother; therefore, , the impression that a traditional father gives to his children is mostly one of authority, perseverance, or even indifference.

@西湘婷师 murmur...

In the traditional family division of roles, mommy will automatically regard daddy as the target of intimidation during discipline; the most commonly heard words are like They are: "If you don't go to bed quickly, Dad will punish you when he comes back", "Dad is coming back, finish the meal quickly, otherwise Dad will be angry when he comes back" and other methods.

After such a long period of time, the children will have a feeling of fear and fear towards their father, so they will not dare to get close to their father; or some children will think that their father is a law enforcer in their hearts, so the relationship between father and children Nature cannot establish an intimate relationship.

"Male Cooking Husband" New Good Dad

The number of modern dual-income families is gradually increasing, and the stereotypes of "strict fathers and loving mothers" and "men taking care of the outside and women taking care of the house" are gradually being broken. concept; husband and wife will pay attention to the division of household chores, and the role of child rearing is no longer just the responsibility of women. Some fathers are busy with work and cannot pay enough attention to their children for a long time. However, as a responsible father, he should still have the opportunity to educate and accompany him at all times.

Dads can share and discuss their views and phenomena on the trivial matters in daily life and what they see and hear; or they can take their children to do some adventurous and energetic activities, such as running and skating. , mountain climbing, etc. are activities that mothers are less likely to engage in to maintain the balanced development of their children.

@西湘婷师说了。

Teacher Su Xiangting said that although modern young fathers realize the importance of father-son interaction, due to restrictions, they have been limited by the traditional way of getting along with their father since childhood ( (Dad is only the financial provider of the family); some new dads can easily find no way to express their fatherly love. Mommy can also patiently assist, tolerate and guide.

"Active participation in parent-child activities" is the first lesson for modern fathers. They should take the initiative to understand their children's growth rather than blindly inherit the old teaching methods. Fathers' responsibilities as parents should be oriented towards "actively" educating their children, rather than just becoming an authoritative indicator role.

However, the father’s innate appearance and demeanor must still be maintained. After all, the role of the father is always a heroic model in the eyes of the children; when social needs change and affect the family structure, the father should always review and timely review Adjust your attitude and behavior. PART2. Without "daddy", what does the baby lack?

Teacher Su Xiangting believes that either parent plays an indispensable role in the growth of a child; while the role of "father", which is traditionally regarded as inconspicuous in parenting, actually has a considerable impact on children. .

Modern fathers are willing to be deeply involved in parent-child upbringing, which not only gives mothers someone to support and discuss, but also increases the tacit understanding and consistency of upbringing between husband and wife. This way, for the baby, It is the most complete environment for growth. Although many fathers have gradually understood their responsibilities and have allocated a lot of time to spend with their children, there are still many goals that require continuous efforts. Three levels of impact on babies

If a child lacks a father figure, what impact will it have on each level of growth? Teacher Su Xiangting provided possible impacts, but they may not apply to every child; the exact impact results and problem points should still be determined after detailed evaluation and consideration of other issues!

Physique

Because men mostly play dynamic roles and like to engage in sports activities; therefore, children who have a good interactive relationship with their fathers will develop their bodies at a faster rate.

Fathers mostly engage in outdoor activities or games with their children, and they also prefer to do technical and physical work together.

Proper exercise is helpful for the development of a child's weight, height, movement, etc., and the progress of development in this area can also be seen depending on the amount of contact with the father.

Personality

In terms of male personality, fathers usually have traits such as independence, confidence, decisiveness, cheerfulness, strength, risk-taking, and overcoming difficulties; these are among the female traits. What is lacking, it can be said, is that men and women have different complementary personalities. Therefore, children who have frequent contact with their father will naturally learn his father's behavior and personality traits from life. In addition to possessing the mother's feminine qualities, they also learn the father's masculine strengths, which will improve the baby's personality development.

Teacher Su Xiangting provided a study that showed that children who have contact with their fathers for no less than 2 hours a day will have better interpersonal relationships than children who have less than 6 hours of contact with their fathers a week. Harmony, being able to engage in more open activities, having an enterprising spirit of adventure, and knowing what masculinity is. On the contrary, children who lack father's love are usually prone to emotional disorders and have obvious characteristics such as low self-esteem, prone to anxiety, extreme aggression, etc., and may even develop many bad habits as adults.

