Classic lines from Private Soldier sketches

"Free Call" Dabing, Zhao Weiguo, Li Jindou.

Li: Audience friends, Dabing and I are here to bow to you!

Zhao: Zhao Weiguo wishes you well!

Da: The cross talk we are talking about today is a new work of ours this year.

Li: That’s right!

Da: We present it to everyone as a New Year gift.

Li: I hope you like it, hahahahahaha...

Zhao: The mobile phone in my hand is the latest product of our company. Today, as a Spring Festival reward, I will give it away for free!

Li: Everyone, it’s fun to listen to cross talk!

Zhao: Everyone, it’s so affordable to get a mobile phone!

Big: Friends who are willing to listen to cross talk, please give me a round of applause!

Zhao: If you want a mobile phone, shout out!

Li: Let me do this first...

Zhao: Do ??you want it? One, two, three...

Da, Li: Stop!

Li: You are causing trouble, right? What’s the point of causing trouble?

Zhao: What do you mean by ruining the place? I'm giving you a free mobile phone.

Da: Ah, you mean your mobile phone is free.

Zhao: That’s right!

Large: It’s free.

Zhao: Hey.

Big: Friends, this is a liar!

Li: Everyone, don’t be fooled!

Zhao: What is a liar? Hey, a truly free mobile phone.

Big: How do you do it for free?

Li: Tell me.

Zhao: This phone is not only free, but also responsible for all phone bills. If you hit too little, you’ll be fined; if you hit too much, we’ll reward you.

Li: Oh, please explain it more clearly.

Zhao: Let me tell you, even if you make international long distance calls 24 hours a day

Li: How about it?

Zhao: We also waive all orders.

Li: Do you have a number?

Zhao: Of course.

Li: What’s the number?

Zhao: 7417417474741

Li: Huh?

Zhao: You can remember it like this: I will make you angry to death, I will make you angry to death, I will make you angry to death, I will make you angry to death.

Li: Why are you so angry with me?

Zhao: This one, catch it...

Da: Hey, hey, don't worry. , everyone, don’t worry. I am a kind person.

Li: Yes!

Da: I am a real person.

Li: I can see it.

Da: I am a brave person.

Li: That’s right.

Da: This is obviously a scam.

Li: Yes.

Da: I can’t watch everyone being deceived.

Li: What should we do?

Da: Let’s do this, let me do the trick. Let me take it.

Li: I’m so mad at you.

Da: I’d rather be mad at you than mad at me

Li: What do you want this for?

Zhao: I wish you a pleasant call! goodbye!

Big: Come back!

Zhao: What are you doing?

Da: Do you really think I am two hundred and fifty?

Zhao: What do you mean?

Da: It’s so lively, why don’t you ask for money? You have to sign a contract for me.

Li: OK!

Da: Give it to me! Give me!

Li: It’s fake. Are you feeling guilty?

Zhao: What’s fake? Our company has some small conditions.

Li: What, tell me.

Zhao: I’m worried that you won’t be able to accept it.

Li: Hey, tell me.

Zhao: When making calls on this phone, advertisements sometimes appear.

Li: Advertisement?

Zhao: You have to listen.

Li: Listen to advertisements?

Da: Let me tell you, I grew up listening to advertisements, and now I never listen to advertisements.

Li: How is it?

Da: I will catch a cold.

Zhao: What is this disease?

Zhao: You must ensure that you make 8 hours of phone calls every day, and there will be no fines.

Da: I have to fight for 18 hours, can’t you give me money?

Zhao: So smart. The phone cannot be damaged, and the damage must be compensated.

Li: Yes, you still have to pay for it.

Da: Let me tell you, if a piece of paint falls off on this phone, I will compensate his father to you.

Li: Huh? Pay compensation to my father?

Big: Pay compensation to my father!

Li: No need!

Zhao: Why do I need so many dads? ah! ah!

Li: This is the deed of sale. This is it.

Big: Once signed, the black and white words cannot escape. Yes, let’s find a place to get the injection.

Zhao: Injection? See you in a month!

Li: Hey, hey, you’re going to make me mad.

