If you have any funny jokes, tell me.

1. The principal and English teacher visited a middle school in France. The principal spoke in the auditorium and the English teacher translated. Principal: "Ladies and gentlemen!" English teacher: "Ladies and gentlemen!" Principal: "Ladies and gentlemen!" English teacher -_-! After thinking for a moment, he said: "Good morning!" Principal: "Good morning!" English teacher:... ==" Khan 2. There is a polar bear. Because the snow is too dazzling, he must wear sunglasses to see, but he I couldn't find the sunglasses, so I crawled around on the ground with my eyes closed. I crawled and crawled until my hands and feet were dirty before I found the sunglasses. I put on the sunglasses and looked in the mirror, and then I realized: Oh. , It turns out that I am a panda 3. A polar bear stayed alone on the ice in a daze. When he was bored, he started to pluck out his own hair, one, two, three. Finally, there was no hair left, and then he became cold. Dead. 4. Once upon a time, there was a bird. He would pass by a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in the cornfield, and all the corn turned into popcorn!!! The bird flew over Later... I thought it was snowing and I was so cold. 5. Xiao Ming got a new haircut. When he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiao Ming, your hair looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged, so he ran outside and cried, and he flew up. 6. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly rejected it. The spider asked: Why? The butterfly said: My mother! By the way, those who hang out online all day are not good people. 7. On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana in front suddenly felt very hot. He said, "It's so hot. I need to take off my clothes." As a result, he peeled off the skin and the banana at the back fell down. Then the banana with its clothes turned into a dried banana~ 8. One day, the three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as you stand on the edge of the valley and shout what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. So the three of them decided to give it a try. Ghost, so he yelled "Woman!" woman! "Jumping down, there are indeed a lot of beauties waiting for him. The second one is a nerd and shouted "Books, books, books, books!" "Then, he jumped into the valley and got a lot of books. The third one was an indecisive person. He couldn't decide his favorite after thinking about it. After an hour, he finally made up his mind and felt that it was still money. It was most useful, so he walked towards the edge of the valley. When he accidentally kicked a stone, he cursed "shit!" "Unexpectedly, his center of gravity was unstable and he fell down the valley. 9. As for Xiao Ming, he has an exam tomorrow, but he was watching TV at night. Xiao Ming's mother worriedly asked: Have you finished reading all the books? There is an exam tomorrow. Xiao Ming answered readily: Mom, I've finished reading. Xiao Ming's mother happily praised Xiao Ming: Good boy, you will do well in the exam tomorrow. Xiao Ming cried and said, "Mom, I've finished reading." 10. Panda Deep. He loves Xiaolu, but is rejected when he expresses his love. Why? On the road! My feet suddenly felt sore while walking! Why is this happening? Because Xiao Ming stepped on a lemon! 12. Which Chinese character is the coolest? "Tong" said to "Coin". When you put on your doctorate hat, your worth will be a hundred times greater. "Chi" said to "Jin": Sister, the results are out. You are pregnant with twins. "Chen" said to "Ju": The area is the same as yours. I have three bedrooms and two living rooms. 13. One day, a university teacher asked a student: There are ten birds in a tree. If one is shot and killed, how many are left? The student asked: Is it a silent pistol? Wasn't the gunshot loud? 80-100 decibels. Is it illegal to hunt birds in this city? Don't commit. Are you sure that bird was really killed? Sure. At this time, the teacher was already impatient: "Just tell me how many birds are left, okay? Are there any deaf birds in the tree? No. Are there any that are locked in a cage and hung on the tree? No."