Intelligence

Because men think more rationally and have a fair view of affairs; in addition, men themselves have strong self-control and thinking flexibility, which is also a father's influence on the intellectual development of his children. intellectual influence, and boys are more influential than females.

Teacher Su Xiangting believes that if a boy is not accompanied by a father figure in childhood, it is easy for the child's cognitive model to be feminized (emotional and perceptual) because the caregiver's role is more feminine; on the contrary Therefore, children who spend more time with their father can easily acquire more knowledge, experience, imagination and creative consciousness, which can help stimulate their thirst for knowledge, curiosity, self-confidence and other potentials. PART3． "Dad", you can do this!

Teacher Su Xiangting suggested that fathers should not ignore the important role they play in their children's growth. Although the mother's education is mostly the main one in infancy, as they grow up and learn, the parents' responsibilities are divided into half and half; for children after middle school, the father's education is the main one and the mother's influence is slower. Decline slowly.

After understanding his own importance, the father can no longer use the saying that "men are responsible for outside and women are responsible for home". After all, educating children is no longer just a matter of women's family. Musician Beethoven once said: "I don't know of any more sacred responsibility than raising a child to be an adult." This shows that children are the result of the union of husband and wife and the pillars of the country's future. As long as parents work together, Only through education and support can children grow up soundly and completely. Dad’s Six Magic Weapons

The way dad and baby get along must be different from mom and baby, and the father’s role has an important impact on the baby’s development in all aspects; due to different gender roles, dad and baby also There will be unique ways of getting along with each other. Teacher Su Xiangting provides the following:

Dynamic games

Games such as "Ghost Faces", "Hide and Seek", "Role Play", etc. are suitable for dads and Children play together; during the activities, you and your baby can wear wigs, make faces, drape sheets, and draw patterns on each other's faces, while mommy can act as a photographer and record the activities. Periodically make the photos into small cards or collect them into a book, and post them on the refrigerator or wall to become a family record of the happy games between dad and baby.

Play sports together

When you have free time, it is a good activity to take your children for an outing in the countryside or to run in the park, because dad is the "strong man" and "strong man" in the eyes of the baby. "Superman"; teaching physical exercises such as running, jumping, and throwing a ball together will be a "special program" for children to get along with their father, and it will also become a unique memory. When children feel the bravery and strength of their father's role in sports, they will gradually distinguish the different influences of father and mother on them.

Telling bedtime stories

Telling bedtime stories to children is mostly the job of the mother, but occasionally the father can also play the role of storyteller; The role will be different from that of my mother, with rough characters such as the powerful carpenter uncle and Peter Pan walking as fast as flying.

Talk in private

Because mommy is more nagging and emotional, her words sometimes make her children unhappy or bored; at this time, dad can be the "catalyst" between the two. , talk "quietly" with the child (for example: Why are you angry? Can you tell me secretly?), first relieve the baby's emotions and then take him to reconcile with his mother. The whole family can restore a harmonious atmosphere!

Share housework together

Couples sharing housework together is a trend in modern dual-income families; fathers teach their children to share housework together, and they also experience the hard work of mothers doing housework. Children's shared housework can start with putting away their own toys and learning the concept of "putting toys back in their place after playing with them."

When the whole family is together on weekends, accompany your baby to clean up the house or take your baby to take out the trash; when household chores become everyone’s responsibility, the whole family can enhance their relationship and affirm themselves as the family. Be part of the family!

Become a Santa Claus

Dad can send the gift to his baby at home or put it on the bedside, attach a special card and write "Dad will always love baby" and other words ; When the baby wakes up in the morning or finds a gift by surprise, accompany the baby to enjoy the joy of opening the gift while conveying love.

Su Xiangting

Current position: Director of the Expressive Arts Therapy Center of Xingyu Mind Clinic, Lecturer of the Promotion Department of the Cultural University

Education: Expressive Arts Therapy at the University of Integrated Learning in San Diego Certificate

Experience: Grief counselor at San Diego Hospice in the United States, consultant at domestic women’s center, single parent center, and Beijing Community Mental Health Center