The story will be humorous and funny

Humor can reduce tension and create a relaxed atmosphere. Below I have collected some stories and humorous jokes for you, take a look.

Exquisite stories and humorous jokes

1) The person in charge of the beach implicitly said to a beautiful woman wearing a three-point swimsuit: "We do not allow two-part swimsuits here." ?The beauty answered:?Okay, then which one is more suitable for me to remove?

2) A maintenance man came to repair the TV, and there was only one very sexy woman at home. The maintenance man kept looking at the woman while repairing the TV. After the repair was completed, the woman said to the maintenance man: "I have an embarrassing request. Can you agree to it?" The maintenance man felt something vaguely and kept saying "Yes". The woman continued: "The thing is like this, my husband's body is very weak, and some things cannot be pointed out to him." You see, you are a man and I am a woman? In fact, I noticed your strong body as soon as you came in. The man's saliva almost flowed out, and he couldn't wait to say: "Then let's get started!"...

　3) A man went to visit his friend, but only his friend’s young and beautiful wife was at home. He boldly seduced her into sleeping with him in exchange for the fact that he was willing to give her yuan. She thought about it and thought it was a good deal and it was easy money, so she actually went to bed with him. After dark, her husband came back from get off work and asked: "Has Fadi been here today? Why are you asking him?" She answered guiltily. ?He gave you yuan? What? Yuan? She felt panicked. ?Huh!? The husband said: ?I lent him yuan last month and promised to pay it back to me today. ?

4) A newly married soldier wrote to his wife: If you have nothing to do this week, please come over. I need someone to accompany me and I am short of money. Please bring yuan when you come over. If you can't come, please send yuan. ?

5) In the evening, my husband went to the bar to have fun. My wife was upset at home. It was almost two o'clock in the morning and her husband hadn't come back yet! So she sent a text message: Come back quickly and hand in my homework! (I won't explain what handing in homework means) But after a long time, she still didn't come back. When there was no response, my wife couldn't help but called her and found that her phone was turned off! My wife was extremely angry! At this time, a message from an unknown number suddenly came: I collected the homework for you!

6) 1 A man who got off work early found his wife in bed with a strange man when he came home. He shouted angrily: "You bastard, I will make you pay for this." ?The strange man replied: ?Nonsense, I already paid when I came in, I will not default on the bill!?

7) At a certain national highway toll station, a truck driver complained to the female toll collector: We have to climb two mountains to get to you. It's so tiring. The female toll collector said: Go down a little and you will reach flat ground. The driver said: Is there any grass next? Female toll collector: @#$!@#$!@#

8) A man saw the female nurse looking beautiful and imagined it, and said:? Miss, can you lift your skirt up? I can give you money. ?The lady lifted her skirt up a little and got it. ?Miss, could you please lift it up a little bit? Miss lifted it up a little more and got it again. ?Can you lift it a little higher?, the man said. The lady replied: Don’t you just want to see the place where a woman gives birth? You always give me yuan and I will let you see as much as you want. ?......

9) The mother and daughter took a taxi through the city center. The daughter caught a glimpse of some sexy women standing on the street corner, and asked her mother: "What are they doing? They are waiting for their husbands to have dinner together after get off work." . ?Mom replied. ?My God!? The taxi driver couldn't help but interrupt, ?Madam, you should tell the truth. They are prostitutes, waiting for clients to come! Can prostitutes give birth to children? The daughter asked her mother curiously. ?Of course,? Mom replied angrily, ?Otherwise who would be the taxi driver?

10) There was a man driving his girlfriend in a sports car. The woman got up and said to the man: "If you drive the car to 150, I will take off all my clothes."

?Male: ?Then what’s the problem!? As he said that, he stepped on the accelerator and drove to 180. As expected, the woman took off her clothes. Just then an accident happened and the car overturned. The man was stuck in the car and couldn't get out, so he asked his girlfriend to get help quickly. Woman: "But I don't have any clothes on!" Man: "Then I'll lend you a shoe and you can cover it in key areas." ?So his girlfriend pressed her shoes and ran nearby to ask for help. She went to the gas station and out of breath told the guy at the gas station: "Hurry up and save my boyfriend, he's stuck in there and can't get out!!"... .

11) After a person died, he came to hell. It was very hot in hell. But he saw a very beautiful woman in hell, and there was a bottle of fine wine beside her. He turned around and said to the kid: "It turns out that hell is so beautiful, with fine wine and beautiful women." The kid said: "You only know one thing, but you don't know the other thing. There is a hole at the bottom of this bottle of wine that you can't drink from, but the beauty doesn't have it." ?

