Joke Collection Website - Talk about mood - How to get rid of the psychological shadow of mother-in-law robbing children?
How to get rid of the psychological shadow of mother-in-law robbing children?
What psychological shadows have been caused? 1, impotence
It may be that my mother-in-law makes us feel incompetent in the process of taking care of our children.
My mother-in-law may say that this is not right and that is not right. You put it down and I'll do it. The speaker is not interested in the listener, but the behavior of thinking for the child has inadvertently suppressed the initiative and self-confidence of the novice mother.
2. Feeling controlled
In the process of raising children, the mother-in-law may give you many instructions based on the reasons of the children.
For example, "The baby is hungry, it's time to feed", "The baby is full, don't feed any more", "Don't turn on the air conditioner, it's bad for the baby", "Her father cries when he hugs, so don't let him hug" and so on. Although trivial, having too much is also depressing, and I feel that I have lost my autonomy in my own home.
Countermeasure 1, set the boundary
Without unlimited decentralization and a clear division of labor, troubles can be reduced. In your small family, make clear what decisions your mother-in-law can and can't make.
For example, whoever cooks has a say in cooking. Who breastfeeds, who has a say in breastfeeding. Whoever sleeps with the child has a say in the child's sleep. It is not reasonable to let her mother-in-law do everything and not allow her to talk.
Step 2 adjust cognition
Understand her, change your mind, mother-in-law is not a nanny, they don't want wages, bring their own dry food, and even pay back money. They love children more than nannies and regard them as big treasures. They may not know as much as the nanny, but they are not here to cheat the children or screw up the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. They just like children and want to help.
Embarrassment and trouble are only temporary. My mother-in-law won't stay in your house indefinitely. She will leave when she doesn't need help.
Interesting question. I'm glad to have the opportunity to discuss it with you! Originally, the mother-in-law was welcome to take care of the children, but the words "get rid of" and "catch" were used here, followed by a "shadow", indicating that the mother-in-law has brought pain to our master without her knowing it. What is the specific situation? I don't know. All our statements can only be based on one guess. One possibility is that the mother-in-law and the questioner have different views on parenting, and they have been worried that the mother-in-law will teach the children badly, but the mother-in-law loves her grandson in her own way, and it doesn't matter how many times the daughter-in-law says it. The differences between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are growing, and the contradictions are getting deeper and deeper. In fact, she is using children as props to fight for rights. If the children are younger, you don't have to do housework if you rob them. Mother-in-law took her children out for a walk after eating, and a lot of bowls were to be washed by her daughter-in-law. Daughter-in-law is so tired that she can't even rest. It's too painful! Another possibility is that the mother-in-law hurt the child with her child and didn't want the mother-in-law to take the child away. Her mother-in-law insisted on rushing to take care of the children, which made people worry. There are several speculations, which may be other situations. In short, one thing happened once, focusing on the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law Solving the problem is to ease the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, sincerely express her inner thoughts and see what her mother-in-law thinks. Simply avoiding and not facing the solution will only make the problem more and more serious and make yourself more miserable. If you can also tell your husband how you feel and let him be a lubricant, the problem will be much easier to solve! If these can't be done, then grow up well. When your psychological age gradually increases, you will have the wisdom to solve these problems, and the shadow will naturally fade! I am a consultant, you can trust me privately if you have any questions! !
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The old man is very selfish. In fact, she is just grabbing control of this family. The most helpless thing is that we are daughters-in-law, and we can only blame our husbands for their incompetence. Buying a house before marriage and living independently are not so many problems. However, there are really many old people who rob children now, and they often crown themselves and say that they are hardworking and great. The same is true in front of outsiders, saying that your mother-in-law is so good. The most embarrassing thing is that a neighbor said that your children don't like being with you, and grandma brought them up. In short, it seems to others that the mother abandoned her child and was indifferent! Ten thousand grass mud horses can only run in their hearts, fart, and children won't kiss me? Every time a child wants to talk to me, it's not this grandmother who wants to stop me! There are accomplices at home, brother-in-law, sister-in-law and grandfather, all of whom say that they will sleep with grandma and do something with her. I think this kind of pain is many times more painful than grandma's failure to help with the children! Grandma doesn't help her grandson, and everyone knows that she is selfish, but this kind of rushing to take care of her hides her selfish desire for control and possession under the aura of selfless dedication! Usually you think that not bringing it to her will make an old man sad, so try to satisfy her, as long as the child is willing! But in one case, when the child doesn't want to go with grandma, you have to coax the child to go with grandma, because you don't want to be awkward under the same room. Once, the child was ill and wanted to follow his mother. I have repeatedly confirmed with my children whether to take them to my own studio after I don't go with others. As a result, I walked to the door, and his grandmother was particularly angry and said, go ahead, and don't let us two old people take it in the future, others will say that you have no conscience! I'll take care of the baby for you when it's only a few days old. Now you can take it away when it's so big! Not satisfied at all! I was very angry at once. First, I am the mother of the child, and I have my rights where I want to take the child. Second, I never said anything about stealing any of your children. Usually I am satisfied with your wishes, and you can take whatever you like. Third, this is the child's own meaning.
