Laugh, every sentence is funny, don't look at drinking water.

1, you say you are my friend, but in fact I know that animals are indeed friends of human beings.

With a textbook in your left hand and a lighter in your right, you won't order anything there.

It is agreed to produce scissors together, one made of stone and one made of cloth. Who hurt who?

In these days, it is the face, not the heart, that falls in love at first sight.

5, Xiao Qingxin is dying! Heavy taste is king!

6. Eat, drink, and be merry to call for goods, and share weal and woe to call for wives.

7. If you have another woman in your heart, then another man can sleep under my bed.

8. If you dare, run naked and chase me for two kilometers. If I turn around, I'm a hooligan.

9. The furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death, but when your future mother-in-law stands in front of you, you can only call you aunt.

10, where to fall, where to get up, where to fall again, I suspect there is a pit …

1 1. The most brilliant moment of Apple was hitting Newton on the head.

12. If you have a pear and put it in the refrigerator, it will become a frozen pear.

13, someone gave me sleeping pills, the address is, forget it, it's too late, help me call the police.

14, I have two dreams in my life: one is to dream all the time, and the other is not to wake up.

15, my mother told me: If your husband bullies you, let your grandparents take him away.

16, if I leave, I can get your smile. Then you, or cry!

17, the process of making money is spiritual enjoyment, and the result of making money is for material enjoyment.

18, school is about to start, and the people you get from me can't get my heart.

19, when you speak ill of me, can you stop embellishing it and think it's cooking?

20. Mobile phones must be used on the move. How to use Unicom mobile phone?

2 1, I'm a good boy, and I won't lie again. Except this sentence.

22. How wonderful the world would be if scores could rise like house prices.

23. The fact that a tiger is not arrogant does not prove that he is a sick cat, but only that he is an educated tiger.

24, you have to believe, believe that we will be like fairy tales, frogs and dinosaurs are endings.

You say you are my friend, but I know that animals are indeed friends of human beings.

26. The only difference between Superman and me is that I wear underwear.

27. I finally know why I want to "lick" Oreos, because then no one dares to rob them.

28. Some people test strength, some people test eyesight, and I test imagination.

29. Once a woman is rude, she is more destructive than an atomic bomb.

I never drink bottled water. Give me a bottle of 1982 mineral water!

3 1, it's interesting to be alive. Sick and sick.

32. School, although you have my people, you can't get my heart.

33. When I paid the phone bill, I found that my words were valuable.

34. What is the theme of the exam composition? I handed in my paper, and the composition was only five words. This is courage.

35. Some people make you feel bad seriously, while others owe you toothache.

36. People who like to be in a daze must have another pure world in their hearts.

37. Teacher, I have saved homework for a summer vacation, and I have feelings. Let's not hand it in.

38. Do two things every day: don't want to sleep at night and don't want to think in the morning.

39. My advantages are: I am a lady; But my shortcoming is that my lady is not obvious.

40. People like you, in the drama I directed, I can let you live for two episodes at most.

4 1. After an English listening class, the only words I can understand are the first few Chinese words.

42. Take a black-and-white photo of your appearance, frame it in your heart, and light some incense when you miss you.

43. Since ancient times, no one has died. Why should we die together?

44. When I was young, my mother often gave me a cup of foreign coffee. I didn't know it was Banlangen until I grew up.

45. I don't know much about music, so sometimes it's unreliable and sometimes it's out of tune.

46. You are my father, I am your grandfather. Sort it out mathematically, and I am still your father.

Come to me when no one wants you, and I will tell you that I don't want you either.

48. I am not a bone I can't let every dog run after me.

Man struggles upwards, as long as he is not afraid of dying on Mount Everest.

50. Protect yourself and love others. Please don't come out in the middle of the night to scare people.

Funny, tell classic sentences and laugh directly.

1, Buddha said, color is empty, and empty is color. Tonight, I want to be free.

My wallet is like an onion. I burst into tears every time I opened it.

3, drink Sanlu milk powder, the waist is not sour, the legs are not painful, and even the heart does not jump!