12) a: Since his girlfriend came on a business trip, my waist is no longer sore, my legs are no longer weak, and I don’t even doze off at work? b: Since his girlfriend came on a business trip, I Backache, weak legs, dozing off at work?

13) As soon as a man walked into the clinic, he said to the doctor eagerly: Doctor! Please help me! I really can’t stand the pain! The doctor couldn't help being shocked when he saw it: "Oh my God!, your nose is a surgery! It's swollen like a baby boy. Hey!" The patients all said with shame: "Hey! In order to do that, I ate more. How many copies of Viagra?!? Doctor: Wow! How could this happen!? Let’s do this! Please bring your friend out and let me take a look. The man did as he was told. After looking at it, the doctor said with great certainty:? I said Well, you started to eat more, so it turned out that it was sent to the wrong place!?

Selection of humorous jokes from the story club

1) Regarding the decision on the punishment of Brother Sheng for farting with stuffy cigarettes Regarding the issue of Comrade Sheng’s fart, after research, it has been decided that Comrade Sheng should be punished as follows: 1. After farting, stay alone until the fart smell disappears; 2. Take off his pants before farting, Fart again; 3. If you don’t tell me before you fart, eat a pound of peas after you fart. Hereby decided! Family Committee

2) A man kissed a strawberry on his girlfriend’s neck and was seen by his seven-year-old niece. The niece said: Auntie, what’s wrong with your neck? I’m sorry. Answer:? Bitten by a dog. ? The niece said in surprise: ?Ah? Then you will get rabies if you have the injection. ? A certain woman calmly replied: ? I got beaten, I just got beaten last night! ? Does anyone understand in seconds?

3) There are two young couples who have not been married for a long time, although their buttocks are temporarily lowered. We don’t have a car, but it has become an indispensable habit for the couple to visit the car era after dinner every day. They follow, fill in the water, do support, and make bricks. Their car knowledge is increasing every day. It’s getting late. Let’s go to bed. After the couple went to bed, they began to be affectionate. The wife caressed her husband: Why is the paint surface of a domestic car so rough? The husband caressed his wife: Isn’t it also a joint venture car? It’s just a metallic paint. The wife couldn't wait and touched her husband's underside. Wife: Why aren't you on the road yet? Husband: Don't worry, it's a cold start. It's still necessary to warm up the car after ignition. Wife: Didn’t you read the post just now? Experts say that heating the car in place after ignition is bad for the car! Husband: You are too incomplete. Who can press the accelerator on a cold car like you? You should keep it warm every time you start the car. Get into the habit of warming up your car. Keep the car warmed in place for a few minutes. After it is fully lubricated, it will be of great benefit to the service life of your car. ......

4) One day, a boy had just completed a circumcision operation, and a female nurse was preparing to remove his stitches and change his dressing. The patient said to the female nurse: Slow down, slow down, It hurts a little. The nurse sister said humorously: Are you enjoying this process? Otherwise, why would you tell me to slow down? I saw the patient's embarrassment and couldn't help laughing.

5) At three o'clock in the morning, the doctor's phone rang. ?Hello? The person on the other end of the phone was very panicked: ?Doctor, our baby just swallowed a condom. ?The doctor said: ?Bring him to the hospital. We will meet at the hospital in ten minutes. ?He got dressed and was about to go out when the phone rang again. He picked up the phone.

?Hello? A very calm voice came from the other end of the phone: ?It's okay, doctor, we found another one, no need to trouble you. ?The girl and the boy fell in love with each other, and their feelings grew stronger, but they never went too far. The girl couldn't help it anymore and gave the guy a delicate condom as a hint. Unexpectedly, the young man proposed to break up the next day. The girl was distraught and regretful. At this time, the young man was complaining to his buddy: This woman is so awesome. She wanted to break up but she didn't tell me directly. She gave her a broken balloon and hinted that I would blow it up. md. If she did, she would blow it up.

6) I have a very good relationship with a girl in college. Every time I send her back to the dormitory, she always hugs me when she is about to go upstairs, because graduation will definitely separate the two places, and we never tell her. In the first year after graduation, the whole class got together and we hugged each other familiarly. I said: "You have not changed at all after working for a year, but you are still so beautiful!" She smiled evilly for a while and said: "You have changed a lot. , now you won’t poke me even if you hug me!?

7) Son, you really make your father and me proud. If you don’t know how to take the exam, then you can’t. Why did you write couplets on the test paper? First couplet: My son’s questions are too difficult. Second line: Sun Tzu’s invigilation is too strict. Hengpi: I don’t know how. I was invited to the office by your class teacher and I laughed when I saw the test paper. The teacher stared at me!

