Joke Collection Website - Talk about mood - Kneel for the original of Hu Yepin's Cat.
Kneel for the original of Hu Yepin's Cat.
A
Cat's hair is yellow and white.
it was one afternoon, and the cook suddenly saw it, and it was raining. The cat squatted under the eaves, burning its tail, its hair was wet, and the rain kept hitting it; It seems that it is sad and scary, and it is slightly relieved. The cook felt sorry for it.
"mi! Mi! ..... "He flattened his mouth and screamed to say hello.
The cat turned its head, and it was difficult to open its eyes in the heavy rain. When it looked at the cook, its tail bent straight.
"mi! ..... "is very fragile.
"mi! Mi! " The cook shouted.
"mi. ..... "The cat should be again.
the cook smiled; He ran into the kitchen, filled half a bowl of rice, mixed some meat and fish, and came out, facing the cat and using chopsticks at the edge of the bowl.
"mi! Mi! " He was calling.
The cat is obviously happy. It shakes its spirits, bulges its back, exerts its hind feet hard, and turns its belly towards the cook.
The lazy bowl of the lock is playing louder.
A cat's eyes are full of observation and consideration. It decided that the cook was a good person and beneficial to it, so it stamped its feet and bravely ran to the cook; It followed the body slightly when it fell to the ground.
The cook beat the bowl and led it to the room. The cat followed his feet, shaking its hair and getting rid of the rain.
The coal fire in the stove is still burning slightly. In order to keep warm, the cat goes under the stove to dry its hair: yellow and white.
The cat was hungry, cocked its tail and greedily swallowed the food that the cook fed it. It always hummed an instinctive tone about eating.
The cook looked at it with a smile. He thinks the cat is beautiful in color, long in hair and even in figure.
In a hurry, the cat blocked the esophagus with rice or fish, and then snorted again and again, just like a human cough.
The cook approached it, sat on the low stool blackened by Atractylodes macrocephala, and stroked it with his hand. The cat spat out a few grains of rice and continued its gluttony.
When she is full, the cat will lie lazily under the stove and wash her face with her feet. Gradually, her eyes will warm up. However, the cook likes it more.
So, in silence and unconditionally, the cat belongs to the cook, who becomes the owner of the cat and bears the responsibility of feeding and caring.
this goes on for many hours.
Second
The cat is very thin.
Therefore, when the cook comes back from the food market every morning, he always buys twenty coppers of small fish and pig liver for the cat in that bamboo basket: this is one fifth of the external water he spent. He used to be very frugal, but he didn't hesitate to spend it regularly by cats every day, and he was still happy because he liked cats, especially this one.
When the cat calls out the fishy smell of meat and fish, it welcomes him, wraps around his feet, tilts its face, straightens its tail, barks in a low voice, and follows him around: this is what makes the cook think this cat is special, and it is human to know him and be close to him.
He didn't want to address the cat in a common tone, so he thought ... For his own hobby, he was the best at eating pears, so he named the cat "pear".
"pears!" He started calling.
but the cat doesn't understand.
The cook thought of a way. While bouncing his fingers on the edge of the bowl, he called out so loudly:
"Pear!" " Although the cat is at his feet.
Accustomed to it, this cat, gradually, responded when its owner called "Pear":
"Mi, ..."
The cook was very proud of this clever cat.
Third
The cat doesn't go up to the tile, but walks or sleeps in the kitchen all day. But this is exactly what the cook wants. Because he is a man in his fifties, and he is single, with a little loneliness, and he is not good with several young colleagues. He has never said a word or two of gossip except for the forced answer about his position: they don't like him, and he doesn't like those young people who act rashly, have a thin voice and only talk about women. Therefore, whenever he has finished what he should do, that is, he has finished eating and cleaned up the kitchen. In order to relax, he goes to Dongsi Pailou and spends five coppers in Dacheng Teahouse next to Guandi Temple, drinking tea and listening to books.
Now, with this cat, he won't go to the teahouse, except to buy food in the market. His feet hardly leave the door, and he is only accompanied by the cat in the kitchen. He put the cat on his lap, stroked it, tickled it, and took a cloth to wipe the dust and other filth on it.
"pears!" He asked or gave a gentle cry.
