What if the child loves to lie?

All children will lie, no matter what the purpose, this behavior is definitely not a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, lying itself has two sides, altho

All children will lie, no matter what the purpose, this behavior is definitely not a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, lying itself has two sides, although lies can manipulate others' thoughts and behaviors and get what individuals want; But lies can play a protective and soothing role, just like white lies. On the other hand, lying is part of a child's normal mental development. A German educator once suggested that children's lying behavior is a sign of imagination and pioneering behavior. It is worth noting that if one lie helps children get out of trouble, then another lie is imperative. After the age of 7, children continue to lie, and it is likely that this habit will continue into adulthood. At this time, it is particularly important for adults to give timely and appropriate guidance and encouragement.

How to guide correctly

Punishment and indulgence are not effective ways to stop lying.

In an experiment, children were first divided into three groups. Before the game started, I told them a story to study the influence of this story on children's lying behavior in subsequent games. A set of stories is "The Wolf Comes". At last, the little boy and the sheep were eaten by the wolf for lying. There is a story about Pinocchio. Every time Pinocchio tells a lie, his nose gets longer. One set of stories is George Washington and the cherry tree. George Washington admitted his mistake voluntarily, and his father praised him for telling the truth. Three stories with different endings. Perhaps many people will think that the story of Wolf or Pinocchio can effectively reduce children's lying behavior, because the protagonist of the story will be severely punished for lying, which can play a deterrent role. However, the experimental results are just the opposite. George Washington and the children in the cherry tree story group showed the least lying behavior in the subsequent games.

Punishment is not the only solution to the problem. Instead of instilling in children the horror of being exposed, it is better to guide children to enjoy telling the truth.

In addition, some parents think that since lying is a common phenomenon, there is no need to care too much; Or children's lying behavior will naturally disappear with age, so they are indifferent to children's lies and let themselves go. In fact, this practice will give children a wrong interpretation: it doesn't matter if you lie anyway, you can tell more lies.

Quality company

High-quality companionship may be more effective than punishment and neglect. The so-called high-quality companionship is not the companionship of time, money and material things, but really goes into the inner world of children and understands their needs without criticizing or evaluating them. Adjust the parenting style according to children's different temperament types and characteristics, such as being more patient when raising children with difficulties who show anxiety and conflict. At the same time, lead by example, match words with deeds, and set a positive benchmark for children. Be a good companion, not a caregiver.

Strive to establish a strong emotional bond with children. Attachment theory holds that children will establish a special emotional connection with caregivers for individual survival, which is attachment. In a safe attachment relationship, children can express their feelings, thoughts and wishes more freely, and can also calmly accept the rejection of the other party. In this case, there is no need to use other strategies (such as lying) to achieve the goal. Lying is a part of social life. For children who are still weak, lying may be the best way to adapt to society and protect themselves. If parents can't provide a safe and comfortable living environment for their children, lying becomes the last line of defense for children to protect themselves.

After all, the most fundamental way to cultivate children's honest and reliable quality is to give them enough trust and encouragement to dig out the best part of their nature, rather than trying to eliminate the bad part. Positive encouragement is far more powerful than negative punishment.

Children love to lie, ask the reason first, educate children not to lie and the harm of lying, and let them know the story of "Wolf coming". In addition, adults should set an example for their children.

I believe everyone lied in childhood. I lied when I was young. I thought I could hide it from the world. When I grow up, I will know that my parents didn't expose it because they left me with self-esteem. I didn't know until I grew up that the lies I told as a child were actually nothing serious. Our lies can cover up the truth because we have tried our best to make up for it. In fact, every child is an angel and doesn't want to do anything wrong. If parents don't understand their children and scold them indiscriminately, it will definitely have a certain impact on their growth. Therefore, in the face of children lying, parents should give understanding and correct guidance, so that children can grow up healthily!

My sister has a five-year-old boy, Chen Xiao, and a two-year-old boy, Katie. Perhaps because Chen Xiao is the first child in the family, everyone dotes on him and has lived in a honey pot since childhood. Later, when the candy was over one year old, my sister took Chen Xiao to accompany her brother-in-law, and the candy was left at home for his grandmother to take.