4. Don't think that you have been abandoned by this world, which has no time to talk to you at all.

It is difficult to go to school at noon on weeding day. A little book, just one afternoon.

6. Grandpa said: I watched the news broadcast for decades, but I didn't see the finale.

7. The early bird catches the worm. I don't get up to eat at noon.

8. Commitment is like a woman saying that she wants to lose weight, but it is hard to say that everything is false.

9. Sleeping is the artistic realm I have been pursuing. Please don't stop me from pursuing art.

10, Psychological activities of pregnant girls: My mother will kill me! Fetal psychological activity: My mother will kill me!

1 1. Next time a boy laughs at your thick legs. Just answer him: your legs are thin, and all three legs are thin.

12, in fact, people's looks are divided into two categories: one is natural beauty; One is natural inspiration.

13, I have to admire my female friend for wearing shorts in such a cold day.

14, some boys always think that girls are violent, but they actually owe them.

15, smart I will never quarrel with you, because. I will never argue with you.

16, love is sometimes like playing basketball. Sometimes attacking, sometimes defending, sometimes pretending.

17, making money is an ability, spending money is a skill, my ability is limited, but my technology is very high.

18, when I miss you, you will appear like a ghost. If only that were the case.

19, don't blink when your tears are almost unbearable. You will see the whole process of the whole world from clear to fuzzy.

20. Going far away by train doesn't care about the destination, only about you and the scenery along the way.

2 1, lies, after packaging, have a better name: oath.

22. Behind every girl's favorite lyrics, there is an unknown story.

23, don't fall in love with a person because of a temporary feeling, because it may be an illusion.

24. The remaining 2 1 g soul is the last way for me to love you.

Please give me some sunshine, air, water and a little love at your fingertips.

I can wait for you for a long time. I'm not afraid. I'm afraid I can't wait for you in the end.

27. Give up what you can't get. Doesn't it hurt to think of it every day?

28. All problems are ultimately a matter of time. All troubles are actually asking for trouble.

29. Sometimes, we have to shut up, put down our pride and admit that we are wrong. This is not to admit defeat, but to grow up.

30. Just because I didn't speak doesn't mean I'm in a bad mood. Sometimes, I just want to be quiet.

3 1, I am the kind of person who is not afraid of death and pain, but afraid of losing you.

32. The fool said I was waiting for you. The fool came back and the fool left.

33. It is said that women are clothes and brothers are brothers. Whoever touches my hands and feet, I will touch his clothes.

34. I'm blind only because I took one more look at you in the crowd.

Sanlu and Mengniu tell us a truth: animals are unreliable.

36. I'm not a genius because I haven't worn Finch's diaper.

I haven't seen cowhide blown as fresh and refined as you for a long time.

38. When others are holding hands, I will hold my dog to see who is unhappy with a bite.

39. The school doesn't want us to fall in love, but only wants us to wear matching clothes.

40. I just wanted to turn gracefully, but I didn't expect to hit the wall!

4 1, I woke up easily this morning in spring, yawned at home, couldn't sleep at night, and couldn't wake up during the day.

42.try to ignore me. Maybe one day I will ignore you, and you will regret it.

43. I love you for so long not because of your words. Oh, I know.

44. Every reserved and calm present has a silly and naive past.

45. If life is just like the first time, don't be sentimental. Say goodbye, maybe I will never see you again …

As long as you want, as long as I have. I like this sentence best. I will give you anything you want, even if I don't have it.

47. Sometimes I feel like a psycho, which not only entangles me, but also bothers others.

48. How many children have been hurt by exams and how many honest children have learned to cheat.

49. The best thing I have ever done is to observe the four seasons and meet you.

I want to tell the world loudly: I fell in love with you in those years and I was blind.

Funny sign classic sentence laughed directly.

Funny sign classic sentence laughed directly.

1, Buddha said, color is empty, and empty is color. Tonight, I want to be free.

My wallet is like an onion. I burst into tears every time I opened it.

3, drink Sanlu milk powder, the waist is not sour, the legs are not painful, and even the heart does not jump!

4. Don't think that you have been abandoned by this world, which has no time to talk to you at all.

It is difficult to go to school at noon on weeding day. A little book, just one afternoon.

