Confessions of a poor rural girl

Something happened recently, which made me have mixed feelings. This is the first time to write an article in a newspaper, not for anything else, but to express my emotions.

520 is the wedding of my brother and sister-in-law. I bought a ticket with the number 18 and hurried back. Before that, I was very excited, because the wedding should be happy, but it is not. When I got off the train station, I was at school because I moved, so I haven't been to my new home yet. You can only find the bus home by mobile phone map, because the new home is remote and you have to take a bus to go home. But I had an argument with my mother on the bus, and my attitude was not good when I called. I'm a little grumpy. But when I heard her voice on the other end of the phone, I felt that she was haggard and suddenly felt sorry for her just now. When I got off the bus, I called her and said she could pick me up. It was raining from time to time, and I saw her driving an electric tricycle. The car is dirty, because it is a car that pulls swill (that is, leftovers from some shops or soup powder) with an umbrella on it. She put the luggage in the car with me, as well as the pork dishes she reduced in the nearby market, the chicken offal that others didn't want, and so on. She said she would go to the market to buy food, but she hasn't finished her meal yet. It's already past 8 o'clock in the evening. I know she has stomach trouble and doesn't eat now. Her stomach must be upset. I looked at the car in front of the market, and she went in to buy food. Looking at her rickety back and dark and thin figure, I can't help but feel a sadness in my heart. I think she took out two steamed buns and a bottle of water from her luggage before eating. I handed it to her when she came out. She said you ate one, too. I said I ate. I helped her tear open the package outside the bread and handed it to her. She wolfed down food and drank water at the same time. She seems hungry. At this point, I have a deep remorse in my heart. Why didn't I give it to her just before she entered the market? Finally, I went home after buying vegetables. My new home is very biased. It takes 20 minutes to drive three yards in, and the road is not easy. It just rained and there were many puddles, so I bumped all the way home. Really biased, really opaque. When she got home, she quickly cooked food. I sat and chatted with my parents. My mother said that she always couldn't sleep well these days and felt dizzy. She went for an injection and spent hundreds of dollars. It has been four months since I moved here in 2006. I have no income, but I'm living on my laurels. It took a lot of money to move, but the house was still leaking and the shoes were covered with mud. Eight piglets I bought died, and only 1 0,000 was left in the passbook. She said that she would share a room with me tonight. Next morning, she woke up. She said that she finally had a good sleep this week. Maybe I came back and reassured her. Tomorrow is my brother's wedding, and she always answers a lot of phone calls. Supposedly, she should be very happy, but she cried because the wedding was held at the woman's house in another county. My family is responsible for all the wedding expenses. A * * * has 17 guests, but there are only 3 people in my family and 14 people in my sister-in-law's family. My uncle and menstruation feel embarrassed. Obviously, marrying a daughter-in-law looks like marrying a son, but I finally agreed to go. And at the wedding scene, the contrast between two relatives and friends is obvious. On the one hand, they come from the city, on the other hand, they come from the dark and thin countryside, and they have experienced many vicissitudes. Besides, the wedding was really treated unfairly. Only the guests at the woman's house have wedding cakes, candy and decorations on the table, and we don't even have enough sugar here. Obviously, we ordered two more tables of wedding candy and cakes and gave them to the waiters without giving them a clear explanation. And they all speak local dialects, and most of them are women's homes. They chatted happily, but we didn't know anything. Sometimes it's really awkward. No wonder my uncles feel humiliated. Of course, there are more embarrassing things than this. Because there were not enough cars, I had to take the bus with my sister, but my shoes were half broken. It was raining that day, and both of them were caught in the rain. I quickly bought a pair of slippers to wear on the roadside. When I come out from home, I always get some dirt and other dirty things, because my environment is really dirty. When we got there, the whole person was embarrassed. Aunt can't stand it anymore. Take me to buy shoes. This is the first time in my life to wear such expensive Li Ning shoes, 259 yuan. After buying shoes, I met my family first. My aunt told my mother that she bought me a pair of shoes of size 259. My mother told me that I owe others and I will repay my aunt in the future. When my mother told my aunt that I didn't ask my family for living expenses when I went to college, my heart ached and I wanted to cry at that time, but I endured it. Actually, I didn't want to be that strong. I will never forget my sister-in-law's family staring at me when I arrived at the hotel gate. Actually, I can't blame them. It's really their family that got married, because my family is really terrible. Let's not talk about the wedding for a while. These things that I have experienced these days have made me think a lot. What's been bothering me? It is inferiority complex.

