A long and funny joke.

1. In high school, after class was over, all the students went outside to buy lunch boxes. A girl took a shortcut before others, and the manhole cover in front of her fell off! After a while, she climbed up with the edge of the well. She was embarrassed. A group of junior high school students walked by in horror. She was in a hurry and said as she climbed, hey! It's really hard to fix. ...

2. When I was still in middle school, I was bitten by mosquitoes in summer, and I felt itchy in class, but I couldn't reach in and scratch, so I put up with it! It's killing me After class, I stole a box of cool oil from my deskmate (girl) and ran to the toilet. I regretted it after putting it on-that was exciting, DD stood up and said nothing! I can't stop without clothes in summer, so I have to bend down and move back to the classroom, sit down and lean on the desk and dare not move. Cool oil smells so bad that my deskmate snapped, You stole my cool oil? Where did you wipe it? ! I wish I was dead!

I just opened the coke and drank it twice, then shook it and blew it out. Hold it in your mouth, stick it, and finally spray it out of your nose.

One day, I got on the bus with a good friend. The front was full, so I ran to the back and there were just two seats. There are two middle school students sitting in the front row. After one stop, a woman in her twenties led a 7-or 8-year-old boy on the bus. (I learned later.

This is her child,: (

There are no seats, so I stand next to two middle school students. Before long, the child began to make trouble and said that his leg hurt.

The middle school student stood up and offered his seat to the child.

That * * said: Let the child do it on your knee.

Middle school students agreed. The child sat on the knee of the middle school student.

After a few more stops, a girl came over. It's the kind that is extremely beautiful and extremely sexy. A low-cut skirt.

The bus was moving when the child suddenly shouted to his mother:

"Mom, my brother's little * * is touching! Just like dad's. "

Wandering around!

Hehe, there was a commotion in the car.

That middle school student is very ashamed. Pull the classmate, and then shouted at the driver:

"Ring the doorbell! ! "(He wants to open the door, hehe)

Then, I got off.

In high school, I woke up at home at noon and ate two oranges. After eating the yellow on my finger, I went straight to school without washing my hands. When I was with my classmates in the afternoon, one of them said, "Why are you so disgusting? You wipe your fingers with shit! " "I said," it's not shit, it's eating oranges at noon. " Then I shook my finger.

Two days later, it will be miserable. The whole school knows that a classmate in our school wiped his ass with his fingers after taking a shit, and repeatedly said that it smelled of oranges when he was doing it.

One day, I was walking in the street with a beautiful lady and good friend.

Suddenly, a peddler came up to my good friend and said.

Hey, sister, come and have a look. There is a new movie.

My friend is very angry. ...

So what? Do I know you?

6. I'm in a hurry to eat in a hotel, the waiter said enthusiastically; There is no bathroom in our hotel. You can go to the toilet opposite. We have an agreement with them. When you get there, you can say that you are eating!

7. One day, a female friend of mine came to me and said, "I am depressed, my blood is bleeding."

"Blood collapse?" I asked.

"The amount of menstruation is so large!" Answer.

Oh, as a man, of course I don't know what a bloody collapse is.

There are two flowers, one for each table.

A few days later, my boss who hadn't given me a raise for several years suddenly gave me a raise.

I sat in my office, smiling with a paycheck, and said, "I feel that I haven't had my period for several months, and today I suddenly have a bloody collapse."

When I looked up, the whole office was staring at me. . . .

8. In the third year of high school, in chemistry class, the teacher talked about organic chemistry polymers or something. Suddenly the teacher gave an example and drew a "phthalein bond" on the blackboard, telling everyone that this is a "eunuch". Let's give him a "methyl" and laugh.

9. In college, I studied computer. During the internship on the computer, when the teacher dozed off, all beings were crazy about CS. Our captain couldn't hold back his excitement and quickly established a local area network. Classic dust2, the captain shouted: I am cheap (made), I am cheap (made), don't rob me. ——! Don't worry, my captain, we won't fight you.

10. The university handed in a BF, and I haven't been to his dormitory for a long time. One day, I went to his dormitory to find him, and I was very anxious. I opened the door and found him in the whole dormitory. Because they didn't know each other very well, I was a little nervous and asked him where he was going.

I don't know why, but I blurted out, "Where's my man? ! "

The whole dormitory was silent 10 seconds, and I rushed out of the door.