The principal asked again: How can you climb over such a high wall? He pointed to his pants and said: Li Ning, everything is possible. The principal asked again: What does it feel like to climb over the wall? He pointed to the shoes and said: Xtep, it feels like flying. On the second day, he entered the school through the main entrance. The principal asked: Why didn't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster costume, and the principal said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said: You are what you wear, Semir clothing. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school. The principal said he could not wear a vest to school. He said, men, keep things simple and love Dengbao clothing. The principal said I'm going to give you a serious offense. He said: Why? The principal said, M-Zone, I have the final say on my territory. 30 Life is really boring. Last month, a buddy of mine borrowed 4,000 yuan from me and said he wanted to have plastic surgery. As a result, I don’t know what he looked like now. Oh, 4,000 yuan. 31. Note to robbers: Our bank staff only understand Spanish. Please be patient when robbing. It is best to bring a translator. Thank you! 32. Are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw a stone at my head! 33. I think I should lose weight. The last time I donated blood, a hundred milliliters of lard actually leaked out. 34. Tourist: Master, is that thatched house over there a toilet? Monk: Except for the thatched cottage, the rest of the place is a toilet. 35. The hair is gone without a trace, and the dandruff is even better! 36. Shit and piss are good brothers. One day Shit was hit by a car while crossing the road. Pee said: I really want to poop... 37. Yesterday I signed up for a weight loss training class, and they asked me to wear loose clothes during the training. Clothes, how could this be true? If there are loose clothes, then why should I sign up? 38. My wife and I haven’t spoken for 18 months and I have no chance to interrupt her. 39. Thief A: Count how much money you robbed today? Thief B: No, you will know after reading the newspaper tomorrow. 40. The higher you stand, the farther you pee. 41. Go your own way and let others take a taxi. 42. Wear other people’s shoes, walk your own path, and let them find it. 43. Late one night, a young woman was passing by a mental hospital when suddenly a "wow" sound came from behind. The woman turned around and saw a naked man chasing her. The woman was so frightened that she ran away, followed by the man behind her. No, there is a dead end ahead. The woman is desperate. She knelt on the ground and cried and begged: "You can do whatever you want. I just ask you not to kill me." The man smiled slyly and said, "Really? Now you Start chasing me.” 44. At a literary evening, the host came on stage and announced: Please enjoy: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! The whole place was silent and terrifying! ! ! Han~~~ 45. If a tiger doesn’t send a cat, you think I’m critically ill! 46. ??A person in our dormitory had to pee after drinking too much, and then he made a cold remark: If you drink too much pee, you will have too much wine. 47. My sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much do these shoes cost per pound?" 48. Someone came to my aunt's house as a guest before, and she just walked in. It happened that my aunt had to go to the toilet. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "You guys sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" 49. When I was in college, a classmate and I were arguing about a problem, and we were at a disadvantage for a while. In a hurry, I slapped the table and stood up and shouted: You Nonsense, I’m not stupid! I spit on your shit. 50. When I was a kid, people selling popsicles and ice cream usually used bicycles to sell them. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: The new ice cream is hot. (I guess my aunt used to sell fried cakes and fried dough sticks) 51. My colleague was arguing with someone, and he got anxious and said, "Do you think I grew up eating?" I have always wondered what he grew up eating. " 52. Once when a KTV requested a song, a girl shouted loudly: Please order me a song called "Double Jay Chou" by Zhou Jiejun. 53. One day in the forest, the fox was smoking marijuana, and then the little rabbit came running from a distance. Seeing all this, he came over and said: Fox Fox, how can you smoke marijuana? It is not good for your health. Look, the air is so fresh. Come and run with me.

The fox thought it was right, so he ran with the little rabbit. As they ran, they saw the elephant taking heroin. The little rabbit ran over and said to the elephant: Elephant, elephant, why are you taking drugs? Look. The air is so fresh, come run with me. The elephant was right, just the two of them were running together. As I was running, I saw the lion rolling up his sleeves and about to inject heroin. The little rabbit shouted to the lion from a distance: Lion, lion, taking drugs is not good for your health. Look at how fresh the air is. Come run with me... . The lion put down the syringe and rushed over, giving the little rabbit a slap in the face. The elephant said to the lion tremblingly: "Why are you hitting the little rabbit? He doesn't want us to hurt him!" The lion said: Ever since the rabbit took ecstasy, he asked me to run with him every day! 54. In summer, a giraffe met a rabbit. She proudly showed off her neck to the rabbit: Ah, little rabbit, do you know how nice it is to have a long neck? Do you know how fresh and sweet those top leaves are? Do you know what it feels like to drink water in the summer? The refreshing water slowly passed through her neck. Rabbit glanced at her and only said: "Have you tried vomiting?" 55. One time my brother hit me and I had a bump on my head. Later, my brother wanted to pack stuff and couldn't find the bag, so he took the bag on my head to hold the stuff. 56. Once upon a time, there was a Marshmallow who played ball for a long time. He said: I am so tired. I feel like my whole body has softened. 57. Once upon a time, there were two snowmen. One said: I am so cold. The other said: I am also very cold. The other said: Let us hug each other, so they hugged each other. Guess what happened next? Then they were freezing to death. 58. When I was young, I was dishonest in eating. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me: It has been hard for 60 years. I had no food and I never threw away the boogers I picked out. 59. There was a rich man looking for a servant. Interview questions It was to go to the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands after using it. The rich man sent them away. Only one of them washed his hands, so the rich man kept him. But one day, the rich man found that he came out without washing his hands. , the rich man asked him why? The servant replied: "I brought toilet paper today..." 