A woman gave birth to a child, but this selflessness robbed her of her parent-child relationship. Today, I went out to look in the mirror and felt much older. Unexpectedly, a lot of unhappiness also comes from this. I used to be patient and return good for evil. Since she said so, I wonder why I should be nice to you. Have you ever respected me as your grandson's mother? Usually I won't say anything else, and I won't care how filial your son is to you, but I won't spend money to please you and I won't care about you. I like to pay for meals.
I don't think I can get rid of it. Before giving birth to a child, I expected that my mother-in-law would definitely take my child away, and then I instilled the concept of my husband every day, and the child must be taken care of by ourselves. My previous plan was that I would live at my mother's house. After all, my mother would definitely take better care of me, and then I would go to my husband's house for a month, and then I would get well, so I could take it back to our own home by myself. Later, after the baby was born, I stayed in the hospital for five days. Basically, my mother-in-law takes care of the children, and my mother takes care of me, but that is completely self-care, and I have just been born and have no feelings for the children. I think it's good to have someone to help with the children. When I went home to finish my confinement and went to my mother-in-law's house the next month, I found that I still couldn't accept my mother-in-law taking care of the children. I felt robbed. Especially once, my mother-in-law took the child away while I was going to the toilet. I was particularly angry and felt violated. Later, when we got home, after all my careful design, my mother-in-law finally stopped helping me with my children. But it is annoying to visit every day, but it is normal to think that the elderly want their children to visit. Once, my mother-in-law even suggested that she take her baby home to feed milk powder, which made me very angry. Everyone knows that breast milk is the best, and she is desperate to grab the baby. So in fact, my plan has always been to go home in the next month, and my mother will take care of it and build feelings. In the next month, I recovered, so I will take care of my children while they are cooking, and try to give them less opportunities to touch their hands. I can take six months of maternity leave, and the remaining four months are the period when I set the rules. How to take care of children according to my rules? After half a year, my mother-in-law and my mother took turns to take care of it, and my husband and I took care of it ourselves at night. In short, the people closest to the baby must be my husband and me. Therefore, your problem is not how to eliminate this kind of psychology, but how to win over your allies (your husband) and how to establish your battle plan (you plan your own plan, no matter what they say). This is urgent!
Bring your own children. Stay away from your mother-in-law
Take the children home when you are free.
Solve problems rationally
From the standpoint of her mother-in-law, she rushed to take care of the children without any malice, for the following reasons:
First, loving grandchildren is like being a mother for the first time. You want to give your children as much love as possible and spend more time with them. My mother-in-law is also a grandmother for the first time, and she will spare no expense for her children. Traditionally, your child is the continuation of a family and her new hope.
And babies are generally soft and cute, and they are their grandchildren (girls). Can it not hurt?
Second, lighten the burden for you and the father of the child. If you are a working mother, your mother-in-law thinks it is too hard for you to go to work during the day and take care of your baby at night, so you can take care of your baby as much as possible. You can work boldly to make money. If your husband is not a qualified teammate, the mother-in-law may feel guilty. Since the son is of little use, the mother-in-law will do more for herself.
Another possibility is that the mother-in-law who also loves her son is afraid that you will often boss her son around, so she will take the initiative to take care of the baby, so that you will be relaxed, his son will be relaxed and she will be happy. Isn't it the best of both worlds?
It's really hard to take care of a baby. In the first year, you can be ten years older. Since the mother-in-law is in a hurry to take care of the baby, you can help her run errands. Don't worry, the child will kiss you eventually.
