Who will tell us a joke?

I have not only a car, but also my own! 3. If you like it, I'll buy it for you ... (after realizing that the other person is angry) Oh, no, it's "brother, I'll buy it for you!" There are so many people who look down on me. Who are you? I won't tell you if you kill me, but you haven't made a beautiful plan yet! 6. Not only am I lucky, but I also have athlete's foot! 7. Mirrors always reflect light! 8. Is there a P for handsome? Probably eaten by a pawn! 9. Give it to me, and you don't have to worry. There is nothing wrong! 10. Don't be nervous, I'm not a good person ... 1 1. Don't worry about my girlfriend following me-as long as she lays eggs all her life, we'll break them immediately and never let the principal and parents know! 12. How dare I charge you if you don't thank me! 13. Don't tell me to bring it on-I'm in love for two generations! 14. If you ignore me, I will be a dog! 15. When will there be a bright moon? Ask Yi Zhongtian! 16. I can't reach it. Try putting my left foot on my right foot. 17. Some people are alive and she is dead. Some people are alive, and he should have died! 18. You said ... Do you like me? Actually ... I started ... Actually, I also ... Well, I told you, I actually like myself. 19. Do you want water, water or water? You choose! 20. Castle Peak is still there, but it is a little red. 2 1. Hey, what to say and what not to whisper. 22. What can you say about a scholar? 23. Yuck, don't ask a single man such a question! 24. Zi once said: Don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital! 25. Don't think I'm out of reach just because I'm handsome. In fact, I am a sea of rivers. 26. Today the weather is fine, windy and rainy. 27. As a typical failure, you really succeeded! 28. I really want to get rid of this problem, but my tongue is not long enough ... 29. Three heads are better than one, and one is Zhuge Liang. 30. In this golden autumn of red leaves and maple leaves ... 3 1. One is thyroidectomy, and the other is irrelevant. 32. If you bother me again, I'll tie you to a straw boat and borrow an arrow! 33. The wind is rustling and the water is cold. Pay back the money you owe! 34. A: Where to eat? I am broke. Let's eat out, it's my treat-the hose. 35. See if there is anything left behind? 36. There is a dragon on my left and a Mickey Mouse tattooed on my waist. 38. A: It's hard for me to swallow this evil spirit without compensation. How can I let you die? 40. She is so fat that my thigh can't twist her arm. 4 1. If there is a way to learn, do it first, and learn to cook porridge from the endless sea. 42. The world belongs to us and our sons, but in the end it belongs to those grandchildren. 43. I have finished my homework! 44. Have you done your homework? B: Yes! Well, it's still warm under p shares ... do you want it? 45. Who is sitting in the village today? He doesn't even clean the blackboard! 46. How much is this pair of shoes? 1. A male deer walked faster and faster, and finally became a road (deer)! ! ! ! 2. Two tomatoes cross the road, and a car flies by. One of them can't escape and is squashed. The other tomato points to the squashed tomato and laughs: dig hahaha, ketchup ... 3. The wolf said, "I want to eat you!" ! ! "Guess what? As a result, the wolf ate the lamb. 4. The stone fought with the rice cake, and the stone kicked the rice cake into the sea. ........................................................................................................................................... was heartbroken. Desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and ran away from home. However, the boy has been waiting for the girl, but the girl misunderstood the date place, which became an eternal regret. The boy was heartbroken ... A few years later, the boy went fishing. Guess what he caught? Rice cake! ! ! 5. Is jiaozi a boy or a girl? The answer is that jiaozi has a foreskin. 6. There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Gung!" From then on, he became a cucumber! ! 7. The matchstick suddenly felt itchy, so it scratched itself and burned itself to death ... 8. A long time ago, a bird passed by a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day a fire broke out in that cornfield and all the corns turned into popcorn ... After the bird flew by, it thought it was snowing and froze to death ... 9. When will Taiwan Province Province be unified? When I bought instant noodles, it was 10. Asun and appa have nothing to talk about, telling each other that time waits for no man. A song: "Recalling childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day." Apa: "Youth Day is in ten years." A song: "Father's Day is in ten years." Apa: "It will be the days of the elderly in a few decades." A song: "In a few decades." A Bo: "Tomb-Sweeping Day." 1 1. Soldier: "Thirst ... Thirst ..." Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. It may just be a short walk. " Soldier: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! " The expedition found a lot of water! "Cao Cao:" Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..." 12. A girl is lovelorn. I advised her: "Toads with two legs are hard to find, and men with three legs are plentiful! "13. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father," Dad, am I a stupid child? " Dad said, "silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?" 14. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello? (Assuming they can talk) Because ... Press it. Reason: Silence (silence). 16. A college student was unfortunately caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Say, where are you from?"? "You don't say I will electrocute you! ! ! "This college student answered the enemy's words and was electrocuted ... He said," I'm from TV University! " "17.a:" I'll take you to a place where all girls don't wear bras. " B: "Really? Where is it? Get me out of here! "A:" It's in the kindergarten next door! "18. In an interview with the audience, Wang, the host of Happy Dictionary, asked," Who is your favorite hostess? " The audience said, "It's you." Ask Wang, "Why do you say that?" The audience said, "Because you look a bit like Yang Lan! 19. Do you know what color Spider-Man is? Red, wrong! It is white. Read Spider-Man's English: Spider-Man (white) 20. Why did Xiaoming fall? Please think twice ... Why don't convenience stores close for 24 hours? Coffee cups have ears! 23. A horse said that our company has launched a new product, Ass 3, or MP3 for short. 24. I hate two kinds of people most: one is racist; The second is black; Third, I can't count! 25. Thanks to madoka ozawa Gang, Ran Asakawa, Ai Nagase, Sanzhu liang zi, Gao Qiao Maria, Kawamoto Dance, Youmu Pupil, Natsume Mishi, Naomai Qinchi, Shiraishi, Kudo Kwai, Seiichi Kosha, kishida fumio, Zewaixing, Fujisaki Ayaka, Yeshanづき and Chihiro Inoue. When I was in the worst spirit, they came to comfort me at the right time; When I was exhausted from playing CS, it was they who made me feel unobstructed pleasure. When I am in a low state and feel nothing, they cheer me up. Now the accuracy of earthquake prediction has really improved a lot. There are only two words this time: the forecast is in Heilongjiang, but the result is in Jiujiang! 27. Jane Zhang said, "My fans say my idol is Ying. He Jie said, "My fans say my idol is Jay." "My fans say my idol is Chang." Chris Lee said: "you talk, I walked first! "28. Five Fuwa get together to chat. Beibei suggested: Let's give ourselves a nickname. I'll call it Beva! Jingjing: Then my name is Jingwa! Huanhuan: My name is Huanwa! Nini: My name is "Niwa"! Yingying stood up and said: You chat, I have something to do, so I have to go first ... In 2058, five Fuwa got together to chat again. Beibei: Let's talk about our nicknames again. People respect me very much and call me "Mr. Bei"! Huanhuan: People call me "Ye Huan"! Nini: Everyone calls me Grandpa Ni! Yingying: Everyone calls me Yingying! Jingjing stood up and said: You talk, I have something to do, so I have to go first ... 29. When winter came, I decided to keep the habit of taking a cold bath, but after washing, I found myself back to my childhood! ! ! 30. Celery was walking when he suddenly felt a pain in his stomach. Then he said, "Shh! "What did you say he quit? That's celery dung (diligence)! ! ! What color is celery (vegetable) dung? Answer: yellow because: Qin Shihuang (Qin Shihuang) 3 1. There was a fat man ... who jumped from the twentieth floor ... and it turned out to be ... a fat man! ! 32. Once upon a time, there was a piece of bread. It felt hungry and ate itself. Once upon a time, there was a glass of beer, and it felt thirsty, so it drank it by itself ... Once upon a time, there was a virgin, and she felt tired, so she slept by herself ... 33. Who was the ancestor of human beings because of peanuts ~~~ 34. Who were white-collar workers in ancient times? Meng Mu moved three times (a thousand times). Zhang Fei: "Stop the old thief! Yan Yan: "Ring-eyed thief! Dismount and die! Police car: "Listen, two thieves ~ ~ You are surrounded ~ ~ Drop your weapons." How did the ants die after falling from the Himalayas? Answer: I am starving. Because it is too light, it will take a long time to float down ... 37. The world's largest KB diary, Lao Xiong, was about to write a diary and found that it had been used up. He wanted to go out and buy another book, but it was already twelve o'clock at night. But he rode his bike and looked for it in the dark street. After searching for a long time, I finally found a bookstore and went before closing. He likes a diary very much, so he asks his boss how much it costs. The boss said in a low voice, "This is imported, and the price is set in 70 yuan ..." The old bear said, "It's so expensive, I have to bring 50 yuan out." The boss said, "It doesn't matter, even if you are in 50 yuan." The old bear said happily, "thank you, boss." The boss said in a very low and gloomy voice, "When you buy it back, don't turn to the last page, or something very KB will happen. Don't blame me for not reminding you! The old bear said, "OK, I get it." "The old bear bought the diary home. He opened the package and put it on the table in front of the room window. At this time, he wanted to take a shower before coming out to write a diary ... After taking a shower, Lao Xiong found that the window in front of the desk was actually open, and the wind was blowing the diary page by page ... When the last page was almost finished, Lao Xiong went to stop it, but it was too late, and the last page was blown