How to rekindle the feeling of love when getting along with each other in a dull period? Teach five languages you like.

Love fairy tales and idol dramas let us see the charm of love, but they don't really teach us how to love. In reality, when the halo effect of love disappears and there is no beauty in real life, how can we get along?

How can you love each other when you see that there are so many things you don't like about each other?

How to make the marriage full of love charm after ten years and thirty years?

The lesson of love is worth learning. It takes effort and energy to run a good marriage.

Gary, the author of Five Languages of Love, divides the languages of love into five. Don't underestimate these five languages, they can change endlessly. People are different, even love words in the same language will express different contents.

Some people may think that these five languages are routines. I think the difference between routines and true feelings is that routines are the same learning method and can be directly applied to solving problems, while true feelings come from treating each other sincerely, sincerely wanting to give to each other and feeling each other's needs. Maybe we can find the law of behavior pattern by summing up afterwards, but at the moment of expressing my true feelings, the parties didn't think about what strategy I would use and whether it was appropriate to use any tactics before.

Author Gary also stressed that these methods are not used to manipulate others. Everyone is independent and has the right to choose to accept or not accept the love expressed by others. Just as the confessed person has the right to refuse and accept, if he resents revenge because he confessed that the other person did not accept it, then all he wants is control, and he certainly doesn't know what love is.

Gary summed up the five languages of love: affirmative words, meticulous moments, accepting gifts, serving and physical contact.

Affirmative words: that is, appreciative words, expressing your appreciation for TA. Many parents bring up their children by urging and rarely praise them positively, which makes it difficult for many people to express their appreciation for those close to them. On the contrary, they will say a lot of thanks to "outsiders".

A compliment doesn't have to be beautiful, maybe it's just a sentence, wow, baby, you're great! It's good to have you ~

You can also praise him honestly in front of others, without saying it in front of him ~ someone will tell him.

Of course, praise is not always on the lips, and everything is praised, which reduces the sense of value of praise. The other party will feel that no matter what you do, you will get your appreciation and gradually become numb.

Remember, two people are equal in marriage, and you can make demands on him, not on him. The request gave the other party a choice. He can promise or not. In order to highlight the role, some TV programs will make one of the couples behave extremely, and the other is particularly humble. These are not equal marriages full of love.

The key parts of love: choice, free will and voluntary behavior. No compulsion, no control, no compulsion!

The careful moment is to do what ta likes wholeheartedly with ta.

People who hold such a loving language, you move from Jinshan Yinshan to ta, but you don't spend time with ta, then ta won't feel love.

Careful moments also include attentive listening. Many male minds want to say a solution when they hear each other. Actually, it's also possible that she just wants to talk to you. Maybe she knows what reality is. She didn't come to you to solve these problems. Maybe when your other half tells you that ta is in trouble and upset, after you give the solution you think of, ta is still struggling with this matter, indicating that what ta wants is not a solution, but probably understanding and support.

Listening is a science, which needs a lot of time and energy to master. These basic principles can be applied to several simple points in the relationship between husband and wife:

Please keep eye contact when your partner is talking. Let ta think that you only have ta in your eyes.

Don't do anything else while listening. No matter how capable you think you are, you can be half-hearted. You are doing something else and listening there. No one is distressed when they see it. Who dares to do this to leaders and customers? It may also be because you are too indulgent and easy to forgive, and TA is increasingly ignoring your needs.

Don't interrupt ta. Sometimes when you hear something you really want to explain, please wait for ta to finish. Two people start running in the middle of listening, which is easy to cause misunderstanding.

(This article about what it's like to listen to a good counselor tells us that the counselor is listening, not just the person who wants to see, but anyone who wants to know and listen. )

Careful moments also include: careful conversation and careful activities.

When talking carefully, you need to listen attentively, only for each other's moments, shielding external interference, no cell phone, no "others", only you and TA. This kind of time doesn't take long, maybe it's only 10 minutes a day, and two people are in a daze with each other ~ you can try it if you haven't experienced it before ~

Key points of elaborate activities: 1. At least one of you wants to do this activity. 2. Another person is willing to do this activity. You both know the purpose of this activity: to show your love.

Accept a gift: this gift is a symbol of missing, not a gift for the sake of a gift. It's not that she is unhappy. Buy something to coax her at once. Gifts are not weapons, but a way to express one's inner love. Love needs heart.

For some people, the sense of ritual is very important in the expression of love, and the gift, as a visual symbol of love expression, plays a decisive role.

Gifts can be bought, not necessarily expensive, hand-made and collected ~

Giving gifts is also a science ~ but take the time to study what gift your partner wants, and then quietly prepare it for her ~ I believe you will also gain a lot.

The act of serving. In the life of daily necessities, it is not a problem to just listen to sweet words, but to take action. People who love words mainly serve actions attach great importance to actions. Actions are not only useful in love, but also need to be persisted in marriage. For example, changing diapers, sweeping the floor, washing dishes and cooking for children ~ Love language is a service action. People are very concerned about these. When you do, ta will feel deep love ~

Learning the language of love in service action requires you to think about what the role of husband and wife means to you. Many people are actually prejudiced against the roles played by husband and wife. They think that this should be done by the husband and that must be done by the wife. In fact, no one in this world has to be what it should be.

Most of our stereotypes about the husband-wife model stem from the relationship between parents we saw when we were young, what parents are like, and we hope so in our own marriage relationship. For example, the husband is angry that his wife can't cook well and can't wash dishes and sweep the floor every day, because the mother he came into contact with since childhood has been doing it for decades.

There can't be exactly the same person in this world, and there can't be a person like others. Husband and wife get along to balance their differences. Maybe this husband will find that although his wife can't give as much as her mother, she can give him something else to make him feel love.

Physical contact: Rhesus monkey experiments show how important hugging and touching are to children's growth. Everyone needs contact, and physical contact mainly needs the language of love.

Language touch of love: rubbing back, making love, hugging, interlocking fingers, leaning together while watching TV, and kissing. All expressions of love are not limited to those mentioned in this article. How big your imagination is, there are many ways to love language.

PS: When trying anything, please check your partner's feedback to see if TA feels comfortable and happy ~

How to understand your love words? It is also mentioned in the book "Five Languages of Love" ~ I have summarized it here, and I suggest reading directly for details ~ It must be more detailed in the book ~

The way to understand the language of love, whether you know yourself or each other, can be done from five aspects:

1. What is your perfect partner? After imagining the image of the perfect partner, find out the most prominent and attractive place in this perfect partner ~

2. What is your most frequent request for your partner? Maybe not the same kind, but one kind. Many times when we are not satisfied, we will express it repeatedly in different ways.

3. What do you think your partner can do to make you feel that Ta loves you?

4. How do you like to express your love? This is a reference idea. It is possible that the way you express your love is not what you want, but what you learned from other places. Similarly, your partner may be. )

5. What makes you feel the most uncomfortable and hurt?

There are two kinds of people who can hardly see their love stories. One is those who have been in love for a long time, and the other is those who have been in love for a long time or even rarely feel love.

For the above two kinds of people, there are ways to use it: express it in a language of love every Monday to Friday and see how the other person reacts.

The best teacher to teach you love is your spouse. Either way, you need to suit him. He is the object of your love and the object of your learning the language of love. You are each other's teachers. What you think is a good way is not necessarily a good way for the other party. This applies not only to couples, but also to interpersonal communication.

It's never too late to learn love ~

For more exciting content, you can read the book Five Languages of Love. In the book, the author introduces each love language with examples, with exercises and answers to some questions in application.

There is an online discussion guide. Of course, the comments below this article can also be discussed ~