Seek a good personality signature, don't copy it, create it yourself, funny ~! I want two, and the best one has a prize, ten points.

Listen to a brother chatting with others at dinner today! His friend asked him, "Will you accept a wife who is not a virgin?" After thinking about it, he will answer: "second-hand houses can be bought, but if someone dies, it is another matter!" " I was silent 10 seconds and then sprayed!

Today's sad situation: primary school students have been to Valentine's Day, middle school students are celebrating Singles Day, and the rest of college students are celebrating Children's Day.

The last day or two of my period will be slow. I don't like to use pads, so I use paper towels to fold them. Today, while I was waiting for the bus, I fell out with some blood on it ... I quickly stepped on it. Because I stepped on it a little hard, people waiting for the bus looked at my feet, so I stepped on it! But ... but ... a strange millet came up and said loudly: Little sister, I lost this money! You can imagine the expression on my face and the strange corn when I move my feet. ...

I was on a business trip that day, and I was going to sleep in an Internet cafe to save money. A beautiful MM opposite me was playing CF, screaming excitedly from time to time until three o'clock. I couldn't help but go up to her and say, "Miss, can you let me sleep, I …" Before I finished, I saw the chick slap me.

He squatted by the bed, and the sheets were tightly grasped by him. The people behind him are still walking slowly and firmly into the depths. It is not the first time for him, but he is still not used to it. His muscles are tense. The man behind caressed his waist and comforted him, while walking deep. When the familiar liquid broke out in the body, he finally looked up and the sun outlined his sexy neck. The man behind retreated and said, "The needle is finished."

Woman: "Do you know what is the hardest thing in the world?" Man: "I don't know!" " Woman: "It's your man's beard! You men are so cheeky that you can grow beards. Is it the hardest? " Man: "Let me ask you a question. What is the thickest thing in the world? " Woman: "I don't know!" Man: "It's your woman's face! The beard is so hard that you women can't grow it! "

House is a very unstable state. As long as there is a power failure, it will degenerate into a caveman.

Women always say that they are made of water, so in order to deal with women, men are doomed to be tragedies.

According to research, tuition began with Confucius. After paying thirty taels of silver, he didn't sit and listen, saying, stand at thirty. Pay forty-two questions and answers, saying: forty is not confusing. Pay fifty taels, know the exam questions in advance, and say: fifty knows the destiny. Pay sixty taels, praise without disparaging, saying: sixty shun. Pay seventy taels, you can come or not, you can sit or lie in class, saying: seventy can do whatever you want.

An old woman was sitting in a chair in the park when a child came over. "Mother-in-law, is your tooth okay?" "No, it's all gone." So the child took out a bag of walnuts and said, "You hold it for me and I'll play ball."

Since I was a child, I have had an old enemy who called someone else's child. This other children never play games, never talk about QQ, and know how to study every day. He is good-looking and obedient. He returned to the first grade, and a rich boyfriend, graduate students and civil servants were admitted. With a monthly salary of 70,000, he can cook, do housework and speak eight foreign languages. Studying abroad for one month is too much. Well, I am the worst!

One night surfing the Internet at home, Wangwang suddenly jumped out of the window and said to me, "Honey, I'm pregnant." Elder brother suddenly a surprised, the heart says he didn't rush what trouble? Just as he was stunned, the man said, "Go to the hospital for examination tomorrow." I want to know who you are. Do you want me to accompany you to check? Do you want to correct me? Just thinking, the man said, "I can only deliver the goods to you the day after tomorrow." Shit, I bought something at your house this afternoon!

The cow said, so many people drink our milk, but no one calls us mom. Squid fish said: Damn, Man Mo became a thief! The mouse said: can you be old if you are afraid of eating and drinking all day? The fly said: the biggest difference between me and bees is that they have different tastes. Fish said: I will never go to any internet cafe! The dinosaur said: I'm sorry, you died too early and made you nervous!

There was a general who married a beautiful wife. Once he wanted to go out to fight, but he was worried that his wife would cuckold him, so he tied a chastity belt to his wife. He gave the key to a friend he trusted at ordinary times for safekeeping, and then went out safely, but as soon as he left the city gate, he saw that friend hurriedly caught up with the general: "General, you gave the wrong key!" " "

The seven-year-old son read, "Moonlight shines in front of the window … Moonlight shines in front of the window … Mom, whose girl is the moon?"

Late at night, while my wife was asleep, I thought for a long time, but I still gritted my teeth, put my thumb and forefinger on my wife's chest, and then slowly opened it, making an iphone action to enlarge the picture. Honey, I really helped you!

My sister is in grade three. After the parent-teacher conference, the QQ signature was revised: the parent-teacher conference is the same as the third child, aiming at destroying family harmony.

Undergraduates, masters and doctors wrote How to Cook Braised Pork. Undergraduate students said to put the meat in the pot and add something to cook. Graduate students say this is not enough, how much meat, how much other spices, how to cook, how long to cook; After a month, the doctor published a book called How to Cook Braised Pork, and opened the catalogue, "Chapter 1, How to Raise Pigs".

The second English sentence in the world is "1: 58 to 2: 02", please read it out loud: two to two to two ~

When we get old ...1,today is Lao Li's funeral, and Lao Wang's is next Monday. I like listening to Zhou's songs recently, including one by his grandfather Jay Chou. 3. My son gave me an iPhone50, which I think is not as good as the fourth generation. 4. I went shopping with Lao Yang and saw an online game advertisement. He said that he missed Warcraft forty or fifty years ago. On the website of Erqi Road, many friends' heads will no longer shine.

The girlfriend asked her boyfriend inexplicably, "Why do men have many girlfriends to envy and women have many boyfriends to despise?" ? ! "My boyfriend said seriously," Just like a key can open many locks, it will be called a master key! "! And if a lock can be opened by many keys, it means there is something wrong with the lock! "

Grandma died early, and grandpa lived alone for more than ten years. Now I'm almost 90, and I say I don't want to live all day. One day, he actually got a "photo" to hang next to grandma's photo. If the family can't handle it, let him go. One day, my classmates came to play and asked who it was when they saw the photo. I said it was my grandparents. Grandpa just came out of the back room and went out silently. There was a silence, and the classmate asked in horror, Did you just see it?

Ren Lei's Quotations: 1. No matter how powerful the Tang Priest is, he is just a monkey-trick. 2. Missing after breaking up is not missing, but guilty! 3, the departure of the stool, is the pursuit of the toilet, or the ass does not retain. 4, they all say that my sister is beautiful, but in fact they are all made up. My brother smokes because he hurts his lungs, so he is not sad. 6. Although the bird is small, it really plays all over the sky. 7, poor Nike, Fuadi, rogue Armani.

Which university are you from? : 1, Aihua University 2, Sad Surprise University 3, which is called University 4, Superimposed University 5, Foot Pain University 6, Men's Fine University 7, House Cold University 8, Huahua University 9, Jilin University 10, West Coast Foot Pain University 165438, Guohang University/kloc-0. Geer Ordnance Industry University 15, Motivating University 16, Tianjing University 17, Difficult University 18, Miserable University 19, Zhong University 20, Shrimp University ... Which one are you?