The miserable little sister

The youngest aunt is currently lying in the crystal coffin. Through the glass, I can hardly recognize her face.

My aunt was lying on the coffin board crying, her thin body was twitching constantly, which made my heart feel particularly uncomfortable.

My mother is the fourth of ten sisters, and my aunt is my grandma’s 10th child. Sometimes I also call her the tenth aunt. My aunt is 71 this year, right? When he was very young, he became half-stupid due to special reasons (it was man-made, so I won’t go into details here). He could hardly communicate with people normally, and his IQ was equivalent to that of a child of several years old. My uncle's family was originally from a poor family and could not find a wife in the countryside, so he married his aunt because he had no choice but to do so. My aunt gave birth to three children. The eldest son was mute but clever (unfortunately he fell into a river and drowned when he was about 20 years old), and the second son was mute, stupid and a useless person. The third daughter, who is now lying in the crystal coffin, is a normal person and the only hope and support of this family. It is said that the day when my sister-in-law spoke, the whole family was celebrating a holiday.

A sister-in-law who was born into such a family will undoubtedly have a lot of pains. Only the sister-in-law herself knows these best. We had the opportunity to meet many times when we were children, and I felt that she only smiled and hardly spoke. What's more, we are much older than her (about 15 years old), and we don't speak the same language, so there is almost no communication.

I only know that my sister-in-law grew up slowly and went to elementary school and junior high school. Of course her grades were not good, and then she learned crafts in a tailor shop in the town, and she has been working in this shop ever since. Work until the day of the accident.

Her partner was introduced by the master and owner of the tailor shop. He is a very honest and responsible rural boy (he is still working as a painter, but no one with any means is willing to do this, which is harmful to the body and very serious. It was a hard job, but he had been doing it for almost 20 years, and he didn’t seem to have any intention of changing his career.) At that time, even in rural areas, the conditions were relatively poor. Even my uncle didn’t agree with the marriage, but my sister-in-law I made up my mind to get married, and finally got married. It seems that this marriage is pretty good. Although it is not rich, life is smooth and stable, and it is slowly getting on track. At the time of the car accident, my sister-in-law was pregnant with Liujia, and the baby was due to be born in one month. Being able to have a second child shows that the conditions in all aspects are pretty good, at least the financial pressure is not great.

Today I decided to write this article, not to describe such a thing, but to understand the journey of restoring my sister-in-law’s short life. The reason is that the eldest sister-in-law (the eldest daughter of the fifth concubine) said something, which made me dumbfounded.

My eldest sister was working out of town and came back because of my sister's affairs. Naturally, we talked about some of my sister's past events. The eldest sister said that after her sister-in-law came home, she would not live in her home every time, and she would not allow her mother to go to her sales department. She found it embarrassing and scolded her, which was not good to her at all...

I was shocked when I heard my aunt say these things. This was completely different from my impression of her. There is a dull pain in my heart, is this true? Slowly, I thought hard and finally understood a little bit. This is the first time that I have put myself in my sister-in-law's situation and put myself in her shoes. This thought made me think of endless emotions. My sister-in-law's growth process is really not easy. Her life is... It can be said that it is as hard as it is, it is too difficult...

It is difficult for normal people to imagine and understand the hardship and discrimination of an extremely poor mentally retarded family in a normal family. I can empathize with it. Most of the time it is a very overused adjective. People who have received a civilized education can often hide their feelings of discrimination better, but in rural areas, discrimination is almost everywhere, and I have an unforgettable feeling about it. Many times even caring is a kind of blatant discrimination. I have also experienced this feeling, but it is definitely not as strong as my sister-in-law. For example, our family was very poor when we were young. Relatives who had a slightly better life would donate some clothes, but the sense of giving and superiority was very strong. Even at a few years old, I could clearly feel that wearing the clothes they gave me made me feel uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable, it felt weird, I didn’t realize it until I grew up. Now that I think about it, my sister-in-law almost lives in discrimination, and it is not a matter of how much discrimination she suffers. As a normal child from an abnormal family, my aunt's young heart is hurt by this feeling almost every day.

She had no idea why this was happening, and the only thing she could do was to become extremely sensitive, fearful, scared, instinctively avoid, and then close herself off.

There are many people on the Internet talking about "the harm done to the original family". For my aunt, this topic is "the harm done to the original family". Except for bringing her life and the minimum amount of food, her parents did almost nothing but harm. I think it's a miracle that she survived. My mother could barely take care of herself, let alone take care of her children. Her father had gone to great lengths to provide food for the family. Nutrition, early education, intellectual development, mother's care, etc. are almost zero. She grew up almost purely naturally, not even as good as the descendants of Homo sapiens in the forest.

My mother can only speak very simple words, and my father almost doesn't want to speak. Her language skills probably only started to develop after entering school. At this time, my aunt's little heart had been hurt thousands of times. Her eyes widened in school, like a frightened bird. She has almost nothing that others have, she can't speak very well, she doesn't have nice clothes, she doesn't have the care of other people's parents... She even looks silly when she smiles and will be ridiculed... I can't imagine her now. How did she survive...