6. Grandpa said: I watched the news broadcast for decades, but I didn't see the finale.

7. The early bird catches the worm. I don't get up to eat at noon.

8. Commitment is like a woman saying that she wants to lose weight, but it is hard to say that everything is false.

9. Sleeping is the artistic realm I have been pursuing. Please don't stop me from pursuing art.

10, Psychological activities of pregnant girls: My mother will kill me! Fetal psychological activity: My mother will kill me!

1 1. Next time a boy laughs at your thick legs. Just answer him: your legs are thin, and all three legs are thin.

12, in fact, people's looks are divided into two categories: one is natural beauty; One is natural inspiration.

13, I have to admire my female friend for wearing shorts in such a cold day.

14, some boys always think that girls are violent, but they actually owe them.

15, smart I will never quarrel with you, because. I will never argue with you.

16, love is sometimes like playing basketball. Sometimes attacking, sometimes defending, sometimes pretending.

17, making money is an ability, spending money is a skill, my ability is limited, but my technology is very high.

18, when I miss you, you will appear like a ghost. If only that were the case.

19, don't blink when your tears are almost unbearable. You will see the whole process of the whole world from clear to fuzzy.

20. Going far away by train doesn't care about the destination, only about you and the scenery along the way.

2 1, lies, after packaging, have a better name: oath.

22. Behind every girl's favorite lyrics, there is an unknown story.

23, don't fall in love with a person because of a temporary feeling, because it may be an illusion.

24. The remaining 2 1 g soul is the last way for me to love you.

Please give me some sunshine, air, water and a little love at your fingertips.

I can wait for you for a long time. I'm not afraid. I'm afraid I can't wait for you in the end.

27. Give up what you can't get. Doesn't it hurt to think of it every day?

28. All problems are ultimately a matter of time. All troubles are actually asking for trouble.

29. Sometimes, we have to shut up, put down our pride and admit that we are wrong. This is not to admit defeat, but to grow up.

30. Just because I didn't speak doesn't mean I'm in a bad mood. Sometimes, I just want to be quiet.

3 1, I am the kind of person who is not afraid of death and pain, but afraid of losing you.

32. The fool said I was waiting for you. The fool came back and the fool left.

33. It is said that women are clothes and brothers are brothers. Whoever touches my hands and feet, I will touch his clothes.

34. I'm blind only because I took one more look at you in the crowd.

Sanlu and Mengniu tell us a truth: animals are unreliable.

36. I'm not a genius because I haven't worn Finch's diaper.

I haven't seen cowhide blown as fresh and refined as you for a long time.

38. When others are holding hands, I will hold my dog to see who is unhappy with a bite.

39. The school doesn't want us to fall in love, but only wants us to wear matching clothes.

40. I just wanted to turn gracefully, but I didn't expect to hit the wall!

4 1, I woke up easily this morning in spring, yawned at home, couldn't sleep at night, and couldn't wake up during the day.

42.try to ignore me. Maybe one day I will ignore you, and you will regret it.

43. I love you for so long not because of your words. Oh, I know.

44. Every reserved and calm present has a silly and naive past.

45. If life is just like the first time, don't be sentimental. Say goodbye, maybe never again.

As long as you want, as long as I have. I like this sentence best. I will give you anything you want, even if I don't have it.

47. Sometimes I feel like a psycho, which not only entangles me, but also bothers others.

48. How many children have been hurt by exams and how many honest children have learned to cheat.

49. The best thing I have ever done is to observe the four seasons and meet you.

I want to tell the world loudly: I fell in love with you in those years and I was blind.

30 classic funny quotations _ laugh

1, daughter-in-law: Husband, she has gained weight again. Husband: Why are you getting fat? That's because others are full after eating two bites, and you can eat two more when you are full! Daughter-in-law: Stop fucking and don't run!