Zhao: Why, you want it too?

Li: Of course!

Zhao: Not so much!

Li: I also like to listen to advertisements.

Zhao: That won’t work.

Big: I want to take advantage of everything. Can I get through for free? First, let me call my wife who is plumper than Concubine Yang to tell her the good news. Hey, it worked. Hello?

Li: Hello?

Big; dear.

Li: Who do you call dear?

Big: I call you dear.

Li: I...

Da: Dear, MUA, MUUUA, MUUUUUA

Li: You stinking gangster!

Big: Don’t worry, don’t worry, wife, it’s me, your husband is a soldier.

Li: Oh, it’s Bingbing. Bingbing, why did you choose such an unlucky number?

Da: I was about to give you the good news. I just picked up a free phone number.

Li: Bingbing, how many times have I told you that you need to go to the hospital for a good check-up.

Big: Why should I go to the hospital to check if I have nothing to do?

Li: Look, last year you picked up a free electricity meter. After installing it, the word ran faster than Liu Xiang. Last month, you picked up a free refrigerator, put an egg in it the first day, and six pullets hatched out the next day. Today, you picked up this free phone number again. Bingbing, are your symptoms of neurosis getting more and more serious?

Big: You are mentally ill.

Li: You are mentally ill.

Big: You are mentally ill.

Li: I...

Guang: Are you mentally ill? Do you need to see a doctor?

Da: Hey, this advertisement is here.

Guang: Our hospital is internationally certified by WCC and specializes in treating various mental illnesses. Contact number: 7474741.

Big: Why is this number so similar to mine?

Li: Bingbing, you asked me to see a psychopath.

Da: It’s not what I said. This is an advertisement on the phone.

Li: What advertisements can there be on the phone?

Da: How about calling it a toll-free number? He was told that the advertisement must be listened to to the end, and if I hit him less, he would get angry, and if I hit him more, he would reward me.

Li: Bingbing, how can you make me happy by treating me like a fool?

Guang; Foolish broad beans, the more you eat them, the funnier they become!

Li: Keep teasing me!

Guang: Acne anti-acne cream, fight acne to the end!

Li: Oops! Bingbing, you are so mad at me!

Big: Don’t be angry, wife, that’s an advertisement!

Li: What kind of advertisement?

Da: These are just two advertisements.

Li: Bingbing, I can’t live with you in such a day!

Guang: Do you want a divorce?

Li: Huh?

Guang: Do you want to start a new life?

Li: I think!

Guang: Then please come to the divorce agency where couples are divorced one by one, and no one will remarry!

Da, Li: Oops!

Big: Why is my advertisement so unethical?

Li: Bingbing, you have found everything! Tomorrow morning, I will divorce you!

Big: Ouch, hey, hey, wife, hello, hello?

Da: No, my wife misunderstood. Last year, he said he wanted to divorce me, so he quickly called my mother-in-law to explain.

Hello?

Li: Who is it?

Big: Mom, it’s me, your son-in-law, Soldier.

Li: It’s a soldier. What’s wrong? Did the couple quarrel?

Da: There was no quarrel.

Li: How can you get divorced without a quarrel?

Da: Don’t listen to her, that’s a misunderstanding!

Li: It’s a misunderstanding, okay, okay, I’m relieved if you say that.

Da: Don’t worry, I’m just calling you to wish you a happy New Year.

Li: Thank you.

Da: I wish you a happy new year...

Li: How is it?

Guang: Fever and cold, weakness in limbs, back pain, cold hands and feet.

Li: Bingbing, I didn’t curse you.

Guang: Please use the new medicine—Stretching Legs and Staring Eye Pills.

Li, Da: Oops!

Li: Bingbing, you are cursing me!

Big: Don’t be angry, I am, that’s an advertisement.

Li: Well, advertising, you see my body is so good that it makes me sick.

Guang: Do you have stomach pain, bloating, or stomach cramps?

Li: My stomach doesn’t hurt!

Guang: Do you have a headache, dizziness, or head cramps?

Li: I’m not dizzy

Guang: Do you have urgent urination, frequent urination or cramps?