60. A man saw a sale in a store and walked in. "What are you buying?" "I want to buy dog ??food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a regulation?" "This is what discounted goods are like." The man spent a long time with the salesperson. , the salesperson still refused to sell it to him and there was nothing he could do. The man had to go home and bring the dog with him, and then he bought the dog food. A few days later, the man went to the store again to buy cat food and said, "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same salesperson, and the man spent another long time with her, but the result was still no result. I bought cat food without going home and bringing the cat with me. A few days later, the man came to the store carrying a large cardboard box with a hole in it. He asked the salesperson, "What are you buying?" "You'll know when you put your hand in." The salesperson put his hand in and said, "What is it?" "Yeah, it's sticky." "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper." 61. A man went to visit his grandma with his friends. While he was talking to his grandma, his friend started eating the peanuts on the coffee table and finished them all. As they were leaving, his friend said to grandma, "Thank you for the peanuts," and grandma responded, "Oh! Yeah. ! Alas! Since I lost all my teeth, I can only suck the outer layer of chocolate. . 62. One time, he went to a restaurant. , ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that this dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" he asked disappointedly. "Sir, it is really sold out." You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at the table. "The waiter replied. The man followed the waiter's instructions and saw a very respectable gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman had almost eaten his meal, but the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" was still full. The man He felt that the gentleman was wasting delicious food, so he walked up to the gentleman, pointed at the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" and asked politely: "Sir, do you want more of this?" "The gentleman shook his head gracefully. Then the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down.

Suddenly, he found a very small mouse with all its fur lying on the bottom of the casserole. The man felt nauseated and vomited all the vermicelli he had eaten back into the casserole. When he was there churning his stomach, the gentleman looked at him with sympathy and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it? I was like that just now..." 63. On this day, the hotel owner was patrolling the lobby. A beggar came up and said, "Boss, can you give me a toothpick?" The boss gave him one and sent him away. After a while, another beggar came and asked for toothpicks. The boss thought to himself: Why does this beggar ask for toothpicks instead of rice? He was also sent away, and not long after, another beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to ask for toothpicks too?" The beggar said, "Someone vomited, but I was a step too late. The two beggars in front had already eaten everything I could eat, and now only the soup is left. Can you give me a straw? 64. The boss and the second child were on a plane. The second child was airsick and kept vomiting. The boss had to go get the bag. When he came back, he found that everyone on the plane was vomiting. The eldest brother asked why, and the second eldest brother said, "I saw that this bag was also full of vomiting, so I had to drink half of the bag, and they all vomited." " 65. A priest was playing golf, and a nun was watching. The first shot missed. The priest cursed: "TMD, it missed!" "Hit again, the priest cursed again: "TMD, missed again!" The nun said, "God will punish you as a priest for swearing." "As soon as he finished speaking, he heard a thunderbolt that struck the nun to death. The priest was puzzled: Why was it me who cursed, and why did he strike the nun to death? At this time, I heard the voice of God coming from the sky: "TMD, I will strike too. Off! ” 66. The head coaches of the football teams of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup. God said: It will take South Korea 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I can’t see him anymore. God He also said: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach cried: I can’t see it. The Chinese coach quickly asked: What about us? God cried: I can’t see it. 67. Three little white rabbits picked up a mushroom. The two older ones asked the younger ones to get some wild vegetables and let’s eat them together. The younger ones said I won’t go, I’ll leave, so you guys ate my mushrooms. The two elder ones said they didn’t know how to go and get them, so the little white rabbit went away~ ~~ Half a year has passed and the little white rabbit hasn’t come back yet. The big one said it won’t come back and we can eat it. The other big one said wait a little longer~~~ One year has passed and the little white rabbit hasn’t come back yet. The two big ones haven’t come back yet. We agreed that we should eat without waiting. Just then, the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the jungle nearby and said angrily! I knew you were going to eat my mushrooms. 68. We say that a bear without a tail is called a tailless bear. Bear, what do we call a bear without a penis? The answer is a female bear, because a female bear does not have a penis. 69. In the music class, the teacher played a piece by Beethoven. Xiao Ming asked Xiao Hua: " Do you know music? "Xiao Hua: "Yes" Xiao Ming: "Then do you know what the teacher is playing? "Xiaohua: "Piano. 70. Once upon a time, there was a man who was fishing and caught a squid. The squid begged him: Please let me go, don’t roast me to eat. The man said: Okay, then let me ask you a few questions. The squid is very good. Happy to say: You take the test, you take the test! Then the man grilled the squid. 71. Xiao Ming lost a leg in a car accident, Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident, and Xiao Ming lost his leg in a car accident. The other leg was lost in a car accident. Xiao Ming lost one of his legs again. He screamed and shouted in pain~~~~~ It was very pitiful. In fact, Xiao Ming was a dog. 72. One day, a black poop saw a white poop. Black Shit asked: Why are you so white and beautiful? White Shit was very angry when he heard this! He said: I am not a poop! I am an ice cream!!! 73. One time, while playing mahjong on a hot day, there was a sudden power outage. I had no choice but to buy a candle and continue fighting. After half an hour, the heat became unbearable. One person said: "Let's turn on the electric fan, it's too hot." Another person said: "You can't open it. If you open it, it will blow out the candle."

