Talking about social fears in the New Year.

Speaking of social fear, I believe many people are familiar with it. In sharp contrast to "social cattle", social terrorists really have too many inner struggles. Others live freely, and social terrorists have to do their best to survive.

I also have social fears. Especially when I was a child during the Spring Festival, there were guests at home, and I basically hid in my room. I have nothing to say to anyone except my relatives who grew up well. When I grow up, I am most afraid of eating at a table. No matter colleagues, classmates and relatives have dinner, I am afraid of drinking. The scene that others can blurt out feels like going to the execution ground. No matter how hard I cheer myself up, I just don't have the courage to raise my glass. After eating a meal, others laughed and laughed, but my heart seemed to have experienced a year.

I want to overcome my social fear too much, because it not only makes me feel miserable, but also misses many good opportunities. Work is not smooth, love is frustrated, even dealing with children's teachers, and sometimes they are tortured by social fears.

I bought many books to read, such as Inferiority and Transcendence, Courage of Being Disliked, Inner Reconstruction, Don't Let Embarrassment Hurt You, and so on. Or I read all kinds of articles and videos about social fear on the Internet. Every time I look at it, I feel empathy, I feel depressed, I feel full of strength, and I feel that I know what to do. However, when faced with real social scenes, my inner social fear comes from nowhere and gnaws at my sensitive nerves. I comforted myself with the words in the book and guided myself with new cognition, but at that moment, I could only let my emotions drown me out, and it seemed too late to come to my senses.

So with a new round of self-regulation, I can cope with most situations, but when some situations arise, I will suddenly fall into social fear.

I saw a post in Zhihu today, which made me realize instantly! It says that all efforts to get rid of social fears are almost ineffective. It is futile to fight social fears with willpower. And the best solution is one word-forget! Forget that you have social phobia, forget that you need to constantly break through to socialize normally.

This really hit me in an instant. Yes, just forget it! I can recall the time when I performed well, such as suddenly meeting an old classmate, and she had a good chat. At that time, I didn't pay attention to myself at all, and my attention was on the chat itself. And every time you start to care about yourself, it is the beginning of inner suffering.

It is really a "simple road"! The word "forget" is worth pondering. I want to pay attention to the work itself, I want to pay attention to the matter itself, I want to forget some feelings of "self" and return to the natural state.