Li: Do you still have urinary cramps?

Guang: Please use chili diapers, one pants holds 4 pants!

Li, Da: Oops!

Da: Can you stop your advertisement for a while? Mom, are you okay?

Li: I’m fine. Tomorrow morning, let our daughter divorce you!

Big: This old lady!

Big: My father-in-law called! Hurry and explain to the old man.

Big: Hello, Dad.

Li: Don’t call me dad, I don’t have a dad like you at all!

Da: Huh?

Li: Wrong! I don’t have an uncle like you at all!

Big: Oh dad, don’t be angry and listen to my explanation!

Li: Why are you explaining to me? If you make your mother angry, I will risk my life with you!

Guang: Tyson brand boxing gloves are effective with one punch, and your teeth will fall off after two punches!

Li: Good boy, you want to use force with me, okay, I'll find someone who can do it...

Guang: Do you need a kitchen knife? Hemp seed kitchen knife, extremely sharp!

Li: Oh, you want to go under the knife with me!

Big: Dad, how dare I use a knife with you here! I want to treat you to dinner!

Li: You’ve made me so angry, what can you treat me to?

Guang: Powerful rat poison, one pill is effective!

Li: Good boy, you have to give me medicine to die. Who is this uncle? I'll go to the police station and sue you! Wow————

Big: Dad, Dad!

Da: I know that good products are not cheap, and good products are not cheap! Whoever you call for free will offend whomever you call. Just turn off my phone!

Machine: This mobile phone reminds you: If you don’t play for 8 hours today, you will be fined 100,000 yuan!

Big: I...

Machine: This mobile phone reminds you: If the mobile phone is damaged, dad will be compensated.

Big: Let’s keep fighting.

Big: Hello, sister-in-law, I am your brother-in-law. Why can’t you hear that I am your brother-in-law? Not a widow but a brother-in-law. It's all my fault...Help!

Guang: If you want to be in good health, use Xiaobao morning and night. See Xiaobao every day. See Xiaobao every day! ...

Zhao: One month has passed. Let me see how the person who used the toll-free number is doing now.

Teacher Zhao Jin Dou, have you seen the soldiers?

Li: Soldier, I haven’t seen you for more than a month!

Where is Zhao?

Li: I’ll look for it, I’ll look for it.

Li, Zhao: Hey, here we come!

Da: Let’s take a sip of the long-lasting wine...

Zhao: We have another volunteer advertising promoter!

Zhao: Hi, are you okay?

Da: I won’t get sick during the Chinese New Year this year. If I don’t get sick, I won’t get sick. If I get sick, I’ll take Diazepam.

An Tong Ding, An Tong Ding, An Tong Ding...

Zhao: Soldier, how do you feel about the free call?

Big: It’s great, it feels like flying!

Zhao: Is your phone okay?

Da: Who knows whether a mobile phone is good or not?

Zhao: This hair needs to be washed!

Big: Yes, it will be healthier to wash yourself.

Li: Look, they’re all standing up!

Da: I choose, I like it.

Li, Zhao: Why?

Da: It’s good to be a woman

Ding Bing, Qizhi double act line)

Foot Washing City

I opened one Foot Washing City

The location is Jinpen Ridge

Jinpen Foot Washing...

...Let you have a "foot" addiction...

The foot washing city makes money! !

I wash one foot

I only charge him 50 yuan

How much do I make by washing 100 feet, huh?

I’ll be tough! !

I wash his 10,000 feet a day! ...

10,000 feet! ...

Calculate how much it is first...

One seven is seven... ah

Two, seven, forty-eight... ah

< p>March 8th...Women's Day

May Day...Labor Day

June 1st...my dad celebrates the holiday

July 1st...

It’s open...

Jinpen Foot Washing City

I am the chairman, general manager, cashier, accountant, welcome and security guard all by myself

No. 1 The sky opened

Celebrities from all walks of life came to support

There are...my grandparents

Grandpa, grandma, uncle, aunt, uncle, uncle, second uncle, three hundred and four hundred and five Hundred...

What?

All my family members?

