Talk about vanity

Accept your vanity so that you are not afraid of exposure. Hello, I'm Katie.

In fact, I really want to, really want to, really want to be the kind of girl who is completely calm about "any fame and fortune." To this end, I work very hard. However, I haven't done it completely.

Well, I try very hard to "get rid of vanity".

For this reason, I have read many books and movies. Tell everyone what you think in this article. After repeated exploration, I am not so afraid of vanity now, my heart has become calm, and I have a feeling of taking a step back. After all, I did bring this topic to the table.

The essence of superiority is "fear" and "inferiority"

To tell the truth, I really want to be the kind of girl who is "very calm" and "very unburdened". How to say it specifically?

Excellent, but not deliberately showing off.

Rich in heart, not seeking external recognition.

Just listen to the rumors.

Let others guide me, but I have my own values.

Obviously, I can't do it. Why not?

Probably, it is because of inner inferiority.

Because everything I get now is not easy. I can't help but "show off" the treasure I got after thousands of difficulties.

I am not a rich girl.

At the age of 28, most of my life is mediocre. I am not excellent in other aspects, but my grades are not bad. Fortunately for me, I took my grades as a breakthrough, worked very hard to accumulate knowledge, and then bought all this with my so-called talent.

It seems that everything will require you to "do your best". Even if the final result is not ideal, I ask myself to use the power of the universe now to recall:

Going out early and returning late at school, diligence makes up for it.

When I applied for a job, I prepared carefully and was exhausted.

After going to work, I kept making progress and lived up to expectations.

My life, even a little change, is what I "desperately" for.

Yes, in my life, few good things happen at my fingertips.

Therefore, when I can easily understand complex movies, I can't help but "talk";

Therefore, when I can afford expensive clothes, I can't help but change my parents' dress taste;

Therefore, when I can travel around, I can't help but choose one in a hundred to make sure that the pictures I send are textured and advanced.

……

However, I am very, very confused and tangled.

I have a neat personality.

I hate this kind of "showing off" and "so-called affectation".

I hope I am sincere and frank. However, in reality, I still can't meet my own requirements. Sometimes, when hesitating, I still can't help but make some "sad" remarks.

Well, in fact, I probably understand-I can't calm my vanity, but my inner inferiority is at work.

There is a saying in Osho's works:

The sense of superiority is nothing more than inferiority complex and the posture of walking upside down.

The essence of superiority is fear, and the more it is manifested, the more unbearable it is.

Those real "rich girls"

I took a pet class some time ago. I met such an open and interesting person. I went home and told VV that I liked this PL teacher very much. He asked, why?

I said, because teacher PL is very calm.

Frankly speaking, it is difficult for a teacher to conquer me. Maybe it's because I'm a teacher myself. I'm a strict teacher.

I have the same requirements for other teachers-extremely professional, knowledgeable, honest and interesting.

To tell the truth, it is too difficult to do the first two points. Most of the courses I applied for in the past were not exciting enough to attract me professionally. However, Mr. PL did it.

The icing on the cake is her calm personality. That's the state where I tried and failed.

Teacher PL, I think she is a typical rich girl.

When I say rich here, I mean "I am rich in my heart and rich in material things." She seems to really treat the evaluation of the outside world, money is "open" and "calm".

Specifically, Mr. PL, gently explain the specialized courses. Never show off your family proudly. Listen carefully to your confusion, there is absolutely no sense of looking down from top to bottom.

It took us a long time to piece together her family situation.

In Beijing, my father is a diplomat and my mother should have a decent job. I have a good English level since I was a child. After I graduated from Beijing Foreign Studies University, I worked in a foreign company. Then, because of having children, I was exposed to the educational concept of non-violent communication, and I felt very good. So, a workshop was held.

Now I continue to do translation occasionally. But most of the time is devoted to promoting PET. Although the current workshop is not as profitable as before, it is very satisfying with a sense of accomplishment.

I also have a sister with me.

I have my own set of theories, and I can justify myself. Keep unlimited curiosity about life. Usually it can be elegant, vulgar and free to change, without any shelf and burden. Very good!

They are all my role models.

"Showing off" is an instinct.

Cai Kangyong's EQ course is devoted to showing off.

Showing off this behavior is of course out of vanity. The vanity mentality probably comes from primitive times, and we need others not to ignore our existence.

In primitive times, if we caught a few wild animals while hunting, we would pull out their teeth. Teeth can't be eaten, but they can be worn as necklaces and hung around the neck, so that everyone who passes by us can find that we are very powerful hunters, and it is best to provoke us less.

Although this kind of ostentation is based on vanity, to be honest, this vanity is not empty, it is very practical.

This is very effective in protecting our tribe from others.

Maybe you will think that we are so far away from the era of hunting, but look around our lives.

How many people would rather scrimp and save than buy a bag that they can't afford. Or buy a goods, as long as it is more realistic, I am willing. The bag looks good and gets a few words of recognition and praise from people around, as if its existence has been affirmed.

This flaunting instinct probably exists in our blood.

In primitive times, people with very low sense of existence were easily ignored by the whole tribe. When resources are to be allocated, it is very likely that you will get nothing. As a result, you can't live.

Even today, if you work in a company with a low sense of existence, the boss will never consider your promotion; It's easy to forget when you get a raise.

You see, it turns out that from a historical point of view, showing off this behavior does have an effect.

What should we do?

But why do people habitually regard it as a shortcoming?

Probably because there are many inexplicable "shows" in society.

This kind of ostentation has no reason, and others don't want it at all, because it constitutes an attack on others. For example, Guo Meimei, for example, basks in cars, bags, luxury goods, houses, academic qualifications, travel and travel. ...

This dazzle makes others feel that their existence is very small. The so-called "vanity" means that you yearn for such advantages, but in fact you don't have them.

I may also remind everyone, including myself, that since showing off is an attack on others, we must be psychologically prepared, and others may fight back; Since vanity is deceiving ourselves, we should also be psychologically prepared, and deception will be exposed.

However, when we feel inferior, we can't control our ostentation. What can I do to avoid "vanity" from doing too much harm to myself?

First, recognize your own "problems".

We should understand that vanity and ostentation may be our own shortcomings. While we want to show off and be vain, we must first tell ourselves that I am showing off and being vain.

Second, accept. We should accept that we are showing off and being vain.

ARCRynek i Opinia, a research institute in Poland, once conducted a survey and found that more than half of the population in Poland, both men and women, had bought A. ..

When these people who bought commodity A were asked why they bought fake A, they said frankly that they just wanted to buy something with "not so different quality" at a much cheaper price.

They accept that they are in a vain state and are showing off, which means that they expose themselves in front of others and rationalize their behavior. In this state of mind, they will get much less repercussions than those who refuse to face the truth.

We need to know what we are doing; Instead of vanity or smugness when showing off, once exposed, you will become angry from embarrassment.

Third, make reasonable changes.

We are not perfect, or even good. However, this does not mean that there is nothing we can do about it. We can know, accept and change.

I have long recognized my own problems, accepted my shortcomings of "showing off", and now I am changing.

This article, a frank analysis of myself, can be regarded as part of the example of "I am changing"

See the link in the comment section of the questionnaire.

Here, I regard everyone as my most sincere friend. We are strangers to each other, but very close.

At present, I am managing the foreign mixed soup alone. At present, I have published the article 120+, which is mainly divided into three parts: 1. English, 2. Values, 3. Life.

My life is rather boring. I like quietness rather than activities. I read and think a lot, and I am willing to analyze and share the problems that plague my life, so as to spread my influence.

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Illustration: Laurie Keller Text: Candy Left