1 1. What a pity! During the May Day holiday this year, my mother and I went to the shopping mall for a long time. Later I went to a counter selling sports shoes, and my mother asked me to try on a pair of shoes. I was exhausted at that time, and even I felt that my mind was not very clear. ~ ~ ~ ~ Maybe I tried on too many pants before. I began to untie my belt without saying a word, and then naturally I had to pull the pants door. Oh, my God, my mother called. Hey, what are you doing? !

I just recovered! The shoe seller looked at me, stupefied. I really ... hey! Face as hot as a roast pig! What a pity!

12.65438+ When I was three years old, I came to work for the first time (menstruation). Because I was embarrassed, I wanted my mother to buy me sanitary napkins.

But ... I felt it was also an embarrassing thing to tell my mother, and finally I called my mother for a long time.

Finally, I got up the courage to say to my mother: Mom, I'm pregnant (actually, I wanted to say "Mom, I'm here", but I was nervous ...) What did my mother say to me with her eyes wide open? Huh? My face turned red as soon as I brushed it. Um ... it's so depressing.

13. When I was in high school, I had lunch with my friends near the school. He ordered a bowl of lasagna and another friend was drinking coke. Then I wonder who told a joke. The coke drinker laughed so hard that coke dripped from his nose. Friends laugh at others' embarrassment, but Zhang Kuan's face comes out of his nostrils!

After graduating from college, I can't help laughing every time I see him.

14. I once bought something outside the shop outside the station.

Suddenly a man rushed over.

Shout in a hurry

* * Give me a sanitary napkin.

I was stunned by the salesman.

There's nothing to think about.

Maybe he bought it for his wife. '

The salesman handed him a pack of sanitary napkins at once.

He was anxious to say that it was not like this.

I don't want this

I want sanitary napkins for men.

The salesman and I were devastated ... for men.

15. I went to my classmate's school to play during the holiday. It was a woman. She accompanied me around the school and passed a toilet. She said I had to go to the bathroom. Then I said I'd go, too. So I turned and walked to the men's room. Suddenly, she stopped me and took out a pack of tissues from her bag, saying that there was no paper in it. Do you? Then put the paper into my hand. ......

Then we looked at each other ... she seemed to react suddenly, blushing and saying, just wipe your hands with it. ...

I have been whispering to myself: don't you know that a boy just needs to shake it twice? ...

16. There is a fool near the unit. It seems that he has done some surgery and damaged his brain at once, so there is something wrong with his nerves and brain. This man always chases people every day, whether he knows them or not, and asks them: Really? Is it? Is it? ... just these two words caught a person who can ask n times. I met him in front of the office after work. I am in a hurry. He came over and I saw that he seemed to want to talk to me. I quickly said, yes, yes, yes, ... As a result, the fool only said two words ... stupid x ... I almost fainted.

17. What happened in junior high school? Another person in .............................................................................................................................................................. was anxious and scolded: "Your deskmate is a NB!" "A group of people around us are laughing. ...

18. In the Chinese class, the text talked about the harm of the environment, what is leakage and what is serious pollution.

Speaking of emotion, the 40-year-old Chinese aunt applauded angrily and said loudly, "You humans! I don't know how to protect the environment ! "

Banban petrifaction

19. When I was in college, I had to queue up at the gym to buy train tickets before the winter vacation next year. One year when I was waiting in line, I suddenly felt someone poking me in the back. Looking back, my classmate handed me a piece of paper and opened it. It said, "I'm a girl in a red sweater, after about 20 meters …" I looked back carefully and found her, blushing and cute, just my type. So I quickly read the contents behind the note, "I still have a sleeper to Hangzhou." Who wants to buy it? If not, please pass the note on ... "

20. A man passed a graveyard at night, saw a fire, thought it was a ghost fire, threw a brick, and the fire moved to another grave. The man had another brick, so he heard it? *****? You can't even shit. You get two bricks when you smoke?

2 1. A new shop assistant remembers everything. An old lady bought a bottle of soy sauce. The clerk said, "I charged you xx yuan, and this is your change. Do you need a straw? The old lady suddenly fainted. ...

22. Once after school, my deskmate asked me to have dinner with her. When she left, she kindly reminded me to "go to the toilet".

I may have been thinking about eating and blurted out "I'm not hungry" ...

Looking back, I squatted on the ground and laughed at my deskmate ~