The following year, my brother-in-law changed jobs, and my sister and Chen Xiao returned to their hometown. When Chen Xiao was five years old, my sister sent him to kindergarten. My sister probably feels guilty about the candy she left at home, and it is inevitable that she will spoil it more. Moreover, Chen Xiao went to kindergarten, and now the children have heavy schoolwork. Since kindergarten, her sister has been strict with Chen Xiao. No longer monopolize everyone's favor as before, but Xiao Chen's temper became stubborn.

At first, I just saw my brother's candy playing with toys and would grab it; Or the candy was picked up by an elder, so he ran over and cuddled. Chen Xiao is the youngest in the kindergarten class. She may be bullied by other older children sometimes. She will start bullying candy when she comes home from school. What she often does is pushing candy. Katie probably just thought that Chen Xiao was playing with him and seldom cried, so everyone didn't take it seriously. Once, the candy was pushed to the corner of the table, and a big bag was swollen on my forehead, crying. Chen Xiao is still applauding. My sister is very angry. She took care of the candy wound and began to teach Chen Xiao a lesson, hitting her with a small stick. My sister has always pursued stick education. If she makes a mistake, she will call ahead of time, and then persuade her to be reasonable after the call. She thinks that children are forgetful and ignorant, and it is useless to control them with gentle hands. In order to get along well with Chen Xiao's younger brother's candy, Chen Xiao received his sister's stick. Chen Xiao probably understood that if she had fun with her brother, she wouldn't be beaten again, and she didn't push the candy down again. However, he began to lie.

Candy is uncomfortable in the stomach for a while and it is easy to vomit. Everyone is inevitably more concerned about candy, but they haven't ignored Chen Xiao. But Chen Xiao learned to pretend to be sick without a teacher. He vomits when he eats sugar, and everyone is worried. He went to the hospital for examination, and the result was very good. The doctor suggested further observation. When Chen Xiao went to kindergarten the next day, her sister specially asked the teacher to look after Chen Xiao, but Chen Xiao ate and drank well at school and couldn't eat at home. My sister became suspicious and observed for three days in a row. She found something. Chen Xiao vomited after eating sweets. Not only that, Chen Xiao often makes trouble with candy when playing with it. As soon as the elders found out, they immediately said it was candy. Candy man's novels are not written neatly. The quiet little man has been hit by my sister's stick many times these days. My sister was very angry, but she forced herself to calm down. Lying and pretending to be sick can't compare with ordinary pranks. If a child is naughty, he can be taught to remember with sticks and admonitions. Next time, he will know that he will be beaten if he doesn't do well. However, lying and pretending to be sick, which involves the cultivation of character, is not so rude to deal with.

My sister held a special family meeting to discuss Chen Xiao's ability to lie and pretend to be sick, and asked everyone to cooperate to correct Chen Xiao.

As far as the result is concerned, Chen Xiao's practice was very successful for a period of time, because he probably got the result he wanted, and he wouldn't realize the seriousness of this matter without being discovered by adults. This is the negligence of the elders. Children need the guidance of their elders when they grow up. If an elder ignores it, a child may go bad in secret. If it is not corrected in time, it will be too late for the child to grow up.

In fact, it is easy to see that Chen Xiao is lying. After all, he can do many things, but he can't make small sweets. But out of love and trust for Chen Xiao, everyone always believed Chen Xiao's words "This is made of candy". On weekdays, Chen Xiao is no longer allowed to play in the corner alone with candy. Once Chen Xiao takes the candy out of the sight of adults, there must be elders following him secretly. When Chen Xiao plays the same trick again, the elders will come out and expose him. Everyone present would say to Chen Xiao, "Chen Xiao, this is not made of candy. How can you say it's made of candy? Children can't talk nonsense. " After that, I still have to teach candy, and I have to add, "It's wrong for my brother to take you to do this." When my sister comes back from work, everyone will complain. My sister will teach Katie a lesson first, focusing on "It's wrong for my brother to take you to do this", and then it's Chen Xiao's turn. My sister will ask Chen Xiao first if she knows he can't play pranks. If Chen Xiao doesn't know the answer, stick education will be admonished again; If the answer is yes, ask him why he knew he was taking his brother to do it. At this time, we will see if he can tell us the reason. At first he would insist that his brother did it, and then he would cry. My sister will watch him cry with a straight face. When he stops crying, she will continue to ask him why, and then she will educate him with a small stick and explain that it is wrong to take her brother to make trouble. After several times, he will know that it is not good for him to lie like this, because he will be beaten and trained anyway.