8) "Old baby, I asked my husband: "You call me baby now. When we have children, , you call the child baby, then what do you call me? My husband replied: ? Wind, rain! My husband talked about his experience of marrying me: ? Wind, come on; rain, come on; let. The storm is coming more violently! So, my wife is here. ? If there is rice, I am very sad that my husband never likes to eat rice. I eat steamed buns at night and say: ? If there are dumplings, I will never eat steamed buns; if there are steamed buns, I will never eat them. Oil cakes; if there are oil cakes, I will never eat steamed buns; if there are steamed buns, I will never eat rice; if there is rice, I will be very sad. ? The husband of the Toad Prince drank, and I got angry: ? If he drinks again, we will get divorced! It’s difficult for a toad with three legs. Look, there are two-legged men all over the street!~? My husband said: ?I am your legendary toad prince. Is it difficult to find a three-legged toad? Congratulations! You found it?... "

9) A fellow clerk, Xiaoli, fell asleep at her desk at noon. Several male colleagues next to us were watching football league games on their mobile phones. Everyone shouted: "Cum, cum!!" Xiaoli woke up from her sleep and shouted: "Don't cum inside." Everyone was confused at that time. . .

10) I was watching TV on the sofa, and my wife sat on my lap wrapped in a bath towel, and said charmingly: "Uncle, you want the little girl, right?" I deliberately stayed calm: ?No, no, sir, I don’t have any money today! ?Wife: ?What’s the matter with money? I just want to make the little girl happy, and make up for the IOU afterwards! ?I’m dizzy~~~~~I still owe money for this matter I lifted my wife's chin with one hand and said teasingly: "Girl, come on, sing a song for me!" My wife clapped my hand: "Sir, please be more respectful, little one." Woman, I only sell my body but not my art! ?Shock~~~~~~Now I am at gunpoint! After taking a shower, I was lying on the bed reading a book. When my wife came out of the bathroom, a hungry tiger pounced on me and pinned me down, and said with a ferocious face:? Hey, my little brother is good looking, my little girl, I want to try something new today! ? I will fight to the death. When my wife saw that I didn’t obey, she turned around and said gently: “Uncle, you just obey the little girl, right?” I said: “Give me a reason first!” My wife quickly turned around: “The little girl has just been released from prison. I haven’t eaten meat in the past year! ? Oh my god~~~~~~~This is a good reason, and there is absolutely no reason not to follow it!...

　11) When staying in a hotel alone, when When he took the elevator upstairs, the elevator stopped at a floor and a naked beauty walked in. He was stunned and kept watching. Beauty: "Is there anything good to see? You haven't seen it, have you, country bumpkin?" ?He replied: ?I saw it, it's nothing. My wife also has a set of pajamas like yours. ?

12) ?You are finally online!?Yes.

?We have already shipped the inflatable doll you bought yesterday, but the Fan Bingbing version you requested online is no longer in stock, so we sent you the Feng Jie version. But you can rest assured about the quality and we will give you the price. Please give me a call. The goods have been sent by express delivery. Dear, please remember to give me a good review!?

Classic stories can make humorous jokes

1) Before his son got married, his father embarrassedly taught him He said: When the time comes, it will be fine if you are on top and she is on the bottom. On the wedding night, the bride saw that the new bed had been changed into bunk beds.

　2) Keane asked his girlfriend: Am I the first man to court you? Yes, you are the first. Other men are straightforward and never sloppy. ?

3) That year I went to the Canton Fair with a colleague, and I was constantly harassed by the lady on the phone in the hotel. It was very annoying. By chance, we found the room number of the lady who called us (probably It’s the kind where you book a room in a hotel and then use the extension number to harass her), so we naturally found out the lady’s extension number (many hotel extension numbers are arranged by room number). So one afternoon we were harassed again: "Can I ask you, Miss?" We were aggrieved after the rejection, so our colleague called back. As expected, the lady who answered the phone was the same lady. The colleague said seriously and lowered his voice: "Can I ask you, Sir?" It is estimated that the young lady has never encountered such a situation. She paused for a few seconds and then said angrily: "Yes, I want your head!"...