A foreign guest is here too

He speaks a foreign language as soon as he opens his mouth

To pass the time! ! !

Get out! !

I am poorer than you and yet I will send you away! ! !

In order to carry forward the glorious tradition of respecting the elderly and loving the young

First of all

Wash my grandfather’s feet for free

Oops

< p>My grandfather has proud legs

I held up my feet and took a look

That was the African high jump - the black old man's jump

I washed it Eight tons of water

It was hard to wash out white color

This is pretty good

My grandma also came the next day

Grandson, come and pick a corn for me

As soon as my grandma took off her socks

I felt dizzy

My eyes turned black

I didn’t dare to vent my anger, and I got an upper respiratory tract infection as soon as I vented my anger

The mosquitoes and flies next to me were falling like rain

I said grandma~

Don’t Blame me for being unfilial

Here’s a hundred yuan for you

There is a foot washing shop next door! !

Go and harm him! !

What?

Did you ask her if she was going?

I don’t know if I went there~~~~

The store next door to Fangzheng closed the next day

There was a line of writing on the door

The general manager died on duty! ! ! ! !

Qizhi Dingbing’s cross talk “Happiness and Mourning” lines

Qizhi: Extraordinary Good News

Dingbing: Breaking News

Qizhi: Me My sister is about to get married. I’m so happy

Dabing: My grandma has passed away. I’m so happy

Qizhi: We’ve already sent out an invitation at the village radio station

Ding Bing: My radio station has been playing sad music all day long

Qizhi: Villagers (accompanied by Ding Bing's sad music)! Dear fellow citizens! On this great day, my sister and

my brother-in-law unfortunately passed away.

Also attending the memorial service were the village chief and women's director--pause!

Who died, who died, you

Ding Bing: I seem to have heard someone say that your sister’s husband unfortunately passed away

Qizhi: I let you That sad music is causing trouble, (sad music) you almost killed the village chief

Ding Bing: You are such a domineering person

Qizhi: I am announcing the good news

Dabing: If you marry yours, I will die for you

Qizhi: No, don’t get involved with me if you die

Dingbing: These two Something happened, and it’s my fault

Qizhi: Look at what happened

Ding Bing: Don’t get me wrong (ahhh) we are from the same village Villager (ahhh)

Qizhi: I have some money in the past two years

Dingbing: I have become rich in the past two years

Qizhi: This People have to compare with me in everything

Dabing: I can’t be three points lower than anyone else in anything

Qizhi: Did you say my sister got married for the first time and you couldn’t compare with me?

Ding Bing: Did you compete when my grandma died for the first time?

Qizhi: Is this a 21st meeting?

Ding Bing: Isn’t this a competition?

Qizhi: You can’t compete with me in terms of performance

Dingbing: That’s not necessarily true

Qizhi: In order for my sister and brother-in-law to have a golden and silver wedding and never get divorced I paid 50,000 yuan to order a song for them on TV

Ding Bing: 50,000 yuan to order a song

Qizhi: I have the Titanic theme song Let him broadcast for half a year.

The director agreed and just pushed back the broadcast time

Ding Bing: What time

Qizhi: 2:30 in the evening

Ding Bing: That’s it Changed: The chicken crows in the middle of the night

Qizhi: After the broadcast, there were only three words left on the TV

Ding Bing: Goodbye

Qizhi: Good morning

Dabing: You are not as good as me

Qizhi: What’s wrong with you

Dingbing: To show my filial piety (ah), I’ll take 100,000 yuan Qian published a servant notice in the newspaper for a month

Qizhi: 50,000 more than me

Dingbing: There is also a huge portrait of my grandmother on it

Qizhi: Why didn’t I see it?

Dingbing: I didn’t even see it

Qizhi: Where did he go?

Dingbing: I finally found it later ( Ah) He posted it for me in the middle of the 8th page, with the word "hunchback" at the bottom

Qizhi: This is still a huge photo of your body

Ding Bing: I understand. It’s the portrait of my grandmother

Qizhi: I don’t know

Dingbing: I thought it was an anti-counterfeiting mark

Qizhi: It has become a patented product

Dabing: I don’t care. The money owed to me is already overdue (?) I’ve been logged in for half a month and I won’t give him any money

Qizhi: You’re not as good as me.