The narrative is a bit cumbersome, I hope it will help you.

My sister doesn't like living in her husband's house, and the kindergarten in Chen Xiao is close to my home.

My child is over four years old now. When he was about three years old, he was told not to lie. Tell him: any mother can forgive your naughty temper, but you can't lie. You should be an honest boy. My mother likes honest and trustworthy children. I have been teaching him not to tell lies. My children can't lie. He sometimes asks my mother if you will hit me when I drop something! I told him that as long as you tell the truth and don't lie, I won't hit you. I will also tell him: don't worry about your mother hitting you, just don't say it. You are a mean person.

I remember my daughter 10 came home from school one day and told me that she had found 100 yuan in front of her house. I was happy, too. Who will be unhappy if I find the money? When I came back from school the next day, I brought a big bag of delicious food and popsicles. At that time, my family was poor and I had never spent so much money. These days, my daughter said that she found another 100 yuan and took home a pack of delicious food after school. This time, I immediately realized that she was taking her own money. I didn't criticize her too much, because I saw her put a bag of food in front of me, as if she had bought the money she earned to honor me. She was so happy that she took the money from home and didn't spend it secretly, which showed that her little mind also had her own little plans, but she couldn't do it herself and was eager to realize her wishes. Looking back, I feel very proud. My daughter will never be wrong when she grows up. Take money from home, take a hundred, don't take ten pieces, and you can't see one yuan. What a hero! Now my daughter is going to college soon. Excellent results, noble products. Now she can take my money by herself. When she is old, she will never take it again. It is normal for children to lie. Every child has this process. I made this mistake myself when I was a child. It's no big deal for a child to tell a little lie. As long as the child is not malicious, there will be no big problem. Just like you raise a flower and plant a seedling, it is inevitable when insects grow and when flowers bear fruit. So are children. It is the age of making mistakes, and it is also an experience that everyone must have. Only good guidance, patient preaching, pointing out serious problems, no serious problems. Some friends saw what I said, including my mistakes in words, punctuation and opinions. Make friends and discuss with each other.

When it comes to children lying, I think:

There is a boy named Qiqi in the community. I started to attend kindergarten middle class in September this year. What puzzled his mother was that every time he was asked what he ate in kindergarten at noon, the child always said it was ribs, which lasted for two weeks. So when his mother chatted with other children's mothers, she said that the food in kindergarten was good. Eating ribs every day will make him very tired, so it's best to match more vegetables.

But other parents reported that they only ate ribs once, so they didn't eat them every day. Then Qiqi's mother found out that the child was lying.

Another time, Qiqi came back from school with a black and blue knee. She asked the child how the injury was caused, and the child said that it was a child named Mita in the class. But my mother thought it was a fall while running, so she went to the teacher for verification. The teacher also said that the child accidentally fell and broke while participating in the game activities.

The child has a series of lying behaviors, and Kiki's mother can't help worrying. Why do children often lie after kindergarten? What caused him to keep lying? What should I do with it?

1. Unconscious lying

According to the test analysis made by the Children's Institute of the University of Toronto, Canada, 20% of two-year-old children will lie, 50% of three-year-old children will lie, and even close to 90% at the age of four.

When children lie, many parents may say they don't understand or even scold them.

In fact, because children lack cognitive ability before the age of six, they often lie unconsciously. This kind of behavior can't be called lying, but the child doesn't know how to answer correctly.

In this case, parents only need to gradually guide their children to improve their cognitive ability and language expression ability, and do not need to go online, insisting that their children get rid of the problem of lying.

2. Imagination and reality are mixed together

Children's little brains not only know nothing about things, but also have rich imagination, which is particularly vulnerable to the influence of cartoons.

For example, some animals in cartoons can fly, so he will imagine that he can fly; Characters in comics often like to wear red clothes and shoes, so when you ask him what color he likes, he can easily say that he likes red …

Children can't tell fiction from reality, so they will have what adults think is lying.

In this case, parents should gradually help children to establish the concepts of imagination and reality, so that children can gradually get rid of imagination. At the same time, we should also pay attention to protecting their imagination, such as encouraging them to draw and do manual work.

3. In order to escape punishment

If parents are too strict with their children and make them afraid, once they make mistakes, they will try their best to escape punishment, so it is easy to lie.