Halo==” 74. When I was in college, a classmate of mine just bought a mobile phone and applied for a mobile card. He called the 1860 manned desk to ask, and he was so excited: “Can I ask about your earthquake belt service...” We actually heard on the speakerphone The receptionist said politely: "Our local business..." The whole dormitory burst into laughter! 75. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountains to pick fruits. He announced: "Kids, after picking the fruits, we will gather together. Wash them together and eat them together after washing. "All the children ran to pick fruits. When the gathering time came, all the children gathered. Teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you pick? Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them." Teacher: "Where are you, Xiaomei?" "Xiao Mei: "I am washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes. "Teacher: "The children are all great! What about you, Amin? A Ming: "I'm washing my shoes because I stepped in poop." 76. A mental patient screamed: I am the president, you all have to listen to me! The attending doctor asked him: Who said that? Patient: God said it. Hearing this, a patient next to him suddenly jumped up: I have never said that. Said! 77. There is a family where the whole family is very lazy. The father asks the mother to do the housework. If the mother doesn’t want to do it, she asks the eldest sister to do it. If the eldest sister doesn’t want to do it, she asks the younger sister to do it. But if the younger sister doesn’t want to do it, she asks the puppy to do it. One day, a guest came to the house and was surprised to find the puppy doing housework. He asked the puppy, "Puppy, do you know how to do housework?" The puppy said, "No way, they don't do it, so they ask me to do it." Even more surprised, you can talk!!! Puppy: Shhh! Keep your voice down, otherwise they will know that I can talk and ask me to answer the phone again...!! 78. Lele ran to the zoo one day to feed the monkeys...put peanuts Throw it to the monkeys... But there is a monkey who will stuff peanuts into his butt every time... and then take them out to eat... Lele felt disgusted and ran to ask the director... why did the monkey behave in such a strange way? The director explained: Last year, someone threw a big peach to him. As a result, the big peach's seeds could not be discharged smoothly from the buttocks... He suffered miserably... So now he must put the food into his buttocks to measure it. , dare to eat only after making sure you can pull it out... 79. Demon King: "Princess, no one will come to save you if you scream and break your throat!" Princess: "Broken throat!" "No one: "Princess! I'm here to save you! "Devil: "Damn it..." Ghost: "Who discovered me? Who: "What does it have to do with me?" "The devil is dead!!" 80. Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat. One day, the white cat fell into the water. The black cat rescued it. The white cat said a word to the black cat. "Excuse me." ..What is this sentence? Answer: Meow... 81. The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" "Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many" "That's it. . . "The little white rabbit left dejectedly. The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" "Boss: "I'm sorry, it's still not available." "That's it. . . "The little white rabbit left dejectedly again. On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" The boss said happily: "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today!" ! The little white rabbit took out the money and said, "Great, I'll buy two!" " 82. Fire brigade: Where is the fire? Caller: My house. Fire brigade: Where is it? Caller: In the kitchen. Fire brigade: I mean how do we get there? Caller: Don't you have a fire truck? ? ! 83. The coffee cup and the water cup were crossing the road together. At this time, an old man shouted, "Be careful, it's a red light now." "But after a while, the coffee cup crossed the road smoothly, but the water cup was hit by a truck and water poured into it. Why? Because the coffee cup has "ears" but the water cup does not. 84. Two tomatoes went shopping. The first tomato suddenly walked very fast, and the second tomato asked: “Where are we going? "The first tomato didn't answer, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato didn't answer, so the second tomato asked again.