"mi! ..... "The cat is lazy to respond.
Sometimes, he takes a rope, or takes off his belt, goes up and down, floats around, and plays with the cat. The cat then displayed its instinct, fell to the ground, grabbed its tail, grabbed the soil with its feet, and looked at it with malicious eyes. After a while, it suddenly ran forward, trying to catch the moving rope or belt. But it is often not hard! Just gently touch your feet and make a cautious appearance, as if to deal with some dangerous thing. Like these two kinds, steady and abrupt movements; For cats, cooks are equally appreciative and happy. He feels that it is a strange adventure with this cat, and it is also a blessing from God. At the same time, it is lovely and extremely supple, accompanying him all day long, relieving his melancholy and loneliness and giving him a happy baby. He admitted that the cat was his only good friend.
"mi!
when the cat barks, it cooks and laughs.
Four
The cat's body is getting fat and its hair is shining.
So it thinks of instinctive activities and that every animal has a need. The cat went to the house.
this is really a great disappointment to the cook! When he found that the cat was not at his feet or sleeping under the stove. He felt lonely and depressed, alone on the low stool at the door of the stove, eating a dry cigarette that he didn't smoke often; Tobacco flies from the mouth to the head like a cloud, which reminds him of rainy days, when the cat was dripping under the eaves.
At first, when he didn't see the cat in the kitchen, he was surprised and worried that something unfortunate would happen to the cat, so he called in front of the house and behind it:
"Pear! Pears! ..... "This is before lunch one day.
"mi! ..... "But there is no such lovely voice response. He's scared.
He fantasized about many terrible scenes: the cat fell into the well, flooded its whole body, leaving only a small tail floating on the water; And a big dog bit the cat, and the cat's four feet struggled under its long teeth; And what rude maid the cat was taken to and tied a hemp rope around his neck. .................
"Oh, my God! Don't lose my cat. ..... "
he prayed.
however, the cat, after all kinds of instinctive activities, is tired and lazy, dragging its tail from the house facing the kitchen and slowly coming back.
The cook was happy, and he fed him the rice. The cat was very hungry, and it cocked its tail and devoured it greedily as it did for the first time.
He touched it with his hand, which was very loving, and whispered,
"Pear! Don't run away quietly in the future, okay? Pears! ..... "
The cat only hums its instinctive vague tone about diet.
5
Because the weather is getting colder, the cook added a quilt to his bed, and at the same time he thought of cats! Just put a wooden box, (this is what he uses for clothes. ) turned into a cat's bedroom, which was padded with a lot of clean rags and old cotton.
"pears! It's warm to sleep here tonight. ..... "He put the cat in the box and said.
"mi! ..... "The cat looked at him.
"This cat is very human …" he thought.
Then, the cat rolled and jumped away.
At night, when he went to sleep, he put the cat in the box ... However, the next day, he found the cat by the kitchen door, sleeping deeply: this required him to wipe off the dust with a cloth.
But the cook was not annoyed. He just wanted to:
"Block the door of the stove with something, and the cat will naturally come to sleep."
Six
The cotton in the box did not move, and it was flat according to the sample, which obviously showed that the cat did not come to sleep; However, the board at the door of the stove is still blocked.
"Where is the cat going?"
the cook thought.
At this moment, from the tile in the kitchen, a cat's cry for sex suddenly came out. The cook ran into the yard and looked over the house.
There are four cats. Two are pure black and one is flowery white, and the rich one is pear. The white cat crouched on the tile, its tail hung down, and it was timid. It was a gesture of resisting the oppression of the other party. Looking at the pear, the terrible cry came from its small mouth, but the pear shrugged its shoulders, stood with its feet strong, and its tail was vertical, like it wanted to rush past, and it also hummed an instinctive tone-it was abnormal, and it was only a sound when it was courting. The two pure black cats sat idly on the wall and watched quietly: this is a unique phenomenon of cat family, completely contrary to human beings.
When the cook looked at this situation, he couldn't help thinking that his pear belonged to the male, but the white cat was ... He smiled.
"this thing is also bad. ..... "He thought.
the cat's cry grew louder and louder.
Pear finally pounced on it and conquered its opponent, the fat white cat, and became soft.