Others' childhoods were happy, but she was black;

Others' growth was happy, but she didn't know what happiness was;

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Other people have memories in their past, but her past has nothing to look back on;

Others have laughter in their years, but her days are filled with deep inferiority and isolation;

…

Learning to make clothes was the real beginning of her life.

Education, including junior high school, only teaches my aunt the most basic survival skills, including the basis for normal communication with society, such as being able to express one's thoughts in the simplest way, and probably being able to follow other people's requirements. Do things, know you have no choice but to change the situation on your own, etc. If she had not learned to sew, she would most likely not be able to survive in society because her understanding and learning abilities are much lower than ordinary people.

There are almost no tailor shops in villages and towns anymore. Nowadays, people buy ready-made clothes, which are cheap and good. The cost of tailoring in rural areas is not high, and it is difficult to do business. I have always suspected that their store would not be able to continue to operate, but it is incredible that it has existed miraculously for so many years. The needs in rural areas are indeed different. There are people who need many traditional clothes, but there are no factories to make them. This is the survival opportunity of the little aunts. It is a small gap. They are busy all year round, but the income is not much better than farming.

Regarding marriage, my sister-in-law must not be able to imagine it. Living a humble life has always been her biggest need. Love is even more incomprehensible, with no needs and no mood. Before getting married (in 2005), I had never watched TV or heard of cash registers (or maybe I had seen them in other people’s homes). Can you imagine such a person and such a family in Jiangsu, the most prosperous and developed country in China in the 21st century?

It is a great blessing for my sister-in-law that the master introduces her to someone. All she can ask for is that the person is not stupid or stupid (is this also called a condition?), and there are no other additional conditions. For her, it's a blessing that people don't dislike her. Why would it be her turn to dislike others? So she took one look at the person introduced by her master and made up her mind to marry him. She was very afraid of losing this opportunity. Opportunities in her life were always too few and too precious, and every one of them was precious. So she chose not to let go, but her father objected. She didn't understand why he didn't agree. She feels that no one even looked at her in the eyes before, but now a normal person wants to marry me, and you still don’t agree, why? What, his family is poor? Pull it down, look at our family like this, what qualifications do we have to despise other people's poverty?

In this way, my sister-in-law resolutely married herself. For her, marriage is not about pursuing happiness. Her biggest need is to have a normal family, a family that is complete and free of mental retardation no matter how poor it is. She had been waiting for this opportunity to escape from her "original family", which had three mentally retarded children who had caused her pain for more than twenty years. In order to leave, she was willing to pay any price she could bear. Now that this opportunity is right in front of her, how could she give up? How dare she give up...?

I have to say that my sister-in-law’s decision was correct. Even though her new home was impoverished, it brought her infinitely more warmth than her original home. Everything here made her feel proud and proud.

Here, she even has hope that her children in the future will laugh and be happy like normal people, instead of like when she was a child...

Although they don't make much money, their family has almost no expenses and their debts are constantly decreasing. I can pay it off soon. When I have money in the future, I can buy a beautiful sofa in the hall...

Everything is as beautiful as a dream. Such a day is simply too happy. If it weren't for the occasional discomfort caused by her "original family", she would be very satisfied with this world.

My mentally retarded mother and brother are the lingering shadows, but this cannot be changed, which is very powerless. Even though everyone around her knew her original family, they still tried their best not to let her mother go to the store because it was really embarrassing and there was only so much she could do. But the mother likes to visit her daughter very much. She is only happy when she sees her daughter, so she often wants to go. She cannot understand the pressure and pain she brings to her daughter. At first, my daughter could bear it, but one day she couldn't bear it anymore. But she had no way to tell her mother, so she could only be fierce and scold her, telling her not to come. During the process, my daughter was very sad, and so was her mother. With her IQ, she could never understand what she had done wrong...

From what I knew, she cared very much about her mother and brother. She used her craftsmanship to spend time making a lot of new clothes for her mother and brother. She also bought a lot of gifts during the New Year and holidays. Her uncle always praised the young couple on various occasions. Last year, she even made a special gift for her mother's 70th birthday. We invited a theater troupe and made it a great spectacle... I didn’t know until now that this was compensation. She is a kind-hearted child who has deep feelings for her mother, but she cannot bear the discrimination of society. She does not have the ability to adjust, so she can only restrict her mother from showing her father* **Life circle. But she feels uncomfortable and can only make up for it through other ways...

It has been like this since she was a child. She has many, many sufferings that she cannot express, and she has no ability to solve them. Many times she can All you do is torture yourself. Who could understand the pain in her heart if my aunt hadn't studied for several days? On the one hand, her eldest sister pitied her, but on the other hand, she was full of dissatisfaction with her. She simply could not understand her little sister's unknown difficulties. Understanding is often a luxury.