The first tomato finally turned around slowly and said: Aren't we tomatoes? Can we talk? 85. Xiao Ming and his classmates were playing together and guessing "Andy Lau". Xiao Ming shouted loudly: "It's one of the four heavenly kings!" The classmate said confidently without hesitation: I know it's "Sun Wukong!" 86. Little Penguin One day he asked his grandma, "Grandma, grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asked his father again, "Dad, daddy, am I a penguin?" "Yes. Ah, you're a penguin, what's wrong?" "But, why do I feel so cold?" 87. Three college students were kidnapped. The bad guys tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Where are you from?" If you don’t tell me, I’ll electrocute you! College student A: I am from Jiaotong University, College student B: I am from Peking University, College student C: I am from Radio and Television University (Electric Power University)! As a result, he was electrocuted to death....Han~~~ 88. Once upon a time, there was a horse. He entered a bar, sat at the bar and asked the bartender for a glass of wine. The waiter said: Your face is so long... 89. The prisoner was executed by firing squad. Due to the poor quality of the bullets, the first shot did not go off, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried, hugged the bailiff's thigh and said: Brother, please strangle me to death! It's so damn scary... 90. Three people were competing in shooting skills, with a black man holding something as a target. The first man put an apple on the black man's head, then raised his hand and shot the apple to pieces from a distance of 10 meters. He blew on the gun and said: I'm Zorro! The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, and then raised his hand and shot the cherry 50 meters away. He blew the gun and said: I'm007 The third man put a cherry on the black man's head. He put a sesame seed on his head, then raised his hand and shot the black man's head from a distance of 100 meters. He also blew the muzzle of the gun and said: I'm sorry. 91. Xiao Wang at 10 I work in the human resources department of the building. A month ago, I was transferred to the administrative department on the 9th floor... Today, classmate Xiao Wang called the human resources department to ask him: "Is Xiao Wang here?" The colleague who answered the phone said: "Xiao Wang Wang is no longer in charge. "Classmate Xiao Wang: "Ah!? Why didn't I know when it happened? I didn't have time to send him off?" "It doesn't matter. You can go find him below." 92. Wife She spent a huge amount of money on plastic surgery and returned home a beautiful woman in a few days! When entering the door, she said to her confused husband: "What? You don't recognize me?" The husband was stunned for a moment, and then said in surprise: "Come in quickly, my wife is not at home." 93. A woman was walking at night and suddenly saw A man walked towards her with open arms, making a hug, and then kicked her forward. The man fell to the ground and cried loudly, saying: It’s already the third piece of glass. Who did I offend? Is it so difficult to bring a piece of glass home? 94. I was chatting with a group of female colleagues this afternoon. Suddenly someone said that I was not a man. I became angry. I said, you said I am not. I took it out and showed it to you. The girls all laughed. There was one who was the best and said, you take it out. Ah, I took out my ID card. 95.A little boy went to the country to spend the holidays with his relatives. His relatives lived on a farm, and the children played happily and saw many things they had never seen before. When he got home, he told his mother everything. He said the one that impressed him most was a sow with her piglets. What does a sow do? The child said: "The piglets chased the sow and then they turned the sow over and started tearing off the buttons on her belly." 96. Mom: "Son, son! Come on! What's 'It is too easy!'?" Son: "'It's too simple.'" Mom: "Why don't you tell me it's simple?" Son: "Ah, it's 'too simple'!" Mom: "You think I won't hit you, right?" After saying that, there you go. He taught his son a lesson. Then, the mother asked: "What do you mean by the word 'what'?" Son: "'What'." Mother: "I said: What does 'what' mean?" Son: "'What'!" After that, mother Taught her son a lesson again... After the punishment, the mother asked again: "Okay, I'll ask you again, just tell mom and it'll be fine." Son: "Yeah U_U~.

"Mom: "I often hear people say 'fuck'. What does it mean? Son: "(Woo)..." 97. The rogue said: "People call me rogue, which sounds nice!" The warrior said, "People call me warrior, which sounds nice!" "The expert said