I really don't like the way my mother takes care of me. What happened?

I want to congratulate the landlord, because you can feel the feeling of being taken care of by your mother-annoying, because it shows that the landlord has grown rapidly and has a strong motivation for self-growth, so I like it for the landlord.

Human cubs depend entirely on their mothers (or parents or other important caregivers) for survival for a long time after birth. Because infants and young children are in a very fragile and powerless state of life, the mother's meticulous care for their children is the key to their survival and healthy growth and development.

However, there are some universal laws in the growth, development and expansion of human beings. For example, a person's growth is towards an independent goal, because life will naturally grow up and get old. No matter how much mom loves us, no matter how much we give her up, she can't always take care of us like this, and everyone will die of old age. Therefore, from this perspective, the essence of love is actually to help us grow into an independent person-mom can live well without us.

Everyone becomes an independent person, which is a long, difficult and tortuous process, accompanied by growth and development from birth. The first obvious independence was about 3 years old. One of the signs is that we began to say "no" to our mother (in fact, our declaration of independence for "no" was earlier than talking, but at that time we only used crying to express it). I even think that "no" is our most powerful language expression, like declaring that "I" is an independent existence: I don't want anyone to make decisions for me, I want to make my own decisions.

The second age when people obviously want to be independent is adolescence. We are not as young and fragile as we were when we were three years old. At this time, we say "no" more often, and the ways of saying "no" are also colorful. For example, we will say "good mother" but actually turn around and do what we want to do. Therefore, in this "battle", my mother will encounter more and more difficulties, and usually she will "lose" many "wars" more and more-the power of life growth is really unstoppable, even if sometimes we are willing to pay the price of self-harm in order to defend our independence, so that our mother's desire to protect us is often frustrated. For example, we commit crimes, smoke and fight, indulge in the internet, don't study or even run away from home, and stage various real sitcoms of "adolescence meets menopause".

You can talk to your mother about your feelings about meticulous care: the meticulous information is that you are actually quite incompetent, and you can't leave my care because I don't believe you can take care of yourself, and my mother's subconscious mind "Don't grow up, please remain incompetent now, because when you grow up, your mother will no longer be useful to you and you will abandon me."

"Meticulous" means that we are forced to bear these bad emotions thrown by our mothers. They are like backstage trojans, constantly consuming our psychological energy and dispelling our vitality towards independence. Therefore, aversion to "meticulous" rather than happiness is precisely the embodiment of our physical and mental health. Isn't it worth congratulating?

Tell your mother that you need independence, and assure her that you haven't abandoned her. You will love her forever, and then run freely on the road of growth! As for whether mother has the ability to trust you, that is her own homework-and her own independent homework. Everyone can only bear the burden of his own life, and her burden can only be carried by herself. In this spiritual sense, everyone's growth is a process of abandoning his mother, which is also the fate of each of us, including the future in which we have to experience and bear the children leaving us.