open by the wind ... I saw Lao Xiong let out a scream. Because he saw on the last page: (Please pull down) A walnut in ............................................................................................................................................................. was walking on the road and suddenly said, I have a thick skin! There is a coke can on the road, and I feel bored when I walk. Suddenly, I said, I'm so coke! A heater was walking on the road, helping passers-by conveniently, and suddenly said, I am so enthusiastic! A key was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am Qu Yuan! I'll look up and down for that lock! An electric meter was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am a scholar! Look for him in the crowd! A tadpole was walking on the road and met another tadpole while walking. Walking, he suddenly said, we are not QQ! A hawthorn is married and walking on the road. Walking, he suddenly said, my face is so red! A hawthorn divorced, walking on the road suddenly said, my heart is so sour! A hawthorn remarried and walked on the road, suddenly saying, I have a child in my stomach! A tea bag was walking on the road and suddenly said, I really want to be soaked! A dumpling stuffing was walking on the road and suddenly said, I really want to be wrapped! A lighter was walking on the road and suddenly said that his stomach was full of gas and he wanted to get angry! A cockroach was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am strong! A thimble was walking on the road and suddenly said, I'm on it! An ice cream was walking on the road and suddenly said, I'm cold! A spider was walking on the road and suddenly said, I still want to surf the internet! A fish was walking on the road and suddenly said, I like diving every day! A Guan Yu was walking on the road, and suddenly he said, I rode thousands of miles alone! An eagle was walking on the road and met a bear. Suddenly, he said, we are playing with the eagle and the bear! A compass was walking on the road and suddenly said, why can't I find the north? An earthworm was walking on the road and suddenly said, why can't I find my legs? 39. Once upon a time, there was a Simmons who closed her eyes and suddenly felt something was missing. She wanted to hear the doorbell ring. Opening the door, she saw that the electric blanket had just returned from the meeting. Simmons held the electric blanket and said, brother, you can come back. I'm freezing. 40. A German, a Frenchman and a Japanese are going to work in a mine. The boss is American. He said to the Germans, "You have a good physique and are in charge of coolies. He said to the French, "You said you were an engineer in charge of the mining plan. To the Japanese, he said, "You are very thin. You are in charge of supply. Then every other week, they start to work. A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the Japanese had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first. When the Germans started, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted, "Surprise! 4 1. There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" Hearing this, the polar bear tore off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold! ""42. There is a hide-and-seek club whose leader has not been found. Do you know why penguins live in Antarctica? Because it was very cold there ... 45. A snack bar selling jiaozi had no business, so she went to ask Shi Gong what to do. Shi Gong said: You should find a fresh corpse, wrap its meat into jiaozi, and then sell it, so that business will be good, but tell their family not to eat this kind of jiaozi, or something will happen. The boss tried it and the effect was really good, so she went to look for the body again. The next day, her son wanted to bring a lunch box, but he couldn't find it, so he went to the refrigerator to look for it. As a result, he found a lunch box and took it. Unexpectedly, jiaozi was left by his father. He opened it at noon and took a look. Morning jiaozi 10. Why did it suddenly become five? He tried to cover it again, and then opened it to become two again! You know why? ... because jiaozi stuck to the lid. 46. A lumberjack applied for a job. Foreman: Try the forest in front … See how many trees you can saw in a minute … One minute later … Foreman: Wow … 20 trees a minute … Amazing … Where did you work before? Worker: Sahara Forest ... Foreman: Never heard of it ... I only heard of ................................ in the Sahara Desert. Worker: Yes, ........................................................................................................... Wife: I am blind and I will marry you if I step on shit. Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you. Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you two step on it ... 48. Tell a story. Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who privately agreed for life, but the boy needed military service, so he made an oath with the girl and gave her a diamond ring, promising to see you again three years later. At that time, rings were used as wedding rings. Three years later, the boy heard the news of a woman's marriage on the boat home. He was so sad that he threw the diamond ring into the sea in despair. Three days later, the ship landed. The boy went to a small restaurant in the street for dinner. A fish was brought. He picked up the fish and took a bite. He took a bite of something hard and spit it out. Guess what fish bones he saw! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 49. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit. He announced: "children, after picking the fruit, let's wash it together." After washing, we can eat together. " All the children went to pick fruit. As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together. Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?" Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them." Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?" Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes." Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? " A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit." 50. Why are puppies getting smaller and smaller? A: Because it goes further and further. Once upon a time, there was a horse! It ran into the sea. So, it becomes a "hippocampus"! Another friend of this horse fell into the river in order to find the horse that fell into the sea. Later, he became a hippo. The third horse is white. In order to find two missing friends, it came to a city with chaotic traffic. It was run over by several cars in a row, leaving several black stripes on its body. Turns out to be a zebra! One day, the fourth horse went to a factory to find the companions of the first three horses and was transformed into an "iron horse". But later, those horses couldn't escape the fate of being eaten, and all of them were made into "Shaqima". All the horses survived and became a world without horses ... Then, a group of people couldn't help but say "the horses are really cold" after seeing this joke. Finally, in order to commemorate this joke, someone edited it into a class, and we called it "Marseille class"! 52. One day, Mung Bean broke up with his girlfriend ... He kept crying ... He was sad and cried ... As a result ... He sprouted ... 53. One day, a black stool saw a white stool, and the black stool asked: Why are you so white and so beautiful? White shit is very angry! He said: I am not shit! I am ice cream! ! ! 54. A cat found a mouse ... and rushed to the mouse like a hungry tiger to eat him, but later the cat was eaten by the mouse ... Why is it because the tiger and the mouse are stupid? 55. A software company was looking for a job, and a dog came to apply. The supervisor felt depressed and wanted to drive the dog out. The dog took out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a few words neatly: Please don't discriminate against animals. The manager knows that this is not an ordinary dog. Out of curiosity, he decided to have a try. The manager took out the application conditions, which read: 1. Must be able to type. 2。 Must be able to program. 3。 Master at least one foreign language. So the dog came to the computer, skillfully typed an article and wrote a very complicated program. Then come to the supervisor and say to the supervisor: meow! ! 56. Toothpaste sister often dallies with soft-haired toothbrush brother and falls in love with electric toothbrush brother. Today, a new neighbor, Sister Toothpaste, came: "Wow, you are so tall and stylish ~ what's your name ~ date me ~" The new neighbor said indifferently: "No! Because I am a comb. One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple. The snake said, "I am too young to fart so smelly." It must be a cow. " The cow said, "I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly." The pig said, "people who fart will blush." Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out, knocked the pig away, and said, "How many times have I told you, I was born blushing. 58. He is not a romantic. Since he knew that she liked roses, there was a place to cut flowers by herself, and he bought cheap and beautiful self-help roses, he occasionally bought eleven specially for her. When she received the flowers from him, her happy expression always inadvertently showed a puzzled look. It was not until one day that she saw the flower language represented by the number of flowers in a book that she realized that it was not necessary to send flowers in pairs. But she still wants to hear it from him. When she asked her what eleven roses represented, he could only prevaricate. He hurried to ask the florist the flower language of eleven roses, and the florist said, I have been planting flowers for thirty years, and I have never heard the language of any flowers! I often hear men who come to buy flowers say some sweet words to women, so why do they sell eleven flowers each? He asked doubtfully, and the florist said: Because … buy ten and get one free ~ 59. One day, Jesus had nothing to do, so he wandered to the entrance of heaven and saw an old man waiting in line there. He looked familiar, just like his father Yue Se ~ but he was not sure ~ so Jesus decided to talk to him. "Hello, old man, what's your name?" The old man said, "My name is Yue Se." Jesus thinks, doesn't he? My father's name is also Yue Se ~ but I'm still not sure ~ ~ So Jesus asked again, "Sir, what did you do before you died?" "I'm a carpenter." The old man replied. Jesus was taken aback and thought