　4) School assembly, discipline The director made the final conclusion: "In short, I hope that no matter where you are, you must remember that you are students of this school. You must not smoke while walking or wear shorts in the classroom. Even in your own room, you are not allowed to smoke while walking." Don't talk about indecent topics. ?Also, female students, if some pig boys pester you, don’t pay attention to them. You have to ask yourselves, is it worth ruining the reputation of your life for one hour of happiness? Okay, is there any problem? When the audience was silent, a delicate voice suddenly said: "Excuse me?" What should be done to make him last for an hour? It is said that when Wukong borrowed the banana fan from Princess Iron Fan, it happened to be the time when the Bull Demon King came back from get off work. The Bull Demon King heard the following conversation at the door of his house: Wukong: Sister-in-law, I am inside you! Princess Iron Fan: Ah! No!!! Ah!!! It hurts!!! Don’t move. Ah, please come out quickly!!! Ah. . . ?Wukong: ?Okay, I'm about to come out! Sister-in-law, please open your mouth!!!? Princess Iron Fan: ?Ah? When the Bull Demon King heard this, he left a divorce agreement at the door of his house and left sadly.

5) A man went to the business hall to renew his subscription. Man: I’ll pay the broadband fee for half a year. Waitress: It’s best to pay once a year. ?Man:?But I only brought money for half a year!?The waitress patiently explained:?It is better for you to have sex for a year at once, it is more cost-effective. ?Man:?As I said, I only pay for half a year, so hurry up. Waitress: It's not a man to be so stingy. ?The man said angrily: ?Tell me, how long does it take to have sex once to be considered a man!? A girl on the forum with whom I have a close relationship was in a bad mood, so she took me out to have dinner with her. Halfway through the meal, she ordered a bottle of beer and then asked me: Can you have some wine with me? I’m in a bad mood today! I hesitated, Well, I’m sorry, I don’t know how to drink. Oh, I’m not very good at drinking, and I’ll get drunk after just one bottle, and I’ll mess with my family members when I’m drunk. Alas~? After saying that, he looked at me with a resentful look. I thought for a moment, then turned around and shouted: Waiter, four more bottles of beer!!?

6) A couple held a wedding ceremony in a church. When it came time to exchange rings, the nervous groom unexpectedly forgot about this. The pastor anxiously raised his finger to make a ring gesture, and blinked as a hint to the groom. I saw the groom's face turned red and he stammered: Pastor, isn't that just for the wedding night?

7) A lonely man entered the bar and had nothing to say to the boss. Chat: We are running for president again. The boss quickly stopped and said: Don’t talk about this. No one can talk about political topics in my bar. It’s too boring.

?The man changed the topic and said:?I heard that John Paul II was interrupted again:?Don't talk about religion, it's too boring. ?Let’s talk about football. Recently, the Paris PSG team has suffered repeated defeats. Don’t mention it. How many people have started fighting here just because we talk about football. The man couldn’t bear it. He took a breath and asked: ?Let’s talk about it. Sexual topic?...

8) When taking the elevator, the man was surprised to find a naked woman in the elevator. The woman rolled her eyes at him and cursed: What are you looking at? What’s so good about it! Oh! I just want to say that my wife also has a leather coat like this. ?

9) A certain young woman always goes her own way, even if she feeds her child human breast milk in public, she will never be shy. Once, he and his husband took their child to a restaurant for dinner. The child was hungry and started crying. The young woman lifted up the corner of her clothes and breastfed the child. The waiter in the restaurant walked beside her and politely asked her not to breastfeed in public. The young woman was very angry and said: "Don't you think breastfeeding is obscene and indecent?" The waiter politely pointed to the notice on the wall and said: "But it is forbidden to eat food that is not provided by the restaurant." ?

10) "The husband came home and found his wife having an affair with his best friend, so he shot them dead. As a result, he was also convicted of murder. The news appeared on the front page the next day, and the neighbors were left and right There was a lot of discussion, and one of the neighbors who lived above the couple expressed his opinion: "It's lucky it happened on Friday, otherwise the situation would be worse." Neighbors said that there was nothing better than two people dying. What's worse than going to jail? Because if her husband comes back on Thursday, I will be the one who dies! Wouldn't it be worse? "

　11) A girl hugged her. I took the cat to buy eggs, and then I put the cat down at the stall to pick eggs. The male stall owner praised the cat: "Your pussy is so big!" The girl was angry and was silent. The southern stall owner said again: "Your pussy is so white!" The girl was furious: If you keep talking nonsense, I will crush your balls!

12) On a blind date, sit opposite each other in a teahouse with a girl. After getting to know both parties' work, education, family, and hobbies, the conversation got stuck, so we started talking about social topics. Me: What do you think of the real estate market? mm (stupefied for a moment, then lowered his head in silence for a while): Still? It’s better not to do it too frequently?