The root of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law How to solve the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law often emphasize the true feelings on the one hand, and the appropriate family affection on the other. As a result, both sides are not satisfied. Men and women who were not originally related by blood and "not originally a family" entered a home because of love, mainly driven by that sincere affection. Marriage brings not only the relationship between husband and wife, but also many family relationships. The bride suddenly fell into a network of relationships and needed to deal with all aspects. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is one of the more important ones. As for the daughter-in-law, there is generally less contact with her in-laws before marriage, so she does have feelings for her husband, but only for her in-laws and other members of her in-laws. What is the root of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? How to solve the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in order to live in harmony!

The essence of the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is that young couples lack economic ability.

Marriage, buying a house, decorating and raising children are not independent, which is the root of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

After receiving the certificate, young couples have to go through four major events, namely, preparing for the wedding, buying a house and starting a family, decorating and having children. These four things, whether from the material or non-material point of view, newlyweds need their parents (especially the man's parents) to bear a large part of the responsibility, and this responsibility has just laid a huge foreshadowing for the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Of the four major events, let's choose the second one to be specific. Look at buying a house first. It is common for young people in China to buy houses prematurely. According to the Blue Book of Real Estate released by China Academy of Social Sciences on October 3rd, the average age of the first home lender in Beijing is only 27 years old, that in Britain is 37 years old, and that in Germany and Japan is 42 years old. In Beijing, where land is scarce, young people who have just graduated or not long after graduation have to rely on their savings to make up the down payment for the first suite, which most people can't do. So, naturally, there is the following set of data: 20 13 A survey of a city's housing provident fund network shows that 72% of young people received financial assistance from their parents when buying a house, while in the same year, only 27% of first-time buyers in the United States received financial assistance from their parents.

Young couples in China have never been financially independent since the wedding ceremony.

China's parents often say to their children, "I don't want anything from you." You must have really felt it when you said this. However, in the specific implementation, it will inevitably go out of shape, and "short hands and soft mouths" will also happen between parents and children. Specifically, because parents have made enough investment for young couples to buy a house, they may ask * * * and * * to have a house, even if both husband and wife are unwilling to have a house, they will lose the possibility of refusing.

It seems that living with parents and children will bring troubles, but it is actually just a problem caused by living habits, which can be solved and alleviated. But behind this economic investment, there is actually a stronger logic: because the most important asset of a small family is acquired by parents, parents have a great right to speak and even decide when facing major family affairs. For example, when the real estate market is depressed, I want to buy stocks with the money from selling houses. If the money for buying a house had not been helped by my parents, the house would have been sold long ago. If the down payment was given by your parents, would you sell the house without your parents' consent? Then you can eat a pot.

Let's look at parenting again. There are also many parents who still live in the old house after supporting their children to buy a house and are unwilling to live with young couples. However, once they have children, there is no way to avoid this obstacle. As we mentioned in the last topic "It shouldn't be so difficult for China people to take care of their children", after a child is born, besides the parents' own responsibility, they often need the help of the elderly. This kind of assistance is more likely to involve male parents. Since then, there have been countless contradictions arising from the differences in parenting concepts. More importantly, sons don't like the way their parents take care of their children, so they can say it directly. There is no harm in arguing a few words. Daughter-in-law, bear with it, little contradiction

The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can continue to this day, reflecting not only the knot of two generations of women, but also new contradictions and new ideas closely related to the pace of social development. In order to understand and reflect more thoughts and wishes of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, we conducted a random questionnaire survey on mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in some provinces and cities. A total of 1000 questionnaires were distributed in this survey, and 502 valid questionnaires were recovered, reflecting the situation of 502 couples. The respondents involved Beijing, Shanghai, Shandong, Henan and other provinces and cities, including 239 mother-in-law with an average age of 64 and 263 daughter-in-law with an average age of 36.

Conclusion 1: Nearly 70% of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along well.

In this survey, 339 respondents think that they get along well with their mother-in-law/daughter-in-law, accounting for 67.53%. Among them, 28.7% mother-in-law and 29.5% daughter-in-law think they get along well. It can be seen from the survey that nearly 70% of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along well.

Through the analysis of the education background, income and marriage age of the daughter-in-law under investigation, we can see the following characteristics:

The higher the daughter-in-law's income, the more harmonious the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

The higher the education level of daughter-in-law, the higher the harmony between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Harmony between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is inversely proportional to the length of marriage. The longer the mother-in-law gets along with her, the more contradictions there will be. In this survey, if the daughter-in-law has been married for more than 15 years, the satisfaction of both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is low.

Conclusion 2: More than 50% of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have never quarreled.

In this survey, more than 50% of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law said that "there is no big opinion and there has never been a dispute". 16.5% of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law "are polite to their faces and blame their sons (husbands) behind their backs". The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who "have a lot of opinions, but have never quarreled and have always been patient" are below 10%. Less than 20% of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law "often quarrel" or even "fight" and "never talk to each other".

On the one hand, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has indeed improved; On the other hand, it also shows that the mutual tolerance of modern mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has improved, and contradictions are rarely interpreted on the table. In addition, the separation of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is also an important reason for the reduction of contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. According to the survey, only 22.6% of the respondents' mother-in-law live together. As the saying goes, distance produces beauty, and the alienation of space reduces the entanglement of daily chores between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and also reduces friction, making it more rational to get along. Even if there is occasional unpleasantness, there is almost no possibility of deterioration.

Conclusion 3: In the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, who will the son (husband) help reason?

More than half of the respondents believe that sons (husbands) play a key role in mediating the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and their most common performance is fairness: "whoever is reasonable will help him." Another 30% mother-in-law complained that her son (husband) "didn't help anyone and pretended not to know", and the same number of mother-in-law thought that her son (husband) was a "peacemaker and a two-faced person".

In this survey, we had direct communication with some interviewees. Most people have high hopes for the man (son/husband) who shares joys and sorrows with them, and think that his attitude and behavior are the most important factors to mediate the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The survey results show that son (husband) eccentricity is not prominent in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Less than 10% of the mother-in-law thinks that her son "helps his wife bully me", and only 3.5% of the daughter-in-law thinks that she "stands firm with her mother".