what a coincidence ~ my father is also a carpenter. Jesus continued to ask, "Excuse me, sir, has your son been crucified?" The old man looked at him in surprise and said, "How do you know?" Jesus was in tears ~ ~ and knelt down and cried ~ ~ "Oh, Father ~ ~ Because I am your son! The old gentleman also began to shed tears, looked at Jesus and said, "So it's you ... puppet ~ ~". Xiaoming owed 200,000 yuan to the underground bank, and Xiaoming begged him to give him a few more days. The man at the bank said, "Be sure to pay it back tomorrow, or else it will be paid back the day after tomorrow ... chop 4; The third day ... "Xiao Ming:" Don't you have to return it? Banker: "No, you will become a Tinker Bell." 6 1. My sister came to the garden with a doll on her back, crying to make the birds in the tree laugh ... This is actually a very KB nursery rhyme ... and the most terrible thing is its origin, because there is a little-known story behind this song ... This "sister" was originally named "Jade Mountain in the North Village" and was the daughter of a general's consort. Ugly from an early age, even uglier when you are older. Therefore, her father never met her, and Yu Zi never left any feelings for her father ... Jed didn't want to meet anyone, so she became more and more closed. Even my mother and sister were afraid to go near her ... just because ugliness was regarded as an infectious plague at that time. And the only thing that can accompany jade is the doll that is always smiling like this. No matter in the morning or in the evening, Jade always holds it ... Sad Jade finally hanged herself in her room when she was about to be in the mood for love at the age of fifteen ... And because Yu Zi was closed since childhood, no one would enter her room at all. In this way, it was not until the hair on her body grew from the waist to the floor and the clothes changed from white to dark red that she was discovered by her mother ... When her mother saw this scene, she burst into tears. After dealing with things, her mother couldn't forget the scene at that time. She blamed everything on her preference for her second daughter. In this way, mother became weaker and weaker because of sadness. Finally, at the age of 30, she died of depression. Before she left, she still held the doll, as if she thought she had gone with her daughter ... After the death of mother and daughter, things gradually became dull. But at night, when crows crow, there is a faint sound. "mom! I am really lonely "~" Mom! Why are you always away from me? " The place where the voice came was where their mother and daughter hanged themselves. And the only thing that belongs to them in the room is the doll with a white face and a smiling face! In order to calm people's fears, the general sent a sculptor to carve the doll's face into a cat's face (Japan uses cats as mascots), but in order to prevent it from making a sound (because the general himself was afraid that his daughter would be guilty), the general ordered people not to carve their mouths on the cat's face. In this way, this doll has been placed in the department's house for more than 100 years ... and in a series of wars after the closed door policy, the Beicun family was slaughtered. Of course, I was robbed of everything. In this way, dolls, as antiques in the eyes of foreigners, have been sold everywhere for nearly a hundred years and finally made public. However, the story is still little known, and because of the appearance of dolls, there are many wild geese floating around. But ordinary people collect it only because of its attractive appearance. You must have seen the doll with such a sad story. It's a white-faced cat that used to be human ... (Please pull it to the end) Hello Kitty! 62. This story happened in China a long time ago. After playing a guessing game all afternoon, my good friend went home with scissors, stone and cloth ... Si Tong noticed an oil lamp on the roadside, just like Aladdin's magic lamp. He picked it up curiously and dusted it off. Suddenly, a dragon appeared in the bottle of the magic lamp ... but the dragon was dry and a little malnourished. He spoke. The faint stone said, I am the dragon who let you out: "Oh … ahem … then I can give you a wish …" The stone said, "Ah … only one. Isn't there three? " The dragon said, "I'm sorry … because I'm a semitone dragon … if you don't …" The stone said, "Well … then … you can take the three of us. We are tired of guessing boxing every day. " Dragon: "Oh ... I'll try ... but maybe only one person can succeed ... because I'm a half-toned dragon ..." Dragon coughed several times and spat at the three of them respectively. The three of them gradually began to be shrouded in white smoke, and the dragon gradually disappeared into the three-character sutra. When the white smoke dispersed ... stone or stone, scissors or scissors, but cloth is no longer cloth, and cloth has successfully transformed into human beings! When one family was happy and two families were sad, someone happened to pass by here, saw this scene and recorded it. This man is Mencius. He wrote: "This statement has been passed down to later generations, and it has also been added to China's textbooks.

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