Dabing: How is it?

Qizhi: I only gave him 500 yuan out of 50,000 yuan

Dingbing: I admire you for being stingy. 一

Qizhi: I admire you too, you are smoking for 250 (ah)

Qizhi: You are totally stupid

Ding Bing: I was fooled ( ? )

Qizhi: Come to the east end of our village

Dabing: Come to the west end of our village

Qizhi: Come to our village There is a wedding held in Dongtou

Ding Bing: We are at a memorial service

Qizhi: Our place is lively

Ding Bing: It is exciting here

< p>Qizhi: Our side is auspicious

Ding Bing: Our side is fun

Qizhi: Our side is auspicious

Ding Bing: Our side is fun< /p>

Qizhi: We have bathing and massage here

Dingbing: We have karaoke here

Qizhi: We have folk dance here

p>

Ding Bing: We have a striptease here

Qizhi: Hey, what’s wrong with the two of us soliciting customers?

Ding Bing: One more person means more money

Qizhi: We have set up eight big pots here

Ding Bing: We have set up ten big stoves here

Qizhi: We know that we This is cooking

Ding Bing: Oh, you don’t know, you think we are going to make steel again

Qizhi: We have hired 80 chefs, how can we compare?

Ding Bing: We invited 120 ladies

Qizhi: Huh? Why would you hire a dead lady?

Ding Bing: Who asked you to hire so many chefs?

Qizhi: My chefs take turns cooking, and I am left as a security guard. I’m afraid of losing something and going to court. I lost two motorcycles and a pressure cooker

Ding Bing: The lady here is here to play with everyone. Now there are no ladies who are willing to come. It seems there are too many people

Qizhi: Damn it... ( ? )

Qizhi: We have received a lot of gifts here

Dabing: We have collected a lot from accounting (?)

Qizhi: Let’s not talk about anything else. We have collected half of the warehouse of Taitai Oral Liquid. Now our family takes baths and replenishes bath water with Taitai Oral Liquid (?)

Soldier: I can’t compare to me. I have so many quilts and blankets that I can’t help it. In the end, I just paid a dollar a piece

I wholesaled and smashed 6 heads on the spot (you are just teasing). That’s a lot

p>

Qizhi: We have collected 15 color TV sets

Ding Bing: We have collected 20 urns

Qizhi: You accept everything, you also accept this Ah

Dingbing: Why do you collect so many colorful TVs

Qizhi: I have a color TV, I have one in the room, I have the biggest color TV in the toilet, and I watch it on one side

p>

Singing karaoke in the toilet is called singing in a private room

>

Dr. Bing: Haha, I have these 20 urns in the latrine (ah, 20 urns). Our family prepares one.

(How scary) In the end, no one wanted the 4 extra urns ( What should I do?) I will use it to store money

Qizhi: Is there any such thing to store money?

Ding Bing: This is safe (ah) Which thief dares to steal the urn?

Qizhi: We have midnight snacks here

Dingbing: We have food here

Qizhi: We have Northern and Southern dishes

Ding Bing: We have fresh seafood here

Qizhi: We have a Manchu-Han banquet

Ding Bing: We have diarrhea

Qizhi: We eat it badly I’ll tell you if you’re too hungry

Qizhi: Let’s drink our good wine as much as we want

Ding Bing: Let’s smoke our good cigarettes if we want

Qizhi: Let’s After drinking this good wine, the burps turned into a fountain

Dr. Bing: Our good cigarettes have become like this

Qizhi: Why don’t you smoke less, you < /p>

Ding Bing: It’s so cool

Qizhi: We have souvenirs here. When we leave, one of us will receive such a big job. Each of us will be given a basin and lead the water fish back. Singing at Home: Sister Yang Qizhi got married and took the bastard home with her. How fun would it be?

Ding Bing: Not as good as me (ah). Let everyone here send a photo

Qizhi: Who gets the photo

Ding Bing: My grandma’s

Qizhi: Who dares to ask for this portrait

Ding Bing: The front is the portrait

Qizhi: What’s the opposite?