In fact, it is right for parents to formulate codes of conduct and reward and punishment rules, but they should also grasp the degree and give priority to encouraging and educating their children. Too much punishment will make children afraid to tell the truth.

4. In order to get praise

Kindergarten teachers and parents hope that children can have good behavior habits and moral cultivation.

Many times, in order to meet the expectations of parents and teachers, children will lie when their ability is not up to standard, in order to get praise.

Parents and teachers tell their children the value of honesty. If he loses his integrity, he won't be praised for doing well, and gradually help them establish a correct outlook on life and right and wrong.

5. Want to realize a wish

This desire is divided into two types:

One is a false wish. For example, when all partners have a toy and they don't, children will have exaggerated lying behaviors, such as lying that they have many cars, toys or snacks at home. At this time, children often express their own wishes, not facts;

The second is to want something, for example, parents promise that he can get something as long as he finishes it well, and children may want to get it by lying for many reasons. Parents should carefully identify the reasons why their children lie, see if they are too harsh on their children, appropriately satisfy their wishes, make their children's mentality healthier and naturally reduce lying behavior.

Give an example of a friend around you:

In fact, if parents really understand why their children lie, they may not be angry.

1, friends have high expectations for their children, which leads them to want to do their best in everything. Once parents' expectations are not met, children are prone to lie.

2. In the face of children lying, parents did not ask their children the reason at the first time, but scolded them, making them feel wronged and not telling the truth to their parents.

Don't get angry when children lie. If you are really angry at that time, you can avoid the child for a few minutes and then talk to the child.

Ask the child why he lied in a caring and kind tone, instead of asking and blaming, so that the child can tell the truth more easily.

If parents know the real reason why their children lie, they can guide them in a good way and tell them that parents know that you lie to keep them from being disappointed.

Recognize your child's "lying motivation", and your child will feel that you "understand him" and will be more willing to "continue to communicate" with you.

Then you tell the child that your parents don't approve of lying. The baby doesn't want to disappoint his parents. You can play after you finish your homework. If you haven't finished it yet, you can also "tell your parents frankly" and then agree with your parents when it will be finished. Parents will also be very happy. Parents will think that my child is a good boy who has the responsibility to admit his mistakes and is willing to make up for them.

I have collected some scenes about children's motivation to lie, hoping that parents can detect them well.

1, attracting attention

Children have the characteristic of affirming their existence through the attention of others. If lying in a child's experience can attract the attention of adults, then the child may attract the attention of others in this way.

When children lie: Are you "angry" or "helpless"? Parents with high emotional intelligence are like this.

2. Parents' misconduct

Because of parents' dishonest behavior, children in early childhood imitate their parents' behavior and sow the seeds of lying for them.

3. Parents' tough personal judgment

Parents should not ask their children suggestive questions, such as "Did you swallow the glass marbles?" ? Many children will answer "yes" to this suggestive question. If you ask your child patiently, "Where are the marbles?" ? The child will point to the table and tell you that "the marble rolled under the table".

4. Lying in order to realize a wish

Sometimes, children often take what they want as what they have already got. This is because the child's psychological activities and thinking development are not perfect, which leads to "fantasy" and is not really lying.

5. In order to avoid some things.

Sometimes children lie to avoid certain things, for example, if they don't want to go to kindergarten, they will say "I have a stomachache".

6, for fear of reprimanding, beating and cursing.

Some parents scold or beat their children whenever they do something wrong. Children are afraid of scolding and beating, so they lie to cover up their mistakes and get forgiveness from their parents or teachers. So if they make mistakes for the second time and the third time, they lie again to get forgiveness.

When you meet a lying child, remind yourself of four words:

Calm down, and then kindly "ask why"

Understand the child's "lying motivation" and identify it.

Telling children that "lying" is not correct.

Discuss with your child how to "make up for mistakes"

Xiao Min has a younger brother, and Xiao Min's family likes him very much. Usually, I let my sister do everything. If my brother does something wrong, Xiao Min may be punished. In this case, my brother often lies.

Once my brother said that my sister had taken his toy, but in fact my brother's toy could not be found, so he said that my sister had taken it. The doting mother accused Xiao Min of taking his brother's toy, but she didn't know that the child was lying. Later, another time, my brother said that the school had to pay, but it didn't need to. He also wants to blame Xiao Min and tell his mother that Xiao Min told him. After mom called the teacher to confirm, it was my brother who was lying.