My aunt’s family is full of misfortune and uncertainty, but because of my aunt’s appearance, all the relatives breathed a long sigh of relief. Seeing her life getting better and better as a child, I felt that my aunt's future was secure, and my daughter would have an explanation for her parents and brother. Her husband is also very kind and treats his wife very well. The financial power of the family is in the hands of his sister-in-law. Everything seems really good - if this sudden disaster hadn't happened.

A week ago, my sister-in-law was crossing the road on her way back to the store after sending her son to school. She was hit by a new female driver who used the accelerator as a brake and died on the spot. Witnesses said that he flew up to the roof of the car so high...

He died at the age of 36.

My sister-in-law was lying quietly in the crystal coffin. She had been freed from all the troubles in the world. Perhaps to a certain extent, this made her feel more comfortable, which was another form of relief. It's just that this way of leaving was too intense, making it impossible for people to look back...

She took away the unborn child, and they became mother and child in another world. A son in this world will also miss her. The 13-year-old son I saw today actually doesn’t know what sadness is. He is still a little too young. I went to touch his hand. This poor child no longer has a mother...

She also left behind her beloved husband, who was more important in her life than her parents. . He has no talent and ability, no knowledge and charm, no handsomeness and unrestrainedness, no tenderness and affection... None of this is important. For her, kindness is enough, and he happens to be kind enough, so what more can she ask for? She never thought about leaving him. When she was bored, she thought about what he would be like when he got old, right? To him, she could only be grateful. Her life would be complete the day she had him, and she never wanted to be separated. She must be very reluctant to leave now so suddenly, but how uncomfortable it must be if she can't stay!

Her mother is the eternal pain in her heart. This woman brought her into this world, but she was unable to bring her happiness and brought her endless pain. She used to hate her so much, but she was her biological mother after all, and she had to accept this fact in the end.

When she finally had her own happiness, especially after having her own child, as a mother's instinct, she tried hard to learn to understand and accept this mentally disabled mother. She is connected by blood, and with happiness and suffering, she can forget them. She is trying to be a good daughter, because she is a good daughter to begin with.

When her eldest brother fell into the river and drowned, she was very young and had no memory at all. The second brother has been bullying her since she was a child. She used to hate him very much. When she grew up, her hatred was gone and she was only pitiful. In the future world, no one will feel sorry for this fool except my sister. Now that my sister is gone, my brother may one day be taken to heaven by a minor illness, or he may starve to death, or he may die randomly like his brother. In short, his birth was a tragedy, and the final result was destined not to be much better. The sister is definitely not willing to accept the result that others take for granted. She could have been different for her brother, but there is no but...

Finally, let’s talk about the normal and abnormal old father. A very pitiful man married a stupid woman, raised two stupid sons, and had a slutty daughter. You can even use your heels to imagine what kind of life he lived. Her misfortune is exactly the opposite of her father's misfortune. She has developed from abnormal to normal, from bad to good. And the father went from normal to abnormal. At least he was originally a normal person, and finally became the parent of a bunch of abnormal people. How can he still be okay? In that era when normal people lived a very difficult life, how did this man support such a large number of old, weak, sick and disabled people? This can not but be said to be a legend! Now this legendary man is old and can no longer do farm work. He has severe asthma and goes to the hospital every three days, which indicates some kind of misfortune... I can't think about it, and I don't dare to think about it, what will this family be like if he falls...?

The aunt who was crying on the crystal coffin could not be imagined by those who did not know that she was a mentally retarded person. No matter how you looked at it, she was in a mother's state in the strict sense. Could it be that sadness brought her mind back to normal? Or was she never abnormal, but just incapable of expressing it?

I wasn’t too sad about my sister-in-law’s death. It was the same before and after I didn’t “feel the same”. I didn't understand her before and didn't have much emotion for her, but then I felt like she was a relief as described above. Thinking about the worst-case outcome of her current life, if any one of her parents or brother gets seriously ill and drags her down, it is very likely that my sister-in-law will be worse off than dead. A slightly larger medical expense will bring her lifelong sewing income to zero or even plunge her into extreme poverty, incurring endless discrimination again. This day may come at any time. As a normal person, my sister-in-law has finally managed to get out of the suffering. If she is pressed down by suffering again, she will definitely be in more pain than the first time. When I think of her past and future pain, I feel sad, which is much more painful than her death. I can only deeply suppress it, fearing that I will cry uncontrollably in front of so many people.

Her only mission in this world is to tell the truth about her parents and brother. But her shoulders were so weak, and her life was so weak that it was crumbling, so she could barely hold on to her small home. So it was difficult for her, miserable, and unspeakably miserable. Maybe it’s because you’ve been suffering for a long time and got used to it, that’s why you had a second child?

…

My little sister-in-law, your family has prepared a grand farewell ceremony for you. There are two banquet tents and many, many relatives have come to see you and feel sorry for you. See you off. Brother, I felt very uncomfortable after eating this meal. I kept thinking about how you feel at this moment. Because I thought too much, I couldn’t think about it anymore.

Never see you again, sister-in-law, have a good trip on the road to hell.

Next time you are reincarnated, please wipe your eyes.

(Completed on the night of April 19, 2019.)