Digital: Sexy star Madonna is better than Barbie

Qizhi: We hired 20 professional comedians to enhance the atmosphere

Dabing: We have 30 people here who specialize in making people cry

Qizhi: Let me tell you, when we talk about the wedding ceremony, the ones who are professional in making tears will laugh for 3 hours

Ding Bing: They started crying when we said the memorial service was about to begin. Anyway, I won’t give you any money if we don’t cry for five hours.

Qizhi: We laughed so hard that we cried. They said it was too little for us to earn such a small amount of money. It’s so easy that my face cramped up from laughing

Dr. Bing: We were crying and laughing (Ah) they said that none of us really cried

< p>Qizhi: The two teams met at the entrance of the village

Dingbing: This is chaos

Qizhi: Let’s talk about our experiences

Dingbing: You How good is the food over there?

Qizhi: What's so good about us? There are 10 of us at the table. We have a bowl of meatballs and there are only 8 of them.

Ding Bing: There are still years left. There are two pills

Qizhi: As soon as it was out of the pot, the chef tasted it and it was gone

Ding Bing: How talented is the chef (?)

Qizhi Zhi: A guy sitting at our table went up to scoop out 5 pills with a spoon and swallowed them. His face changed at that moment

Ding Bing: It was hot.

Qizhi: It was served again. There are only 3 slices of pork on a plate. I can't be polite. I can't be calm. I can't be silent. I just go with my chopsticks!

Ding Bing: Take away two pieces

Qizhi: I even took away the plate

Ding Bing: You are good, we are still a little worse

p>

Qizhi: What’s so bad about your side

Ding Bing: We can’t even serve food here. The lady at the table walked away with the food while she tasted it

Qizhi: Zhi: Hey, 120 ladies are not enough for them to eat

Ding Bing: When I sat down, there was only vegetable soup left. I ate two plates of soup rice.

Qizhi: Oh, that’s a lot. It’s disgusting

Ding Bing: I saw that this bowl (?) was not going to be served

Qizhi: What should I do

Ding Bing: I will personally go to the kitchen door to guard it

Qizhi: Eat as soon as it comes out of the pot

Dingbing: Look at my mother when I get there

Qizhi: What’s wrong

< p>Dr. Bing: Hundreds of people were guarding there in a dark crowd

Qizhi: All the beggars were summoned

Dr. Bing: I don’t know who yelled for a grab

< p>Qizhi: It’s over and there’s a riot

Ding Bing: A swarm of swarms rushed into the kitchen and ate indiscriminately. I squeezed in and you see (what happened), even the stove was lit.

No more

Qizhi: I didn’t eat the rice shovel (?)

Ding Bing: I grabbed one cabbage and two green onions after half an hour

< p>Qizhi: What to do

Ding Bing: Then I’m not polite, I just dipped it in soy sauce and ate it

Qizhi: Come and eat with us. (Ah) How many are we here? With your body and bones, you can grab some cooked food

.

Ding Bing: If I don’t come, I haven’t gotten back the 200 yuan I paid as a favor. Besides, we are about to have a lottery draw

Qizhi: You dead people still draw the lottery

Dingbing: Ah, our first prize is 30,000 yuan

Qizhi: Then you are not as good as us. We have 6he here. The lottery return rate is 80% and now I have got it

12 packs of washing powder

Dingbing: You are not as fun as us

Qizhi: How can you have fun

Ding Bing: We have 10 tables of mahjong here

Qizhi: We all play dice here

Ding Bing: We play video games around the coffin

Qizhi: We are playing haunted games in our new house

Ding Bing: We are having a dance party in the mourning hall

Qizhi: We are dancing disco on the bride’s bed

Dabing: We still have a show to watch here

Qizhi: Our song and dance party to warmly celebrate Yang Qizhi’s sister’s wedding begins now

Dingbing: Grand mourning for Mrs. Wang and take a leisurely walk The cross talk sketch contest has now begun