2, I am a woman. . There was a class reunion and everyone was drunk. I deliberately pretended to be drunk and lay next to my favorite male god. Maybe it was alcohol. He started touching me, and I enjoyed it, but at the critical moment, he stopped. I opened my eyes and asked, what's the matter? He said ~ I respect you as a man, so I let you go ~ ~ ~ Should I cry or laugh ~ ~ ~

3. The class teacher arranged the matters needing attention in traveling. He asked: What if the math teacher and the English teacher fall into the water? Twist Jun said loudly: I want to push the Chinese teacher into the water!

4. Go shopping with your girlfriends. Girlfriend: Why do you think it's so hot in April? Me: Not bad, not too hot. Girlfriend: Go and buy me a cold drink. Me: OK. Girlfriend: Buy another pack of tissues. Me: Well, my best friend: Buy a fan by the way. I suddenly got angry: can't I take off my down jacket?

In the past, two roommates in the university were both ambitious people. One wants to go to America after graduation, and the other wants to go to Tokyo. Through the efforts of the university, they all realized their dreams. One went to Gome, and the other went to JD.COM. . .

6. On the bus, a girl stepped on my foot, but gave me a white look: What are you looking at? I looked at her: I'm sorry, you really look like my first love. She said shyly, really? Then why did you break up? I answered slowly: My mother disapproves that I am gay.

7. I don't want to wash the dishes after supper. Mother suggested: Let's play hide and seek. Catch whoever can do the dishes. It's fair to me, but when I can't find it, I call my mother: I lost it. Where are you hiding? Mom said: if you lose, wash the dishes quickly. Your father and I are shopping.

8. Two pilots were flying helicopters in the sky ~ A Pilot: Captain, I saw the prairie ~ B slapped him and shouted: Is he a China A-share ~

9. A girl told me that she found out from a selfie that her long-distance boyfriend was cheating. Why? She said that the photo was taken in the bathroom and found that all her cosmetics had been put away in the mirror. I mean, it doesn't mean anything, does it? She said that if a man suddenly carefully put away the things used by women at home, especially cosmetics and shower gel. This only proves that another woman has been here. After listening, I felt a chill.

10, having breakfast with my three-year-old daughter, I feel sorry for her picking all the meat for her! Then she took it back to my bowl and felt a burst of sadness in her heart. She was so sensible at such a young age! As a result, the little guy said, I don't eat meat. I don't want to be as fat as my mother! Son of a bitch, who taught you that? .......

1 1. On a date, I asked: What do you do? M: I work as an indoor lighting control device. I thought it was high-tech, for fear that people would think I didn't know anything and didn't have the courage to ask, but I was flattered. I learned later, damn it, it's a curtain seller. . .

12. In the coffee shop, he sat quietly opposite me and sipped a cup of cappuccino carefully. He was so dazzling that he attracted the attention of all the audience. After all, I couldn't hold back and said to him carefully: I remember seeing you just now, or on the street corner. He stared at me with a smile on his lips: You are tired from work, so relax. I was speechless after listening to it. After all, there are not many beggars who are so literary now. . . Unexpectedly!

13, our class teacher, during the lunch break. He took six mobile phones and smashed them in front of us. After smashing, the class teacher was surprised to find that there were seven mobile phones on the ground. The following classmate suddenly shouted: Teacher, you are so capricious! ! Even your own.

14, my brother and I went to the bank to withdraw money and met an armored car to do business. I later asked my brother: Are your hands frozen? Brother replied: frozen hands. Two guns were aimed at us in an instant. Being taken away in the car, I asked my brother, why don't you talk? In an instant, four guns were pointed at us. In the interrogation room, the policeman asked me: What's your name? Jiang policeman: Let me ask you what's your name? Jiang was furious and asked my brother, what's your name? Brother: Jiang Guoyu

15, in a bad mood. A friend of one or two goods comforted me and said: When you are old, my period will leave you, let alone a man. . . . . That makes perfect sense. I was instantly resurrected by blood.

16. Today, I went shopping with a goddess who has been secretly in love for a long time. When you see an idiot friend, go up and say hello. He saw us and asked me, is this your girlfriend? I slapped you when I went up: Who the fuck let you spoil it!