Parents' doting on their children will make them feel arrogant inside. Children often lie and are dishonest. In the future, children will be unable to gain a foothold in society and make friends insincerely, which may affect their future. Many families are facing similar problems. Children often lie, not telling the truth, but trying to hide the facts. Some children are afraid of being scolded by their parents, while others want more benefits. No matter what the reason, children's lying is a bad habit and must be changed!

What if children often lie?

Be sure to tell your child not to lie! Lying will cover up the facts with gauze, so that others can't see the truth, which is not good for children's growth. Lying may delay things or aggravate problems. You can educate children about the consequences of lying and its direct impact on children, so that children will be more aware of the seriousness of the problem.

Children lie just to hide the truth, or they don't want to take responsibility. As parents, we must tell our children that we can't avoid the problem, but solve it, otherwise it will aggravate it. Avoiding problems is not the way. The way is to face the problems and then solve them.

Children should be taught to admit their mistakes in daily life. It takes 2 1 day to form a habit, and it takes more time to cultivate a good habit for children. Therefore, parents must take the time to tell their children the importance of admitting mistakes in their daily education, so that their children can make mistakes in the future. The first reaction is to admit mistakes, not to shirk responsibilities.

In all aspects of life, sometimes small problems that parents ignore are irreversible for their children's future. Children grow up, many small things. Sometimes it's a trivial matter for a child to tell a lie, but the end result is a big deal. We can't cause disaster because of the negligence of small things.

When a child would rather bear the pressure and pain brought by lying than tell his parents the truth, it shows that the child subconsciously has no trust in his parents.

A mother's monologue:

After school, I asked my child, "Is there an exam today?" He said frankly, "I finished the exam yesterday." I believe.

When I got home, I turned to a math test paper with only 60 points. I am very angry.

Not because of his low grades, but because he was lying and was shocked by his calm face.

Since when does he need to lie? Incredible heartache.

He didn't do well in the exam for a while, and his father and I were both worried and didn't look well. I think he is under too much pressure. Yesterday, we taught him a lesson for a long time because he got 80 points in the Chinese exam. There is no progress in mathematics today, but it is 20 points lower than Chinese. How dare he tell us? Just lying.

Another mother's monologue:

After the child came home from kindergarten, he told me happily: "I won the first prize in the singing contest, and the teacher gave me a chocolate, which was delicious."

Later, my mother met the teacher, and the teacher said, "No! Yun Yun did not participate in the competition at all. " Yun Yun also said to the children in the class: My father is the leader of the group, and my mother looks like Snow White ... I was very surprised when the children learned to lie.

Once, I was questioned when I complained to my teacher about my daughter's lying behavior. Teachers believe that children learn to lie from adults. I was shocked to reflect on my words and deeds. It turns out that my unconscious "lying" has become a "role model" for children.

Lying is an act of fabricating facts. If we can't treat it correctly, it will gradually intensify and become an integral part of people's personality psychology.

Nowadays, parents are annoyed because their children lie, but children are not born to lie, and no one wants to embarrass themselves by lying. There are two reasons why he lied, one is to imitate adults, and the other is to be forced by external pressure.

1. Imitate adults

Children are easily influenced by their parents, and parents' unconscious behavior may also make children learn to lie. Although no parents teach their children to lie, even parents who often lie don't like their children to lie. But if parents often tell some lies to their children when they get along with them, such as "I'll buy you a toy", but they never keep their promises; Or parents cheat others in front of their children. If children often witness this situation, they will gradually learn to lie.

2. Under external pressure

Sometimes, children don't want to lie, but under the pressure of their parents, they begin to find excuses to escape their parents' punishment. For example, some parents are very strict. When a child makes a little mistake, he starts to reprimand and beat and scold loudly. Or don't respect children's ideas, interfere with children in everything and force them to live according to their own wishes. All these will cause children's emotional tension and imbalance. In order to escape punishment, they began to compromise and lie.

When a child would rather bear the pressure and pain brought by lying than tell his parents the truth, it shows that the child subconsciously has no trust in his parents. Instead of accusing their children of lying, parents should reflect on their own educational methods: whether to put too much pressure on their children, whether they always want to control their thoughts, whether their lies are heard by their children ... Parents have the responsibility to arouse their children's changes by changing themselves and let the lies stop at the "source".