Qizhi: First of all, thank you all for coming

Dabing: Thank you for the red envelope

Qizhi: On this happy day Li

Ding Bing: We are extremely sad

Qizhi: Let us wish the bride and groom

Ding Bing: Rest in peace Amen

Qizhi: It's too shameful to get together again. You have your funeral at the west end of the village. Oh, we dance so well

Our singing and dancing are wonderful. Oh, those two girls are so beautiful in their costumes (how beautiful). Look at it everywhere

It’s almost as if you’re not wearing any clothes. If you look at it from a closer look, it’s really like wearing such a short skirt without clothes. I don’t dare to sing like that. My uncle didn't dare to look up when he saw the village director and the mayor.

He had a long look after he sat in the first row and went back... (?) He didn't dare to go out for three days to get towels at home

Are you doing a hot compress?

Dabing: You are not as good as me

Qizhi: What's wrong with you

Dingbing: I am having fun here and I am doing a group dance (group dance). Ah, dancing and dancing, the coffin almost tipped over

Dian

Qizhi: Then what kind of group dance are you doing

Ding Bing: My grandma rolled out of it Came out

Qizhi: Oh, how scary it is

Ding Bing: Later, while dancing, I discovered that there was a lead dancer in front of me. It was so exciting

Qi Zhi Zhi: We have invited a famous singer to come here to entertain us

Ding Bing: Oh, who are you to entertain us?

Qizhi: Oh, I am very tired. I am very tired. I was here just now. We have rushed to the west end of the village to sing for the happy ones

(Sing on our side) Next, I will sing a song for the happy ones here

Dr. ：Who are you for?

Qizhi: Pull for the happy one

Dingbing: The happy (dead) person is on our side

Qizhi: Then this side is ?

Dabing: Marriage

Qizhi: Oh, then I will sing a song "The Love Between Humans and Ghosts" for the living people

( Singing)

Dabing: Yu Yu

Qizhi: Oh, why is it like shouting a donkey

Dingbing: Why do you want to sing to death? (What's wrong) That's a song about marriage that can't live forever

Qizhi: Oh, it's a wedding song "Is there a car coming and going in heaven"

Ding Bing: This You can't sing "This is haunted"

Qizhi: Why is this haunted? Oh, where is my labor fee?

Ding Bing: Is this labor fee going to the toilet?

Qizhi: Rock stars are all like this

Dingbing: Haha, you still need labor fees, you are going to be disabled

Qizhi: You are going to beat people, beat them to death

Ding Bing: Ignore him, our memorial song and dance party will continue

Qizhi: They will continue over there

Ding Bing: Next is the girls' chorus (ah ) Singers Liu Aijie (old lady) Zhang Aijie and Zhao Aijie

Qizhi: Three old ladies

Ding Bing: All three of them are dressed up and facing the coffin It just started (I have to keep talking about it)

) Respected and beloved Mr. Wang and I are all

Our living friends here

Qizhi: Comrade Ma Tan

Ding Bing: Your death is a huge blow to us The loss

Qizhi: We feel extremely sad

GIBing: Since I lost you as a gunner

Qizhi: Yes

Ding Bing: Our income has dropped significantly

Qizhi: She is now our second artillery piece

Ding Bing: In order to express our grief, we have rehearsed a program. I hope you like it. Please listen to the girl's small talk Chorus

Together: "Send Off Comrades"

Qizhi: Preparing for Three Episodes

Together: (Singing out of tune, quarreling)

Qiz Zhi: I said I wanted to sing solo

Dabing: Are you still...(?)

Qizhi: You are the second runner

Dingbing: You are lucky It's worse than me. You borrowed 5 yuan from me yesterday and haven't paid it back yet

Qizhi: I used that money to buy groceries

Dingbing: This is a scam

Qizhi: I just won’t give it

......

Dingbing: I said I can sing well by myself

Qizhi: That’s fine by myself Solo, the three of us are a small chorus

Together: (Sing: Sending everyone to the west, silent and speechless, tears in my ears, mahjong sounds, mayou, mayou dear

My dear Wang family, tonight It’s so lively (three of us are short of one)

Ding Bing: At this point, my grandma sat up from the coffin

Qizhi: Why did she sit up?