17, last night, my girlfriend and I were lying in bed, and she suddenly woke me up and said, I felt someone at the door. Do you want to get up and have a look? I was surprised. I endured the cold and walked to the door without anything. I told her: No one, go to sleep quickly. My girlfriend was lying in bed and said simply, Oh, please give me a glass of water.

18, I lost money again today, thinking about the last loss. I lost 300 yuan when I got off the taxi in summer. A young man in the back told me that it was picked up by a middle-aged woman riding a bicycle in front. I saw her stuffing money into her underwear on the way after her, and I was speechless.

19, the company's anniversary, signed up for all kinds of roasted whole sheep. jiaozi, a weak brother, said that I could only cook uncooked rice into mature rice, and the group was instantly quiet. .

20. A friend is dating, and a woman asks him if he has a car. He said, yes, Mercedes-Benz, from the company. Do you have a room? Yes, single-family building, company's. Do you have any savings? Yes, about 50 million yuan, also from the company. The woman smiled and got up and left. I was drunk, too. As a matter of fact, that company belongs to my friend.

2 1, I: Dear, do you like me to be a lady? Or coquettish? Boyfriend: I just hope you can be as obscure as my ex-girlfriend. Me: Are you still an ex-girlfriend? I don't know! Boyfriend: Inflatable. Throw it away after use. She never complains.

22. In the evening, my dad went drinking with some friends. In the middle of drinking, a man climbed out from under the tablecloth. He was so scared that the table was full of words, only to hear the buddy say, don't be afraid, he didn't leave after drinking too much at noon. You can continue.

23. My daughter, slow down, account manager. Last night, the company was doing activities, and the red carpet was laid at the door. Employers and employees wear sexy evening dresses and high heels, and their feet are 12 cm long. They stood at the door with great grace. When they see an acquaintance, they are going to say hello. Unexpectedly, high heels were hooked on the red carpet, and Nima knelt there. Gc is a handsome guy standing in front of me. Come and help me at once. The face of labor and capital

24. The teacher asked me to write a composition entitled "A Corner of Campus", describing the scenery of a certain place on campus. I'm sure everyone wrote it when they were young. Brother loafer wrote: I found a dime when I was playing on campus today. This is a corner of the campus. I can't stand it. . .

25. In fact, I feel that the scariest thing about a group of people singing is not that they can't sing any songs, but that a person who can't sing any songs can sing! Also, he has no desire to express!

26. One day, I went shopping with my best friend, who was harassed and molested by a group of hooligans. I can't see the past I went up to help my best friend, and I solved half the hooligans on the spot, half molested my best friend and half molested me. . .

27. I remember there was a time when there was only one key downstairs. I gave it to my girlfriend when she got off work early. Every time I ring the doorbell after work, she teases me and says I have to shout I love you ten times before opening the door. Every time, I found that at that point, the old ladies downstairs sat in a row, silently closing their eyes, and no one spoke. . .

28. My baby daughter is three years old. I made her happy a while ago and bought an ipad to watch cartoons. Today, my wife watched China with her ipad. She doesn't like it. She grabbed the cartoon by herself. Her mother began to paint me with ink. She wouldn't let me watch it, so she coaxed my baby to watch it for a while, or she would cry. My wife is very cooperative. At first, um) the baby crawled over and said, well, let's watch it together. My wife said I wanted to see Hua's. My baby daughter was stunned for two seconds, and I said calmly, well, then I am.

29. The head teacher is very funny. I stayed up all night, and I was late for morning reading when I came back. He asked me what you did last night. I said I slept in the dormitory. Here he comes: Are you lying to the dog? I had to silently bow my head and answer: hmm.

30. Today, I went to play with my old classmates. He enthusiastically helped me find a young lady, opened a room and paid the money. Turn around and leave beautifully. It's a deal, 200 yuan. Half an hour. Damn it, I have to fight. Or spend money for nothing. Chatting and chatting, I found that this woman is actually a fellow villager! I was very happy and chatted for a while. Nima is still from a neighboring village! Why don't I know her? She looked down at her watch and said, look, brother, it's been 25 minutes. Are you going to do it or not? I smiled strangely: Don't worry, old girl, I like being late. In the last 2 minutes, I will let you know what I can do! You wait. . .