Two pure black cats continue to watch.
"Hey, Lao Wang!" The sound behind my ears was unexpected.
When the cook turned around, he saw that it was Sam, a so-called Shanghai gigolo who had no ears, was good at welcoming people, and almost wiped his owner's urine as a vanishing cream.
"what for?" He asked very unhappy.
"what for?" Sam is cold, too. "To tell you the truth, the sofa in the drawing room peed a bubble of cat urine, which is your responsibility."
"My cat won't go to the flower room. It's not pear urine."
"no? Look at this-"Three o'clock coldly despises him, showing more than ten cat hairs from his fingers.
indeed, the color of the hair is entirely from the pear, so the cook is speechless; He can't look at those hairs again.
"It's more like-"
"It is! ..... well, you see for yourself, for adults know, I can't afford it! "
Sam is proud.
The cook endured humiliation, patiently whispered and gently said many words to Ah San, such as accompanying gifts, apologizing, begging his forgiveness and help, and so on. At first, Ah San deliberately tried to evade and be humble, but it was full of co-coercion. Later, he let go of a lot of anger, sarcasm and abuse because of looking for a machine. Only then did he promise not to know his boss and let the cook wash the urine himself.
so he followed Sam.
when he turned around, he was so angry that he wanted to whip the cat for a while: why did he just pee on the sofa in the drawing room, so that he was insulted to the face of the most disdainful Ah San? ......
But when he entered the door, he saw the cat lying at the kitchen table, sleepy, and unusually tired. Therefore, he thought that the cat had just experienced sexual struggle, and its body was very weak. If it was beaten, it would undoubtedly cause illness, so he forgave it.
the cat has been tired in a sleepy sleep for a long time.
Seven
The cat doesn't eat. It seems to be ill.
hold it on your leg, your body is soft, weak and feverish, and your eyes are fascinated.
"pears! Pear! " The cook stroked it and called again and again.
it was a long time before the cat let out a weak cry.
"Pear must be ill!" He thought. "How to do this? Ah, yes: people say that there is a veterinary hospital, which completely treats livestock, so cats.
However, the cat suddenly became strong and struggled on his leg. At the same time, there was a strange cry on the tile.
the cat bravely ran away.
Eight
On this day, the chef's boss came to several local guests, so Ah San's message ordered him to hold two tables of home-cooked banquet; The cook has been busy since morning. Because of killing chickens, cutting fish, and constantly cooking, the cook didn't have time to pet his cat, although he couldn't say for sure that the cat was in the kitchen, or it ran to the house to chase the colorful-or other spouse.
"pears! ..... "The cook sometimes calls.
but I haven't heard the cat answer several times.
This is when the banquet started: four fried dishes and two big bowls were served. However, it was at this moment that the cook cooked the fish and turned around. On that table, there was a lot of food, and suddenly he found that there was no roast chicken. The cook couldn't help but be surprised. He put two roast chicken together in a clean and white way, and saw it when he went to the first bowl of food. He firmly recognized that his memory was correct; Eyes can't see flowers.
So, there is only one roast chicken left. What's the matter?
"Damn it …" thought the cook.
He searched the table, the stove, the shelf and around, almost without missing a gap. As a result, it only increased his surprise and doubt.
"Is it Sam who stole the roast chicken quietly when he came to get the vegetables?" He guessed.
"it's ... those people have no good intentions towards me!" "
but the cat, this thing exhales the sound of eating from under the extremely dark cupboard.
it suddenly occurred to the cook, but he was still suspicious.
"pears!" He called.
However, the cat didn't respond with the lovely "Mi ……", "Mm …" which made the cook realize.
So the cook swept down the kitchen with the fire.
the cat ran away.
It was the roast chicken that was swept out by Huotong, but it was full of dust, extremely dirty and bitten by a cat. Is completely useless.
The cook had no choice but to cut the remaining roast chicken in half and put it flat on the plate.
He looked out of the window angrily. From the moonlight on the twelfth night, he saw a pear sitting on the edge of the water, idling, slowly and gently washing its face with its feet and eating the greasy mouth of the roast chicken.
Nine
The cook stroked the cat again, because he had forgiven the mistake of stealing chickens. <
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