Ding Bing: She also sings a song

Qizhi: What song does she sing?

Dabing: Actually I don’t want to leave, but actually I want to stay

Qizhi: Go back!

1. Crosstalk - After Divorce Performers: Qizhi, Dabing

Interesting stories about Dabing after his divorce.

Classic dialogue: "She has high standards and strict requirements for me, so I call her 'Gao Qiu'." "When I see the crack in the door now, I will think of two Liuyang black beans behind the crack."

2. Double Act - Wrong Train Performers: Qizhi, Dingbing

Harry received two invitations, but he pretended to be messy and suffered two meals Fully beaten.

Classic dialogue: "Congratulations, congratulations on having only one child. Congratulations. I'm here to send rice. Five hundred yuan, heartache for half a year, eating your meal will make people fall on their feet."

3. Double act. --Advertising performers: Qizhi, Dabing

Harry Oil's advertisement will shock you.

Classic dialogue: "There was a calf that was weaned after eating my milk. It foamed at the mouth and fell unconscious."

1. Crosstalk - Doing it Class performers: Qizhi, Dabing

Qizhi opens a prodigy training class, and Dabing opens a fairy qigong training class. What farce will they cause?

Classic dialogue: "I will say something in cosmic language and let you go for a walk in the twenty-fifth century." "I don't need it, I will just play around in these two centuries." "We Aliens don’t eat food, they eat fish.” “Do you know the explanation of the cosmic language ‘light’?”

2. Interview - Star Malatang performer: Qizhi and Dabing

Do you want to know the true story of Qizhi and Dabing?

Classic dialogue: "Teacher Yang is not one of those young people who succeed. He couldn't speak at the age of five, didn't know his mother at the age of ten, was still wetting the bed at the age of fifteen, and only entered the first grade of elementary school at the age of twenty. ”

3. Crosstalk-Video-selling performers: Qizhi, Dabing

Qizhi and Dingbing work as a hawker selling DVDs.

Classic dialogue: "Look, look, the Qizhi soldiers are on the Workers' and Peasants' Bridge." "It's impossible to buy a soldier and give him a gold necklace." "Come, look. Watch it, watch it, vomit it once!"

Cross talk between husband and wife Performer: Qizhi Dingbing

Dingbing’s wife has a mouth like a sparrow, which makes the room noisy. It's the chickens and dogs that are restless.

Classic dialogue: "Our teacher Yang's status in the house is not very high," "We often go under the bed to look for things every two days.

"

Double Act: The Troubles of Urban People Performer: Qizhi Dingbing

In the bustling urban life, there are so few annoying things!

Classic dialogue: " I bought eggs, and there were so many eggs, and there were chicken poop on them, and there was such a big lump of chicken poop! Buy chicken shit! ”

Crosstalk: Face Changing A Performer: Qizhi Dingbing

Many people say one thing in front of them and another behind the scenes, which is really shocking.

Classic dialogue: "You are all popular" "You are all popular" "You are all burned" There are many stars in the sky, which one are you, the broom star?

Double Act: Groupies Performer: Qizhi Dingbing

These fanatical groupies really make people laugh or cry.

Classic dialogue: "You know Jacky Cheung's first cry when he comes out is bel canto." , or folk singing, or night singing method? "

Crosstalk: Nose Troubles Performer: Qizhi Dingbing

Dingbing’s girlfriend broke up, and Dingbing ripped off his girlfriend’s nose in anger!

Classic dialogue: "You don't know, my girlfriend abandoned me... She gave me a deep (deep) kiss. "

Double act: lip-synching performer: Qizhi Dingbing

When the Cuo Bazi singer wants to sing, he really makes a fool of himself!

Classic dialogue: Changsha thermos cup broom star The autumn sale scared eight (people) to death. The singing competition is now on (starting)!

Crosstalk: Haiyan Performer: Qizhi Dingbing

If Gorky heard Dingbing reciting Haiyan will probably vomit blood.

Classic dialogue: Gorky is on the vast sea... What is he doing there?