? Tell me about my family. We are five brothers and sisters, are you afraid? Because my father wanted two sons, he created such a huge family. I am the third child. I have a sister and a brother. In order to make a living, our family moved from the countryside to this small city. I rented a bungalow at home, and my parents knew nothing except the most primitive-raising pigs and collecting garbage. It is difficult for me to tell my classmates what my family does. When my mother was picking up garbage, she saw some bread and snacks in the garbage dump. Some are broken, but you can still eat fruit after cutting. When she saw something to wear, she brought it back for us to wear. After all, her family is poor and can't afford snacks and new clothes. Sometimes she was afraid that my mother would pick up the clothes thrown by her classmates, so she was embarrassed and brought us up. I envy people who have washing machines at home, so that school uniforms can be dried, and school uniforms will soon dry, so there is no need to make a fire to dry clothes, and there is a firewood; I envy people who live in buildings, because they don't have to worry about leaking rain. At night, there are mice running by the bed, dust particles on their faces at home, and flies and cockroaches attracted by swishing water, especially at night. You don't need to be embarrassed that the classroom is dirty because your shoes are covered with mud, you don't need to be afraid of ignorance and the embarrassment that you can't use computers in information technology classes, and you don't need to fill in family information to say that your parents are garbage collectors. It is great courage for me to write this in the newspaper now. I still can't get rid of it when I go to college now. I am the only person in my family who went to college. Tuition loan, starting from the second semester of sophomore year. Until now, I'm a junior and almost a senior. When buying clothes, I always look at the price first. Sometimes my roommate will say, it's so cheap, is it embarrassing for me to wear it? I never order take-out, because now take-out costs 10 RMB 12 RMB, so I told my roommate that take-out is not clean and I won't eat it. In the canteen, my meal is always about 5 yuan, and one of their dishes gives me a meal. I never bought fruit before, but later I found it impossible. I stipulate that I can't eat more than 7 pieces of fruit a week. Sometimes when I see my roommates eating delicious food, I can't help swallowing. I have an impulse when I see them put the fruit in a rotten place and throw it away. Leave it to me if you don't eat. Why put it in a bad place? But because of face and self-esteem, I dare not speak. Suddenly I feel so sad and hate myself. I'm most afraid of them asking me out to dinner, because it's expensive outside. Eating with them once may take me two days, and the movie ticket is more than 20 yuan. They invited me many times and reluctantly agreed to go to the movies. Sometimes they wonder why I don't like this and why I don't go to that store to buy it. Actually, it's all because I'm poor, in order to save money. So I feel inferior in front of people. Sometimes I complain about my parents, why they have so many children that they can't afford them. Sometimes coming from a family has a great influence on a person, especially a girl. In order to provide education for younger brothers and sisters, elder sister went to work after graduating from junior high school. She has a hard time, and her brother-in-law is also in the countryside. Life is very difficult, not only for me, but also for my other brothers and sisters. Sometimes it is difficult to play with my college classmates because they are not at the same level at all. My life is only study and part-time job. I have never been in love at my age, because I feel I am not worthy of others. In fact, I also want to take the postgraduate entrance examination, but the reality can't tolerate me waiting for another three years. I must work as soon as possible to make money. I plan to work part-time this summer to earn the cost of driving test. At present, I have a career plan, which is being implemented step by step. I hope I can get everyone's blessing and apply successfully. I hope my efforts can change my destiny, and I don't want to get rid of it by marrying a good family. I am an independent and self-respecting person, and I am here to cheer myself up.