When my Dabao was a few months old, her mother-in-law often took the initiative to take care of the baby. At that time, I also had a psychological shadow, thinking that it was my child, and no one wanted to take it away. When the child is older, everyone deeply realizes that it is really hard to take care of the baby. My mother-in-law and I would rather do housework than take care of the baby, because it is easier to do housework than take care of the baby.
I hope my mother-in-law will bring more after my second treasure is born. One person cannot carry two. Fortunately, my mother-in-law is here, and I am at work during the day, so I hardly have to worry about my home.
I have a lot of friends around me, all of whom spit out their mother-in-law and refuse to take care of the baby. It is rare to see grandma or grandma scrambling to take care of the baby. Your mother-in-law took the initiative to take care of the baby. How many people envy? Be grateful.
Now that men and women are equal, men have to go out to work, and women have to go out to work. Why can't they give their children to their mother-in-law? After all, after you marry him, your mother will be your mother. Does this need to be appraised?
Yes, modern young women still retain the concepts of the old society, such as evil mother-in-law and disharmony between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Are these things considered in contemporary socialism? Let me explain it carefully so that you don't have this pressure.
As we all know, in modern society, you can't live with your mother-in-law unless you want to. Since we don't live together, there will be no bad blood and no reason to quarrel. If my mother-in-law really doesn't do well in this respect, then I don't have much time to see her once or twice a year, so I'll just have to put up with it. After all, I am an elder, right? Then, as a daughter-in-law, what happened after you gave birth?
You have to go to work, too If you have to take 10 thousand steps back, you are a full-time housewife and don't need to go to work. You can take care of your children by yourself. Then bring it yourself and explain it to her mother-in-law and husband. A lot of words should be said on the bright side, not vague. What kind of society is it now? Can we still compete openly? This matter cannot be justified! Secondly, if we go to work.
Isn't it easier! Why do we have to look after children at work? Wouldn't it be better for my mother-in-law to take care of it? Think about it, I have to go home after work to watch my children wash clothes and cook, but my husband is lying on the sofa playing games.
Do you want this kind of life? You don't want to, so if I analyze it like this, you must be in a hurry to give the child to your mother-in-law. They are all her son's children. Can she treat him badly? As the saying goes, one generation hurts another! Grandparents love their grandchildren more than their sons.
First of all, you should understand that the mother-in-law should take care of the mother, not separate the child from the mother.
Secondly, if you think that your mother-in-law is not just taking care of the children, but grabbing the belt, it means that you may be suffering from postpartum depression at the moment, but you don't have to worry too much. After giving birth to a child, the hormone level in your body changes obviously, which will naturally lead to discomfort. In the second month, calm down, take good care of yourself, take good care of your body, and take better care of your baby! After confinement, resume prenatal communication and chat with your lover and friends, and your body will slowly recover and your mood will slowly recover.
Of course, it doesn't rule out that there really is an over-enthusiastic mother-in-law who won't let you touch the children and thinks she is particularly powerful, but you can't do anything. At this time, you need to communicate with your mother-in-law, or ask her to help manage your moon meal and distract her enthusiasm.
Finally, I want to say that you are really happy for us parents who bring up children by ourselves! Especially with the baby of the second month, it is simply suffering [tears]
I used to have the same idea. I think it doesn't matter if my mother-in-law takes care of her children, but if she takes too much, she won't kiss her mother ... In fact, we might as well think about it from another angle.
1, the mother-in-law is the grandmother of the child and wants to get along with the child;
2. It's a good thing that your mother-in-law helps with the children and you can also take some time to do your own thing. Instead of focusing on children all day, slowly you will find that you have lost yourself. When the children grow up, you will find that you have completely lost your confidence.
3, you must have such an idea, maybe your mother-in-law is not as good as what you want, this can be slowly communicated and discussed with her mother-in-law.
I can understand Ma Bao's feelings.
I think it is very, very normal for a mother to want to protect her baby, just like almost all female animals will protect their cubs from others. My suggestion for the topic is, 1. Try to bring your own, 2. Try to let mom take it, 3. If you give up, you can get it, and if you have it, you can give up. 4. I feel that it is better to let the baby leave you for a few months, which is not good for you and your children.
Remember, the custody of the child is yours, and it is you who are responsible for his future, not your mother-in-law. Make love to your husband and tell his parents the importance of this matter. Good luck.
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